Yeeha and Sheeps advice corner

bg13

Dear Sheeps and yeehaa,

Whilst putting out my neighbours bins (They are on holiday) I accidently spilt some lawn weed and feed on their front lawn in the shape of a large c0ck and ba11s, instead of the grass growing into a nice bright green t0dger the grass has scorched and died!!!!!

Can you tell me how much weed and feed i should have used to create the desired effect?

And any advice on how to blame the mess on the local scrotes will also be appreciated.

Thanks

sheepsteeth

y'know,

i was just re-reading some of the original posts in this thread and it was very funny. the guest version of sheepsteeth was particularly hilarious and i was thinking to myself, where have all of the truely excellent questions gone.

no sooner had i finished pndering when this gem came along so i thank, nay, salute you and offer the following advice:

the best way to make an obvious and balls on a lawn is to kill the grass in the desired shape so it appears you have already done all you need to do except for mow the lawn so the majesty of the cake you have crafted is more visible.

the only improvement past that i could suggest is to get some small potted plants and dig them into the charred length of the cake you have made so that they spell out the word sheepsteeth (everthing should be named sheepsteeth of course)

i even love that you have gone old school and caused this issue in your neighbour's garden

tip top work.

Andy

I've just invested £2 on a euromillions ticket for tonight. The estimated jackpot is £105 million.

My question to you is, what should I spend my winnings on if I scoop the jackpot?

sheepsteeth

Andy wrote:

I've just invested £2 on a euromillions ticket for tonight. The estimated jackpot is £105 million.

My question to you is, what should I spend my winnings on if I scoop the jackpot?

i like to tailor my responses to each individual so i would answer your question with a question:

can you buy an ice hockey team for 109 million?

if so, i think that would be a nice thing.

also, i think your car would look better if painted pink so you could spend some monies on a respray perhaps

and of course, any spare monies should be spent on hookers and blow.

bg13

Oh Wise ones,

Further to my previous post above about the unfortunate and i hasten to add accidental weed and feed spillage over my neighbours lawn in the shape of a large c0ck, they returned from holiday on saturday and as i have been away have not heard anything.

Do i a) Deny everything or b) own up, take the blame and foot the bill for repairs?

Think i have just answered my own query there haven't I?

Feel free to add any other wise solutions that you can think of to maintain neighbouhood peace.

Thanks

sheepsteeth

if the subject comes up, answer the accusations by pulling your obvious and necessarys out whilst screaming at the both of them that your necessarys are not going to suck themselves.

its the ONLY thing you can do.

Fully-sprung

Oh masterful beings, some tw@(s) keep nicking bits of my bike, if it carrys on should I complain to the school and tell them to keep an eye on the bike racks or lock my bike up right next to reception?

moster

Good afternoon gents,

I am a fan of American TV & films but am hugely perplexed by their "base" system when interacting with the opposite sex....you know sexually :oops: (As in "we have been on 3 dates and I haven't gotten past 1st base"). Could you please inform me how many bases there are in this system, what is entailed to achieve each base and what base would be lying in a ditch with their head on backwards?

Kind regards

Graeme_aberdeen

I have been having thoughts of starting a new collection and wondered if you could point me in the right place please.

For minutes now I have had a heathy interest in the serial killers, in particular those serial killers who sported beards.

Where can I find replica serial killer beards? or seek out like minded folk who enjoy the plush thick hair of the serial killer beard.

Fully-sprung

Graeme_aberdeen wrote:

I have been having thoughts of starting a new collection and wondered if you could point me in the right place please.

For minutes now I have had a heathy interest in the serial killers, in particular those serial killers who sported beards.

Where can I find replica serial killer beards? or seek out like minded folk who enjoy the plush thick hair of the serial killer beard.

me to.

sheepsteeth

moster wrote:

Good afternoon gents,

I am a fan of American TV & films but am hugely perplexed by their "base" system when interacting with the opposite sex....you know sexually :oops: (As in "we have been on 3 dates and I haven't gotten past 1st base"). Could you please inform me how many bases there are in this system, what is entailed to achieve each base and what base would be lying in a ditch with their head on backwards?

Kind regards

there are 3 bases.

base 1:
a bit of a snog

base 2:
sticking your fingers into her as if she were a bowling ball untill the 2 in the goo make contact with the 2 in the poo.

base 3:
turning her head backwards and then leaving her in a ditch followed by stoving her in, real hard, big sticks, no messtins, sideways. (remember to do this whilst wearing a mask of your neighbours face in case anyone sees you)

Fully-sprung wrote:

Oh masterful beings, some tw@(s) keep nicking bits of my bike, if it carrys on should I complain to the school and tell them to keep an eye on the bike racks or lock my bike up right next to reception?

yes.

Graeme_aberdeen wrote:

I have been having thoughts of starting a new collection and wondered if you could point me in the right place please.

For minutes now I have had a heathy interest in the serial killers, in particular those serial killers who sported beards.

Where can I find replica serial killer beards? or seek out like minded folk who enjoy the plush thick hair of the serial killer beard.

hmm, the only place i can think of is to nip round my house when i have saved my beard up for a few weeks, im the only seria.........

oops, i may have said too much.

bg13

Hello gents, me again, neighbours not really talking to me as the large weed and feed shaped c0ck burnt in to their front lawn is attracting many adverse comments from their other neighbours!!!!

My question is how can a thread on the cost of rubber and mountain bike tyres be allowed on the crudcatcher? And even worse is the fact it has run for six pages? Can moderators be sacked? Or left in ditches with their heads on backwards??

MissBint37

If I want to provide a man with cake to keep him happy (they say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach) which variety of baked good should I manufacture and why?

