Has noddergeddon started this year?

Jal_

From 2014, the most perfect summary of an Allez Man I've ever seen.

anonymousblackfg wrote:

I think a confusing factor has been the reinforcing of 'Allez Man' this year, for whatever reason Evans has been churning out sub £1k bikes to choppers at the rate of one a second, thus ballooning the field of hockey sock wearing idiots incapable of shoulder checking or riding in a straight line. These Jonno's and Charlies, being more akin to the Rugby field to an A road, are far less phased with a bit of rain and see the full befefit of still being able to listen to their Ipods while having the added advantage of getting to roll out their 'Loughborough University Ireland Hockey Tour 2004' Jersey five days a week.

mtb-idle

it's the new normal innit bruv

MrSweary

You just don't get many allez men on my commute. I think Sarf East Laahhdahn isn't posh enough to produce any. Choppers however - phew!

hopkinb

I had an allez man type (not riding an allez, but otherwise textbook) shoulder barge past me at the southbound lights on the segregated bit of CS7 2 nights ago. He'd pushed past maybe 20 other cyclists, then barged me out of the way at the front, drawling "my bad" as he did so. He then set off like the clappers, topping out at 27 kph. I had a word when I passed him, but he kept eyes front. I would have pushed him off his bike, but that seemed a bit excessive, and would probably constitute assault.

fat daddy

whats the reason behind the hatred of the Allez ..... just need to know if its the bike or the sort of person that buys the bike

I have a requirement of a SCR bike so I don't trash the hell out of my Roubaix .... the Allez seems like a decent price to ruin in a bike park

rower63

hopkinb wrote:

... I would have pushed him off his bike, but that seemed a bit excessive ...

thank god we don't have a Second Amendment over here

MrSweary

fat daddy wrote:

whats the reason behind the hatred of the Allez ..... just need to know if its the bike or the sort of person that buys the bike

I have a requirement of a SCR bike so I don't trash the hell out of my Roubaix .... the Allez seems like a decent price to ruin in a bike park

It seems to be a very specific demographic - I don't think its the bike and outside of the London City - SW London commutes he must be fairly rare. Bit of a redundant term really when there are so so many more choppers (who don't happen to be allez men) about.

hopkinb

rower63 wrote:

hopkinb wrote:

... I would have pushed him off his bike, but that seemed a bit excessive ...

thank god we don't have a Second Amendment over here

I know - I would have used my set of bear arms to push him off without even thinking about it..

prawny

Noticed yesterday that instead of being 1st or 2nd of 1 or 2 on the strava segments on my commute I'm 1st or 2nd from 10+ riders.

The nodders are coming!

itboffin

hopkinb wrote:

I had an allez man type (not riding an allez, but otherwise textbook) shoulder barge past me at the southbound lights on the segregated bit of CS7 2 nights ago. He'd pushed past maybe 20 other cyclists, then barged me out of the way at the front, drawling "my bad" as he did so. He then set off like the clappers, topping out at 27 kph. I had a word when I passed him, but he kept eyes front. I would have pushed him off his bike, but that seemed a bit excessive, and would probably constitute assault.

an actual shoulder barge or just shite close filtering?

If i thought someone on purpose barged me out of the way I would take the week off work so I could thoroughly kick the repeated living shite out of them then feed them their own bike, bit by bit

hopkinb

itboffin wrote:

hopkinb wrote:

I had an allez man type (not riding an allez, but otherwise textbook) shoulder barge past me at the southbound lights on the segregated bit of CS7 2 nights ago. He'd pushed past maybe 20 other cyclists, then barged me out of the way at the front, drawling "my bad" as he did so. He then set off like the clappers, topping out at 27 kph. I had a word when I passed him, but he kept eyes front. I would have pushed him off his bike, but that seemed a bit excessive, and would probably constitute assault.

an actual shoulder barge or just shite close filtering?

If i thought someone on purpose barged me out of the way I would take the week off work so I could thoroughly kick the repeated living shite out of them then feed them their own bike, bit by bit

I was stationary (so not actually dangerous, just selfish) at the front of a queue for a red light, on the right hand side of a bike lane wide enough for 2, there was someone else on the left hand side of the lane. He barged past me on my right, pushing me over towards the person on my left. The light changed before I could say anything, and he shot off. As I said, I did seriously consider giving him a shove as I drew alongside, but head won out over heart, and I settled for some abuse before angrily mashing the pedals and leaving him trailing.

vimfuego

hopkinb wrote:

itboffin wrote:

hopkinb wrote:

I had an allez man type (not riding an allez, but otherwise textbook) shoulder barge past me at the southbound lights on the segregated bit of CS7 2 nights ago. He'd pushed past maybe 20 other cyclists, then barged me out of the way at the front, drawling "my bad" as he did so. He then set off like the clappers, topping out at 27 kph. I had a word when I passed him, but he kept eyes front. I would have pushed him off his bike, but that seemed a bit excessive, and would probably constitute assault.

an actual shoulder barge or just shite close filtering?

If i thought someone on purpose barged me out of the way I would take the week off work so I could thoroughly kick the repeated living shite out of them then feed them their own bike, bit by bit

I was stationary (so not actually dangerous, just selfish) at the front of a queue for a red light, on the right hand side of a bike lane wide enough for 2, there was someone else on the left hand side of the lane. He barged past me on my right, pushing me over towards the person on my left. The light changed before I could say anything, and he shot off. As I said, I did seriously consider giving him a shove as I drew alongside, but head won out over heart, and I settled for some abuse before angrily mashing the pedals and leaving him trailing.

w@nker
Something similar happened to me waiting at the lights on the segregated bit heading saaaarf just before Oval Tube (you know, where you can bear off left for Brixton). Two of us waiting at the red, one either side of the path, & some clapham man tool comes barging through the (pretty small) gap between us so he can stop just beyond the line, then get in the way as his trainers slip on the pedals when he tries to move away in too big a gear.

There is also a special place reserved in hell for muppets that insist on squeezing past on your inside whilst you wait at lights / behind stationary traffic - seems to happen so often at the moment that I think it must be a new sport or something. Couple of weeks back, I was waiting at the ped crossing at the bottom of the dip as you pass through Clapham North (headed south) - I'm on the riding line, so there's a small gap up my inside because who wants to ride in gravel, broken glass etc & a moped to my right. Lights are a way off changing to green when some b*stard (Allez - check, Under Armour trainers - check, Hockey socks - check) comes piling up the inside and shoots through the light. Must've missed my left elbow by a centimetre or two. Cue red mist - chased him down (having waited for green natch) & when passing, not very casually advised him not to try it again lest he find himself on the end of a shoeing. Then stormed off in a cloud of expletives and head shaking. Calmed down a bit by Balham & then got annoyed with myself for reacting. Still - little Strava trophy gained up Balham High Street so not a total loss.

hopkinb

vimfuego wrote:

There is also a special place reserved in hell for muppets that insist on squeezing past on your inside whilst you wait at lights / behind stationary traffic - seems to happen so often at the moment that I think it must be a new sport or something.

This is definitely a new sport. Had a good ride home yesterday with a couple of people keen to push on when traffic allowed. One guy peeled off at between Colliers Wood and South Wimbledon, and me and the other guy carried on. There're some temporary lights at Wimbledon Chase, so traffic along Kingston Road is beyond appalling, and we were stuck behind a proper massive articulated lorry - not a tipper truck, a juggernaut. Anyway, being sensible types, we were crawling along behind this beast of a vehicle, waiting for a chance to filter up the outside, without getting squashed by oncoming buses etc. Then some utter clown told us to move over so he could go up the inside of the lorry, I asked him if he was trying to get killed, but he ignored me. There must have been a bike width between the lorry and the kerb, and this tw@t was going to try and travel up the inside of 15 metres of slow moving truck and trailer. Just to top it off, he had no lights, so there's no way the truck driver could have ever seen him. About 5 seconds later, there was this almighty shout as the truck drifted towards the kerb a bit. I hung back a bit, and the idiot had had to bail out by jumping up on to the pavement, leaving his bike on the road. I checked he was OK, and said it was his own fault for trying to squeeze up the side of a lorry, but he wouldn't have it. I left him to it.

adambruntlett

Proper Chopper experience this morning. A guy on a Mérida front sus MTB/Hybrid with in-ear headphones. Barging to the front of queues at lights on the CS, cutting me up, RLJing, the lot. Biggest chopper I've seen in ages. Might try and find him on Strava Flyby to repeat the bollocking I gave him in person....

milemuncher1

I've taken the Helium stance. It's not worth the hassle of reacting, unless I've actually been pushed trafficwards.

the_hundredth_idiot

fat daddy wrote:

whats the reason behind the hatred of the Allez ..... just need to know if its the bike or the sort of person that buys the bike

I have a requirement of a SCR bike so I don't trash the hell out of my Roubaix .... the Allez seems like a decent price to ruin in a bike park

The Allez is a good bike for the money. Just like a BMW 320d is a perfectly decent small saloon car.

fat_tail

hopkinb wrote:

vimfuego wrote:

There is also a special place reserved in hell for muppets that insist on squeezing past on your inside whilst you wait at lights / behind stationary traffic - seems to happen so often at the moment that I think it must be a new sport or something.

This is definitely a new sport.

definitely - yesterday I was stuck behind a stream of lorries on the Chelsea Embankment heading up to the bridge. I was right behind a stopped lorry and was considering whether it was safe to pass on the inside when this fool barges past and slams into my left should which is still recovering from my crash a week ago... cycling is the new contact sport.

roger_merriman

fat_tail wrote:

hopkinb wrote:

vimfuego wrote:

There is also a special place reserved in hell for muppets that insist on squeezing past on your inside whilst you wait at lights / behind stationary traffic - seems to happen so often at the moment that I think it must be a new sport or something.

This is definitely a new sport.

definitely - yesterday I was stuck behind a stream of lorries on the Chelsea Embankment heading up to the bridge. I was right behind a stopped lorry and was considering whether it was safe to pass on the inside when this fool barges past and slams into my left should which is still recovering from my crash a week ago... cycling is the new contact sport.

Some folks don't seem to have got the just because a bike can fit doesn't mean it's wise to do so.

I tend not to kerb hug, as I don't want to encourage cars to try to squeeze along side etc, but just now and then another cyclist pulls to my left, almost always when I want to turn left!

In fairness my potter to work is getting busy saw/flyby three other cyclists today...

warreng

Had my first physical altercation since 1980 when I got a shoeing in a Newport Pagnell playground from an oaf called Paul Chalk. My crime was being the new boy and having a scouse accent.

I'm now 46 and took my pent-up anger from the Battle of Lovat Middle School out on an absolute howling anus on the A24. A fellow cyclist was behaving in a dangerous fashion. He kept doing it over and over again. I tried to avoid him but he seemed keen to undertake me repeatedly - to the point he was deliberately shoulder barging me and then pushed me into the traffic and I saw red and clocked him a couple of times.

I've been commuting into London for 15 years and the standard of cycling is the lowest it's ever been - even for accounting for the huge increase in numbers - there are some people that should not ride a bike

I'm now off to look for Paul Chalk

vpnikolov

WarrenG wrote:

there are some people that should not ride a bike

This. I still maintain that cyclists should pass some kind of course before even thinking about getting on a bike and riding on public roads.

And cyclists in possession of a driving license should be exempt.

asprilla

vpnikolov wrote:

And cyclists in possession of a driving license should be exempt.

