Man vs goose

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Comments

  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226
    MattFalle said:

    Canada Goose

    Mute Swan

    no - i'm think farm goose, biting, spitting, chasingfucker.

    Live coverage:


  • surrey_commuter
    surrey_commuter Posts: 18,867
    Pross said:

    The rat is the only one I'd be confident with the house cat a probable (emphasis on it being a house cat and not semi-feral). I'd fancy my chances over an eagle before a goose. Some medium size dogs would be OK but as above, having had Staffies they are generally very docile but if riled I wouldn't fancy my odds at all and even my 14 week old GSD would be a tough scrap, there's no way I'm beating him when he's fully grown. I suspect most people are thinking PG Tips when considering a chimp, they're vicious bar stewards in the wild.

    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?
  • pangolin
    pangolin Posts: 6,519

    Pross said:

    The rat is the only one I'd be confident with the house cat a probable (emphasis on it being a house cat and not semi-feral). I'd fancy my chances over an eagle before a goose. Some medium size dogs would be OK but as above, having had Staffies they are generally very docile but if riled I wouldn't fancy my odds at all and even my 14 week old GSD would be a tough scrap, there's no way I'm beating him when he's fully grown. I suspect most people are thinking PG Tips when considering a chimp, they're vicious bar stewards in the wild.

    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?
    Eventual blood loss if you panic I reckon. Death by a thousand cuts.
    - Genesis Croix de Fer
    - Dolan Tuono
  • wilberforce
    wilberforce Posts: 310

    Pross said:



    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?

    Good luck if you get in the path of our moggie and his food bowl when the food timer goes. It is a vicious whirlwind of claws and teeth and nothing will stop him.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226
    edited May 2021



    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?

    Good luck if you get in the path of our moggie and his food bowl when the food timer goes. It is a vicious whirlwind of claws and teeth and nothing will stop him.
    I reckon if you weren't worried about damage to the cat you could beat it fairly easily.
  • DeVlaeminck
    DeVlaeminck Posts: 8,854
    Pross said:

    That said wild rats give me the creeps more than pretty much any other creature (I've had domestic rats and always like them strangely) and you'd probably die later from Wiel's disease so the victory would be quite hollow.

    I know what you mean - also had pet rats and they are very friendly aren't they.
    [Castle Donington Ladies FC - going up in '22]
  • singleton
    singleton Posts: 2,523



    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?

    Good luck if you get in the path of our moggie and his food bowl when the food timer goes. It is a vicious whirlwind of claws and teeth and nothing will stop him.
    I reckon if you weren't worried about damage to the cat you could beat it fairly easily.
    Yes agreed. Any animal will inevitably inflict injuries on you, but you could win if you had to.

    The above statement doesn't hold true for stuff like lions and grizzlys though.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226
    This all reminded me of that Scott Baldwin being bitten by a lion video.
  • surrey_commuter
    surrey_commuter Posts: 18,867



    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?

    Good luck if you get in the path of our moggie and his food bowl when the food timer goes. It is a vicious whirlwind of claws and teeth and nothing will stop him.
    I reckon if you weren't worried about damage to the cat you could beat it fairly easily.
    yes, I think it was agreed no social norms and galdiatorial arena in which circumstances the moggy would be launched into row z from the end of your boot
  • shirley_basso
    shirley_basso Posts: 6,195
    How do you kill a domesticated animal while confirming to social norms?

    My wife is a vet and is intregued*

    *shes not remotely interested
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226

    How do you kill a domesticated animal while confirming to social norms?

    My wife is a vet and is intregued*

    *shes not remotely interested

    If conforming to social norms, you'd only need to beat it. Hold it down for a count of three, and the ref bangs the canvas, you win.
  • shortfall
    shortfall Posts: 3,288
    When I was a kid I had a bunch of chickens, geese and ducks and I can tell anyone scared of geese that they would struggle to even break your skin if they did actually try and bite you. Yes they put on a menacing display but it's all a front.
  • DeVlaeminck
    DeVlaeminck Posts: 8,854
    edited May 2021
    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions
    [Castle Donington Ladies FC - going up in '22]
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644

    Pross said:

    The rat is the only one I'd be confident with the house cat a probable (emphasis on it being a house cat and not semi-feral). I'd fancy my chances over an eagle before a goose. Some medium size dogs would be OK but as above, having had Staffies they are generally very docile but if riled I wouldn't fancy my odds at all and even my 14 week old GSD would be a tough scrap, there's no way I'm beating him when he's fully grown. I suspect most people are thinking PG Tips when considering a chimp, they're vicious bar stewards in the wild.

