Silly commuting racing

Bassjunkieuk

lost_in_thought wrote:

Taking the drop bars off a roadie is like castrating a stallion.

HEHE, each day this thread amazes me with its humor!

ride_whenever

I resent flat bar ss bike being for muppets. My single speed cross country bike has riser bars on it and is damn fast if I have sensible gearing on it for the road, even with knobblies. To the extent I've only been overtaken by one roadie, and only failed to scalp one, both were shaven legged lycra boys.

I always play like bassjunkie, except I don't limit it to bikes, any moving object must be overtaken if at all posssible.

Greg T

ride_whenever wrote:

I resent flat bar ss bike being for muppets.

I hate to tell you but them's flat bars

Greg T

ride_whenever wrote:

My single speed cross country bike has riser bars on it

Is this you?



Come on grumpy give me a smiley

lost_in_thought

I can't see a lot of the images people are posting at the minute...

Feltup

I always play like bassjunkie, except I don't limit it to bikes, any moving object must be overtaken if at all posssible.

This was nearly my undoing the other day.

To set the scene:- My morning commute puts me on a dual carriageway which heads downhill to a large roundabout. Most mornings the last 1/3 miles are backed up and I can blast down the middle before tucking in a few cars back from the roundabout. Blast round the roundabout and on to the next stage of the dual C.

Well the morning in question found me once again approaching the roundabout in between the lines of traffic and looking for my slot in the left lane to take into the roundabout. Ahhh eureka! a truck to tuck in behind and give me a bit of a tow back up to speed. I slot in behind and on left corner to make me visible to the cars entering from the left. The truck starts to accelerate. I drop down the gears getting my sprint on.

We enter the DC again and I am still there behind it. A brief glance at the computer and we are doing 38mph. And then it happens, we are still accelerating and I am just about keeping up when he indicates and starts pulling out into the outside lane.

ERRRRRRRRRRRRR my brain makes this noise when it realises it is potentially about to do a stupid thing. I sit there in the outside lane at 40mph and think do I keep going and Scalp whatever it is my truck is overtaking or bacck off and tuck abck in? MMMMMMM scalping could be fun says the fella on my left shoulder, YOU'RE GOING TO DIE says the one on my right. Good point thinks I and I pull out of the slip stream.

I kept the hammer down trying to jump up to the slip stream of the truck ahead but after 20seconds of slightly uphill sprinting with no slip stream I am done and I ease off. Scalping a truck will have to wait for another day.

DonDaddyD

The bars have been dropped and adjusted!!!

People already think I'm crazy at work, what with my cycling, helmet and wrap arounds...

ride_whenever wrote:

I resent flat bar ss bike being for muppets. My single speed cross country bike has riser bars on it and is damn fast if I have sensible gearing on it for the road, even with knobblies. To the extent I've only been overtaken by one roadie, and only failed to scalp one, both were shaven legged lycra boys.

I always play like bassjunkie, except I don't limit it to bikes, any moving object must be overtaken if at all posssible.

Your cross country ss is built for purpose though and not the same as the flat bar SS Londonites that I'm refering to.

DonDaddyD

Greg T wrote:

ride_whenever wrote:

My single speed cross country bike has riser bars on it

Is this you?



Come on grumpy give me a smiley

Oh my god that mad me laugh so much I actually needed to go to the toilet..... :shock:

il_principe

Greg T wrote:

ride_whenever wrote:

My single speed cross country bike has riser bars on it

Is this you?

Oiii, Kermit you Muppet, check ya chain tension

cjcp

Any opportunity to branch off into a SS discussion. Deviants.

Anyhoo, sky's blue (for the moment), road's dry (ditto), lookin' nice.

Where are you Wrath Rob or are hiding in a cupboard clutching your teddy? :twisted:

greg66_tri_v2.0

cjcp wrote:

Any opportunity to branch off into a SS discussion. Deviants.

Anyhoo, sky's blue (for the moment), road's dry (ditto), lookin' nice.

Where are you Wrath Rob or are hiding in a cupboard clutching your teddy? :twisted:

Isn't now when he takes his afternoon nap :twisted: ?

il_principe

Greg66 wrote:

cjcp wrote:

Any opportunity to branch off into a SS discussion. Deviants.

Anyhoo, sky's blue (for the moment), road's dry (ditto), lookin' nice.

Where are you Wrath Rob or are hiding in a cupboard clutching your teddy? :twisted:

Isn't now when he takes his afternoon nap :twisted: ?

Assuming Mummy's even let him out to play today...

il_principe

We were talking about Midgets at friday drinks weren't we?

For those that remember, this is for you:

attica

Is he doing something unspeakable to that dog?

