Man vs goose

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Comments

  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,431
    Key point in this thread is that the human is unarmed. Most western humans don't have a clue how to kill unarmed against anything fightier than a house cat.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • skyblueamateur
    skyblueamateur Posts: 1,498
    pblakeney said:

    Key point in this thread is that the human is unarmed. Most western humans don't have a clue how to kill unarmed against anything fightier than a house cat.

    Pffft, speak for yourself. I've watched all 3 series of Cobra Kai. I feel more then prepared.
  • First.Aspect
    First.Aspect Posts: 15,810
    No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

    For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    i would amend that to read 70% of humans

    wtf does some banker in Singapore know about chinning a 'roo?

    Fat Les who works in Safeways? When was the last time he fought a crocodile?

    And definitly Giovanni the Greek who does the timber department at Edwyn's, I can't remember the last time he had a rumble with a gorilla, although tbf he has woken up next to some rough birds over hus time.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226
    MattFalle said:

    pangolin said:

    Bear - bear wins
    Lion - lion wins
    Elephant - elephant wins
    Gorilla - gorilla wins
    Crocodile - on land ? I'd assume the croc. wins
    Wolf - what sub species? Basically it's a big dog isn't it? I imagine it could go either way I might fancy the wolf as it is used to killing.
    Kangaroo - I'd favour the kangaroo but not impossible ?
    Chimp - I know chimps are meant to be super strong but I'm going to say 50:50 against someone in their prime - might be kidding myself but anything that makes a living acting in tea commercials can't be that hard.
    King Cobra - surely you could kill it even if you died afterwards - but then anti venom - so human wins ?
    Large dog - like what? In a fight to the death I'd bet on the person if the person didn't panic - even if I wouldn't want to be that person. There are some breeds I might not - Caucasian Ovcharkas etc.
    Eagle - too light
    Medium dog - I'm pretty sure I could beat a Staffy having owned a few .
    Goose - not even a contest - I'd rather take on a goose than a cat
    Cat - might get a few scratches
    Rat - fighting up too many weight divisions

    How do you practically kill a king cobra?
    lob it into a running lawn mower?
    I'd class that as being armed with a lawnmower.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    ah, but what if it wasn't your lawn mower and only happened to be there a la Point Break?
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • photonic69
    photonic69 Posts: 2,616



    We had a rat get in the house once - my Manchester Terrier killed it in seconds by biting it and shaking it violently - that's the tactic.

    That's a bit harsh calling your kid a Manchester Terrier!

    Rats - most people would run away from them screaming.
    Goose - viscious buggers. Got chased and bitten by one as a kid. There's a reason they use them to guard Scrapyards and other places where nefarious would-be theives might operate.
    Cobras - I was in our swimming pool as a kid and noticed a baby cobra was swimming with me. My dad hoiked it out with a garden rake and chopped his head off with a spade. All snakes can be small and manageable. It doesn't specify the size/age of the King Cobra. It might be a baby one, but still deadly toxin. We had Green Mambas, Black Mambas and Puff Adders too. Most of them slithered away from humans quickly.
    I would go for the Gorilla - after all he might be livid and called Gerald


    Sometimes. Maybe. Possibly.

  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    but I accept your point.

    well, apart from the lawn mower there seems no other option, so I suppose you'd be phucked.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • seanoconn
    seanoconn Posts: 11,509

    pblakeney said:

    Key point in this thread is that the human is unarmed. Most western humans don't have a clue how to kill unarmed against anything fightier than a house cat.

    Pffft, speak for yourself. I've watched all 3 series of Cobra Kai. I feel more then prepared.
    Hmmm, crane kick vs house cat? I don’t fancy your chances.
    Pinno, מלך אידיוט וחרא מכונאי
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226
    MattFalle said:


    Fat Les who works in Safeways? When was the last time he fought a crocodile?

    You really have a way with words.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644

    MattFalle said:


    Fat Les who works in Safeways? When was the last time he fought a crocodile?

    You really have a way with words.
    😂😂
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • kingstongraham
    kingstongraham Posts: 27,226

    No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

    For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

    Home or away fixture?
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644



    We had a rat get in the house once - my Manchester Terrier killed it in seconds by biting it and shaking it violently - that's the tactic.

    That's a bit harsh calling your kid a Manchester Terrier!

    Rats - most people would run away from them screaming.
    Goose - viscious buggers. Got chased and bitten by one as a kid. There's a reason they use them to guard Scrapyards and other places where nefarious would-be theives might operate.
    Cobras - I was in our swimming pool as a kid and noticed a baby cobra was swimming with me. My dad hoiked it out with a garden rake and chopped his head off with a spade. All snakes can be small and manageable. It doesn't specify the size/age of the King Cobra. It might be a baby one, but still deadly toxin. We had Green Mambas, Black Mambas and Puff Adders too. Most of them slithered away from humans quickly.
    I would go for the Gorilla - after all he might be livid and called Gerald
    Black mamba eh.....
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    edited May 2021

    No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

    For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

    i ain't going near conger eels and not the dancing type. rip you to shreds.

    obvs pizzed off sharks.

    i'd batter a cod though...



    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • shirley_basso
    shirley_basso Posts: 6,195
    I was attacked by a police attack dog as part of a controlled demonstration.

    It was unreal how powerful / strong it was. Nil chance of survival. Maybe if you got a lucky kick off into the nose, but the dog has probably taken a few more knocks that you have, so would ride it out then maul your innerds
  • veronese68
    veronese68 Posts: 27,545

    A king cobra is pretty sizeable.

    I'm interested how you're beating that unarmed if it's in a fighty mood.