    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?
    it'll rip your face and eyes to bits with its claws whilst spinning round like like a mad thing fighting for its life

    remember - its not the size of the whatever in the fight its the size of the fight in the whatever
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644

    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

    large dog? you ever seen a war dog?

    not a police/security dog but a war dog?

    phuck that.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • DeVlaeminck
    DeVlaeminck Posts: 8,854
    What is a war dog?
    [Castle Donington Ladies FC - going up in '22]
  • shortfall
    shortfall Posts: 3,288

    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

    I agree with all that except the chimp. There are plenty of confirmed reports of chimps killing humans and apparently they're strong enough to rip off body parts.
  • skyblueamateur
    skyblueamateur Posts: 1,498
    This is a great thread.

    In my head I'm Roberto Duran knocking horses out so fancy my chances of banging a Chimp out. In reality it would be very, very different..........
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    edited May 2021

    What is a war dog?

    dogs that they just basically use to rip the enemy to shreds

    you have different kinds of dog - sniffer, security, patrolling, fighting and war.

    no one goes near a war dog. bred for one thing and one thing only and thats in the name.

    tbg, i'm not pucking a fight with any kind if security based working dog - i've worked with police and attack dogs and yeah, you'd die. horribly.

    basically a really angry attack dog.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    shortfall said:

    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

    I agree with all that except the chimp. There are plenty of confirmed reports of chimps killing humans and apparently they're strong enough to rip off body parts.
    'roo will kick phuck out of you.

    razor sharp claws, brain of a pea.

    it'll then kick you around and jump up and down on you.

    nah.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • First.Aspect
    First.Aspect Posts: 15,810
    Would you take on a rabbit?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcxKIJTb3Hg
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644

    This is a great thread.

    In my head I'm Roberto Duran knocking horses out so fancy my chances of banging a Chimp out. In reality it would be very, very different..........

    agree - best thread in ages.

    and agree - i'm not fighting a fish if i don't really, really, really have to and even then I'd ask someone to 50 cal it for me first.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • pangolin
    pangolin Posts: 6,519

    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

    How do you practically kill a king cobra?
    - Genesis Croix de Fer
    - Dolan Tuono
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226
    edited May 2021
    A king cobra is pretty sizeable.



    I'm interested how you're beating that unarmed if it's in a fighty mood.
  • skyblueamateur
    skyblueamateur Posts: 1,498
    pangolin said:

    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

    How do you practically kill a king cobra?
    Again, in my head I'm getting round the back of it, blindsiding it, grabbing its tail and stamping the sh1t out of it's head.

    Or, picking it up by it's tail,swinging around my head and then bashing it's head in off the floor.

  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    i think a lot of this also depends on how much pain you can take - i mean, the standard clubbie is pretty weak and would probably get taken down by a pigeon or two, but get some bloke from mortar platoon 1 PARA in and his lack of pain/brain cells and thug strength would probably carry him the dog/goose/chimp level.

    I fancy myself to happily take on anything goose or medium dog, but after that? A wolf? nah.

    and how are you expected to fight a crocodile with your bare hands? its a prehistoric killing machine.

    this thread is mega.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    pangolin said:

    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

    How do you practically kill a king cobra?
    lob it into a running lawn mower?
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • seanoconn
    seanoconn Posts: 11,509
    pangolin said:

    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

    How do you practically kill a king cobra?
    You let it bite your hand then you bite it’s head off. Snake dies first, is that a win?
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • skyblueamateur
    skyblueamateur Posts: 1,498
    I really hope people are being serious on this thread.....
  • seanoconn
    seanoconn Posts: 11,509
    Anaconda might be different. Can they get a good grip on your straight away? Or do you have to be asleep or something.
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי