Yeeha and Sheeps advice corner

Chaz.Harding

El Capitano wrote:

I'm having a few issues with the senior management at work. Now, under normal circumstances, they'd be found in a ditch in the neighbour's garden, with their heads pointing backwards, however as I'm at work this is going to be a little difficult to achieve.

So, what would be your suggestions for an appropriate 'work place' demise and body disposal?

Terry Tate their asses...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A ... re=related

supersonic

If I'm driving in a car at the speed of light (1,079 million KM/h or 671 million MPH) and I switch the headlights on, will I see them?

All about reference frames. Or summat. So depends what you are shining at. If you are at constant speed, the light will appear, to you, to move away from you at the speed of light ;-)

bluechair84

Sheeps and the other one, The neighbours across the street have done nothing but scream at one another for weeks now. It seems Mr A has pulled Ms B, and their respecitve kids from MsA and MrB pretty much flippin hate the new family arrangement.

Can you do something? Listening to the kids scream at their new step-parent and step-sibling the Fing B...., a big B...... and that naughty word all evening is killing my soul.

Anonymous

El Capitano wrote:

I'm having a few issues with the senior management at work. Now, under normal circumstances, they'd be found in a ditch in the neighbour's garden, with their heads pointing backwards, however as I'm at work this is going to be a little difficult to achieve.

So, what would be your suggestions for an appropriate 'work place' demise and body disposal?

hmm, is there a company next door? if so, dish out the old head turning backwards sketch then leave them in your neighbouring company's car park with a suicide note in his mouth.

also, make sure everyone sees you sharing a joke with him frst, its a superb way to make everyone believe that you like him and would never kill him.

Anonymous

Cat With No Tail wrote:

I'm a little disappointed at the number of threads in the CrudCatcher that seem to be getting deleted lately. Specifically ones from your biggest fan.

How would you propose to deal with this issue?

it dissapoints me as much as you, i like a good trolling and it is what seoarates us from the animals.

i wish all of the forum webbos were back.

Anonymous

bluechair84 wrote:

Sheeps and the other one, The neighbours across the street have done nothing but scream at one another for weeks now. It seems Mr A has pulled Ms B, and their respecitve kids from MsA and MrB pretty much flippin hate the new family arrangement.

Can you do something? Listening to the kids scream at their new step-parent and step-sibling the Fing B...., a big B...... and that naughty word all evening is killing my soul.

its a difficult one as killing children is illegal but very satisfying as it makes you feel superhuman as you throw them around, much like an Orca throwing a sealion about in the ocean.

either way, the children are going to need killing and my advice is to do it wearing a mask which looks like the father in their household, this way, the mother will want rid of him too and you can pick up the pieces with a friendly shoulder to lean on.

make sure one of their neigbours ses you doing the murdering and at all times tell the children it is their own faults and they shouldnt have made you resort to this.

Tim.s

Dear Sheepstits and Woohoo,

Semi serious question here, i'm thinking of getting a Raliegh Chopper just to ride to work and generally mince about on.

Firstly would I just look a complete dick? I dont generally worry about that sort of thing but they are quite expensive so I need to know.

Secondly i've looked at a few new ones online and they don't seem to come in different sizes? Are they actually just a kids bike? I'm about 6 foot tall so I don't want to look like a monkey shagging a football.

Thanks, bye.

bartimaeus

Guys... what's the secret to keeping your thread on page 1?

Anonymous

Tim.s wrote:

Dear Sheepstits and Woohoo,

Semi serious question here, i'm thinking of getting a Raliegh Chopper just to ride to work and generally mince about on.

Firstly would I just look a complete dick? I dont generally worry about that sort of thing but they are quite expensive so I need to know.

Secondly i've looked at a few new ones online and they don't seem to come in different sizes? Are they actually just a kids bike? I'm about 6 foot tall so I don't want to look like a monkey shagging a football.

Thanks, bye.

until they are fitted with 10 inches of travel, i cant condone any such behaviour. if you choose to ignore me know this:

-it will make you look likea man who is trying to entice children to your house,
-it needs a flag on a big whip antenna.

Anonymous

Bartimaeus wrote:

Guys... what's the secret to keeping your thread on page 1?

ask something simple like"what winter tyres" they rarely get above page number one or ask a maddie related question.

Anonymous

Good work done in my absence, sheeps.

Anonymous

welcomeback.

i recommend searching for any posts by 360, he has quite an interesting avatar!

joshtp

if i get an avatar like 360's will i too be held in awsome reverance?

Anonymous

Nope, sorry Josh. The best you oculd hope to achieve is to be a copycat. And copycats are boring.
Your best bet is to find your own really funny, interesting, or amusing idea, and use that before somebody steals it.

bails87

Who is Grondel? Tyler Durden or Kaiser Soze?

Anonymous

Neither Bails. Both those men were genuinely dangerous. Grondel/Twonk/many other aliases was a muppet who kept telling me he'd found things out about me, then turned out to be completely wrong.
He was more of an inspector Clusoe.

bluechair84

sheepsteeth wrote:

the mother will want rid of him too and you can pick up the pieces with a friendly shoulder to lean on.

Bugger... I'll take your advice but I'm not looking forward to this bit.
#shudders#

jimmy23cricket

Dear Aunt Yeehaa,

I notice that you run (or at least used to run) a Marin Wolfridge circa 2009.

