Seemingly trivial things that annoy you

kingstongraham

Biggest annoyance is that because of them, I always assume that any real call from my actual phone company is a scam.

rick_chasey

I got one of them to say "shut up" before hanging up the phone, but then I worried about retribution, so the joy was shortlived. FWIW I told them to get a real job.

Happy to take suggestions for things to say down the phone to them. I've taken a very noisy p!ss on speakerphone, I've pretended to pass them on to the rozzers, but no reaction beyond them hanging up.

pblakeney

rick_chasey said:

I got one of them to say "shut up" before hanging up the phone, but then I worried about retribution, so the joy was shortlived. FWIW I told them to get a real job.

Happy to take suggestions for things to say down the phone to them. I've taken a very noisy p!ss on speakerphone, I've pretended to pass them on to the rozzers, but no reaction beyond them hanging up.

Tbh, I just put the phone down without hanging up, walk way, and leave them to it.

kingstongraham

rick_chasey said:

I got one of them to say "shut up" before hanging up the phone, but then I worried about retribution, so the joy was shortlived. FWIW I told them to get a real job.

Happy to take suggestions for things to say down the phone to them. I've taken a very noisy p!ss on speakerphone, I've pretended to pass them on to the rozzers, but no reaction beyond them hanging up.

If they say they are from Microsoft and that there is a problem with the computer, I keep asking them which one there is a problem with, because we have multiple computers.

If they claim to be from the phone company, I just keep asking them to give me some of the details they would definitely know to confirm their identity.

I just enjoy knocking them off their script.

secretsqirrel

I just lie to them as they are lying to me…..

-nobody of that name here
-I haven’t got internet
-I don’t have a bank account

They usually get frustrated and hang up.

kingstongraham

Yes, maybe I'll try "what's the internet?" next time.

Pross

secretsqirrel said:

I just lie to them as they are lying to me…..

-nobody of that name here
-I haven’t got internet
-I don’t have a bank account

They usually get frustrated and hang up.

Tell them you don't have a phone next time.

secretsqirrel

Pross said:

secretsqirrel said:

I just lie to them as they are lying to me…..

-nobody of that name here
-I haven’t got internet
-I don’t have a bank account

They usually get frustrated and hang up.

Tell them you don't have a phone next time.

Ha! I’ll add that to the list, but it is important not to make yourself sound vulnerable. That will only tick their repulsive little box.

rick_chasey

August is slloooooooooooooow

rick_chasey

If anyone says to you "I like to tell the truth" or words to that effect; massive red flag.

Pross

rick_chasey said:

If anyone says to you "I like to tell the truth" or words to that effect; massive red flag.

As I've said on here previously most people who say something like "I like to tell it as it is" are the biggest snowflakes of the lot when they are on the receiving end of someone else telling it as it is.

pblakeney

Was silent during a discussion today with people moaning about how hard it is to emigrate once you are older, quickly followed up by a moan about immigrants.

briantrumpet

rick_chasey said:

August is slloooooooooooooow

Enjoy the feeling of a month feeling slow while you're still relatively young. If you're lucky enough to double your age (or more), you'll realise that all those clichés about how time goes faster as you get older are totally true... scarily so. It's like you're enjoying a nice descent on the bike and you just get faster and faster, and you now that at the end you're going to be catapulted into oblivion, as you've got no brakes.

Oh, sorry, I was going to suggest you cheer up.

pangolin

rick_chasey said:

I got one of them to say "shut up" before hanging up the phone, but then I worried about retribution, so the joy was shortlived. FWIW I told them to get a real job.

Happy to take suggestions for things to say down the phone to them. I've taken a very noisy p!ss on speakerphone, I've pretended to pass them on to the rozzers, but no reaction beyond them hanging up.

Rick you are one of the few people in a position to help them find that real job. See it as a challenge.

pinno

Back to the scam calls: you can always talk about Cricket.
Ask them who they think was the best - Sachin Tendulkar or Steve Waugh?

"... and do you remember Yuvraj Singh, wasn't he great?"

Tashman

Parking apps. It seems that every car park has a different app!

First.Aspect

pinno said:

Back to the scam calls: you can always talk about Cricket.
Ask them who they think was the best - Sachin Tendulkar or Steve Waugh?

"... and do you remember Yuvraj Singh, wasn't he great?"

You have too much time on your hands. Pressing the red symbol on the phone takes less time.

There's literally no point asking to be taken off calling lists, or blocking specific numbers.

So either just hang up, or do this:

briantrumpet

First.Aspect said:

pinno said:

Back to the scam calls: you can always talk about Cricket.
Ask them who they think was the best - Sachin Tendulkar or Steve Waugh?

"... and do you remember Yuvraj Singh, wasn't he great?"

You have too much time on your hands. Pressing the red symbol on the phone takes less time.

There's literally no point asking to be taken off calling lists, or blocking specific numbers.

So either just hang up, or do this:

Quite. Two seconds' silence and the phone goes down Talktalk have an easy enough blocking system, as a follow-up.

photonic69

"Thanks for reaching out to me.." as an email auto-reply. It really boils my piss.

