The Directory of Complete Tools

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  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    oxoman said:

    Mike Hunt
    Actually asked a young innocent reception to call over the factory tannoy for him several times until someone pointed out what she'd said on her last call was very rude. I quote. Mike hunt has anybody seen Mike hunt. She never forgave me even when I took her out on a few dates.

    Getting her to ask for 'Hugh Jarse' or 'Phil McCraken' might have been marginally kinder.

    Or try this one at the airport:
    https://youtube.com/watch?v=44zQRs-taOo
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    edited August 2020
    shortfall said:

    People who call their bike "my ride/whip/steed" and refer to their bike collection as "the stable".

    I'll add to that anyone who uses the word 'chapeau' (unless they are French and are talking about hats).
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • shortfall
    shortfall Posts: 3,288
    Stevo_666 said:

    shortfall said:

    People who call their bike "my ride/whip/steed" and refer to their bike collection as "the stable".

    I'll add to that anyone who uses the word 'chapeau' (unless they are French and are talking about hats).
    I think catchphrases in general. It used to be "Boom!" Or using "so" in front of everything.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    shortfall said:



    catchphrases

    Here's the only one that amuses me...

    https://youtu.be/GJQdEY82zs0
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • First.Aspect
    First.Aspect Posts: 17,379
    Stevo_666 said:

    oxoman said:

    Mike Hunt
    Actually asked a young innocent reception to call over the factory tannoy for him several times until someone pointed out what she'd said on her last call was very rude. I quote. Mike hunt has anybody seen Mike hunt. She never forgave me even when I took her out on a few dates.

    Getting her to ask for 'Hugh Jarse' or 'Phil McCraken' might have been marginally kinder.

    Or try this one at the airport:
    https://youtube.com/watch?v=44zQRs-taOo
    Someone told me about a poor guy on Linkedin called Randy Bumgardner. I did a search and the "people also searched for" hits nearly sent me to hospital laughing.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 28,227
    First.Aspect said:

    Stevo_666 said:

    oxoman said:

    Mike Hunt
    Actually asked a young innocent reception to call over the factory tannoy for him several times until someone pointed out what she'd said on her last call was very rude. I quote. Mike hunt has anybody seen Mike hunt. She never forgave me even when I took her out on a few dates.

    Getting her to ask for 'Hugh Jarse' or 'Phil McCraken' might have been marginally kinder.

    Or try this one at the airport:
    https://youtube.com/watch?v=44zQRs-taOo
    Someone told me about a poor guy on Linkedin called Randy Bumgardner. I did a search and the "people also searched for" hits nearly sent me to hospital laughing.
    Wasn't he a high ranking US diplomat?
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    First.Aspect said:

    Stevo_666 said:

    oxoman said:

    Mike Hunt
    Actually asked a young innocent reception to call over the factory tannoy for him several times until someone pointed out what she'd said on her last call was very rude. I quote. Mike hunt has anybody seen Mike hunt. She never forgave me even when I took her out on a few dates.

    Getting her to ask for 'Hugh Jarse' or 'Phil McCraken' might have been marginally kinder.

    Or try this one at the airport:
    https://youtube.com/watch?v=44zQRs-taOo
    Someone told me about a poor guy on Linkedin called Randy Bumgardner. I did a search and the "people also searched for" hits nearly sent me to hospital laughing.
    :D

    Looks like he lived up to his name as well
    https://cpr.org/2018/12/18/sen-randy-baumgardner-center-of-several-sexual-harassment-allegations-resigns/
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • Pross
    Pross Posts: 43,593
    Stevo_666 said:

    oxoman said:

    Mike Hunt
    Actually asked a young innocent reception to call over the factory tannoy for him several times until someone pointed out what she'd said on her last call was very rude. I quote. Mike hunt has anybody seen Mike hunt. She never forgave me even when I took her out on a few dates.

    Getting her to ask for 'Hugh Jarse' or 'Phil McCraken' might have been marginally kinder.

    Or try this one at the airport:
    https://youtube.com/watch?v=44zQRs-taOo
    I remember Chris Morris doing some of those on Blue Jam in the late 90s.
  • darkhairedlord
    darkhairedlord Posts: 7,180
    D1ck Trickle, NASCAR driver.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 28,227
    Albert Pujols, baseball player
  • darkhairedlord
    darkhairedlord Posts: 7,180
    an SDS drill.
  • darkhairedlord
    darkhairedlord Posts: 7,180
    Every shed needs an axe (not a hatchet)
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 28,227
    kingstongraham said:

    Albert Pujols, baseball player

    I'm not saying Albert is a tool, by the way, just he has a funny name.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    thegreatdivide said:

    People who call their car ‘The Panzer’.

    Can we add people who suffer from car envy? ;)
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • orraloon
    orraloon Posts: 13,269
    ...and there's the bite...
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 75,660
    Not strictly a tool but the joe blow bike pump I bought 12 years ago still works like it’s brand new. 👌🏻
    _
  • First.Aspect
    First.Aspect Posts: 17,379
    Has anyone mentioned Paul McCartney yet?

    I know its along the same lines, but he really is a tool.
  • shortfall
    shortfall Posts: 3,288
    First.Aspect said:

    Has anyone mentioned Paul McCartney yet?

    I know its along the same lines, but he really is a tool.

    Yes amazing that a bloke who was one of the coolest men on the planet for a few years turned into such a c0ck.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    orraloon said:

    ...and there's the bite...

    Well since 'thegreatchiponshoulder' only comes out from under under his rock once in a while to make personal attacks, I thought I should tease him a bit :smile: Anyway, time I went for a blast in The Panzer, just for the fun of it B)
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    shortfall said:

    First.Aspect said:

    Has anyone mentioned Paul McCartney yet?

    I know its along the same lines, but he really is a tool.

    Yes amazing that a bloke who was one of the coolest men on the planet for a few years turned into such a c0ck.
    Although I did start to feel sorry for him after he married that woman with the false leg. She should definitely make the list.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • First.Aspect
    First.Aspect Posts: 17,379
    David Walliams.
  • shortfall
    shortfall Posts: 3,288
    Stevo_666 said:

    shortfall said:

    First.Aspect said:

    Has anyone mentioned Paul McCartney yet?

    I know its along the same lines, but he really is a tool.

    Yes amazing that a bloke who was one of the coolest men on the planet for a few years turned into such a c0ck.
    Although I did start to feel sorry for him after he married that woman with the false leg. She should definitely make the list.
    God yeah she's right up there. Hideous woman.
  • ballysmate
    ballysmate Posts: 15,996
    Linda was no catch either.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    oxoman said:

    Stevo you forgot Phil McCavity.

    And Ben Doon.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • ballysmate
    ballysmate Posts: 15,996
    Ahem, Ben Dover
  • shortfall
    shortfall Posts: 3,288
    ballysmate said:

    Linda was no catch either.

    No she wasn't a looker but she seemed like she was a really good wife and they appeared very happy together. Heather Mills on the other hand.........where to start? What a piece of work.
  • ballysmate
    ballysmate Posts: 15,996
    She turned him veggie.
  • orraloon
    orraloon Posts: 13,269
    Linda McCartney cycling team... went well...
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,808
    shortfall said:

    ballysmate said:

    Linda was no catch either.

    No she wasn't a looker but she seemed like she was a really good wife and they appeared very happy together. Heather Mills on the other hand.........where to start? What a piece of work.
    Apparently she was hopping mad when he said he wanted a divorce.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 28,227
    He's still Paul McCartney though. That counts for a lot in my view. Free pass.

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