Corrupt a Wish

Hercule Q

there is a trail center within riding distance of your house but the russian circus has set up there


i wish that it would rain for just 1 hour so when i go out later i'm not choked by the dust

MacAndCheese

It rains for just one hour, however it is acid rain and your tyres dissolve which puts you off balance and you face plant into puddle of the stuff. You get up and realise you no longer have a face.


I wish I understood what all the fuss about russian circuses is about.

Joe_Pineapples

As you walk around, lost in contemplation of Russian clown gang rape, you feel a large gloved hand descend upon your shoulder and the words "ваш ишак мое, мальчик велосипеда" whispered in your ear. As you suddenly understand what all the fuss was about, you start to weep.

I wish Robbie Williams, Katie Price, Peter Andre, Fearne Cotton, Davina McCall, Yuri Geller, Him from the Kaiser Chiefs and Jeremy Clarkson would all hire a private plane, Travolta can fly it, and, after complimentary quails eggs and coke, invade Iranian airspace.

ramemtbers

Robbie Williams, Katie Price, Peter Andre, Fearne Cotton, Davina McCall, Yuri Geller, Him from the Kaiser Chiefs and Jeremy Clarkson would all hire a private plane, Travolta can fly it, and, after complimentary quails eggs and coke, invade Iranian airspace but ther plane is shot down and falls on top of where you keep your bikes and all of thm are crushed to the size ok coke cans

i wish i didnt have to have double humanities tommorow

Hercule Q

you dont have double humanities tomorrow you have quadrouple humanities tomorrow


i wish i didnt have to do the day shift tomorrow

ramemtbers

you dont have to do the shift tommorow but instead you have to do two weeks of dayshifts non stop 7 days a week starting day after tommorow.

i wish i could find a new dh bike for sale which looks nice is in my price range and is near where i live

guilliano

You find a DH bike that you love in your price range for sale 3 doors away from your house, but it's being sold by a bunch of Russian clowns with Pikeys acting as middlemen. You end up with a "dag" that chews tires and gloves 23 hours a day, a caravan with no wheels that the council fines you £5,000 for and the nickname Blossom in celebration of your now 6" wide ring of leather.

I wish SRAM chains weren't prone to sticky links no matter how well maintained they are

Joe_Pineapples

Jimmy Saville fixes it for you to design your own chain that is as frictionless as Jessica Alba covered in baby oil. You agree to go on a world tour to promote it, first stop - Moscow!
As a publicity stunt SRAM have organised a Wall-Of-Death ride for you in the circus that has pitched up in the middle of Red Square.
You agree, even though you've heard nasty things about Russian clowns.
The day of the wall ride dawns and you don't know what you're more apprehensive about, the Wall-Of-Death or escaping with your sphincter intact.
You are so fixated on bum security that you lose focus and spank yourself up during your show. The clowns couldn't be more helpful - administering first aid and calling for an ambulance to take you to hospital.
As you are whisked away by the paramedics you feel relaxed and safe . . .
. . . right up until you see that George Michael is behind the wheel!

I wish that Jimmy Saville could fix it for me to test out my 'frictionless Jessica Alba in oil' theory.

guilliano

Jimmy does exactly what you ask..... only he gets first go and then on live TV you get his sloppy seconds, having signed a contract stating that if you fail to go through with the act you will face a lifetime of non stop bottom penetration by Russian clowns

I wish there were no Russian clowns with a fetish for bum sex

cat_with_no_tail

There are no Russian clowns with a fetish for bum sex, they prefer to skull fark you instead.

I wish I could ride my bike all day tomorrow and didnt have to be back at 12pm to take the kids to Nursery.

