Your favourite joke?

mfin

What's everyone's one favourite, quality joke then so we can get a page of great ones.

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Q. What have George Michael and a Wellington Boot got in common?
A. They both get sucked off in bogs

Aggieboy

Lots on this previous thread
http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=12603026&highlight=favorite+favourite+jokes

but here's mine again -


If a girl feels uneasy watching you w*nk, do you think :-

a) you should spend more time together,

b) she's a prude, or,














c) she should sit somewhere else on the bus.

Splottboy

An interviewer ask an obese child what his favourite musical instrument is.
He replies, "The dinner bell."

mask of sanity

Here's a great facebook group with loads of awesome jokes! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=wal ... 9238947220

Caution: Liable to offend

Disclaimer: I do not condone the telling of jokes that contain any form of prejudice...

MICHAELCYCLES

I dated a couple of anorexics when I was younger,





two birds one stone!

Anonymous

I saw the dentist today.

He didn't see me.... I was hiding.

dennisn

NapoleonD wrote:

I saw the dentist today.

He didn't see me.... I was hiding.

Ohhhhhh!!!! Bad, bad, bad, very bad. Don't give up your day job to work the Comedy Clubs.

seanoconn

What's the difference between a fridge and a woman?



A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.

STEFANOS4784

seanoconn wrote:

What's the difference between a fridge and a woman?



A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.

Quality, reckon i could offend some people with that 8)

Wooliferkins

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one.

neil_pcp

what did the zero say to the eight.............Nice belt

System_1

I had a friend that was really depressed and suicidal, but he didn't have the guts to top himself. So we were out for a walk one day and I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

verylonglegs

Two nuns are sat on a park bench having a chat when a man walks up to them wearing a big overcoat. He opens it up close to them to reveal he's wearing nothing underneath, shaking everything he's got at them. One nun has a heart attack, the other has a stroke.

Anonymous

System wrote:

I had a friend that was really depressed and suicidal, but he didn't have the guts to top himself. So we were out for a walk one day and I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

SteppenHerring

Can't be bothered to type out whole jokes, but the punchlines to some of my favourites:

"It's easy - I'm an ex-tractor fan"
"F*ck off you red-nosed c*nt"
"Now Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais with lime-green hairy-lip squid"
"You can't marry him - he's a commentator"

Anonymous

Two women walking past a shop window. One points at a dress and says "Oooh, that's nice." The other says "yes, but" points at another dress, "That's the one I'd get."
Then a Cyclops jumped out and beat her up.

bikey2009

Our local Flasher was considering retirement, but after some thought he decided to stick it out for one more year.

andy162

There was this Thalidomide porno star.

He had an arm like a baby's knob.

Anonymous

Two monkeys in a bath.

One says "Ooh ooh aah aah."

Other says "Well put some cold in then."

crumbschief

I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". She said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".



A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Rushie

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

Crapaud

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

You won't eat many buns with that!

Headhuunter

What do monkeys and acid rain have in common?

They both f*ck up trees

pedrojake

Polar bear walks into a bar, says to the barman ' Can I have a Gin and..........

















...............tonic'

Bar man says, 'no problem, but whats with the big pause?'
To which the Polar bear looks at his hands and replies,' Dunno, i've always had them'


.....i'll get me coat :roll:

Aggieboy

You're all invited to a Charity Ball for women with no legs. The dance floor will be crawling with fanny.

Aggieboy

Two plane loads of Scousers have just left John Lennon Airport heading for Haiti to assist with the looting.

johncp

Two nuns driving through Transylvania when a vampire jumps on the bonnet. Mother Superior says to the novice "Quick show him your cross" so the novice winds down the window and shouts "Get off the f*cking car!!"

bikey2009

A Frenchman with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. The barman says "wow that's really lovely, where did you get him? "In France" says the parrot "They've got millions of them"

shouldbeinbed

A man goes to the doctors and says Doctor I think I'm going deaf.

Dr replies, OK what are the symptoms.

Man says A yellow cartoon family but what has that got to do with my ears

shouldbeinbed

A middle aged accountant calls his wife and says 'darling you know I love you but we're 54 years old now and I have needs that you just can't meet anymore. I know you'll understand this is why I'm going to be spending the weekend at the Ritz hotel with my 18 year old intern'.

His wife replies, 'Of course I understand darling, and you know that as a 54 year old man you I have needs that you can't always satisfy in me, I'll be taking our gardeners 18 year old assistant to Claridges for the weekend...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and as an accountant, I'm sure you realise that 18 goes into 54 more often that 54 goes into 18.

pneumatic

Nun lying in the bath and there's a knock at the door.

"Maintenance!"

"Come back later, I'm in the bath!"

"Don't worry, I'm a blind man."

"OK, in you come then"

"Nice tits! Where do you want the blinds?"

OMG, I'm chuckling at my own joke! :oops: