Kitty & Bint's 'Grill the Gash' Thread
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FocusZing wrote:Dear miss Kitty, miss Bint,
Whilst out on my rejuvenated MTB, one unfortunately twisted ones testicle due to over exuberance. Time is of the ee..eee.eeessence, should one twist said testes to the right or the left?
Seek advice from a qualified medical practitioner.Ride it like you stole it!0 -
ThanksBye wrote:Kitty/Bint Why do a rather large number of women seem to think bright orange make up, with a nice line visiable around the face attractive?
I have no idea, I can only attribute it to them getting dressed and applying makeup stuffs in the dark!!!...however...
It does have relevance to the following scientific formula.....
Orange line + (hair colour x length of roots showing) = bitchiness factor
To quote Brass Eye, "Now that is scientific fact — there's no real evidence for it — but it is scientific fact".Ride it like you stole it!0 -
MissBint37 wrote:Gazlar wrote:Madam(s)
May I ask, why when a woman is in a bad mood do us gentlemen have to play the game of guessing what the bad mood is all about, as we should just know anyway? Our line of enquiry is further hampered by the denial of any bad mood being present, despite clear symptoms to the contrary? This further probing invariably leads to the woman being in a worse mood overall as it requires persistent questioning and harranguing to asscertain the reason for said lady being at a low ebb. Surely if as an emotional woman, the best way to deal with the problem is firstly to admit to it and subsequently give reason so that it can be dealt with appropriately, either through support and affection, or by simply keeping the fook out of the way. I may have answered my own question somewhat, but what are your thoughts on the matter
Kind regards
Mr G. Derry
West Midlands
Men do this too, it is tres annoying!!!
If we won't tell you what is wrong, then assume that the bad mood is your fault and try and figure out what you have done.....and fix it..........either that or you are being cheated on, and the person you are being cheated on with has done something bad!!
I am bad at keeping stuff from people, and if I am annoyed or upset at someone I usually tell them however, this often sees me getting into even more trouble hmmm
What annoys me most is that a its usually something trivial like menstruation, and therefore no ones fault but God's and If it was just admitted it could be dealt with.
When I'm in trouble everything is normally fine and dandy then something just flips and I get landed with things like "I've just seen youre browsing history, can you explain some of the things youve been looking at?"0 -
Solution: Explain, in graphic detail.Gazlar wrote:When I'm in trouble everything is normally fine and dandy then something just flips and I get landed with things like "I've just seen youre browsing history, can you explain some of the things youve been looking at?"
"This lovely lady is Cindy. She's 21, and has always loved horses. Today, she's going to take that love to a whole new level. Let's go on.
As you can see, the horse has a rather large phallus. Did you know that the horse has the largest ratio of phallus size to total body size of any mammal? Cindy does. Look at the amazement on her face. She's going to enjoy this."0 -
whyamihere wrote:
Solution: Explain, in graphic detail.Gazlar wrote:When I'm in trouble everything is normally fine and dandy then something just flips and I get landed with things like "I've just seen youre browsing history, can you explain some of the things youve been looking at?"
"This lovely lady is Cindy. She's 21, and has always loved horses. Today, she's going to take that love to a whole new level. Let's go on.
As you can see, the horse has a rather large phallus. Did you know that the horse has the largest ratio of phallus size to total body size of any mammal? Cindy does. Look at the amazement on her face. She's going to enjoy this."
nooo its normally you know that bike part that you told me cost £20, why does it say on your checkout it was £200?
being caught looking at porn would be a welcome distraction0 -
whyamihere wrote:Solution: Explain,
No, never.
I did this last night after searching a well known parents forum for advice on childhood hayfever and getting distracted by a thread about 'bum s*x' that made me laugh so much I couldn't stop.Visit Clacton during the School holidays - it's like a never ending freak show.