    Stay awake and keep your distance until the temperature drops enough that it slows down. Hope it really is cold enough. Otherwise, not a chance.
  • First.Aspect
    First.Aspect Posts: 15,810

    No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

    For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

    Home or away fixture?
    The kelp isn't so good away from home, I'll admit. Doesn't deal well with the altitude.
  • surrey_commuter
    surrey_commuter Posts: 18,867
    I saw Man vs Beast on cable TV in Asia once and I think it was heavily criticised. I have never forgotten the tug of war between an orangutan and a sumo twice the size

    https://www.vocativ.com/news/271212/remembering-man-vs-beast-foxs-wild-reality-tv-competition/index.html
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644

    I was attacked by a police attack dog as part of a controlled demonstration.

    It was unreal how powerful / strong it was. Nil chance of survival. Maybe if you got a lucky kick off into the nose, but the dog has probably taken a few more knocks that you have, so would ride it out then maul your innerds

    i've done FIBUA and riot training with them.

    agree 10,000 % with you.

    I had one attached to my arm and was swinging it around and it wouldn't let go.

    never, ever, ever annoy a working dog.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • morstar
    morstar Posts: 6,190
    I think with the large dog people are assuming they can get a perfect punch in while the dog is clamped to their arm.
    As they see in all the police dog demos.
    This is in start contrast to the frantically snapping jaws of death that they are actually going to be confronted with before they really take hold.
  • Pross
    Pross Posts: 42,099

    Pross said:

    The rat is the only one I'd be confident with the house cat a probable (emphasis on it being a house cat and not semi-feral). I'd fancy my chances over an eagle before a goose. Some medium size dogs would be OK but as above, having had Staffies they are generally very docile but if riled I wouldn't fancy my odds at all and even my 14 week old GSD would be a tough scrap, there's no way I'm beating him when he's fully grown. I suspect most people are thinking PG Tips when considering a chimp, they're vicious bar stewards in the wild.

    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?
    First it would slash your eyes to blind you and then it will go for your jugular once you are defenceless.

    When I was a teenager I got up for the toilet in the night and feinted, hitting my head on the radiator. When I came around my pet cat, who I looked after and who lived in my bedroom away from the dogs, was standing on my chest attacking me the censored!
  • morstar
    morstar Posts: 6,190
    Even in just a war of attrition the dog has you fucked. A lucky first blow and yes, you have a chance.
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,431

    pblakeney said:

    Key point in this thread is that the human is unarmed. Most western humans don't have a clue how to kill unarmed against anything fightier than a house cat.

    Pffft, speak for yourself. I've watched all 3 series of Cobra Kai. I feel more then prepared.
    The most effective method from Cobra Kai appears to be throwing them over a stair bannister. 😉
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • shirley_basso
    shirley_basso Posts: 6,195
    morstar said:

    I think with the large dog people are assuming they can get a perfect punch in while the dog is clamped to their arm.
    As they see in all the police dog demos.
    This is in start contrast to the frantically snapping jaws of death that they are actually going to be confronted with before they really take hold.

    Precisely. My experience was in the same scenario as MF describes. The policeman gives you an enormous steel reinforced plaster cast to wear over your arm.

    You then run away while the dog gives chase. It latches on with a vice like grip and throws you around like a ragdoll - NOT the other way around.
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,431

    No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

    For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.


    I'm quite prepared to take on a great white in the pub.
    Big pub obviously. 😉
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    you don't have any chance against an attack dog.

    none.
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.
  • pangolin
    pangolin Posts: 6,519
    Pross said:

    Pross said:

    The rat is the only one I'd be confident with the house cat a probable (emphasis on it being a house cat and not semi-feral). I'd fancy my chances over an eagle before a goose. Some medium size dogs would be OK but as above, having had Staffies they are generally very docile but if riled I wouldn't fancy my odds at all and even my 14 week old GSD would be a tough scrap, there's no way I'm beating him when he's fully grown. I suspect most people are thinking PG Tips when considering a chimp, they're vicious bar stewards in the wild.

    how would you lose a fight to a house cat?
    First it would slash your eyes to blind you and then it will go for your jugular once you are defenceless.

    When I was a teenager I got up for the toilet in the night and feinted, hitting my head on the radiator. When I came around my pet cat, who I looked after and who lived in my bedroom away from the dogs, was standing on my chest attacking me the censored!
    I think you'll find he was providing valuable CPR*

    *clawing, pouncing, running away
    - Genesis Croix de Fer
    - Dolan Tuono
  • Pross
    Pross Posts: 42,099
    Yeah, with a dog of any decent size you would have to get the first strike. Their instinct is going to be to go for your neck. You might stand a chance in a more confined arena but anywhere where the dog has space to come at you with speed I would suggest the dog is likely to come out on top (assuming the dog is aware it is an a fight to the death and isn't just trained to restrain you).
  • shirley_basso
    shirley_basso Posts: 6,195

    No aquatic life that anyone wants to take on?

    For me, anything more aggressive then kelp is a problem.

    Duckweed and algae sicken me so I'm out.

    I was once chased by a trigger fish when out diving, which was quite enough for me.
  • MattFalle
    MattFalle Posts: 11,644
    Pross said:

    Yeah, with a dog of any decent size you would have to get the first strike. Their instinct is going to be to go for your testicles at which point you are utterly and totally phucked as they'll rip your hands off as you try and protect them. You might stand a chance in a more confined arena but anywhere where the dog has space to come at you with speed I would suggest the dog is likely to come out on top (assuming the dog is aware it is an a fight to the death and isn't just trained to restrain you).

    ftfy
    .
    The camera down the willy isn't anything like as bad as it sounds.