Feltup

Yes, he has put it in a pink sweater.

Bassjunkieuk

I think that's the spycam pic of when Mini-Me got hold of Mr Biggle's sister......

Wrath Rob

Greg66 wrote:

cjcp wrote:

Any opportunity to branch off into a SS discussion. Deviants.

Anyhoo, sky's blue (for the moment), road's dry (ditto), lookin' nice.

Where are you Wrath Rob or are hiding in a cupboard clutching your teddy? :twisted:

Isn't now when he takes his afternoon nap :twisted: ?

I'm here ladies, you need not fret.

Welcome to DD, its nice to have another good storyteller on board!

Today brought bad news. The front brake started making funny noises yesterday, it sounded like there was a loose spoke that was occasionally banging off of the frame. I even stopped and had a look but all the spokes were tight, the cables were solid and the wheel was still true(ish). I got home but couldn't find any problems but played around with the brakes a little but the ride in this morning, while uneventful, was just as bad.

I took it to CycleSurgery (who serviced it recently) and the news was not good. 2 loose nuts (one of the front brake block!) were remedied but the diagnosis was a front hub on its way out Its only done 2.5k miles! I'll keep riding it but unfortunately my stealth cloaking has now gone

CJCP, what does your bag look like? Is it a over shoulder black number with 5 green stripes of varying size and hue? If so I might have seen you pulling away from Vauxhal at around 8.25 this morning. Unfortunately the flotsam prevented me from making a good getaway and my concern for my steed prevented a proper chase

Oh, and thanks for the tips on the tyre pressures, I think I'll have to check mine before I leave, just in case. No, wait, I've just talked myself out of an excuse! Rollox.

DiggingDeeper

Dear All,

Thankyou for you kind welcome and informed comment. I take the point about anything less than a full on roadie is to be hammered.

This mornings near heartattack by manic underdressed buildier on mtb should have wakened me up. The return trip of my inaugural day will amuse (I hope) the longer term contibutors to this forum with all your accumulated wisdom.

Got embroiled in a 3 way (or so I thought...don't jump to conclusions just yet a while) through Holloway all the way to Tottenham (3..5 miles or so). Hero on a Dahon with more gears than Optimus Prime was giving it large (pretty fast and he could keep it up, so to speak). However getting past him was easy enough but then some hairy roadie really ramped it up going into Tottenham. So 31 mph down the incline into Seven Sisters, beat that chummy....(safety concerns limit the speed on this slight incline).....The pair of them left me too it and shuffled past me shortly at the lights at the Woodberry Down pub at the base of the hill. Game's mine boys you admit defeat by you miserable line encroahing nonsense. My first points. Yessssssss. Traffic into 7 sisters made any meaningful racing null and void (I wouldn't bs you, honest)

Eldery gent who appears from nowhere on equally eldery tourer says, "You in a race" (must have been drafting the other 2 second raters.)

Think Xmas, think Great Escape, think Gordon Jackson at the railway station respond in broad Scottish to the German officer wishing him a good journey.

That'll be me then.

Can't exactly remember my words but suffice to say I admitted it.

Rule X : No racing in race club (badly paraphrased but you know what I mean)

All points deducted for admission of guilt (please confirm whether or not a cherry on his first ride gets some slack)

The old boy wasn't quick but he knew what he was doing!!

This is going to be harder than I thought

Wretchedly yours DiggingDeeper (or have I reached the bottom and need to stop)

lost_in_thought

jashburnham wrote:

We were talking about Midgets at friday drinks weren't we?

For those that remember, this is for you:

*giggle*



What did you google to find that??

Bassjunkieuk

DD, you have now encountered what us seasoned players have come to fear - the old man.
He might look frail and be riding something made of scaffolding held together with cement but bl00dy hell can he shift :-)
Many years of grinding along on a bike that makes a Bentley look like Kate Moss means his legs are strong enough to push the Earth backwards beneath his wheels.

He was canny to remark that "Your in a race", a witty remark along the lines of "No, I'm just this awesome all the time" would have been nice but as with most quips it's not until 15 minutes afterwards you come up with the perfect comeback!

My commute home was positively devoid of other cyclists, my only bit of action being a guy on a hybrid as I was heading towards Mitcham Common. He had all the gear, SPD's, lycra, high vis etc so I assumed he might be a bit of a "proper" cyclist but having tucked in behind him due to following traffic and not going over 15mph I figured out I might have mis-judged him. Needless to say as soon as we both turned the same direction at the mini roundabout I used the lack of following traffic to pull round and up the ante to 22. The lights at the end of the short stretch of road went amber as I passed them, leaving him to wait on the red!