Hercule Q

you have all day to go out on your bike but as you get to that spot 5 miles from your house where you had a puncture you suddenly have flash backs of what happened last time and your found quivvering in a bush 3 hours later by a rather friendly russian ring master who takes you back to his trailer as night time falls you try to make your escape from the side show once more but as your just leaving the field you feel a gloved hand on your shoulder and the word blossom whispered in your ear

i wish to never get a puncture on the isle of man

cat_with_no_tail

(I had forgotten about this thread, time to bring it back from the dead methinks )

You never get a puncture on the Isle of Man, instead, your cranks break (again). Yu take them to a local bike shop to be fixed, where an assistant named Igor invites you into the back-room to get it fixed. Before you know it, you are bound and gagged, wearing a gimp mask and being sold to the Circus where you are repeatedly buggered by a camel.

I wish I had a bike

Joe_Pineapples

You have a bike, her name is Agnes. You've been dating now for six months and thoughts of marriage have popped into your head.
She says yes and you are both swiftly married. It's then that you find out that she is also the town bike and there's a queue of eastern block comedy performers outside your front door every morning.

I wish that Claire Forlani would blow me.

Hercule Q

claire forlanti blows you...................she has massive lungs and blows you off your bike into some stinging nettles


i wish i remembered to take pictures at ukbp yesterday

xstrathyx

you found the pictures on your camera, but they need developing and you toddle along to the local Boots to get the pictures developed. You bump into Igor who for some apparent reason works in developing.

Unbeknown to you he has plans to develop your ring and we re not talking circus ring either. Igor and 5 of his mates decide to "use" you.

Wishes it was friday (i can only imagine our eastern cousins will be making an appearance again soon lol)

Hercule Q wrote:

claire forlanti blows you...................she has massive lungs and blows you off your bike into some stinging nettles


i wish i remembered to take pictures at ukbp yesterday

Hercule Q

it is friday and its russian circus weekend in your town!

i wish there was a dominos pizza in this town

cat_with_no_tail

There's a Dominos pizza in your towm. It's run by Igor and his buddies. They make you a special "Stuffed Rosebud" with 9 different fillings!

I wish my new bike would hurry up and arrive so I can go for a ride.

Hercule Q

your new bike is here and you go for a ride but after remembering what happened the last 2 times you went out you go a different route and get eaten by a honey badger!

i wish bbc3 would stop repeating the same family guy episodes all the time

cat_with_no_tail

BBC3 stop repeating the same family guy episodes all the time, they take it off air, forever.

I wish I could fly (aeroplanes)

Hercule Q

you could fly aeroplanes

i wish for some lights so i can go night riding

flamedude

You find red lights in Prague and now you can't have children from too much riding.

I wish canada sold proper english bacon.

Hercule Q

flamedude wrote:

You find red lights in Prague and now you can't have children from too much riding.

I wish canada sold proper english bacon.

thats not to bad you know


canada sell proper english bacon but your in namibia


i wish i could go prague

guilliano

You go to Prague, only to find that they are in the middle of a riot over a local celebrity turning up with "Blossom" tattoo'd on his back and being unable to sit down. The focus of the riot is the Russian circus which has set up in the arrivals area at the airport. The clowns spot you as you try to sneak past....... you aren't seen again for weeks.

I wish I had the week off work

deadpool2e

You have the week of work, but your other half makes you do house work/paint all week.

I wish i had infinite knowledge..

thekickingmule

You have infinte knowledge, then, whilst riding down the greatest descent of your life, hit a rock, knowing it could lead to your demise. You wake up 3 months later as a vegetable, being fed through tubes and crapping out more tubes. you still know everything, even how to cure yourself, but you can't as you are a vegetable.

I wish I had a job in the real industry, not the educational one.

cat_with_no_tail

You do get a job in the real industry, the Circus industry.

I wish I didn't have this flamin Bronchitis and could go ride my bike instead

lawman

you dont have bronchitis you have swine flu

i wish i didnt have "swine" flu

Hercule Q

you don't have swine flu, you have the worst recorded case of man flu

i wish i had enough money to go to the pub

snotty badger

You don't have swine flu, but something much much worse- Man Flu!

I wish it wasn't dark nights already!

jay12

there is no dark nights but the sun comes so close it burns earth

i wish i didn't have a haircut(i look like a ponce now :evil: )