Yeeha and Sheeps advice corner
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i'll do it, dont you worry, i like a bird with a square head and a strong jaw, plus, id rather fuck her than fight her.
send the mask to my house. i live at 15 Yemen road, Yemen. address it to legend.0 -
Dear Aunty Sheeps McGee,
Do women have 'off' switches? If they do, please advise where I can find this switch, as the woman that sits next to me at work won't shut up about the moist pointless things (One Tree Hill, The Hills, Jordan, Kerry Katona, her sisters brothers fathers dogs uncles catfishes cousin, and Dairylea Dunkers, but only the jumbo tubes).
The only thing I can think of is a rather impressive hulk smash to the face, but I'd like to keep my job.
Cheers,
Stav0 -
it probably ownt come as much of a suprise that a womens off button is right up her ar5e. you will need something longer than your longest finger to reach it though.0
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Chaps
As I'm totally hetero have been no closer to a man than brushing against a man's elbow on an underground train once, could you tell me whether you can tell the difference between a man and a woman giving you a bl0wjob? Do you generally find soft pretty women, or butch stubbly men the best at performing this important task.
Thanks in advance
Mike0 -
ive heard men are good cause they know what you like, im confident if i wasnt scared of going to hell i could dish out the kind of gobble which would make you sh1t yourself (in a good kind of lose all muscle control way)
however, you probably wouldnt want me kneeling infront of you naked in front a morror.
best thing to do is find a big strong woman, best of both worlds in that way.0 -
sheepsteeth wrote:it probably ownt come as much of a suprise that a womens off button is right up her ar5e. you will need something longer than your longest finger to reach it though.
Mate, I'm not going near that.. even you wouldn't like to have a go on that, and thats saying something, given your last reply to gob jobs..
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Stav83 wrote:sheepsteeth wrote:it probably ownt come as much of a suprise that a womens off button is right up her ar5e. you will need something longer than your longest finger to reach it though.
Mate, I'm not going near that.. even you wouldn't like to have a go on that, and thats saying something, given your last reply to gob jobs..
hmm, in that case you might need some ear muffs then.0 -
Have you considered the possibility that she's actually just on standby, and that the solution might be turning her on?Stav83 wrote:sheepsteeth wrote:it probably ownt come as much of a suprise that a womens off button is right up her ar5e. you will need something longer than your longest finger to reach it though.
Mate, I'm not going near that.. even you wouldn't like to have a go on that, and thats saying something, given your last reply to gob jobs..
The location of the switch for that is much easier to find for any boy over the age of 12.0 -
Looks that way.. imagine something similar to this, but with thick glasses, and thats my issue:
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She definitely looks like she needs to be turned on. And probably one of those "hug" things that women like.Stav83 wrote:
Oh, I should hasten to add, as well. She looks like she may not be in possession of a particularly athletic physique. this means she will not have very good muscle tone, which in turn should make it easier to reach the off switch that sheeps mentioned earlier.
So, if you find that turning her on was a bad idea, you should be able to reach the emergency off button with ease.0 -
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That sick feeling will be excitement. I often get that feeling when climbing a large cliff, or jumping off something large.
It is quite understandable for you to feel like this at the thought of getting inside a pleasant lady's body.
Once you have some experience with women, this feeling of "sickness" will go away, and will be replaced with a healthy dose of satisfaction.0 -
yeehaamcgee wrote:That sick feeling will be excitement. I often get that feeling when climbing a large cliff, or jumping off something large.
It is quite understandable for you to feel like this at the thought of getting inside a pleasant lady's body.
Once you have some experience with women, this feeling of "sickness" will go away, and will be replaced with a healthy dose of satisfaction.
a healthy dose of something!!0 -
I notice that most of your questioners ask sexual questions, but as I am old I'm not allowed to do sex much any more so I don't really need to know any more than I already do. Can I ask one about satellites?
You see I've just bought a little green thingy that finds satellites in Wiltshire and I tried it out today. It found 7! I was really pleased until I realised that there was a problem. I've co-existed with satellites for some years and have found them useful for bouncing text messages from and watching AlJazeera news which is much more interesting than the BBC lately.
Now my little green thingy showed a picture of me holding it and wavy lines of energy connecting with alleged satellites. I was very excited until I realised that if I could see them, then they could see me! Why would they want to do that? And then in a flash of inspiration I realised The Truth. Satellites can't exist because obviously bits of metal in the sky would just fall down again because of gravity so the things that are up there must be alien mother ships. Thank goodness I realised in time and switched off my green thing. I was probably moments away from abduction.
It was the work of only a moment to deduce that, if satellites don't exist, then navigation thingys work by divining ley lines and using henges and ancient burial grounds to get fixes. Obviously they don't want people to know this because then we'd realise that the real power is held by the aliens in the mother ships and we're really stuck in the stone age.
I think yeehaa might reject this theory as too hippy and I know that the national secrets act will limit how much you can tell us. But am I close? Am I too close? Should I run?
Sex was much easier
Canyon XC 8.0 '11
Whyte 19 steel '100 -
Oh, you should run alright :twisted:0
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selling a Grisley Glacier bike, getting loads of interest but no response. should i stick on ebay or something else?0
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Messrs. Teeth McGee
I once made the mistake of fucking a girl after a particular long night on the bevy, now of course my mistake wasn't fucking her it was that i forgot to leave her in a ditch with her head facing backwards.
Recently she has begun to pester me for a repeat performance. Now the "rule of firsts" would dictate that a repeat would constitute a relationship, this is not on. Trying to put her off i suggested that it would only happen if it involved a lime, some string and the soles of her feet. This seemed to have done the trick, until tonight.
She has just called to tell me she is on her way over, with a bag of limes and a bail string.
With your vast almost godlike knowledge, what do you suggest?Fancy a brew?0 -
Ride it down the street stark bollock naked, with "for sale" written over your torso in blood.bobpzero wrote:selling a Grisley Glacier bike, getting loads of interest but no response. should i stick on ebay or something else?
Fialing that, get a pretty girl (models are available to hire) to do the same.
Should generate some interest in no time.0 -
This rule of firsts excuse nonsense makes it sound like you are a gay.77ric wrote:Messrs. Teeth McGee
I once made the mistake of ******* a girl after a particular long night on the bevy, now of course my mistake wasn't ******* her it was that i forgot to leave her in a ditch with her head facing backwards.
Recently she has begun to pester me for a repeat performance. Now the "rule of firsts" would dictate that a repeat would constitute a relationship, this is not on. Trying to put her off i suggested that it would only happen if it involved a lime, some string and the soles of her feet. This seemed to have done the trick, until tonight.
She has just called to tell me she is on her way over, with a bag of limes and a bail string.
With your vast almost godlike knowledge, what do you suggest?
The only thing better than leaving a girl in a ditch with her head backwards, is making her want to come back for more.
So, pork her again, you big jessie.
Failing that, get a swimming pool, and invite some easily led young men along for a pool party. You could then rape one up the bum, end up in prison, and due to the nature of your crime, you would probably spend a lot of time post-sentence on television.
A lot of the television interviews would mention the similarities between your pool party and Michael Barrymore's.
In time, this would lead to you getting to meet (and meat) Michael Barrymore.
From that point onwards you could live the rest of your lives as a happy gay couple.0 -
yeehaamcgee wrote:… sound like you are a gay.
Well i was never a gay before. Could she have done it?yeehaamcgee wrote:to you getting to meet (and meat) Michael Barrymore.
From that point onwards you could live the rest of your lives as a happy gay couple.
Top, Middle, or Bottom?
Failing all that i'll just fuck her again, any suggestions what i should do with the leftover limes, it's a big bag?Fancy a brew?0 -
there's plenty of holes. Fill them in. You could even lace a load of limes together and make a set of kind zesty love beads.0
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zesty love beads?
werent they a band that splottboy used to know?0 -
Yes. In all probability. When he was young. And had women chasing his buns of steel.0
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Chaps
Yesterday I was doing my daily work-out on my Dave Gardner road bike on a turbo trainer. I've set it to about 8 degrees of climb and a high resistance to simulate hill-climbing so I was getting quite sweaty. As a result I opened the windows to keep cool, but could not keep cool enough so I had to remove all my clothes to ensure I didn't overheat. My pet ferret, 'Chutney' was really enjoying his work-out on the little wheel he has in his cage. 'Chutney' loves my 'Best of Jimmy Somerville' CD so I treated him to some of his favourite songs. As we had finished the top of the 'climb', I started the simulated 'descent' to cool down.
The reason I am doing all this training is so that I can become a Catholic Priest, as I understand that they have strict weight guidelines for men of the cloth.
Anyway, towards the end of the session I was surprised when a Bishop knocked on the door to conduct an inpromptu interview. When I opened the door he asked me what I was doing, hot sweaty and naked at 2pm. I told him that in anticipation of becoming a priest, I had spent an hour uphill gardning with a hairy chutney ferret and Jimmy Somerville and had been just minutes away from reaching the bottom. I told him I'd lost about a gallon of salty fluid but was hoping to be revived with a protein shake.
He offered me the job there and then. Should I take it?0 -
:roll:0
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i think what yehha means is:
we'll do the funnies thank you very much.
oh and yes, you should take the job as you clearly enjoy buggering boys and this is the best way to get away with it. 0 -
After much research and wobbly bob I have discovered that Iceland isnt made of ice and Greenland isnt , in fact , green. Do you have any idea who started these fibs and can I sue?The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns
momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.0 -
hmm, there are a lot of liars around, i would blame the daily mail, they were the same people who said "rhyl is brill, it makes my knob throb"
it isnt and it doesnt.0 -
It's the basis of their entire national defence system.Cleat Eastwood wrote:After much research and wobbly bob I have discovered that Iceland isnt made of ice and Greenland isnt , in fact , green. Do you have any idea who started these fibs and can I sue?
Greenland is called greenland so that if any bombers flying overhead see it, they'll fly on by thinking "meh, that's not Greenland, it's covered in ice"
Iceland is called Iceland, because it's where mums go.0 -
My housemate's out, and I don't know what time she'll be back. Should I have a danger wank in the front room?0
