Silly commuting racing

ride_whenever

Do hybrids really hurt more than a mtb with knobblies? I would have borrowed one in that case...

Citizen Smith

Coriander wrote:

Sorry to be a dimwit but:

When you scalp someone do you get just one point, or do you get the number of points equivalent to their FCN?

And to move up the food chain do you have to change your bike/clothes/get rid of your panniers or do you move up simply by scalping sufficient people above you in the food chain?

And yes, I am being too lazy to trawl through the early pages of this thread.

IMHO, it's one point per scalp otherwise it gets messy and I am rubbish at maths.

Although, one system could be to claim the difference between you and your scalpee. I don't think claiming the number of points equiv to the scalpee's FCN makes sense because surely the higher up the tree, the more points you would claim. That would mean reversing the current ranking.

To move up the food chain in reality is purely by appearance - as you mention, changing one's bike & kit as this is what also allows others to assess your FCN.

Personally, I have also have a mental FCN which is higher (better) than my actual, by sight FCN just by the number of scalps that I claim on average and the relative successful retention of my own (ass)*.

*I will refrain from talking about how big my ring is.

cjcp

Greg T wrote:

Coriander wrote:

Sorry to be a dimwit but:

When you scalp someone do you get just one point, or do you get the number of points equivalent to their FCN?

And to move up the food chain do you have to change your bike/clothes/get rid of your panniers or do you move up simply by scalping sufficient people above you in the food chain?

There has been an evolution in doctrinal and theological interpretation of the rules......

The key text reads:

Dropping / Pulling anyone higher in the Food Chain Number makes you stronger and more attractive to burds*. Getting dropped / trying to keep up with anyone lower means your soul hires a kudos remover to lower your self worth

The early church was very much directed at counting wins and losses against the strict interpretation of FCN rules...... a win = 1 a loss = -1....

During the middle period (or reformation as it became known) a more intuitive approach to scalping developed that was less slavish in reliance to base FCN calculating and more attuned to the subtle indicators of pegging yourself against your oppo. There is however the immutable rule that the FCN rules are the word of a pissed up and incoherent God that must be accepted, or alternatively ignored as the devotee sees fit.

The more relaxed approach solved the problem of having to do hard sums in your head whilst pretending not be in the equivalent of Elephant labour pains.

The current period is something of a mish mash with beared fundamentalists religously keeping score and checking out "equipment" whilst new age adherenets "feel their way" using smell and crystalls.

So - the answer is within - is the guy you just dropped crying inside?

One word of warning Hyrbids are the work of Satan. You can meditate on it all you want nothing hurts more than a hybrid.

In summary: the rules are there for show. Just overtake absolutely everything in your path and yield to absolutely no-one.

ride_whenever

your only options are retreat, surrender or death!

and Players never retreat! Players never Surrender!

This is the GAME

victor ludorum

Greg T wrote:

So - the answer is within - is the guy you just dropped crying inside?...

This, in a nutshell, is the sole arbiter of scoring in the game.

Unless you have an encyclopaedic knowledge of bike frames, components, accessories and team lycra, it is quite difficult to tot up accurate FCNs on the fly. It is easier to use the general rule of thumb which I call the 'Nice Bike' principle.

Basically, if someone passes you and you think 'Nice bike.' then that person is on or above your FCN. Your scalp remains attached, the world continues to spin in its orbit and the natural order of things is maintained. If you pass them, then you can be reasonably sure that their rapidly tightening anal sphincter has just sucked their chamois seat pad inside them and their legs have turned to jelly.

Equally, if you pass somebody and their bike makes you wince, or worse, affects you with indifference, then you don't score. If they pass you, you must, by the rules of The Game, get off and walk the rest of the way home before you do yourself any more damage.

Because of the difficulty of totting up all of the FCN indicators on the fly, and effect this arbitrary and subjective approach would have on scoring (we are nothing if not rigorously scientific...) the scoring, regardless of FCN difference is +1 for a win, -1 for a loss.

