Man vs goose

pblakeney

Key point in this thread is that the human is unarmed. Most western humans don't have a clue how to kill unarmed against anything fightier than a house cat.

skyblueamateur

pblakeney said:

Key point in this thread is that the human is unarmed. Most western humans don't have a clue how to kill unarmed against anything fightier than a house cat.

Pffft, speak for yourself. I've watched all 3 series of Cobra Kai. I feel more then prepared.

First.Aspect

No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

MattFalle

i would amend that to read 70% of humans

wtf does some banker in Singapore know about chinning a 'roo?

Fat Les who works in Safeways? When was the last time he fought a crocodile?

And definitly Giovanni the Greek who does the timber department at Edwyn's, I can't remember the last time he had a rumble with a gorilla, although tbf he has woken up next to some rough birds over hus time.

kingstongraham

MattFalle said:

pangolin said:

DeVlaeminck said:

Bear - bear wins
Lion - lion wins
Elephant - elephant wins
Gorilla - gorilla wins
Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
Eagle - too light
Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
Cat - might get a few scratches
Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

How do you practically kill a king cobra?

lob it into a running lawn mower?

I'd class that as being armed with a lawnmower.

MattFalle

ah, but what if it wasn't your lawn mower and only happened to be there a la Point Break?

photonic69

DeVlaeminck said:

We had a rat get in the house once - my Manchester Terrier killed it in seconds by biting it and shaking it violently - that's the tactic.

That's a bit harsh calling your kid a Manchester Terrier!

Rats - most people would run away from them screaming.
Goose - viscious buggers. Got chased and bitten by one as a kid. There's a reason they use them to guard Scrapyards and other places where nefarious would-be theives might operate.
Cobras - I was in our swimming pool as a kid and noticed a baby cobra was swimming with me. My dad hoiked it out with a garden rake and chopped his head off with a spade. All snakes can be small and manageable. It doesn't specify the size/age of the King Cobra. It might be a baby one, but still deadly toxin. We had Green Mambas, Black Mambas and Puff Adders too. Most of them slithered away from humans quickly.
I would go for the Gorilla - after all he might be livid and called Gerald

MattFalle

but I accept your point.

well, apart from the lawn mower there seems no other option, so I suppose you'd be phucked.

seanoconn

skyblueamateur said:

pblakeney said:

Key point in this thread is that the human is unarmed. Most western humans don't have a clue how to kill unarmed against anything fightier than a house cat.

Pffft, speak for yourself. I've watched all 3 series of Cobra Kai. I feel more then prepared.

Hmmm, crane kick vs house cat? I don’t fancy your chances.

kingstongraham

MattFalle said:

Fat Les who works in Safeways? When was the last time he fought a crocodile?

You really have a way with words.

MattFalle

kingstongraham said:

MattFalle said:

Fat Les who works in Safeways? When was the last time he fought a crocodile?

You really have a way with words.

😂😂

kingstongraham

First.Aspect said:

No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

Home or away fixture?

MattFalle

photonic69 said:

DeVlaeminck said:

We had a rat get in the house once - my Manchester Terrier killed it in seconds by biting it and shaking it violently - that's the tactic.

That's a bit harsh calling your kid a Manchester Terrier!

Rats - most people would run away from them screaming.
Goose - viscious buggers. Got chased and bitten by one as a kid. There's a reason they use them to guard Scrapyards and other places where nefarious would-be theives might operate.
Cobras - I was in our swimming pool as a kid and noticed a baby cobra was swimming with me. My dad hoiked it out with a garden rake and chopped his head off with a spade. All snakes can be small and manageable. It doesn't specify the size/age of the King Cobra. It might be a baby one, but still deadly toxin. We had Green Mambas, Black Mambas and Puff Adders too. Most of them slithered away from humans quickly.
I would go for the Gorilla - after all he might be livid and called Gerald

Black mamba eh.....

MattFalle

First.Aspect said:

No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

i ain't going near conger eels and not the dancing type. rip you to shreds.

obvs pizzed off sharks.

i'd batter a cod though...

shirley_basso

I was attacked by a police attack dog as part of a controlled demonstration.

It was unreal how powerful / strong it was. Nil chance of survival. Maybe if you got a lucky kick off into the nose, but the dog has probably taken a few more knocks that you have, so would ride it out then maul your innerds

veronese68

kingstongraham said:

A king cobra is pretty sizeable.

I'm interested how you're beating that unarmed if it's in a fighty mood.

Stay awake and keep your distance until the temperature drops enough that it slows down. Hope it really is cold enough. Otherwise, not a chance.

First.Aspect

kingstongraham said:

First.Aspect said:

No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

Home or away fixture?