If I was 'reaching out to you' pal, it would be to thrust my fist down your fecking throat to pull your intestines out past your fecking tonsils, you sanctimonious tw&t.

Grrr.

First.Aspect

photonic69 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to me.." as an email auto-reply. It really boils my piss.

If I was 'reaching out to you' pal, it would be to thrust my fist down your fecking throat to pull your intestines out past your fecking tonsils, you sanctimonious tw&t.

Grrr.

What would you say?

"I'm away. You'll need to wait until I'm back, because no one is co ering my work. If this is urgent, you will need to figure it out yourself."

rick_chasey

First.Aspect said:

photonic69 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to me.." as an email auto-reply. It really boils my piss.

If I was 'reaching out to you' pal, it would be to thrust my fist down your fecking throat to pull your intestines out past your fecking tonsils, you sanctimonious tw&t.

Grrr.

What would you say?

"I'm away. You'll need to wait until I'm back, because no one is co ering my work. If this is urgent, you will need to figure it out yourself."

“I am off on annual leave until x

If you require urgent assistance please text me on +447xxxxxxxxx”

Is my standard

First.Aspect

rick_chasey said:

First.Aspect said:

photonic69 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to me.." as an email auto-reply. It really boils my piss.

If I was 'reaching out to you' pal, it would be to thrust my fist down your fecking throat to pull your intestines out past your fecking tonsils, you sanctimonious tw&t.

Grrr.

What would you say?

"I'm away. You'll need to wait until I'm back, because no one is co ering my work. If this is urgent, you will need to figure it out yourself."

“I am off on annual leave until x

If you require urgent assistance please text me on +447xxxxxxxxx”

Is my standard

I have my mobile in the email footer and I hope no one spots it.

First.Aspect

I don't see the problem with "thank you for your email"

Thanks for reaching out is just a cringeworthy trendier version.

kingstongraham

I'm not saying thank you for an email without having read it. Could be dogshit.

Pross

rick_chasey said:

First.Aspect said:

photonic69 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to me.." as an email auto-reply. It really boils my piss.

If I was 'reaching out to you' pal, it would be to thrust my fist down your fecking throat to pull your intestines out past your fecking tonsils, you sanctimonious tw&t.

Grrr.

What would you say?

"I'm away. You'll need to wait until I'm back, because no one is co ering my work. If this is urgent, you will need to figure it out yourself."

“I am off on annual leave until x

If you require urgent assistance please text me on +447xxxxxxxxx”

Is my standard

I do similar but point them to the office number if they require 'urgent' assistance as I can guarantee the people I deal with have a different definition of what is urgent enough to disturb my holiday.

First.Aspect

kingstongraham said:

I'm not saying thank you for an email without having read it. Could be dogshit.

I will take the risk of inadvertently thanking someone I don't want to hear from, in order to ensure I thank the rest.

photonic69

rick_chasey said:

First.Aspect said:

photonic69 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to me.." as an email auto-reply. It really boils my piss.

If I was 'reaching out to you' pal, it would be to thrust my fist down your fecking throat to pull your intestines out past your fecking tonsils, you sanctimonious tw&t.

Grrr.

What would you say?

"I'm away. You'll need to wait until I'm back, because no one is co ering my work. If this is urgent, you will need to figure it out yourself."

“I am off on annual leave until x

If you require urgent assistance please text me on +447xxxxxxxxx”

Is my standard

You are on leave ffs. Why should they be bothering you and why indeed would you answer a work email or text whilst on leave?

My standard is:
“I am off on annual leave until x I will reply to your enquiry on my return.

If you require urgent assistance please contact X (my manager)"

As my manager is off too this week and I'm on hols I just left the second line out.

kingstongraham

I just put "I am away from x to x" they can work the rest out.

Most important function of it now is that is stops most internal emails coming at all because Outlook tells you that there's an automated response. If it's urgent they don't even send me the email.

rick_chasey

photonic69 said:

rick_chasey said:

First.Aspect said:

photonic69 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to me.." as an email auto-reply. It really boils my piss.

If I was 'reaching out to you' pal, it would be to thrust my fist down your fecking throat to pull your intestines out past your fecking tonsils, you sanctimonious tw&t.

Grrr.

What would you say?

"I'm away. You'll need to wait until I'm back, because no one is co ering my work. If this is urgent, you will need to figure it out yourself."

“I am off on annual leave until x

If you require urgent assistance please text me on +447xxxxxxxxx”

Is my standard

You are on leave ffs. Why should they be bothering you and why indeed would you answer a work email or text whilst on leave?

My standard is:
“I am off on annual leave until x I will reply to your enquiry on my return.

If you require urgent assistance please contact X (my manager)"

As my manager is off too this week and I'm on hols I just left the second line out.

Because I set up my little business within my firm and it’s all down to me.

If I don’t do it, no one does.

That’s fine but for example this morning I got an enquiry which could double my year this morning. She texted, I answered; win win.

First.Aspect

I should clarify that I have a less friendly and grateful OoO message for emails originating from my own organisation. They can just fuck right off until I'm back.