Silly commuting racing

ChrisLS

...the last mile and a half of my 10 mile commute is steep down and then steep up. By this stage of my ride I am easing off to cool down so that I don't arrive at work too sweaty...and then some local lad will come flashing past me on the down and I think, "okay matey boy I'll get you on the up," which I do(have been beaten a couple of times, but not often) and so by the time I have given it my all on the up I am a sweating chest heaving mess...and that's how I arrive at work...tomorrow I will hold back...and arrive cool and calm

...it's not a race I'm just riding to work...

Mod edit - Adding the rules of the racing for easy reference.

Silly Commuting Race - The Rules

The Game:
Dropping / Pulling anyone higher in the Food Chain Number makes you stronger and more attractive to burds*. Getting dropped / trying to keep up with anyone lower means your soul hires a kudos remover to lower your self worth. If you scalp someone you have to maintain or extend your lead for such a time as to have the dude you passed admit to themself "I was done". Nipping by, then running into a side road / hiding in traffic won't wash, Be honest with yourself. *Not strictly true

Rules:
1/ No Dangerous Manoeuvres (Don’t be a danger to any other road users or yourself) Falling off causes pain to you and others around you, don’t do it! (oh and you loose yer points)
2/ Don’t ride like a c0ck, we’re all just trying to get somewhere!
3/ No passing at Lights/Junction/Crossings, if you do, it doesn’t count
4/ All passing on open road ONLY. Filtering in traffic is null and void (you know whether you’ve dropped someone fairly, and haven’t turned off straight afterwards)
5/ Pavement passes, either you or the target is void
6/ Show no pain, unless, like me your face is just like that

FOOD CHAIN NUMBERS:
1. Scooters
2. Roadies with shaved legs - like girls *
3. Proper rapid Single speed (real men, messengers, tarty shiny fixies) *
4. Roadies with hairy legs - like men *
5. Faux Single Speeds (fakengers, dirty/functional bikes, silly egg beater gear) *
6. Touring Bikes (Mud Guards) *
7. "Fast Hybrids" *
8. MTBs on Skinnies *
9. MTBs on Nobbies
10. Bromptons / collapsing bikes
11. MTB full sus on Nobbies
12. Shoppers
13. Shoppers wicker baskets
14. Electric bikes
* Pedal Adjustment +1
• ONLY FCN 2-5 gain points for overtaking the same FCN and Higher Chainers
• Recumbents, Tandems and Segways are worth +2 points as a rare bonus
• Sinclair C5 +20 points as a hens teeth bonus

FCN Adjusters:

CLOTHING:
None:+3
Non-Cycling: +2
Baggies: +1
Lycra: 0
Team Kit: -1
TDF Jersey: -2

BAGGAGE:
Panniers: +1
Back Pack/Courier: 0
Nothing: -1

HEAD GEAR:
Face Mask +1
Helmets/Nothing/Sunglasses: 0
Bike Caps / Wrap arounds: -1

ACCESSORIES:
Herman's Safety Wing" (orange plastic lolly-pop): +2
Trailer:+2
Beard: +1
Child seat (each): +1
Power meter: -1
Aerobars: -1
Coloured tyres -1

PEDALS (If you can identify) FCN2-8 see note above:
Flats: +1
Toe Clips: 0
Evidently Clipless/spds (cycling shoes): -1

If it sounds complex Fury21 has come up with a FCN Calculator ...If you get confused on the road, think of it this way if you drop anyone who looks faster that you +1. If you get dropped by anyone that looks slower than you -1..Couldn't be simpler! You'll also get to work, or get home faster...Or your subscription money back...Ps it's free to join and take part, but negative totals should make cheques on your soul out to: Greg T c/o Bike Radar

Further Updates on the Facebook Group

will3

ChrisLS wrote:

...the last mile and a half of my 10 mile commute is steep down and then steep up. By this stage of my ride I am easing off to cool down so that I don't arrive at work too sweaty...and then some local lad will come flashing past me on the down and I think, "okay matey boy I'll get you on the up," which I do(have been beaten a couple of times, but not often) and so by the time I have given it my all on the up I am a sweating chest heaving mess...and that's how I arrive at work...tomorrow I will hold back...and arrive cool and calm

...it's not a race I'm just riding to work...

you admit to it? :shock:

krushgroove

Shouldn't we all?