Who are you calling inbred?0 -
She shouldn't be looking at your browsing history. That's like stalking. Browse in private, problem solved :twisted:Ride it like you stole it!0
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Ah come on Binty what woman could resist a little look at what there fella has been up too0
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. . . wish i had a stalker.
would be more fun than explaining browsing history, or the fact been on internet an hour but nothing in history!If in doubt - flat out!0 -
I did have a stalker once, I jabbed it in the eye with a chip fork and it soon went down!!
Actually i did once, this was when I was with my ex and I worked as a ticket inspector on the trains, we had a train failure one night, total black out the lot went. WE had a handful of passengers, one was a young girl, about 14 who was scared that she'd get in trouble as her her dad would think it was just an excuse to stay out late. I told her to use my phone to ring her dad and she asked if I would? So I rang her dad, explained and he was fine with it, but then she was scared the train would break down again (the breakers had gone out on the overheads so we were delayed by about ten mins) she asked if i'd sit with her just in case, so I kept an eye on her make sure she was ok. At Lichfield she got off, tried to give me a hug and said thankyou.
Anyway the next morning as I wake up I got a text saying, Thanks for last night Gaz, you were great, love Sarah xxx, which my Ex picked up, read, then proceeded to belt the living cr@p out of me, for not only having an affair (in her mind) but also lying about being at work, when I explained AND gave her proof I was at work she calmed down.
Anyway that was just the start of it, this young girl kept turning up at New Street, Texting me (she'd got my number off her dads call history) and getting her friends to ask me out. She finally gave up after around a month of stalking though.0 -
I had a similar thing, sort of, Gaz. We had a new girl at work, who was still learning the ropes, and was a little uncertain. So I told her if she got really stuck, feel free to call me, or any of the others.
So, one morning on my day off, I was having a lie in with my missus, and my mobile rang, my missus picked it up and said "there's a girl's name on your phone, WTF?" I answered it, and talked the girl through various technical stuff. I then explained to the missus what happened, but still copped a mouthfull, she was hell bent convinced I was cheating :roll:
Yeah, cause there's nothing I like more than being called at 10am by a secret lo0ver and talking circuit boards and resistor codes
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Gazlar wrote:
Outstanding! The lengths teenagers will go to get someone's number. Sabotaging rail lines shows quite a commitment to the stalkee.
Why do all drivers of the new mini fall into 3 categories?
1) Really hot woman who gives me an instant semi
2) Really old and think they're hot woman, but they actually make me want to make love to a thorn bush
3) Bottom bandits
I've yet to see the average joe driving one.Out with the old, in with the new here.0 -
yeehaamcgee wrote:...Yeah, cause there's nothing I like more than being called at 10am by a secret lo0ver and talking circuit boards and resistor codes
That's the thing...electronic engineering has little/ no sexual innuendos. Mechanical engineering has them all; bush, flange, nuts, screw, grind, deep throat, flange and bush to name a few.Out with the old, in with the new here.0 -
yeehaamcgee wrote:I had a similar thing, sort of, Gaz. We had a new girl at work, who was still learning the ropes, and was a little uncertain. So I told her if she got really stuck, feel free to call me, or any of the others.
So, one morning on my day off, I was having a lie in with my missus, and my mobile rang, my missus picked it up and said "there's a girl's name on your phone, WTF?" I answered it, and talked the girl through various technical stuff. I then explained to the missus what happened, but still copped a mouthfull, she was hell bent convinced I was cheating :roll:
Yeah, cause there's nothing I like more than being called at 10am by a secret lo0ver and talking circuit boards and resistor codes
Some girls are hard to convince you aren't having an affair, I'm lucky as it is, Mrs G is very trusting, but in the past I've not been so lucky. My point to them though is LOOK AT ME!!!!! I look like someone has dipped morph in superglue then rolled him through a pile of pubic hair before repeatedly expanding and contracting him, I'd be lucky to get 1 woman at a time let alone a hareem of them all at once. The only time I was ever popular with ladies was at college, mainly because there was only 2 lads on my course and the other was a fat swarthy greasy haired pug faced tool, by association, it made me look quite the catch0 -
crazy88 wrote:Gazlar wrote:
Outstanding! The lengths teenagers will go to get someone's number. Sabotaging rail lines shows quite a commitment to the stalkee.
Why do all drivers of the new mini fall into 3 categories?
1) Really hot woman who gives me an instant semi
2) Really old and think they're hot woman, but they actually make me want to make love to a thorn bush
3) Bottom bandits
I've yet to see the average joe driving one.
Simples only women can fit in them.. there tiny... Was in a cooper S i'm only about 6'2" but i had to fold myself in half to get in.. tis a silly car. though drives really well but it's still silly because i can't drive one easily lol0 -
crazy88 wrote:yeehaamcgee wrote:...Yeah, cause there's nothing I like more than being called at 10am by a secret lo0ver and talking circuit boards and resistor codes
That's the thing...electronic engineering has little/ no sexual innuendos. Mechanical engineering has them all; bush, flange, nuts, screw, grind, deep throat, flange and bush to name a few.
Try working aviation....you have FLAPS, RUDDER and THRUST! .....and a Cockpit :twisted:Ride it like you stole it!0 -
Thewaylander wrote:Ah come on Binty what woman could resist a little look at what there fella has been up too
If you look you're stalking, so no matter what you find you have to pretend you haven't looked mood or no mood! I actually don't stalk my blokes, maybe that's where I am going wrong!!!Ride it like you stole it!0 -
MissBint37 wrote:crazy88 wrote:yeehaamcgee wrote:...Yeah, cause there's nothing I like more than being called at 10am by a secret lo0ver and talking circuit boards and resistor codes
That's the thing...electronic engineering has little/ no sexual innuendos. Mechanical engineering has them all; bush, flange, nuts, screw, grind, deep throat, flange and bush to name a few.
Try working aviation....you have FLAPS, RUDDER and THRUST! .....and a Cockpit :twisted:
Then on't railway we have dump valves, more cocks, more flanges, coupling rod and a thing called a four bridge quad rectifier, which is what I now call my junk0 -
MissBint37 wrote:Thewaylander wrote:Ah come on Binty what woman could resist a little look at what there fella has been up too
If you look you're stalking, so no matter what you find you have to pretend you haven't looked mood or no mood! I actually don't stalk my blokes, maybe that's where I am going wrong!!!
Binty my dear, you have struck Gold, that is why, she gets in a mood because she can't get in a mood because she knows she shouldn't have looked, even if she did accidentally stumble across it in the first place.
In summary Women (and homo's)get in a mood because they are not allowed to be in a mood, because what put them in a mood if acknowledged, would put the other party in a mood because the other party should not have been party to that information, therefore both parties end up in a mood which then ruins the party atmosphere.
Easy peasy lemon squeezy (or lime)0 -
yeehaamcgee wrote:
Bridge rectifiers are an electrical engineering thing. give it back, damn you.Gazlar wrote:Then on't railway we have dump valves, more cocks, more flanges, coupling rod and a thing called a four bridge quad rectifier, which is what I now call my junk
No its mine, I called it first, and ours had 4 and quad in it so nehnehnehnehnehneh :P0 -
yeehaamcgee wrote:
Bridge rectifiers are an electrical engineering thing. give it back, damn you.Gazlar wrote:Then on't railway we have dump valves, more cocks, more flanges, coupling rod and a thing called a four bridge quad rectifier, which is what I now call my junk
Good point...we want our rectifiers back! It's our only rude phrase...can we have it? PleaseOut with the old, in with the new here.0 -
Yeah, but ours go up to eleven.0
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you can have all the other ten, I've bagsied 4, and nothing beats the international law of bagsy0
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Gazlar wrote:
i wondered why the last time i caught a train the driver wasn't pleased when i called shotgun 0
