Your favourite joke?
Comments
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It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.
"Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool," says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to a movie.
Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it.
"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.
A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAM IT, DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!"'Collapse the Light into Earth'0 -
There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. How did you get on tonight Dear?asked her mother.
Not too good, replied the daughter. I only got £20 for a blow job.
Wow! said the mother, in my day we gave a blow job for 50 pence.
Good God! said the Grandmother. In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!'Collapse the Light into Earth'0 -
A man went to a zoo. The only animal in it was a dog. It was a shitzu."There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, t'would be a pity to damage yours."0
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Ashley Cole as we all know was recently done for driving at 104mph on a 50mph road. He said to the Police at the time that he was being followed by Paparazzi and wanted to get away, the truth is that he was running late and was worried as John Terry was coming round for tea.0
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John Terry been sleeping with wayne bridge's wife then, gotta feel sorry for Wayne Bridge as it seems he's not even first choice with his wife now0
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What's brown and kills babies?
John Terry's wallet."In many ways, my story was that of a raging, Christ-like figure who hauled himself off the cross, looked up at the Romans with blood in his eyes and said 'My turn, sock cookers'"
@gietvangent0 -
disgruntledgoat wrote:What's brown and kills babies?
John Terry's wallet.
wooooohhhhh, thats harsh..........but funny.0 -
SICK! lol laughing hard.FCE2007 wrote:Had a w@nk over my ex last night.
I know it's wrong but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key.
8)Coveryourcar.co.uk RT Tester
north west of england.0 -
Wayne Bridge bought his wife a box of Dairy Milk for Valentines day, but she told him she preferred Terry's0
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What nationality is a man with a bird nest on his head?
Croat!0 -
Fabio Capello phoned Wayne Bridge, "I have spoken to John Terry and he has lost the Captains arm band, is there any chance you could look under your bed"?0
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As Wayne Bridge refuses to play for England if John Terry plays, we should all pray that he does Emile Heskeys wife before the World Cup too.0
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A man approaches a beautiful girl in a bar and asks:
What's the difference between a chicken drumstick and a blowjob?
"I don't know" says the girl.
In that case, replies the man, Let's go for a picnic?0 -
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
(I'll get my coat)0 -
How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
Wi' jam in
I like my gags old, and with a regional accent.Head Hands Heart Lungs Legs0 -
Can I borrow your dictaphone..No.. use your finger like everyone elsejc0
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.0
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I think my wife is getting fatter. When she fell down the stairs the other night, I though Eastenders was just finishing.
[not my favourite, but it made me cackle.]0 -
Captain Fagor wrote:I think my wife is getting fatter. When she fell down the stairs the other night, I though Eastenders was just finishing.
[not my favourite, but it made me cackle.]
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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger.
In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. Before I kill you,
I grant you three requests.
What is your first request?'
The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.' The Chief nods and
Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the
horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
'You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days.
What is your second request?'
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous
brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent
and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow.
'What is your last request?'
The Lone Ranger responds,
'I'd like to speak to my horse,..... alone.'
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
Listen very carefully
for.... the.... last....f**king time,
I said.....
'BRING
POSSE'0 -
What's got two thumbs, one eye, speaks french, and loves to eat pussy?"
(now close one eye, point your thumbs at yourself, and say "MOI!")0 -
Wayne, I love the way that when we kiss, you pass your chewing gum from your mouth to mine.
Sharon, that's not my chewing gum, that's my bronchitis.0 -
There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who don't.0 -
A film director was making a movie about the great composers, but couldn't find any actors. So he puts an advert in the Hollywood newspapers saying "Wanted: Actors to play the great composers".
The next day, Tom Cruise rings up and says "I'll be Mozart."
"Great," says the director, "I've got my Mozart."
The following day Mel Gibson rings up and says "I'll be Beethoven."
"Brilliant," thinks the film director, "I've got my Beethoven."
The day after that, Arnold Schwazernegger rings up and says "I'll be Bach."0 -
Won my first CageFight yesterday.. Budgie didn't know what hit it !0
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Three men went to hell
The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"
He then opened the doors to the three rooms.
Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.
Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.
Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in shxit up to their knees and drinking coffee.
The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.
They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."'Collapse the Light into Earth'0 -
stigofthedump wrote:There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Do you mean
"there are 10 types of people in the world.
those that understand binary, those who do not and those who confuse binary with 'ternary'"
Did I hear "taxi for Dunk"?Road Bike; http://www.bikeradar.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12727419
MTB; http://www.bikeradar.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12695499
Something I will never do justice; viewtopic.php?f=40044&t=128093330 -
stigofthedump wrote:There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Laughed out loud... Thank you for that one!! 0 -
Bunny goes into a bar and orders a pint of beer and a chicken and mozzarella toasty.
The barman is concerned about a fluffy bunny drinking a pint of beer and warns the rabbit about it. The rabbit says it's fine and takes both beer and butty out to the garden to enjoy it.
An hour later the bunny is back: Another pint and a ham and tomato toasty. The barman says 'are you sure about that beer, sonny?' The rabbit nods and so is given his order. He goes back outside to enjoy them.
A further hour passes and the bunny comes back for a cheese and onion toasty and another beer. The barman says 'right, but this is the LAST beer you're having in this pub - I'm not at all sure that rabbits should drink this much beer.' The rabbit agrees and takes his order out to the garden again.
Fifteen minutes later another customer rushes in. The bunny is not at all well.
The barman, looking after him says 'you see? I told you that was too much beer.' The rabbit looks at him sadly, looking decidedly sick and says:
'no, it's not the beer: it's mixing my toasties'0 -
Why did the baker have brown fingers?
Because he needed a poo!FCN: 50