However, if you soundly beat a justifiable biggy, then your ego is allowed to do a lap of honour round your commuting course wearing your vanquished opponent's scalp like a hat, and you can come on here and boast about it.

victor ludorum

ride_whenever wrote:

your only options are retreat, surrender or death!

and Players never retreat! Players never Surrender!

This is the GAME

I don't know about you, but I include another option which is 'WIn! And then go home!'

ride_whenever

going home is for the weak...

Play until it is work time again, and if there are no other cyclists then try to scalp cars...

DonDaddyD

Greg T wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

There is something quite sickening about being scalped by the bike you want and dream of owning...

This is the truth, it's like going to the wedding of girl you've always fancied but never had the cojones to make play for......

The moral of the story.

Ask her out you wimp, she can only say no and was never a "friend" anyway.

I'm feeling a sub game of doing ballsy things in general coming on........

GregT, I come to you for an explanation as you seem to be the architect of the game.

Last night I dreamt about the Bianchi, the same Bianchi that scalped me, the same Bianchi I dream of owning. This dream involved the same scenario where I was scalped only I was riding the Bianchi and I literally scalped myself riding on my current bike. Then I carried on riding, Italian Opera music was playing, the World melted away and all that was left was me and the Bianchi. Beautiful.

What does it all mean?[/url]

ride_whenever

It means a large credit card bill and a criminal record for sexual assault on a bicycle...

Greg T

victor ludorum wrote:

'WIn! And then go home!'

This is the tricky bit.

Pulling off a big hit on a the capo di tutti capi (get it!) puts you in energy debt but your ego is loaded.

DANGER

Game labs statistical analysis show that players are most likely to fall to an ambush scalping within two miles of home. OK so you can claim a 500m "warm down" zone running into your house but immediately before this you've got to be alert! Tired and loaed with Cosmic kick arse karma you are ripe for a fall - saftery first brothers if you can still feel your toes as you walk through the doors you may have been at risk of getting shoppered.

Greg T

DonDaddyD wrote:

What does it all mean?]

Sounds to me like you want to get more close than most to the bottom bracket of another man's ride.

I'll throw it open to the floor........

victor ludorum

Coriander wrote:

...And to move up the food chain do you have to change your bike/clothes/get rid of your panniers or do you move up simply by scalping sufficient people above you in the food chain?...

The FCNs that people have in their sigs, etc, are not personally claimed scores so much as (hopefully) honest appraisals of how other players reckon you are worth.

As such, it has to be based on external indicators such as bike, accessories and clothing, because people on the street don't know what you're packing inside. The physical appearance of the rider offers some opportunities for FCN modification, along the lines of 'Does rider X have thighs like tree-trunks or dry twigs?', 'Does Y on that wheeled wisp of titanium look like a racing snake, or just someone who eats Wispas?', 'Do they have their Game face on?' etc...

Your personal scoring doesn't change your FCN as such, because other people don't know how many 'fools' you have 'cooked' thus far. It does, however, make you hurt more if you have built up a sterling clean sheet and then been bumped by a Full-sus being ridden by an asthmatic stick-insect limbed rider.

Your victories and efeats are announced by you here, and we inscribe you name on the lists of glory, but your FCN remains the same unless you kit up.

il_principe

DonDaddyD wrote:

Greg T wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

There is something quite sickening about being scalped by the bike you want and dream of owning...

This is the truth, it's like going to the wedding of girl you've always fancied but never had the cojones to make play for......

The moral of the story.

Ask her out you wimp, she can only say no and was never a "friend" anyway.

I'm feeling a sub game of doing ballsy things in general coming on........

GregT, I come to you for an explanation as you seem to be the architect of the game.

Last night I dreamt about the Bianchi, the same Bianchi that scalped me, the same Bianchi I dream of owning. This dream involved the same scenario where I was scalped only I was riding the Bianchi and I literally scalped myself riding on my current bike. Then I carried on riding, Italian Opera music was playing, the World melted away and all that was left was me and the Bianchi. Beautiful.

What does it all mean?[/url]

It means you want to get a proper Italian bike...

cjcp

ride_whenever wrote:

your only options are retreat, surrender or death!

and Players never retreat! Players never Surrender!

This is the GAME

Indeed. As the extremely brilliant Emma Pooley has said, "You just have to ride like you never have to breathe again".

A suggestion: anyone who drafts should be made to wear a pink lycra outfit (the Lampre or Plowman Craven kits will suffice), kitted out with wings and a big, sparkly wand, shouting all the way, "I'm a big screaming fairy". What do the Oracles think?

ride_whenever

Good god yes, but not if they only draft vehicles.

Littigator

DonDaddyD wrote:

What does it all mean?[/url]

It means you get off on this pic and should you ever invest in one you should damn well never be caught in public mounting the saddle in an unGodly way.

Triple D you are a poor misguided soul but given my recent fall in SS tarty porn I should not be one to judge (the saddle and bar tape have arrived, my ring expansion will have to wait until tomorrow).

In summary what a man and his bike do behind closed doors shall be between them and them only :!:

Littigator

cjcp wrote:

ride_whenever wrote:

your only options are retreat, surrender or death!

and Players never retreat! Players never Surrender!

This is the GAME

Indeed. As the extremely brilliant Emma Pooley has said, "You just have to ride like you never have to breathe again".

A suggestion: anyone who drafts should be made to wear a pink lycra outfit (the Lampre or Plowman Craven kits will suffice), kitted out with wings and a big, sparkly wand, shouting all the way, "I'm a big screaming fairy". What do the Oracles think?

Until this season, I have profited from acres of free team kit courtesy of my brother in law, last year was a aprticular result for the tart in me as he rode for Rapha.

This year however was a dismal embarrassment when he signed for Plowman Craven...no way am I putting on that strip!

lost_in_thought

DonDaddyD wrote:

izthewiz wrote:

Where do wimmin with shaved legs sit in the FCN? Do they automatically drop 2, like blokes? And what if they’ve got hairy legs?

What about two-sided pedals (flat & spd), or cycling (touring) shoes on flatties?

Any woman wearing lycra on a roadie (with shaved legs) should get a 3 point bonus as, to me, they double in their attractivness!

Any woman with visibly hairy legs on a bke, should incur a 3 point penalty. We're trying to encourage more people to cycle not frighten them away... Lol.

If you have time to notice two sided pedals or the intricate difference between pedals, beyond that they either clip or don't clip, then I think you're not playing the game hard enough.

"Whether a person can clip or not, matters little, they are all be prey to me on my roadie!"

+3 for girls wearing lycra with shaved legs (and really if you're a girl and don't you should be permanently disqualified) is an EXCELLENT idea.... My scalp count will go throught he roof if I can get down to an FCN10 rating... must buy shorts...

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

lost_in_thought

cjcp wrote:

clanton wrote:

On my ride in this mornign passed a chap on a Pearson touring bike with a full face helmet! Not sure if that's been factored into the food chain calculator?

Saw one of these on a fixie a couple of nights ago. He was built like a brick out house.

Hmmm, I wonder.... I scalped a young man on a pearson SS wearing a full face helmet not long ago, and even posted about it. Maybe it was the same guy... but oddly he appeared to be on flat pedals.

lost_in_thought

Lastly, in my LiT makes lots of consecutuve posts session, any plans for friday beers? I could pop along for a swift half before zipping off to sunny Essex...

Clever Pun

lost_in_thought wrote:

Lastly, in my LiT makes lots of consecutuve posts session, any plans for friday beers? I could pop along for a swift half before zipping off to sunny Essex...

guys, burds are coming!!

6pm in that pub I've forgotten the name of...Morpeth Arms

http://www.fancyapint.com/pubs/pub446.html

UnworthyPapaLazaru

Clever Pun wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Lastly, in my LiT makes lots of consecutuve posts session, any plans for friday beers? I could pop along for a swift half before zipping off to sunny Essex...

guys, burds are coming!!

6pm in that pub I've forgotten the name of...Morpeth Arms

http://www.fancyapint.com/pubs/pub446.html

Woo Hoo, i'll book my train...

cjcp

Littigator wrote:

cjcp wrote:

ride_whenever wrote:

your only options are retreat, surrender or death!

and Players never retreat! Players never Surrender!

This is the GAME

Indeed. As the extremely brilliant Emma Pooley has said, "You just have to ride like you never have to breathe again".

A suggestion: anyone who drafts should be made to wear a pink lycra outfit (the Lampre or Plowman Craven kits will suffice), kitted out with wings and a big, sparkly wand, shouting all the way, "I'm a big screaming fairy". What do the Oracles think?

Until this season, I have profited from acres of free team kit courtesy of my brother in law, last year was a aprticular result for the tart in me as he rode for Rapha.

This year however was a dismal embarrassment when he signed for Plowman Craven...no way am I putting on that strip!

That's a bit like going from Man U to Liverpool isn't it?

DonDaddyD

Littigator wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

What does it all mean?[/url]

It means you get off on this pic and should you ever invest in one you should damn well never be caught in public mounting the saddle in an unGodly way.

Triple D you are a poor misguided soul but given my recent fall in SS tarty porn I should not be one to judge (the saddle and bar tape have arrived, my ring expansion will have to wait until tomorrow).

In summary what a man and his bike do behind closed doors shall be between them and them only :!:

Aw sweet hot sexy damn!!!!

victor ludorum

Littigator wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

What does it all mean?[/url]

It means you get off on this pic and should you ever invest in one you should damn well never be caught in public mounting the saddle in an unGodly way.

Triple D you are a poor misguided soul but given my recent fall in SS tarty porn I should not be one to judge (the saddle and bar tape have arrived, my ring expansion will have to wait until tomorrow).

In summary what a man and his bike do behind closed doors shall be between them and them only :!:

I own the Liquigaz liveried domestique's bike from the same year as this bike...

cjcp

DonDaddyD wrote:

Littigator wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

What does it all mean?[/url]

It means you get off on this pic and should you ever invest in one you should damn well never be caught in public mounting the saddle in an unGodly way.

Triple D you are a poor misguided soul but given my recent fall in SS tarty porn I should not be one to judge (the saddle and bar tape have arrived, my ring expansion will have to wait until tomorrow).

In summary what a man and his bike do behind closed doors shall be between them and them only :!:

Aw sweet hot sexy damn!!!!

That bike was either put together by a blind man in a dark room or by a child.

il_principe

UnworthyPapaLazaru wrote:

Clever Pun wrote:

lost_in_thought wrote:

Lastly, in my LiT makes lots of consecutuve posts session, any plans for friday beers? I could pop along for a swift half before zipping off to sunny Essex...

guys, burds are coming!!

6pm in that pub I've forgotten the name of...Morpeth Arms

http://www.fancyapint.com/pubs/pub446.html

Woo Hoo, i'll book my train...

I'll be there at 6ish then. Can only manage a very swift pint though as I'm off to see the hilarious Simon Evans the same evening. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdqsCNFsnc0

secretsam

I give up :evil:

I keep getting massacred by Bromptons, I reckon all the shaved roadies who like a lady have switched to riding foldies so they can scalp a greater number of legitimate victims

cjcp

SecretSam wrote:

I give up :evil:

I keep getting massacred by Bromptons, I reckon all the shaved roadies who like a lady have switched to riding foldies so they can scalp a greater number of legitimate victims

Don't fret. This happened to VL ( ), and he returned stronger than ever.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Totalnewbie

Yesterday was a killer, 'orrible wind. I quite rarely get down on the drops but it was one of those days, I just wanted to escape the wind. It's nasty being blown about when there's traffic around. I scalped a SS courier on the Mall who then drafted me. Can't say I blame him given the wind.

I fear I shall not be joining you at the pub this time because I am cycling to the coast tomorrow night at midnight with some other 'friends from the internet' so will likely be asleep in preparation.