Only if you made cycling in traffic part of the driving test. See how they like it.

mattsaw

vpnikolov wrote:

WarrenG wrote:

there are some people that should not ride a bike

This. I still maintain that cyclists should pass some kind of course before even thinking about getting on a bike and riding on public roads.

And cyclists in possession of a driving license should be exempt.

Unfortunately I don't think being in possession of any form of licence prevents you from acting like a cock if you're already genetically predisposed to being a cock.

warreng

Mattsaw wrote:

vpnikolov wrote:

WarrenG wrote:

there are some people that should not ride a bike

This. I still maintain that cyclists should pass some kind of course before even thinking about getting on a bike and riding on public roads.

And cyclists in possession of a driving license should be exempt.

Unfortunately I don't think being in possession of any form of licence prevents you from acting like a fool if you're already genetically predisposed to being a fool.

God only knows what this bloke would be like in a car.

vpnikolov

Mattsaw wrote:

vpnikolov wrote:

WarrenG wrote:

there are some people that should not ride a bike

This. I still maintain that cyclists should pass some kind of course before even thinking about getting on a bike and riding on public roads.

And cyclists in possession of a driving license should be exempt.

Unfortunately I don't think being in possession of any form of licence prevents you from acting like a fool if you're already genetically predisposed to being a fool.

It's not about preventing people acting stupid. There are two infinite things in this world: the universe and people stupidity.

That being said, I think drivers have some "core" skills necessary for open roads that could be helpful to cyclists. The fact that most drivers are inconsiderate tw*ts when it comes to respecting vulnerable road users is a whole different topic of discussion.

Asprilla wrote:

Only if you made cycling in traffic part of the driving test. See how they like it.

Yes. Excellent idea. And include the occasional close pass or left hook. :twisted:

mattsaw

vpnikolov wrote:

It's not about preventing people acting stupid. There are two infinite things in this world: the universe and people stupidity.

To be fair, the swear filter missed the nuance of the word that I tried to use completely.

I imagine it wasn't stupidity that caused this guy to act the "fool"

milemuncher1

If I'm on one of my longer rides ( as I probably will be tomorrow, as it happens) I tend to cross counties, and pass through a few large towns / citys ( including London and it's 'burbs). The thing I've noticed is that 'Allez man' really isn't a London only phenomenon. It's just that the concentration is higher. I do get a fair bit of mileage on the back roads and country lanes of Surrey / Hampshire and Sussex though, which serves to lower my urine temperature back to normal, following the hilarity of a couple of hours playing 'dodge the chopper' whilst in London. I've noticed that the general population of cyclists really did start to increase noticeably after the congestion charge was introduced, and another noticeable increase post 2012 Olympics.

inbike

Asprilla wrote:

vpnikolov wrote:

And cyclists in possession of a driving license should be exempt.

Only if you made cycling in traffic part of the driving test. See how they like it.

Cycling in town really should be part of the driving test, along with sitting in a HGV cab trying to see hazards.

A mandatory retest every 3-5 years would also be excellent, and there should be a special (harder) test for driving in the south where the roads are smaller and the cars are bigger. No going south of Peterborough without passing it.

As a quid pro quo I'd be very happy to get a "cycling license" but right now the driving test is a quickly forgotten farce that is much too easy to pass.

fat_tail

lots of new hi viz jackets out today in old London town....

alan_sherman

Is there a train strike? Or just the first wet day since Christmas and people are using the jackets Santa bought them. A bit early for the true summer migration.

I love that this thread has popped up after so long. It was started in 2014!

fat daddy

fat_tail wrote:

lots of new hi viz jackets out today in old London town....

odd you should say this, but I am in Bristol and this morning I decided to go for the commuter look, so wore baggier trousers than normal and a hi-viz jacket and took the bike with panniers ???

I wonder if its like that flying ant thing where they all know to take to the skys on the same day ?

I