There's a couple of regular roadies I see on my commute - I try to keep up with them without killing myself but they're just too fit for me to catch them...so I just say 'morning!' and let them speed off without me...

dav1

had a guy do this to me for 1.5 miles of my commute once. We were overtakling each other upto the lights where i turn off for work.

Was quite a laugh, never saw him again after that. I usually dont get overtaken on my route so it made things a bit different.

Greg T

Guys!

This has been discussed elsewhere - the first rule of Secret Commute Bike Race Club is that you don't talk about it! Well OK then.

This is the food chain......

Scooters
Single speed fixed hub
Single Speed
Roadies
Roadies with hairy legs
"Fast Hybrids"
MTBs on Skinnies
MTBs on Nobbies
Bromptons / collapsing bikes
MTB full sus on Nobbies
Shoppers
Shoppers wicker baskets
Electric bikes

Dropping / Pulling anyone higher in the food chain makes you stronger and more attractive to burds. Getting dropped / trying to keep up with anyone lower means your soul hires a kudos remover to lower your self worth.

This is the way it is brothers.

Don't try and deny it.

will3

Greg T wrote:

Guys!

This has been discussed elsewhere - the first rule of Secret Commute Bike Race Club is that you don't talk about it! Well OK then.

This is the food chain......

Scooters
Single speed fixed hub
Single Speed
Roadies
Roadies with hairy legs
"Fast Hybrids"
MTBs on Skinnies
MTBs on Nobbies
Bromptons / collapsing bikes
MTB full sus on Nobbies
Shoppers
Shoppers wicker baskets
Electric bikes

Dropping / Pulling anyone higher in the food chain makes you stronger and more attractive to burds. Getting dropped / trying to keep up with anyone lower means your soul hires a kudos remover to lower your self worth.

This is the way it is brothers.

Don't try and deny it.

but the key is that you should show no outward signs of putting any effort in. This is the same as admitting you're racing.

Greg T

will3 wrote:

but the key is that you should show no outward signs of putting any effort in. This is the same as admitting you're racing.

This is true.

No outward sign should be given that you are hanging out and juiced.

At the next lights a small mothfull of water is allowed but the shoulders must be flat level and not heaving. I think I've done this so often that I can now breathe through my skin.

Must not show weakness control breath ing

steve_pushbiker

A few years ago, my commute would coincide quite often with a guy setting off for an early morning spin. He had a pretty decent road bike and lycra etc. but was no Mark Cavendish. I used to overtake him on my tourer with panniers quite full and he hated it. He would sometimes overtake me too and I thought that he enjoyed the duelling. Until one day he saw me and turned off early... I felt really bad about ruining his early morning rides.

Surf-Matt

I very occasionally come across hybrids and road bikes on my (very hilly) ten miler each morning.

They almost always leave me for dead on the flat sections but cannot keep up on the hills (not low enough gears!)

I always try and look nonchalant then let my lungs explode once they are out of sight...

Greg T

steve_pushbiker wrote:

with panniers.

How did I omit panniers...?

Anything with panniers is immediately downshifted one bike class.....

A Roadie with hairy legs and panniers is in the relegation zone and in danger of being predated by - shudder - hybrids

We need a judgement on baggy shorts.......

2wheelzgood

that pecking order is great but it should be easier for ss and fixed to gain points! we have it hard!

having said that, the few times I've met commuters on the way, I have passed them apart from a roadie and all those scoundrels who just jump reds and have no respect for THE LIST

coming back home uphill there's this old man on an old bike of an unremarkable type or make.. he has a bent dustbin for a rear mudguard and a flatcap I think.. It's bad if I don't pass him even if I'm way back when I spot him.

I try not to smell sweaty when going past to show how hard it was catching up!

Surf-Matt

Scooters at the top?!

They can't even pedal!

Greg T

Surf-Matt wrote:

Scooters at the top?!

They can't even pedal!

But the holy grail of the bike commute is dropping a guy on a scooter - nothing better than bursting through the two stroke buzz saw barrier into the clean air beyond. DO NOT let on that it's hurting.

As for singlies getting an easier deal - forget it - if you want an easier life get some gears and smile a bit. If you don't need gears then don't have them - just don't expect me not to kill myself to get in front / stay away from you.

Right that's it I'm off - last one to the end of the Chelsea embankment's a Shopper.

GT

ris

can't say i'm too unhappy that folders are so far down the chain, that litle airnimal of mine doesn't half help in collecting points from the mtb and hybrid camp!

jethro924

So where does my slicked up, fixed mtb with drop bars riden by a roadie with hairy legs and pannier fit in? :?

DLemon

I'm confused. I have single speed with hairy legs, and where do milk floats fit into the food chain?

Greg T

jethro924 wrote:

So where does my slicked up, fixed mtb with drop bars riden by a roadie with hairy legs and pannier fit in? :?

Hmmmmm

I've consulted the manual....

An omission - now corrected is touring Bikes (Roadies with mud gaurds - don't start on me I don't make the rules...)

You'd start at 8 - MTB on slicks -

Up one for drop bars - ahem - 7

Hairy legs - we'll let that pass....

Panniers down one - 8

You are dead flat.....

1. Scooters
2. Single speed fixed hub
3. Single Speed
4. Roadies with shaved legs - like girls
5. Roadies with hairy legs - like men
6. Touring Bikes (Mud Guards)
7. "Fast Hybrids"
8. MTBs on Skinnies
9. MTBs on Nobbies
10. Bromptons / collapsing bikes
11. MTB full sus on Nobbies
12. Shoppers
13. Shoppers wicker baskets
14. Electric bikes

Now I played the game tonight and have to say I spanked myself home ragged and put in a big effort - keeping "score" is proper hard work. I think it's my new training aid as I'm terrified of some kid on a MTB and baggy shorts having me cold on a flat stretch....

Dropped three hairy roadies but as I'm a very hairy roadie that leaves me flat - dropped by a midget hairy roadie whose little legs were going like the clappers - again same class no drama.

Got dropped my a roadie two miles from home - how glad was I to see his girly smooth shaved legs - that doesn't sound quite right does it.....

Have a bash on the way home - stay away from "lesser bikes" and try and chase down the next number up I promise you you will be ragging yourself stupid....

jethro924

I demand a re-count, surely I should start from fixed, not MTB on slicks?

jethro924

If I have enough points I hope to fit a "Herman's Safety Wing" (orange plastic shaped lolly-pop with reflector). Just so long as I stay ahead of MTB on Knobblies!

http://www.sjscycles.co.uk/product-0-He ... r-7523.htm :shock:

2wheelzgood

are we going to start seeing cyclists with little paper lists on the bars, totting up points! nuts.

I'm not playing, I have to beat those hardcore fixed or a flaming motorised bike on my Frankenstein singlespeed.. surely I get dropped one for a flat bar (shh no extensions mentioned). I'm not running a huge gear.. in London I may be able to ride a gear that tops over 25mph comfortably but here there be hills!

I'm claiming "fast Hybrid" cos that's what it used to be before I removed the fast gears!

garryac

Its all utter madness... although I really do enjoy burning past people when I'm riding my 26 inch folder with a panniers and a bar bag...its a good ploy to sit up just after you get past and make show of pulling your shirt down with both hands and stretch your back...keep pedling though....

Greg T

jethro924 wrote:

I demand a re-count, surely I should start from fixed, not MTB on slicks?

Ah! I now see the fixed bit - presumed this meant no suspension as no-one in the right minds would fide a fixed gear MTB....

By all that is holy man what are riding?

Now I'm all for individualism - actually that's not true - I worry that my black bike socks are a) Black and b) just a cm longer than everyone elses. Actually having thought about it I hate individualism and a fixed gear slicked up MTB with drop bars and panniers is the work of Satan.

In fact a crime against God of this order couldn't go unpunished and I refuse to beleive that the componentry / frame combination can exist in the same space. I don't beleive your "wrong un".

2wheelzgood wrote:

I'm not playing, I have to beat those hardcore fixed or a flaming motorised bike on my Frankenstein singlespeed.. surely I get dropped one for a flat bar (shh no extensions mentioned). I'm not running a huge gear.. in London I may be able to ride a gear that tops over 25mph comfortably but here there be hills!

I'm claiming "fast Hybrid" cos that's what it used to be before I removed the fast gears!

It doesn't matter if you are playing or not - someone's got your back wheel in their sites has counted the cogs and is booking your scalp in for a big win......

Having played the game on the way in this morning I have to say that it's a killer. There are no penalties for getting dropped by bikes in your own class you don't want to take the risk that the as the road bike eases by you the dude pushing the pedals isn't wearing a pair of jeans and listening to an i-pod..... (-1 for each trangression) The Herman bike lollipop thing may be the first -2 penalty.

I'm considering dropping a class by getting baggy shorts... or is this gamesmanship?

Greg T

garryac wrote:

Its all utter madness... although I really do enjoy burning past people when I'm riding my 26 inch folder with a panniers and a bar bag...its a good ploy to sit up just after you get past and make show of pulling your shirt down with both hands and stretch your back...keep pedling though....

Hmmm.....

Folding bikes are hard to place as (in my experience) the pilots have a wider range of ability than other bike classes....

However unless convinced I'm not supporting a promotion as Folders sit just below MTBs on nobbies and those guys can feel a bit of heat.

I do approve of the Pulling the shirt down thing, only one point below going by some one no handed (-15 points for stacking you bike as you are no-handed passing someone)

garryac

so do I loose a place or gain one for slicks on the folder?...and how about attire...proper cycle shirt..or like today baggy old grey tee shirt

will3

garryac wrote:

so do I loose a place or gain one for slicks on the folder?...and how about attire...proper cycle shirt..or like today baggy old grey tee shirt

oh there's deffinitely a heirachy of clothing:

full lycra/helmet/wraparound
messenger outfit
fakenger outfit
cyling shorts and teeshirt
jeans/tshirt
tweed suit
pinstriped suit


or something like that.
Doubtless with a girlie equivalent.

2wheelzgood

what's fakenger?

I have mtb baggies, a roadie top and clipless..you canot pigeon hole us!

Greg T

will3 wrote:

full lycra/helmet/wraparound
messenger outfit
fakenger outfit
cyling shorts and teeshirt
jeans/tshirt
tweed suit
pinstriped suit

You forgot the bike hat rather than a helmet, lycra, little bike cap and shades - very pro look.

Dropping someone wearing a little bike cap is bonus - can't wait to do it - ahem...

2wheelzgood

however on a negative slant.. any street cleaning vehicles are a -10 if they pass you.. no excuses about wanting the cleaned, glass free road behind it

will3

Don't forget that all these categories are purely indications of how seriously you take it. If you are taking it seriously enough to be deliberately riding in a lower category purely to gain points, then you get automatically downgraded...............

jonginge

Greg T wrote:

You forgot the bike hat rather than a helmet, lycra, little bike cap and shades - very pro look.

That was me this morning. Not sure the pro tag fits for me, though. The cap keeps my fair-skinned forehead from burning

woodford2barbican

2wheelzgood wrote:

what's fakenger?

http://www.movingtargetzine.com/article/fakenger