Whilst I'm on I'd also like to think the inconsiderate SOD in the blue van by Morden station. Despite me turning the corner ahead of him he still saw fit to race ahead of me and then cut the next corner so close I had to brake and drop back for fear of being squashed between his blue box and the kerb, what an utter *unt! Having said this I worked off the adrenaline and anger quite nicely over the next mile of so, surprising myself at the rate at which I filtered down the 2 lanes of traffic towards the roundabout ahead!

cjcp

This evening was a bit of a let down after an exciting build up.

Felt good after a tootle up to Parlt Sq lights. Two roadies and an SSer and Various Extras. Significantly, however, one of the roadies was He With The Sprocket Tatoos on His Calf. On closer inspection, they are not tatoos; they were wood carvings. With the SS looking twitchy, and the other roadie there, "Right", I thought, "it's showtime, folks".

Lights go green, and Sprocket Man is gone. The SSer is after him, and the Various Extras are giving it their all, but after last night's incident between the other bike and the taxi, I'm a bit reluctant to give chase with all the traffic. The other roadie goes past, just before the roundabout, and then we're off into Millbank. Sprocket Man is giving it some stick, while the SSer is spinning like a cartoon character and unashamedly drafting Sprocket Man. I go past the roadie - on the tops - and I'm catching Sprocket Man (and therefore the drafting SSer), but the pace is hot, so someone's gonna feel the pain if this Non-Race 'N' Chase keeps up along Embankment. The lights at V Bridge Road are red so we all ease down, but they go green before we can stop, so no chance for a breather.

(Note: Jash - saw you turn right into Pimlico, mate. So close ).

We're quickly into the approach to Death Star Canyon: Sprocket Man isn't letting up, SSer is pedalling furiously to keep that rear wheel, then me about 15 yards back, with the roadie a good way behind me.

Then, disaster strikes! My chain falls off! And I have to freewheel for a good distance before pulling into the layby just before the lights at Claverton Street. Roadie goes by as I pull up. By the time I put it back on, they're gone and, crucially, I miss the green lights at Chelsea Bridge and that's that. The hammer goes down for the rest of the way home, but not a trace.

I don't think I could have gone by Sprocket Man without immense pain being etched over my face, and definitely not if he had notched it up, but would have been good fun trying.

Wrath Rob

Hmm. I had a CJCP/MTB moment on the way home, though it didn't last and the ending is not the shame fest that CJCP has brought upon us. Pulling away from Vauxhal I was led off of the lights by a skinny guy on a a slicked MTB in a poor state of repair. He was going for it though and we're soon pulling 24 on the flat, which is pretty impressive. I have to admit I was a little worried as I normally do 22-23 so here was a true challenge and I hadn't even got in front yet. Remembering CJCP's humbling and thinking of the pain it caused him to hand over those scalps, I run a quick systems check (Pain Generators at 60% and rising, cardiac arrest simulator charging nicely) and plan my attack.

Then I see it! The chink in his armour I can exploit! He's already hit top gear and so is at his top speed. Ha! You are mine now! Unfortunately I temporarily run out of road as we get to Battersea bridge. We both filter to the front but he then reveals himself to be the semi-spawn of Satan and 1/2 jumps the red light. I sneer to myself (can you do that? I thought you had to sneer at someone external to you), this sucker is going down (CJCP, I hope you're taking notes at this point).

With his head-start and the irritating flotsam that tries to get in my way he has a good 75m on me down the hill. I ignore the pain generators, ask my cardiac arrest simulator if it can reschedule for 5 minutes time and fire myself down the hill (well, slight incline). A fast hybrid is chasing my quarry but I blow past him muttering "stay back, he's mine" under my breath. However, my quarry's legs are a blur, proving that he had maxxed out, but my speed is no match and I fly past, superiority restored.

The story goes well so far but there is a darker side to the tale. My pain generators are lighting up the spotlights shining onto my oxygen debt and the cardiac arrest simulator has decided that it can fit me into its schedule in 30 seconds time. My speed starts to fall. My mind races, I know that the quarry can hold 24 on the flat without the scent of a scalp in his nostrils, what can he do with the target I've painted large on my back in his sights? I don't dare look around but bottom out at 26, the road is clear but I'm praying that its enough to retain the lead for long enough to mark my scalp as retained.

Lights catch my eye, focusing my attention on the fast approaching traffic queue and salvation. I start to back off, but just as I do I hear a sound that sends a chill down my seat post, the rusty creak of a poorly maintained chain! My quarry did indeed give chase and my lead was shorter than I'd hoped. The traffic moved on and I continued up over the Albert Bridge rise and onwards. The rusty chain had fallen silent, leaving only an echo in my soul. Had he gone? Could I relax?

Suddenly, a bike flashed along the shared pavement/path to my left. He was back and he was moving fast. He now had the advantage too as the path was clear. I was delayed by a bus and he had a clear run to the lights. We arrive almost together, him nosing in front as we freewheel to the junction, just as the lights change. We both gun it down the incline but the traffic prevents him from getting up to speed and me from passing him. At Lotts road we separate, battle unresolved.

I think he was a sleeper, cruising for easy scalps. Who else can hold 24 on the flat on, to be frank, a shitter of a MTB? The RLJing hands me the moral victory and the suspicion of a player in discuise lends to my case, but if a victory it is, its hollow, false. Like Lambrini in my mouth I just want to remove its contaminating filth from my body and replace it with something to fill my senses(a very nice 2007 Australian Shiraz, Kelly Country as it happens), victory is called for. I chase down a scooter that irked me on the run to Wandsworth Bridge and held him off for a mile. A fixie on Col de Wandsworth Bridge is dispatched with disdain, a roadie with no rucksack is shot down in flames, all are above me in the chain but my mind does not care. Next time I find my quarry I'll hold 26 until I'm sick. Next time there will be no doubt in either of our minds. Next time.

Bassjunkieuk

Wrath Rob wrote:

I think he was a sleeper, cruising for easy scalps.

ITB you've been rumbled :-)

itboffin

Bassjunkieuk wrote:

DDD, drop the bars! As we discussed on the way to the FW I just found it didn't seem right with em so high and it only lasted about 30 seconds before I doubled back on myself and lowered em after my first ride on it back in December!

As for leaving bits at work that should be a no brainer! If you a) don't need it at home and b) it doesn't need a wash before you wear it the following day, leave it there! Unless of course you have very nice clothing that is likely to be removed by the less then honest cleaners :-)

DD (this is gonna get tricky now with shortened names!) - As has already been said flat bars so make it a hybrid, I do believe ITB had one of those f**king fast hybrids however I don't think he was running 25C tyres - ITB feel free to correct me if needed!

The easiest way to play the game is to see ANY cyclist ahead of you as a target, hunt them down and then decide if it's a scalp as you fly past - as DDD said part of the game is in knowing that you are the fastest cyclist on your route!

Did someone mention my name, grrrr! - Now "ladies" LiT's not included MTFU oh my god WTF is wrong with you all., oh I have man flu!, oh my shoes are the wrong colour!, oh! his MTB was soooo fast! you pussy! yes I said pussy....!!! you have forced me out of retirement ala LA to come and kick your pussy "girly "{arses} back into shape... WTF people the nation is depending on you, how very dare you...!

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.'"

I will be there on Monday, be very afraid...!!!! - real scalps will be had, do not make me happy shopper your ar$e.

itboffin

Bassjunkieuk wrote:

Wrath Rob wrote:

I think he was a sleeper, cruising for easy scalps.

ITB you've been rumbled :-)

I will eat YOUR babies - I'm sooooo back baby, fear me..........!

attica

I had an absolute bu99er of a day at work today, should've left at about 5, but by 5.30 I realised that - not only was I going to miss swimming practice again tonight, but that I was seriously thirsty.
It'd been one of those days where my arse had barely touched my seat. (all thanks to some pillock in Birmingham thinking that our e-mail would be much better off in Brick Lane on a server that seems like it was built by the work experience boy rather than on our perfectly serviceable e-mail server in Bristol)

Anyhoo, I digress.

I needed hydration, fast. I necked two cups of coffee in fairly short order, well I say coffee it's part rocket fuel part tar, disgusting stuff from a machine that I rarely touch but having skipped lunch I needed all the stimulatnts I could take. I headed out of the office at twenty past six and into the dusk.

Kept my scalp clean heading out of the city and decided that I didn't want the game to play me so headed for the quieter back lanes across the moors (so called because they're as flat as a pancake, gotta love that Somerset logic!)

I eased up and started to really enjoy the ride, it was warm and still with not a cloud in the sky, a sky which was almost black behind me fading to palest blue in front with a big oily smudge signifying the place where the sun had just set.

I was buzzed by several bats and was generally winding down. The lane headed down a tunnel of trees and got seriously dark, I slowed further still owing to the limitations of my crappy Cat Eye.
A set of lights from behind took ages to catch me, I didn't notice until it was altogether too late as I was so absorbed in the surrounding countryside. The lights in question didn't belong to anything fossil powered, no, the vehicle that passed me was a Bianchi with what appeared to be a small sun attached to the handlebars.

To be fair this guy caught me fair and square and was travelling at a reasonable pace, I couldn't resist the challenge though and seized the gauntlet before it hit the ground. especially as, with this new astronomical phenomenon heading up the road in front of me, I could now see where I was going.

I spooled up, drew level and said "good evening", something Bianchi man had failed to do. A car almost immediately appeared behind and I dropped back behind to let it past.
Bianchi man put his cards on the table and lay down his best awesome as I did that.

Unperturbed I kept pace, thinking "I see, I see - don't like people drafting you eh? Especially if it means you can't claim the scalp"

I pulled out and drew level with him again, not wanting to draft him any longer than was necessary especially seeing as his awesome was well within my capabilities and he obviously wanted to drop me, bring it on!

I nonchalantly asked him who made the star on his bars - surely this was from the planetary workshops of Magrathea, his reply was something like Frobisher, not sure if I've got that right, but what was even more amusing to me was the - visible even in the darkness - grimace as he began replying. I think he realised he wasn't going to be eating any scalp pie tonight.

Within moments he turned off into his drive, I cruised on, scalp intact (at least I feel it's intact as he never came near to dropping me despite the easy catch), wishing he lived further on so I could've dropped him good and proper, realising that no matter how much you might resist, The Game plays you and you have no choice. Oh and if I want to play The Game on unlit country lanes this winter, I'll need to pop down to Slartibartfast's Nova Emporium and get me some illumination.

cjcp

cjcp wrote:

I don't think I could have gone by Sprocket Man without immense pain being etched over my face, and definitely not if he had notched it up, but would have been good fun trying.

I've got it, I'm brilliant.

From now on, I shall him Stevenson's Sprocket or The Sprocket Man.

Thank you, thank you very much.





I'll get my coat.

knight2k

I took my first sip from the Scalp Challis last night, and “oh my” it was sweet.

I left the office around 6pm and elected to take the longer route home. Leaving Chesham and heading up the vale towards Chorlesbury I spy a target around 100m ahead. He’s on a fast hybrid, plain clothes, no bag. I’m on the tourer, plain clothes and a pannier – I figure we’re both FCN 8. The hammer goes down and the cadence goes up. Lately I’ve been riding the bike as a single speed as I prepare to enter the world of fixed commuting, however tonight that’s out the window as I drop down a few cogs at the back, wind up the speed and start reeling him in.

We’re into the countryside by now, so I know there’s nowhere for him to turn off or hide. I go down to the drops and light the after burners. Coming up to his back wheel I glance down at the speedo – I’ve hit 46 kmh. I move out for the catch, nonchalantly moving up to the hoods as I freewheel by him with a cheery “Good Evening”.

Thaaaannnnnk you!

I keep the speed up for the next couple of miles until he’s merely a dot on the horizon weeping into his butterfly bars. I celebrate my virgin victory with a couple of cheeky London Prides in my local before I get home.

No more commuting for me now until next Tuesday. I’m in the car today so I can drop the back wheel for my fixie project in the LBS for conversion and I’m filming tomorrow and Monday as an extra for Midsomer Murders – I hope I make it back alive.

Best regards to all from the newest player of THE GAME.

Greg T

Attica wrote:

but what was even more amusing to me was the - visible even in the darkness - grimace as he began replying. I think he realised he wasn't going to be eating any scalp pie tonight.

This is a wonderful thing.

I was just coming by the MOD last night and thinking about spooling down when I feel a presence over my right shoulder...

I decide not to ease off the go pistons just yet and see what transpires.

Dude on a fast hybrid, my nemesis inches along side, he's giving it beans and wants me bad.

We are now 200M short of the lights with a gentle incline running up to them. I maintain my cadence and take a sanguine view as we are now in the "no win" zone - I maintain my speed as Hybro guy is starting to strain and his progress has stopped at dead level - he's now in danger of going backwards - the ultimate gamer humilition.

I maintain my speed and punish him - you had a shot sweetheart and it just might have paid off but let's face it you got rumbled and got fed your arse through a pain pipe.

He sits static on my right shoulder running into the lights, I heard him dying inside, it sounded like the squak a ballon makes when you rub it on carpet.

He RLJed the lights and was gone.

He must have a had a fair turn of speed and RLJ seriously as I didn't see him again until the far side of the Col De Putney Bridge - at the lights.

I waited until the Dukes Head and reamed him ragged.

Now wasn't this morning glorious - a bit ambush chilly to start with but once warmed up absolutely fabulous. I found myslef singing "let the sun shine in" on the embankment which makes a change from "Oh Fortuna!" complete with hand actions.

biondino

What is it with all you continentals measuring your speed in kph?