Man vs goose

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Comments

  • skyblueamateur
    skyblueamateur Posts: 1,498

    Teach your children, practice this often so it becomes second nature.

    "The recommended survival technique for an attacking 'domesticated' dog (extrapolation is necessary, for obvious reasons) is to offer the forearm, then use the free arm to secure the back of the animal's head. The legs are then wrapped around the canine's torso and the animal rolled onto its back. Ordinarily a dog will, at this point, attempt to dislodge the forearm from its mouth and get back to its feet. With proper resolve, the animal can be held in place and the bitten arm shifted so that a fist can be pushed into the dog's throat and esophagus. With only a few inches insertion, respiration can be profoundly restricted, causing the dog to expire within 30 seconds to a minute."

    As I said, get them into a sleeper hold..... :D
  • surrey_commuter
    surrey_commuter Posts: 18,867

    Teach your children, practice this often so it becomes second nature.

    "The recommended survival technique for an attacking 'domesticated' dog (extrapolation is necessary, for obvious reasons) is to offer the forearm, then use the free arm to secure the back of the animal's head. The legs are then wrapped around the canine's torso and the animal rolled onto its back. Ordinarily a dog will, at this point, attempt to dislodge the forearm from its mouth and get back to its feet. With proper resolve, the animal can be held in place and the bitten arm shifted so that a fist can be pushed into the dog's throat and esophagus. With only a few inches insertion, respiration can be profoundly restricted, causing the dog to expire within 30 seconds to a minute."

    This is some very good advice and i will print it out and laminate it.

    I have a large field out the back with lot's of dog walkers how should I entice them (dogs not the owners) to attack me? Would tying bacon to my forearm be classified the same as a lawnmower?
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644

    I'm going to stick up for censored sapiens here - assuming the person is male, maybe 30 years old, trained to some extent or at least physically strong and lacking in fear - or at least uses that fear they aren't going to panic.

    I reckon in a fight to the death I'd back the person over a German Shepherd. Not saying it's a foregone conclusion by any means but you've got a weight advantage, you've got human intelligence, hands, elbows, knees, head.

    Now there are breeds like some of the flock guardian breeds that are huge where I'd accept the human would probably lose but against a police dog - German shepherd or big malinois - not sure - that said I wouldn't volunteer to find out.


    sorry - you're saying someone is gonna win against a police dog?

    really?
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226
    Isn't it kind of the point of a police dog that they are trained to take you down?
  • TheBigBean
    TheBigBean Posts: 21,106

    Isn't it kind of the point of a police dog that they are trained to take you down?

    Yes, not to fight to the death though.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226

    Isn't it kind of the point of a police dog that they are trained to take you down?

    Yes, not to fight to the death though.
    I think you'd call submission first.
  • surrey_commuter
    surrey_commuter Posts: 18,867
    MattFalle said:

    I'm going to stick up for censored sapiens here - assuming the person is male, maybe 30 years old, trained to some extent or at least physically strong and lacking in fear - or at least uses that fear they aren't going to panic.

    I reckon in a fight to the death I'd back the person over a German Shepherd. Not saying it's a foregone conclusion by any means but you've got a weight advantage, you've got human intelligence, hands, elbows, knees, head.

    Now there are breeds like some of the flock guardian breeds that are huge where I'd accept the human would probably lose but against a police dog - German shepherd or big malinois - not sure - that said I wouldn't volunteer to find out.


    sorry - you're saying someone is gonna win against a police dog?

    really?
    those ones are sneaky, doing the old crouch behind the victim so your mate can push him over
  • morstar
    morstar Posts: 6,190

    Isn't it kind of the point of a police dog that they are trained to take you down?

    But they’re also very effective when doing it in a controlled and trained manner.

    Our dog tacklers on here may be facing an untrained headcase of a dog going for anything it can sink it’s teeth into.

    If 100 people tried it, I would expect some to survive but I think luck would play a big part in deciding who.
    Reps down the gym probably wouldn’t be the decider.
  • DeVlaeminck
    DeVlaeminck Posts: 8,851
    A big working line German shepherd is about 80lbs so fairly big but if we are talking about a 200lb man well used to fighting.

    Let's not do ourselves down here !!
    [Castle Donington Ladies FC - going up in '22]
  • morstar
    morstar Posts: 6,190

    A big working line German shepherd is about 80lbs so fairly big but if we are talking about a 200lb man well used to fighting.

    Let's not do ourselves down here !!

    That sort of hard as nails scrapper is the sort of person who stands a chance.
    They’re a smaller part of the population than the percentages returned.
    I think you’ve got a load of gym goers who think they’re hard as nails saying, I could have it. I think they’re wrong.

    Attrition will be significant. A scrap is knackering.
  • DeVlaeminck
    DeVlaeminck Posts: 8,851
    True but it says big dog and we've used a trained German shepherd as the example - we could have said Labrador or a deerhound - so I think it's fair to choose a reasonably good fighter.
    [Castle Donington Ladies FC - going up in '22]
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226

    True but it says big dog and we've used a trained German shepherd as the example - we could have said Labrador or a deerhound - so I think it's fair to choose a reasonably good fighter.

    Question was "which of these do you think you could beat in a fight?"
  • surrey_commuter
    surrey_commuter Posts: 18,867

    True but it says big dog and we've used a trained German shepherd as the example - we could have said Labrador or a deerhound - so I think it's fair to choose a reasonably good fighter.

    pub scrapper vs labrador
    Pub doorman vs GSD

    of course the pub scrapper would demand to fight the GSD because it was umanly to fight the labrador

    I would be vey disappointed if I was killed by a labrador
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644

    A big working line German shepherd is about 80lbs so fairly big but if we are talking about a 200lb man well used to fighting.

    Let's not do ourselves down here !!

    A big working line German shepherd is about 80lbs so fairly big but if we are talking about a 200lb man well used to fighting.

    Let's not do ourselves down here !!

    my money is on the dog.

    every

    single

    time

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5930275/amp/Hero-SAS-dog-saves-lives-six-elite-soldiers-Syria-ripping-jihadis-throat.html
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    morstar said:

    A big working line German shepherd is about 80lbs so fairly big but if we are talking about a 200lb man well used to fighting.

    Let's not do ourselves down here !!

    That sort of hard as nails scrapper is the sort of person who stands a chance.
    They’re a smaller part of the population than the percentages returned.
    I think you’ve got a load of gym goers who think they’re hard as nails saying, I could have it. I think they’re wrong.

    Attrition will be significant. A scrap is knackering.
    see the above post from MF.

    Terry Talib are quite good at fighting and they had guns.

    It didn't end too well.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • veronese68
    veronese68 Posts: 27,545

    Teach your children, practice this often so it becomes second nature.

    "The recommended survival technique for an attacking 'domesticated' dog (extrapolation is necessary, for obvious reasons) is to offer the forearm, then use the free arm to secure the back of the animal's head. The legs are then wrapped around the canine's torso and the animal rolled onto its back. Ordinarily a dog will, at this point, attempt to dislodge the forearm from its mouth and get back to its feet. With proper resolve, the animal can be held in place and the bitten arm shifted so that a fist can be pushed into the dog's throat and esophagus. With only a few inches insertion, respiration can be profoundly restricted, causing the dog to expire within 30 seconds to a minute."

    I was thinking I'd read something like this in a book, but it was a work of fiction and the guy was being attacked by a big cat. Interesting to know the author had done some research then. I remember thinking at the time you wouldn't have much arm left poking it down a big cat's throat. I don't mean a Maine Coon.
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,431

    True but it says big dog and we've used a trained German shepherd as the example - we could have said Labrador or a deerhound - so I think it's fair to choose a reasonably good fighter.

