Ask the next person a question...

ben@31

Wheelspinner wrote:

Because a freak genetic mutation has us evolving into Basset Hounds.

How long will I get away with looking busy before I have to do any actual work?

A. Walk around with a clipboard, occasionally shaking your head and putting a cross on a sheet of paper and you'll should last a couple of hours.

Whats does Manc33's bike look like

A. Covered in tin foil to reflect the mind control signals from the New World Order and the shape shifting reptilians who fight time travelling nazis on the surface of the moon. It's a conspiracy, I tell ye.




Q. Why is the road surface in Edinburgh rougher than the Somme battlefield, post artillery barrage ?

pinno

It's all in the mind, come to Stranraer and experience Paris-Roubaix.

Why do supermodels look like death warmed up?

veronese68

Because the women and gay men in the fashion industry think that's what people should aspire to look like. They don't realise that women should have curves.

Why has my tea gone cold?

gingaman

Because you left it too long before you thought "hey, maybe I'll drink that"

Will Steve Abraham beat Tommy Godwins year record?

orraloon

Yes, as long as he keeps up his Wetherspoons' breakfast count.

Why does my thermal base layer not wick away the sweat? Cold and soggy again.

Wheelspinner

Because what you really bought was in fact a t-shirt, for £79.

What's the best method of coping with a day of being "marketed" at by tw@waffles?

mr_goo

Play Candy Crush on your laptop/tablet. Seems to work for others.

How can I make a perfect mug of instant hot chocolate? No matter what I do I still get undissolved powder floating on the surface.

pinno

By buying a decent brand of hot chocolate in the first place, you tight fisted git.

Why does Britain always seem so dull, grey and miserable after getting back from the continent?

slowmart

Is not. It's your dour scottish outlook


Shall i finish early tomorrow and get some miles in?

pinno

Dunno.

Why has the delete option gone from 'edit' for my last post?

Wheelspinner

Because the mods are really messing with Manc33's head,letting him know that every syllable is recorded, analysed and stored for eternity. You can't unsay anything. In it's place there's an invisible button, that when you scroll over it activates the webcam on your monitor to record you as well.

Do you really think I am making this up?

vimfuego

Yeah probably - wasn't really paying attention TBH.

If a mountainbiker falls off in the woods and nobody is there to see it. Do we all just laugh anyway?

slowmart

Only after shagging his mrs and laugh together at his inept skill while you enter her for the third time

Will today go quickly?

mr_goo

No.

Should I vacuum the house whilst Mrs Goo is at work?

Wheelspinner

Depends on whether that will really get rid of all the evidence, or if you need to hire professional decontamination teams instead.

Or is "vacuum the house" a euphemism I've not heard before (fnarr fnarr)?

veronese68

I'm sure you have heard of such a thing and it could well be.

Is this what Spinner thinks Mr Goo gets up to whilst Mrs Goo is out?

Wheelspinner

No, my mind doesn't work that way. Besides, I am sure those stories are just made up - why wouldn't he just use the hose??? I was thinking Mr Goo meant he'd take the opportunity to dress up as one of those French maids, you know, frilly apron, no underwear, fishnets, heels, the usual caper, and just do a little housework. As you do.

If you fall asleep floating on a lilo in the pool and get a bit sunburnt, (ok, a lot), should you take the day off work?

vimfuego

Of course. Unless you plan on going in to gloat about your pool (in which case expect a slap).

Whatever happened to the Lager of Lamot?

ballysmate

It was kept in a Watney's Red Barrel.

Is Hemeling illegal?

vimfuego

Yes, H&S issues. Lead content was way too high. (Plus rumours about ingredients including anti-freeze, ear wax and dead kittens).

How many limbs would the bear from the Hofmeister adverts lose in a fight with that beast from the Lager of Lamot commercial? (You know, the sabre-toothed horse).

ballysmate

Hopefully none. It's not much fun following the bear if he's got no legs.

Did the Black Label bloke get his pants clean in the laundrette?

Wheelspinner

Yes, but that hour he spent in the tumble dryer with them on sure messed with his hair and made him verrrrrrrry dizzy.

Why do dogs have black lips?

veronese68

Because they eat too much liquorice.

Should I have black pud with my fry up today?

byke68

Yeah, go for it! Have some hash browns and white pudding as well.

Why is it colder in my workplace than it is outside?

vimfuego

Something to do with the laws of thermodynamics and hell freezing over.

Does the Postman always knock twice?

ballysmate

No he rings.

Does beer at home mean Davenports?

slowmart

No, it means whatever you want it to mean.

Given disagreements can happen on the most vanilla of threads are we over moderated on here?

veronese68

Often I think we are, sometimes not enough. I suppose it depends on your feelings on the subject in question.

Should I make a cup of tea? I've been made 4 so far today by my boss, but haven't made any as I'm busy.

pinno

I think you should make 4 cups to restore equilibrium of inner Karma (in other words: yes, you lazy basket).

Why do they call supper 'tea' in jockland?

vimfuego

Because calling it "coffee" would just be ridiculous.

What's the point?