Corrupt a Wish

thekickingmule

And you get nothing. Absolutely zilch, everything is also taken away from you, so you are left with absolutely nothing.

I wish I had a more interesting job

MarkEo

Granted, now your job is so interesting it takes over your whole life, you get that obsessed with it that you spend all your time at work and over the years you loose touch with your friends and family, you never do any thing but work, as the years pass you begin to age and before you know it your up for retirement and have to leave your exciting job, back in the real world you've lost touch with every thing and every one, you begin to get depressed and eventually you have a nervous break down, the last time anyone saw you you where sucking off John Prescot behind Tesco to earn a bit of cash.

I wish my hours hadn't been cut at work

Mickey Eye

MarkEo wrote:

I wish my hours hadn't been cut at work

Wish granted! You can now have all the hours you want, and increased responsibilities too! Those responsibilities include but are not limited to cleaning out the ashtrays by the entrance with your tongue and waiting in the showers after hours for all the members of staff above your position who you now have to refer to as "Daddy".

I wish I did not keep breaking my arm.

MarkEo

Granted instead of breaking your arm you get the midas touch and everything you touch turns to gold but you dont find out about your golden touch until you sneak off to your bedroom to burp your worm, o oh!

I wish my girlfriend wasn't so moody today

thekickingmule

Wish granted, she is no longer moody today, however, from tomorrow, she is the grumpiest person in the entire world for the rest of your life, making your life a misery.

I wish the girl I showed round work just now would go out with me!

snotty badger

She goes out with you, the date is amazing. You go back to her place but despite her being the most sexyfull creature you've ever seen your dinkle won't play ball. She then tells everyone at work your a flop.
You're so hurt you join the foreign legion and a frenchmen called Frédéric touches you at night, and finally realise that the girl did nothing for you but this snail eating, moustache sporting frenchie knows what gets things going....



Wish I had a bag of motivation...

MarkEo

Granted, now you've got sacks full of motivation, infact you have that much motivation you dont stop for anything, you work and work and work and work and work untill your body cant take it anymore and packs up with a MASSIVE heart attack

I wish i didnt have a hangover

snotty badger

You don't have a hangover, you choked on your own vomit through the night and died.

Wish I had a nice pie...

MarkEo

Granted you have a nice pie but thats the last thing you ever ate that was nice, for the rest of your life all you can taste when you eat something is Susan Boyles tampons

I wish my girlfriend was Susan Boyle

cat_with_no_tail

Granted, she turns out to be a really horrible person, and she beats you with sticks on a regular basis and calls you names, keeps you tied to the bed and stubs cigarettes out on you. You finally decide you have had enough of life and end it all by having her sit on your face.

I wish I could retire comfortably at 35.

thekickingmule

You retire comfortably at 35, and then die aged 36 whilst having a good old session on the toilet.

I wish I was in Florence right now

MarkEo

Granted you end up in florence, but not the place, florence is in actual fact a chinese sheman who has the aids

i wish my phone worked properly

ramemtbers

your phone does start to work properly but then your bike breaks

i wish i had a decent video camera

MarkEo

Granted, you buy it off of fleabay and when you get it you find lots of indecent images on it and the police find out and arrest you

I wish my hangover was gone

ramemtbers

your hangover does go. but then your mates want you to go done the pub again this evening and you get drunk again. (etc)

i wish i had a new back tire for tommow when i go to wales

lawman

you do get a new back tire but it is wrecked by a chav in the night and cant go

i wish emma watson would shag me

MarkEo

granted, she has a massive c*ck though so shag you she does my friend

i wish i hadn't run out of fags

snotty badger

Wish granted, you end up in a gay bar with lots of "fags"



I wish some one would swap their van for my car....

MarkEo

done! now you have my van with the finance aswel, good luck with having loads of money for the next 5 years

I wish i hadnt un out of wishes

IcarusGreen

You have another wish and used it up wishing for another wish.

I wish I had a new car

cat_with_no_tail

Ok, Your new car is a G-Wizz, enjoy

I wish I could afford that Intense 951 I saw in the LBS today

Hercule Q

you can afford the intense 951 but you used up all your money on it and now cannot afford to live and you die a slow cold death in a wheelie bin out the back ot mcdonalds



i wish for a proper summer

thekickingmule

You get a proper summer, and then get a proper winter, which will be known in the future as the 'most recent ice age' where your body will be found, on a bike, in a huge block of ice in 20,000 years, and people will prod and stare and laugh at you and your 'primative' technology.

I wish that I get lucky at my mates wedding next week.

cat_with_no_tail

Hercule Q wrote:

you can afford the intense 951 but you used up all your money on it and now cannot afford to live and you die a slow cold death in a wheelie bin out the back ot mcdonalds

I still get the intense though, right? Sounds perfectly acceptable to me

thekickingmule wrote:

I wish that I get lucky at my mates wedding next week.

You do get lucky at your mates wedding, with the Bride! Your mate finds out, beats the crap out of you in front of all the guests. All your other friends disown you and call you names when they pass you in the street. Footage of the whole thing appears on youtube where it receives the most views of any video ever. It is picked up and syndicated by TV channels the world over and you are forevermore known as "the guy off youtube who shagged his best mates missus at their wedding then got a beating so bad he pooed in his pants". You never get another woman ever again and the only job you can get is cleaning the toilets of a seedy Sex shop. This is where you meet your demise, bummed to death by "big cedrick".

Enjoy the wedding mate.


I wish this wind would die down a bit

thekickingmule

Cat With No Tail wrote:

Enjoy the wedding mate.

Hey, as long as I get lucky, then that's gravy with me!

Cat With No Tail wrote:

I wish this wind would die down a bit

The wind dies down a bit, but what you don't realise is that the wind had been keepin the house next to yours upright, preventing it from falling down. The drop in wind means the weight of the walls finally sucomb to gravity, collapsing onto your house, destroying everything, and everyone inside it.

I wish I wasn't going bald

lawman

you dont go bald, but lose al your pubes and are no longer classed as man

i wish lapierre would hurry up and anounce the spec and prices of the 2010 range :evil:

thekickingmule

Lappierre release their spec and prices, and you discover that they have made everything out of mouldy cheese that reeks to high heaven, and the cheapest thing they sell is £5,000,000,000.

I wish I had somet to eat.

lawman

u do have something to eat ...... your own balls and your girlfriends feet

i wish i wasnt really bored

fred1star

well, your not bored anymore as you have contracted pig flu and you now have to get your fix of tamiflu so spend the next 8 hrs on the phone and internet trying to get your drugs..

I wish a had a new job...

thekickingmule

You get a new job, serving people with pig flu their drugs. You eventually end up catchin the deathly disease, and die a slow and agonising death, oinking all the way.

I wish I had another helping of this salad.