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Warwick Davis. An Umpa Lumpa is likely to collapse at any moment in a diabetic coma (work related disease)...
If you could live in any country, what would it be?0 -
Scotland.
Are friends electric?Cannondale Trail 6 - crap brakes!
Cannondale CAAD80 -
My neighbour has an 'electric friend'. I had to turn off a radiator for her that was leaking through the ceiling and the friend was under the bed.
What's the difference between a country and a nation?0 -
A country is a self-governing political entity while a nation is a tightly-knit group of people which share a common culture. ( thank you google)
I've got 4 chicken breasts defrosting at home ready for dinner. Any tasty suggestions?Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי0 -
Peppers rice raisins and a ready mix curry sauce
Dog or cat?0 -
Dog. Cat is too stringy and you need to use several to make a decent curry.
Should the Catholic Church abolish the requirement for Priests to be celibate?"Get a bicycle. You won't regret it if you live"
Mark Twain0 -
Blacktemplar wrote:Should the Catholic Church abolish the requirement for Priests to be celibate?
Yes, but only if they are castrated to remove any temptation. It's what God would have wanted.
What's the most annoying thing that has happened to you this week?0 -
GiantMike wrote:What's the most annoying thing that has happened to you this week?
Some bloke dropped an absolutely evil trump on the train home from York - in First Class as well. Lovely weekend away with the missus and then that. Could tell he was a bit embarrassed as he immediately got his things and stood near the door despite us being a good five minutes away from Manchester Piccadilly - and it was still lingering as we left the train.
If a fight kicked off in your office between you and all your co-workers would you win?0 -
I don't work in an office, I work in a mortuary. So I guess I would win because everyone else is dead...
Does my bum look big in this..?Rose XEON CRS50000 -
I'm still waiting for the email. Though as you work in a mortuary, I imagine you've got a small perk bum darling.
Why do people have pets?0 -
It gives them a feeling of well being. For the lonely it's nice to have something to come home to if you can't have someone.
Have you ever heard a song by the B52s that wasn't about 5 minutes too long?
The older I get, the better I was.0 -
No, B-52s funny for about 10 seconds, then it's time to buy a gun.
My dog's got no nose, how does it smell?
It's just a hill. Get over it.0 -
Don't give a monkeys how he smells.
Just clean up after it.
Is this your doing?
viewtopic.php?f=30005&t=129076950 -
No, not me. I hate dogs, they are one of my PET HATES!
What ever happened to the Likely Lads?Cannondale Trail 6 - crap brakes!
Cannondale CAAD80 -
Please don't get me wrong
See I forgive you in a song
We'll call the Likely Lads
But if it's left to you
I know exactly what you'd do
With all the dreams we had
Just blood runs thicker, oh
We're as thick as thieves, you know
If that's important to you
It's important to me
I tried to make you see
But you don't want to know
You don't want to know!
If you pipe all summer long
Then get forgiven in a song
Well that's a touch, my lad
They sold the rights to all the wrongs
And when they knew you'd give me songs
Welcome back, I said
The blood runs thicker, oh
We're as thick as thieves, you know
If that's important to you
It's important to me
I tried to make you see
But you don't want to know
You don't want to know!
Oh what became of the Likely Lads?
What became of the dreams we had?
Oh what became of forever?
Oh what became of forever?
Though, we'll never know
Please don't get me wrong
See I forgive you in a song
Will call the Likely Lads
We all bought the ones
We taught 'em all we wrote the songs
That's filled with dreams we have
But blood runs thicker, oh
We're as thick as thieves, you know
If that's important to you
It's important to me
I tried to make you see
But you don't want to know
You don't want to know!
Oh what became of the Likely Lads?
What became of the dreams we had?
Oh what became of forever?
Oh what became of forever?
We'll never know!
Show me the way to go home?0 -
Go down to the rhetorical roundabout and take a left into Lyrical street. keep going until you've learnt some more lines and then turn right into Rhyming Cul-de-Sac until you get to the House of the Rising sun and then sing some blues when you get there over a dischordant cup of tea.
Why do you end up doing twice as much on a day off than you would have if you had gone to work?seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
I don't work, so don't have a day off, it's just one endless round of fun for me
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?my isetta is a 300cc bike0 -
Dunno.
What's morality?0 -
A means by which additional gravitas is given to statements that ordinarily would come out as "I fink your rong".Ballysmate wrote:What's morality?
Should I bother to renew my passport?Mangeur0 -
You wont need one where you're going - i've seen teh contents of your hard drive.
'More than I can shake a stick at' - what does this mean and why would I want to shake a stick at my collection of 'gentlemans relaxation' magazinesThe dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns
momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.0 -
Farmers used to count their herd with a stick. Use one to count your mags now before you go blind.
Come the revolution, who gets the first bullet?0 -
Whoever is top of the list in Wolfie Smith's book.
Do you know where I can get decent decals?0 -
Not sure, but I've noticed that the cases of fine wine in my investment portfolio are often adorned with attractive decals.
In a fair fight - Gandalf or Magneto?0 -
Easy Gandalf, he has no metal bits so Magneto's powers are of no use.
If a tin whistle is made of tin,
What's a fog horn made of...?Rose XEON CRS50000 -
Suspended water droplets.
What's a pie cost?0 -
£3.142
Who did Archimedes screw.0 -
A low-lying body of water?
Whats your fave bike make0 -
Specialized *runs for cover*
Beef hula hoops, yay or nay?0 -
I say Yay!
Why "fast as ash!t off a shovel"? when clearing doggy land mines in the back garden they are in fact very sticky and there is always too much residue0 -
Redhog14 wrote:I say Yay!
Why "fast as ash!t off a shovel"? when clearing doggy land mines in the back garden they are in fact very sticky and there is always too much residue
In the days when trains had a driver and a fireman to load coal and it was necessary to answer a call of nature you would shit on the coal shovel and then throw it in the fire as quick as possible because of smell and hygiene. As the shovel had coal dust on it, the shit did not stick. Interestingly the same shovel could be cleaned with steam and could be used to cook bacon and eggs.
A motorcyclist in a collision. He shot off his bike like shit off a shovel.
Get it, now?0
