Yeeha and Sheeps advice corner

chedabob

Yes. If she comes back, maintain eye contact and finish like a boss.

Anonymous

chedabob wrote:

Yes. If she comes back, maintain eye contact and finish like a boss.

you, mind your business.

WAIH:

definately, wrap some of her clothes round your obvious whilst you do it incase she comes home early.

whyamihere

Too late, she came back while I was eating a delicious banana. I improvised and pretended to be sucking someone off with it, but the moment was lost.

Anonymous

whyamihere wrote:

Too late, she came back while I was eating a delicious banana. I improvised and pretended to be sucking someone off with it, but the moment was lost.

im certain people only eat bananas because they like the shape. also bananas should be eaten with a knife and fork if you are going to eat them at all.

as far as im concerned, banas are like eating food that someone has already chewed up and spat into your mouth. if they tasted like those little foam bananas or maccys banana milkshake, i would eat them, but as they taste like thick snot, i will avoid them thank you very much.

and so should you.

whyamihere

sheepsteeth wrote:

also bananas should be eaten with a knife and fork if you are going to eat them at all.

I was. Isn't that how sucking someone off's done?

If not, I need to have words with my ex...

IcarusGreen

I've been away for 2 weeks and this is what I return to. Laugh, I nearly shat! But a little bit of wee has come out.

Therefore should I go clean up or go for the full map of Africa.

Anonymous

not only the map but the darkside of africa too. thats my advice.

IcarusGreen

Thanks, you just saved me a trip up stairs,

Anonymous

thats what we're here for.

Cleat Eastwood

Guys after much research and wobbly bob I have decided I want to join the Mafia. Unfortunately there seems to be quite a few of them. eg

1. The Mafia
2. The Gay Mafia
3. The Welsh Mafia (Taffia)

What questions should I ask if I'm lucky enough to be invited for an interview. And do you know anything about their preferred methods of execution.

Anonymous

i wouldnt ask them anything if i was you, they might think you are thick/from rhyl.

things to pay attention to during the interview are where are the exits and is the floor covered in a layer of plastic.

i only know about the mafia, as i was in it once. the prefered method of execution is to kick you up the arse until you bleed to death. with the proper footwear you can achieve this execution in about 4 hours.

Anonymous

Cleat Eastwood wrote:

Guys after much research and wobbly bob I have decided I want to join the Mafia. Unfortunately there seems to be quite a few of them. eg

1. The Mafia
2. The Gay Mafia
3. The Welsh Mafia (Taffia)

What questions should I ask if I'm lucky enough to be invited for an interview. And do you know anything about their preferred methods of execution.

As Sheeps said, but remember that if it's the Taffia, then they expect you to only talk French.

YOUR only question should be to yourself, and along the lines of "what the hell am I doing here?"

77ric

Messrs. sheeps mcgee

I have been thinking of a career change, the new career i have been considering is lesbianism, the only problem is i am struggling to find an appropriate training program, preferably one with on the job training. i was wondering with your near infinite combined knowledge, if you knew of a good training program (one involving limes on a string would be good) or if there was a city and guilds qualification available?

thanks in advance

Anonymous

Many universities have unofficial lesbian training groups. These are usually called feminist groups, and they frequently gather together on massive outdoor les-offs called feminist rallies.
Feminist rallies are very similar to car rallies.
You have a forest filled with a load of lesbians, and have to race your way from one end of the lesbians to the other.
Of course, coming along the line fastest is of no use, unless everyone else comes too, and tht is where the true challenge of feminist rallies lies.

Anyway, I suggest you turn up at a feminist meeting, and make your intentions clear. They should accept you with open arms.

Anonymous

yeehaamcgee wrote:

very nice work. maaaan i love lezzas.

77ric

thank you sirs, i have just personally upgraded you both from demi-god status to full on god status, thanks to your greater knowledge than mere mortal man.

now for another more serious question, were the fuck have i put my house keys?

Jimbob_no5

i have 2 questions for you 2

1) went for this interview in Dorset and they same im not experienced enough to work with his yard, what to do now?

2) Girlfriend doesn't trust me after a fall out we had the other week how can i get her to trust me again as all we do right now is argue and ive been with her about 5months so not wanting to end it

Anonymous

77ric wrote:

thank you sirs, i have just personally upgraded you both from demi-god status to full on god status, thanks to your greater knowledge than mere mortal man.

now for another more serious question, were the fark have i put my house keys?

in the outside lock of your front door.

Anonymous

Jimbob_no5 wrote:

i have 2 questions for you 2

1) went for this interview in Dorset and they same im not experienced enough to work with his yard, what to do now?

2) Girlfriend doesn't trust me after a fall out we had the other week how can i get her to trust me again as all we do right now is argue and ive been with her about 5months so not wanting to end it

hmm, these seem like serious questions so i will dish out some serious advice.

firstly the easy one, the girlfriend one:

5 months is no time, she certainly hasnt put in enough time to be busting your chops so i would be tempted to leave her in a ditch with her head pointing backwards [im now going to start calling that option number one, you read it here first] i cant help thinking there is something you arent telling us about the reason you had the argument and why she now doesnt trust you. so im going to go out on a limb and say the other bt of advice i can give is dont try and put it in her obvious without warning ever again. (or do, just put up wth the whinging)


secondly, the job

burn the place down then leave loads of matches and empty fuel cans in your neighbours garden. buy a flight down there with your neighbours credit card too, that should help with convincing the police that he did it.

Anonymous

If you want your girlfriend to trust you, beat her until she does.
Tell her, in no uncertain terms, and the words of Eminem...
"If you ever fukk with me again I'll tie you to the bed and set the house on fire."

Anonymous

yeehaamcgee wrote:

"If you ever fukk with me again I'll tie you to the bed and set the house on fire."

i think we should call that option 2.

counterculture

badgers or squirrels??

Anonymous

neither

Tolk

sheepsteeth wrote:

neither

neddie

neither

:P

GiantMike

Who's your favourite Bike Radar poster (obviously other than eachother) and why?

What would a chap have to do to become more popular in cyberspace?

Anonymous

GiantMike wrote:

Who's your favourite Bike Radar poster (obviously other than eachother) and why?

What would a chap have to do to become more popular in cyberspace?

that's a bit of a poncey question.
Obviously, I miss Surfmatt, and his BMW based antics, And that weirdo who had the Orange 5 bug in a big way, combined with a massive dose of Commencal hatred. I think it was Grantway?!?

Sonic is always good, he keeps telling me off when I go too far, and Nicklouse sseems to tolerate my borderline insanity.
Most people here are a good laugh, it seems, apart from some who just don't get the joke.

Anonymous

GiantMike wrote:

Who's your favourite Bike Radar poster (obviously other than eachother) and why?

What would a chap have to do to become more popular in cyberspace?

my fave posters are always the most mental so at the moment, it is splottboy who is off his tits.

posters i miss are surf-obvious for his ranting and how easy it was to get a certain response out of him. i also miss grantway as he was so mental it would make your head spin.

to be more popular in the big d book all you have to do is be mental and confuse repetition for comedy.

edit: i also wish REALMAN was back, he was such a fucking spastic who i am certain will never even kiss a girl on the mouth who isnt his mum.

*AL*

yeehaamcgee wrote:

I miss Surfmatt

+ Dynamic Stability Control.

Anonymous

Oh yeah, Splotboy! He is also a legend!
And completely mad, in a slightly worrying way.

Realman is also sadly missed.