    I took 4 stitches to the face from our loving pet Alsatian that was close to dying and was just saying "leave me alone". It happened very fast. I wouldn't want to tackle a healthy angry threatened one.
    Reminds me. Leaving school one day we saw the results of a boy getting caught by one when nicking some apples. His leg was ripped to shreds with blood everywhere. Stuck with me for over 50 years that has.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644


    my money is on the dog, but if DeV wants to have a pop at it I'll bring my school bag along for him
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • seanoconn
    seanoconn Posts: 11,508
    MattFalle said:



    my money is on the dog, but if DeV wants to have a pop at it I'll bring my school bag along for him

    It’s just yawning. Bet it’s a big softie really.
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    seanoconn said:

    MattFalle said:



    my money is on the dog, but if DeV wants to have a pop at it I'll bring my school bag along for him

    It’s just yawning. Bet it’s a big softie really.
    looking for a tickle under the chin....
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • surrey_commuter
    surrey_commuter Posts: 18,867
    MattFalle said:



    my money is on the dog, but if DeV wants to have a pop at it I'll bring my school bag along for him

    if you have an SAS dog then surely it has to fight an SAS man

    does the dog still win?
  • verylonglegs
    verylonglegs Posts: 4,015
    Are people who suggest being able to take on a police dog over looking the simple logic that the very reason they use them is because they invariably always win?
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644

    MattFalle said:



    my money is on the dog, but if DeV wants to have a pop at it I'll bring my school bag along for him

    if you have an SAS dog then surely it has to fight an SAS man

    does the dog still win?
    yes.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • surrey_commuter
    surrey_commuter Posts: 18,867

    Are people who suggest being able to take on a police dog over looking the simple logic that the very reason they use them is because they invariably always win?

    well a quick Google suggests a 16 year old boy won against a police dog
    https://people.com/crime/16-year-old-arrested-charged-after-allegedly-beating-police-dog-to-death/

    and this chap seems to have fought a horse and a dog, though did not kill either
    https://www.horseandhound.co.uk/news/police-appeal-man-beat-horse-and-dog-in-shocking-and-barbaric-assault-737997
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    edited May 2021

    Are people who suggest being able to take on a police dog over looking the simple logic that the very reason they use them is because they invariably always win?

    well a quick Google suggests a 16 year old boy won against a police dog
    https://people.com/crime/16-year-old-arrested-charged-after-allegedly-beating-police-dog-to-death/

    and this chap seems to have fought a horse and a dog, though did not kill either
    https://www.horseandhound.co.uk/news/police-appeal-man-beat-horse-and-dog-in-shocking-and-barbaric-assault-737997

    your post is a very very poor attempt at humour, yeah?
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226
    Right, I'm off to find a goose.
  • rjsterry
    rjsterry Posts: 28,428
    MattFalle said:

    Terrier are good at that sort of thing however I'm not really into rolling around on the floor biting rats.

    Put a terrier into a scrap with a rat the size of a cat or a farm rat/ooloo (sic) rat then its a different story I would say.

    A spade is an alternative. Messes up your lino, though.
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Part of the anti-growth coalition
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    rjsterry said:

    MattFalle said:

    Terrier are good at that sort of thing however I'm not really into rolling around on the floor biting rats.

    Put a terrier into a scrap with a rat the size of a cat or a farm rat/ooloo (sic) rat then its a different story I would say.

    A spade is an alternative. Messes up your lino, though.
    therefore the 50 cal.

    less effort as well.

    winner winner (very very very small remains of) rat for dinner
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • darkhairedlord
    darkhairedlord Posts: 7,180
    MattFalle said:



    Dog "thanks, thats me handled, your turn now, just pop it in here"
  • wilberforce
    wilberforce Posts: 310
    seanoconn said:

    MattFalle said:



    my money is on the dog, but if DeV wants to have a pop at it I'll bring my school bag along for him

    It’s just yawning. Bet it’s a big softie really.
    I remember years ago when I was in the RAF opening the inner door to our building entrance to find a growling RAF police Alsatian staring back at me from within the security entrance. I shut the door rather quickly!. The handler thought it was a good place to leave the dog whilst he went to the toilet .......but didn’t warn anyone.