Yeeha and Sheeps advice corner
Comments
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I'm afraid there's nothing you can do, it's a total eclipse of the heart.Kiblams wrote:Dear Aunties,
Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart...
(Incidentally, her drummer is responsible for my obsession with the Lions and Tigers in Kenya song, that might help with your issue.)0 -
yeehaamcgee wrote:Unless you can get a plumber that looks like this
Dear Yeehaa, the mrs has been away for a week working, my bollocks have swelled to the size of mellons, please can you put me in contact with your plumber? :twisted:Giant Reign - now sold :-(
Rockhopper Pro - XC and commuting
DH8 - New toy :-)0 -
I afraid not. To reveal the location of her broken necked corpse now would be tantamount to admitting to murder. A Heinous mistake I'm sure you'll agree.0
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yeehaamcgee wrote:I afraid not. To reveal the location of her broken necked corpse now would be tantamount to admitting to murder. A Heinous mistake I'm sure you'll agree.
Ah, ok. Has she got a sister/mother/mate still alive?Giant Reign - now sold :-(
Rockhopper Pro - XC and commuting
DH8 - New toy :-)0 -
yeehaamcgee wrote:
I'm afraid there's nothing you can do, it's a total eclipse of the heart.Kiblams wrote:Dear Aunties,
Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart...
(Incidentally, her drummer is responsible for my obsession with the Lions and Tigers in Kenya song, that might help with your issue.)
i was in a cage with a lion in kenya, was a hungy devil:
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Yes, and they're all in my cupboards.bannedbiker wrote:yeehaamcgee wrote:I afraid not. To reveal the location of her broken necked corpse now would be tantamount to admitting to murder. A Heinous mistake I'm sure you'll agree.
Ah, ok. Has she got a sister/mother/mate still alive?0 -
I appear to have run out of string, what do you suggest as an alternative?
Bear in mind that I have also run out of limes so am substituting the lime with a squirrel so don't want to cause it too much distress.0 -
hmm, no string?
its a mistake to allow your supply to run out but we'll get past that and carry on.
seeing as you are using a squirrel i would say the best thing to use is a tug of war rope, (coated in rock salt)0 -
Dear Sheeps and Yehaa,
I was just wondering why limes are the citrus fruit of choice? What is wrong with the humble lemon, or even an orange?"Melancholy is incompatible with bicycling." ~James E. Starrs0 -
limes are the smallest. you could use a grapefruit if you wanted/were able.0
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Dear SheepsMcGee, I have a so called friend who's thinking of joining MTBPlanet forum, should I shoot him, and chop him up in a wood chipper, or look for lime, sting and rocksalt or are there any other options?
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RallyBiker wrote:Dear SheepsMcGee, I have a so called friend who's thinking of joining MTBPlanet forum, should I shoot him, and chop him up in a wood chipper, or look for lime, sting and rocksalt or are there any other options?
sounds very much like wood chipper time i would say, dont forget, do it in your neighbours garden
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sheepsteeth wrote:hmm, no string?
its a mistake to allow your supply to run out but we'll get past that and carry on.
seeing as you are using a squirrel i would say the best thing to use is a tug of war rope, (coated in rock salt)
The squirrel says that rock salt is only acceptable with tequila. This concerns me somewhat, as I have never encountered a drunken squirrel before. Do you have any tips?0 -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ikH9ZRcF2Q
Was it this squirrel by any chance, if so you've got yourself a bit of celebrity there0 -
i think the tequila might be for you.0
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Dear Sheeps and McGee
I have been using a honeydew melon and a ratchet strap instead of a lime and string, but it doesn't really work anymore it just plops out. Advice please.
Also unrelated I have developed an infatuation with a member of this forum who is quite popular - does this rule out leaving them in a ditch with the head pointing backwards?0 -
addivllangirb wrote:Dear Sheeps and McGee
I have been using a honeydew melon and a ratchet strap instead of a lime and string, but it doesn't really work anymore it just plops out. Advice please.
Also unrelated I have developed an infatuation with a member of this forum who is quite popular - does this rule out leaving them in a ditch with the head pointing backwards?
1st: the only way forwards is to wrap the melon n a duvet, that should sort the issue of retention. i would highlght that it is importnt to use a citrus fruit, you might find by switching to a grapefruit the citrus element will make you pucker harder than you do now and this might help more.
2nd: do not develop an infatuation with any forumite unless it is me or yeehaa, we are legends. anyone else who leaves you infatuated is probably a drama queen of some sort.0 -
Dear legendary and respected counsellors,
I couldn't find the box to tick for privacy but I know I can trust you and that any embarrassing revelations will be kept just between the three of us.
I've always been a very snotty person. My sinuses are very active and over the years have produced thousands of gallons of snot of a huge variety of hue, texture and, yes, flavour. This is not the problem. Snot is a wonderful, much underrated by-product of human life and a well-targeted, productive pick can be nearly as satisfying as a good dump. It is also very effective at filtering diesel particulates from my lungs. The problem is it's disposal.
In my formative years, disposing of it by giving it a good chew and swallow was frowned upon by the parents and even now I have a Pavlovian response of bracing myself for a clip round the back of the head. Even when I do it in private (or driving the car). In public, good manners decree that I dispose of it sensitively and properly - by wiping it on my jeans or a train seat.
My question is: in view of the impending catastrophe of global warming, do you think that I should start gobbling my snot in public to highlight the extra amount of laundry that wiping it causes? All those extra washing machine cycles and not to mention the chemicals coursing through the water supply.
Do you think that snot eating ranks with driving a Toyota Prius or composting your used limes as a notable contribution to ecological salvation and should therefore be encouraged? Or even compulsory?Canyon XC 8.0 '11
Whyte 19 steel '100 -
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the consumption of human snot is similar to raping a baby seal. it is abhorrent and should never be done. certainly not in public anyway.
my advice for disposal of snot is to spit it into your hand and throw it at hippys or jehovahs witnesses.0 -
Ah! That answers my next question. About baby seals.Canyon XC 8.0 '11
Whyte 19 steel '100 -
sheepsteeth wrote:the consumption of human snot is similar to raping a baby seal. it is abhorrent and should never be done. certainly not in public anyway.
my advice for disposal of snot is to spit it into your hand and throw it at hippys or jehovahs witnesses.
Is it ok to consume the snot of other animals then? :?:Giant Reign - now sold :-(
Rockhopper Pro - XC and commuting
DH8 - New toy :-)0 -
bannedbiker wrote:sheepsteeth wrote:the consumption of human snot is similar to raping a baby seal. it is abhorrent and should never be done. certainly not in public anyway.
my advice for disposal of snot is to spit it into your hand and throw it at hippys or jehovahs witnesses.
Is it ok to consume the snot of other animals then? :?:
perfectly fine, its good for you. get a glass full, mix with tabasco, wolf it down.0 -
bit of a paradox this one. Whilst eating snot will lead to an increase in digestive gasses and farts, which will lead to more global warming, and the end of the universe, it should also be considered that global warming is a complete myth perpetuated by hippies.
A summer holiday in Wales will prove this point beyond any shadow of a doubt.
Another bonus, is that if all the real science is WRONG, and there IS such a thing as global warming, then contributing to it (by either eating more snot, leading to more exhaust gasses, or by doing more laundry), will lead to the end of the universe, which will no doubt piss off the hippies. Which is a worthy sacrifice I think.
So, eat away, although it is disgusting. Just don't let Sheepsteeth catch you.0 -
Can I use lime pickle, and what do I do with the jar? Failing that, I have an Ugli fruit, will that suffice?!
Also, whilst out on Saturday night, my Corona tasted odd, was it the lime?0 -
Not sure what an ugly fruit was, so I googled it and came up with this.Mancunianfightingcat wrote:Can I use lime pickle, and what do I do with the jar? Failing that, I have an Ugli fruit, will that suffice?!
Also, whilst out on Saturday night, my Corona tasted odd, was it the lime?
If you fancy that up your bum, then you're welcome to it I guess. The world takes all sorts really. I guess you tend to hang around in public wearing day glo lycra as well, but hey, if that's your bag...
The corona might well taste strange if you used the same lime in it as you did for entertaining yourself. that's because it would have faeces on it. Most people know that faecal matter resides up your bum.
However, being the kind of person who would have an ugly man up his bum for pleasure, it does not surprise me that you were not aware of the real use of one's rear end.0 -
its important to make sure the lime being cut up and put into you drink doesnt have a surface which resembles the surface of a feast lolly.0
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This is just the sort of advice that makes you two legends. It changes everything. In the light of this new information I will now need to re-invest my portfolio and move my fortune out of ethically invested bonds. I will need your futher advice. I have offers of long-term investments in a fleet of cod trawlers and a polar bear farm. What do you think? Should I also buy up some low-lying islands in the Indian Ocean and start building runways on them?yeehaamcgee wrote:global warming is a complete myth perpetuated by hippies.Canyon XC 8.0 '11
Whyte 19 steel '100 -
development is never a step backwards.
a cod trawler is so efficient t getting those flighty litle buggers out of the sea and you can catch so much in one go, you can knock of early. plus you ill be ble to catch all manner of other sealif which might turn you a pretty penny.
polar bears are long over due a bit of farming, everyone complains about how rare they are i think farming a few new ones will serve 2 purposes.
1- more polar bears
2- those extra polar bears can be eaten.
as for building runways on remote islands, i can see the perfect sense, it means you can attract tourists and the indigenous population can finally afford to move away to a more civilised place. all that running round bearfoot in animal skin cant be good for them.0 -
I have no idea, Harry. I am not a "businessman"
Businessmen describe themselves like that for two obvious reasons. They are unsure of themselves as men, and they do not really know what business they are in.
A lumberjack for example, has no need to call himself a "tree cutting man" because he, and everyone else knows what he is, and don't doubt it.
A "businessman" on the other hand, is just a vague entity, unsure of himself and his role, and sexuality.
But, I suspect one of them is what you need to discuss your investments.0