May I ask in your infinite zen like wisdom how you are able to respond with such universal clarity to responses in this thread? And in addition what chain retention device you run in the absence of ISCG mounts?

Many thanks
Jimmy

Anonymous

No sucking up needed, Jimmy, but thanks
The "chain device" on the marin is just a blackspire stinger. It does a fantastic job, I've not dropped the chain at all since fitting it, even under extreme conditions.

It fits onto the BB shell. I have a Hollowtech II based chainset (Shimano Saint). The bb for them normally requires two spacers on the drive side (on a 68mm BB shell like the Marin), so to fit the stinger, the innermost spacer is replaced by the stinger's mount.
I think the E-thirteen bashguard also helps keep the chain on. I've seen a certain Mr Sheep's chain come off, even though he also has a blackspire stinger, and I can only assume it's because he only has the two smallest rings, and no bashguard.

jonnyc2420

bike thieves......... whats the most suitable punishment? and how can I stop a re-visit? (please cheer me up)

Chaz.Harding

jonnyc2420 wrote:

bike thieves......... whats the most suitable punishment? and how can I stop a re-visit? (please cheer me up)

Leave a sign where your bike was stolen saying something like

''When I find whoever has stolen my bike, I will end you''

Or words to them effect. You may wish to use more colourful language.

And secondly, get a DECENT chain and lock, with a suitably beasty ground anchor / pack of wild, hungry dogs / wolves.

bluechair84

the trouble there is... they know you will never find them so they wil have a good chuckle.
A riding buddy recently spotted the window cleaner spending more time around his house than he should be. He mentioned this to him, and the bike he had in the shed... and it hasn't been stolen since.
Coincidence? He thinks not.

Anonymous

excuse me, people, step aside.
The best way to deal with a bike thief is to steal something of theirs, like a girlfriend.
Of course, that's only the tip of the iceberg. If you really want to cause them trauma, then you could "steal" their mother, or for the coupe de grace, their father.
Next step is to plan to have them walk in whilst you're boning their girlfriend/sister/mother/father (or all three), and look them straight in the eye and tell them you're doing this because they stole your bike.

Pretty sure they won't do it again. And, as an added bonus, the story will probably be in all the newspapers and on telly, so any potential future bike thieves will know about your reputation and stay clear.

Of course, where there's a perfectly socially acceptable solution like that, there is also the slightly violent solution, which usually gives better results.

And for that I'd reccomend drowning them in a bath of their family's blood. Make them watch you bleed each member of their family in turn before you drown them, only an amateur would forego that crucial step.

RevellRider

Good evening Oh wise gentlemen.

I'm in a tight spot and was seeking advice

My neighbour seems to of noticed the dead prostitutes that I drag, wrapped in clingfilm from my property. How do I dispose of her with out the police catching on. I don't have access to pigs and I can't disguise myself as her. I can't even disguise myself as the other neighbour, even on a dark night the skin colour is all wrong

I'm in need of guidance.

Anonymous

RevellRider wrote:

Good evening Oh wise gentlemen.

I'm in a tight spot and was seeking advice

My neighbour seems to of noticed the dead prostitutes that I drag, wrapped in clingfilm from my property. How do I dispose of her with out the police catching on. I don't have access to pigs and I can't disguise myself as her. I can't even disguise myself as the other neighbour, even on a dark night the skin colour is all wrong

I'm in need of guidance.

make a mask which strongly resembles that of your neighbour.

wear the mask as you buy a sledgahammer and a club hammer.

beat your neighbour to death with the sledge and pulverise her flesh and bone until you need to use the club hammer to finish the job.

continue the bashing until the body is liquid enough to be washed down the drain, no one has ever been caught dis[posing of a body down the drain or by flushing them down the toilet.

then leave a suicide note saying "i have seen enough of this cruel world and no longer want to be a part of it"

the coppers will assume that your neighbour has battered herself to death with the hammers she was "seen buying" earlier that day.

jonnyc2420

thank you o wise one - just what i needed - may your trails be forever sunshine full and dog egg free..............

jimmy23cricket

Thanks Yeehaa, blackspire thingy here we come.

Now, another conundrum:

am i mistaken in thinking it wrong that the honey monster calls the small boy "mommy"

and

does the lady on the new confused.com add pull a car and a lap top from her vag?

Anonymous

jimmy23cricket wrote:

does the lady on the new confused.com add pull a car and a lap top from her vag?

she does, my dick was in there previously which opened her right up and now there is easily enough room for a couple of motors and all of the computers on bill gates' desk up there.

she can pull a double decker bus out of her gink ever since i finsihed with her.

Anonymous

yeehaamcgee wrote:

I've seen a certain Mr Sheep's chain come off, even though he also has a blackspire stinger, and I can only assume it's because he only has the two smallest rings, and no bashguard.

it did happen a few times but because in an un-characteristicaly retarded turn of events, i hadnt set my stop screws properly and inadvertantly dropped the chain as i pushed the shifter too far.

jay12

i'm gonna be doing work experiance at my lbs. and i can get food from two places. KFC and a chippy. both about 2mins ride away in opposite direction. question is which one should i choose to go to?