The kelp isn't so good away from home, I'll admit. Doesn't deal well with the altitude.

surrey_commuter

I saw Man vs Beast on cable TV in Asia once and I think it was heavily criticised. I have never forgotten the tug of war between an orangutan and a sumo twice the size

https://www.vocativ.com/news/271212/remembering-man-vs-beast-foxs-wild-reality-tv-competition/index.html

MattFalle

shirley_basso said:

I was attacked by a police attack dog as part of a controlled demonstration.

It was unreal how powerful / strong it was. Nil chance of survival. Maybe if you got a lucky kick off into the nose, but the dog has probably taken a few more knocks that you have, so would ride it out then maul your innerds

i've done FIBUA and riot training with them.

agree 10,000 % with you.

I had one attached to my arm and was swinging it around and it wouldn't let go.

never, ever, ever annoy a working dog.

morstar

I think with the large dog people are assuming they can get a perfect punch in while the dog is clamped to their arm.
As they see in all the police dog demos.
This is in start contrast to the frantically snapping jaws of death that they are actually going to be confronted with before they really take hold.

Pross

surrey_commuter said:

Pross said:

The rat is the only one I'd be confident with the house cat a probable (emphasis on it being a house cat and not semi-feral). I'd fancy my chances over an eagle before a goose. Some medium size dogs would be OK but as above, having had Staffies they are generally very docile but if riled I wouldn't fancy my odds at all and even my 14 week old GSD would be a tough scrap, there's no way I'm beating him when he's fully grown. I suspect most people are thinking PG Tips when considering a chimp, they're vicious bar stewards in the wild.

how would you lose a fight to a house cat?

First it would slash your eyes to blind you and then it will go for your jugular once you are defenceless.

When I was a teenager I got up for the toilet in the night and feinted, hitting my head on the radiator. When I came around my pet cat, who I looked after and who lived in my bedroom away from the dogs, was standing on my chest attacking me the censored!

morstar

Even in just a war of attrition the dog has you fucked. A lucky first blow and yes, you have a chance.

pblakeney

skyblueamateur said:

pblakeney said:

Key point in this thread is that the human is unarmed. Most western humans don't have a clue how to kill unarmed against anything fightier than a house cat.

Pffft, speak for yourself. I've watched all 3 series of Cobra Kai. I feel more then prepared.

The most effective method from Cobra Kai appears to be throwing them over a stair bannister. 😉

shirley_basso

morstar said:

I think with the large dog people are assuming they can get a perfect punch in while the dog is clamped to their arm.
As they see in all the police dog demos.
This is in start contrast to the frantically snapping jaws of death that they are actually going to be confronted with before they really take hold.

Precisely. My experience was in the same scenario as MF describes. The policeman gives you an enormous steel reinforced plaster cast to wear over your arm.

You then run away while the dog gives chase. It latches on with a vice like grip and throws you around like a ragdoll - NOT the other way around.

pblakeney

First.Aspect said:

No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

I'm quite prepared to take on a great white in the pub.
Big pub obviously. 😉

MattFalle

you don't have any chance against an attack dog.

none.

pangolin

Pross said:

surrey_commuter said:

Pross said:

The rat is the only one I'd be confident with the house cat a probable (emphasis on it being a house cat and not semi-feral). I'd fancy my chances over an eagle before a goose. Some medium size dogs would be OK but as above, having had Staffies they are generally very docile but if riled I wouldn't fancy my odds at all and even my 14 week old GSD would be a tough scrap, there's no way I'm beating him when he's fully grown. I suspect most people are thinking PG Tips when considering a chimp, they're vicious bar stewards in the wild.

how would you lose a fight to a house cat?

First it would slash your eyes to blind you and then it will go for your jugular once you are defenceless.

When I was a teenager I got up for the toilet in the night and feinted, hitting my head on the radiator. When I came around my pet cat, who I looked after and who lived in my bedroom away from the dogs, was standing on my chest attacking me the censored!

I think you'll find he was providing valuable CPR*

*clawing, pouncing, running away

Pross

Yeah, with a dog of any decent size you would have to get the first strike. Their instinct is going to be to go for your neck. You might stand a chance in a more confined arena but anywhere where the dog has space to come at you with speed I would suggest the dog is likely to come out on top (assuming the dog is aware it is an a fight to the death and isn't just trained to restrain you).

shirley_basso

First.Aspect said:

No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

Duckweed and algae sicken me so I'm out.

I was once chased by a trigger fish when out diving, which was quite enough for me.

MattFalle

Pross said:

Yeah, with a dog of any decent size you would have to get the first strike. Their instinct is going to be to go for your testicles at which point you are utterly and totally phucked as they'll rip your hands off as you try and protect them. You might stand a chance in a more confined arena but anywhere where the dog has space to come at you with speed I would suggest the dog is likely to come out on top (assuming the dog is aware it is an a fight to the death and isn't just trained to restrain you).

ftfy