Anonymous

Cake, hahahahaha
Don't think he's interested in you, Bint, if that's what makes him happy!

MissBint37

yeehaamcgee wrote:

Cake, hahahahaha
Don't think he's interested in you, Bint, if that's what makes him happy!

Many things make him happy, baked goods is merely one. But I do not wish to put a dampener on things by providing inferior quality baked goods!

sheepsteeth

Depends on the man I suppose but if you were up for the task of satisfying me, the only cake good enough is a lemon drizzle cake.

Or the one offered by the wankyshit demon of course.

I will of course require pictures of the baked goods.

It pleases me to find out about a womenz who is concerned with the cake related issues in these modern times. As far as I'm concerned, there are far too many women just reday to get their knockers out.

MissBint37

I shall take pictures of the finished products when I return home, however, they are not decorated to a high standard. I contemplated installing sprinkles on the top of said cakes however I thought the man may find this too fussy and be put off as the cake would be too girlified!

I did not make a cake of lemon.....however I do have a most excellent recipe for one, perhaps that is for next time.

On this occasion I have baked a carrot and orange cake with a sticky glaze and icing, a banana cake with vanilla topping, and some double chocolate brownies. Which should I give him?

I am indeed one of those womenz who can bake and cook! I look after my man when I have one!!!

Anonymous

cake

ricardo_smooth

MissBint37 wrote:

On this occasion I have baked a carrot and orange cake with a sticky glaze and icing, a banana cake with vanilla topping, and some double chocolate brownies.

The first 2 sound like the WORST cake flavours ever tbh! I'd go with the brownies.

Anonymous

Carrot cake is awesome, what the hell is wrong with you?

Thewaylander

And orange

Yee expel him from your thread in fury of his poor cake taste!

Gazlar

yeehaamcgee wrote:

Carrot cake is awesome, what the hell is wrong with you?

I have been known to interject inappropriately on this thread, but I must support the quoted comment by saying that it has more potatoes than a 24 hour conversation between Keith Lemon and an Irishman

ricardo_smooth

yeehaamcgee wrote:

Carrot cake is awesome, what the hell is wrong with you?

Many things.... however on this occasion I feel it is you who has reason to seek medical advice. I'm not into salad and other dietry requirements of a rabbit so I stand by my statement.

However lemon cake does smash all 3 cakes into another timezone!

Thewaylander

ricardo_smooth wrote:

yeehaamcgee wrote:

Carrot cake is awesome, what the hell is wrong with you?

Many things.... however on this occasion I feel it is you who has reason to seek medical advice. I'm not into salad and other dietry requirements of a rabbit so I stand by my statement.

However lemon cake does smash all 3 cakes into another timezone!

Sadly in this thread only Yee's or Sheeps opions are of any worth so this is now a pointless statment.

Like me making this statement telling you your statment is useless means this statmenet is now useless :O argh my head!!!

Gazlar

Sirs

In light of the furore surrounding the recent phone hacking scandal, many political commentators have called for a more transparent media, especially within our newspapers. What I would like to know is whether you feel this call for more transparancy should extend to page 3 where the information printed at present is insufficient, obtuse and frustrating.

Take for example today's copy of The Sun, where the wilfully employed young lady adorning page 3 is Hollie, 20 from Manchester. This information is gratefully received, but as I'm sure you are aware, Manchester covers a large area, and that's before you consider that it may mean Greater Manchester which includes connurbations such as Bury and Bolton. This means it is not only time consuming, but near impossible to find Hollie, especially given that no surname is printed either to cross reference against the electoral roll. It seems to me that the newspaper don't want her to be found for some reason, which I can only see as suspicious.

Do you think that the media should therefore be forced to print a full postal address for each young lady on page 3 as they appear, or at the very least a postcode for sat-nav purposes, to aid with the locating of them?

Kind regards
Mr Derry, 31, West Mids

ps how many years has Nikkala 25, Middlesex been 25? I'm beginning to think she may have been born on Feb 29th

MissBint37

I still have no advice on which cake to give though....and consequently which one I can nom myself when I get home from work

Anonymous

I think, Gazlar, that you should stop overcompensating, and openly admit, at last, that your real love lies with phillipino boys, not curvaceous women.
We all know your secret already, time for some honesty.

Anonymous

MissBint37 wrote:

I still have no advice on which cake to give though....and consequently which one I can nom myself when I get home from work

Lemon drizzle.
Or a HUGE cherryy bakewell.

Or, the best of all (if you can find one), Cheescake from "blas ar fwyd", which is based in Llanrwst. Obviously if you're not from Worth Nails, that might be tricky to source (but much appreciated), so go with the lemon drizzle.

MissBint37

yeehaamcgee wrote:

MissBint37 wrote:

I still have no advice on which cake to give though....and consequently which one I can nom myself when I get home from work

Lemon drizzle.
Or a HUGE cherryy bakewell.

Or, the best of all (if you can find one), Cheescake from "blas ar fwyd", which is based in Llanrwst. Obviously if you're not from Worth Nails, that might be tricky to source (but much appreciated), so go with the lemon drizzle.

I meant out of the ones I have made...the carrot and orange, banana, or chocolate brownies.

Bakewells rock I agree however with said person originating from Bakewell it is risky territory!!!!

Gazlar

yeehaamcgee wrote:

I think, Gazlar, that you should stop overcompensating, and openly admit, at last, that your real love lies with phillipino boys, not curvaceous women.
We all know your secret already, time for some honesty.

oh if only it were true, I would imagine that philipino boys are cheaper to run and a lot less physically demanding when they have their legs wrapped around your neck. Doing that to a big girl is like Swimming through wallpaper paste wearing a scuba mask made of spam