Missus has a got a new bloke

1246

Comments

  • dylanfernley
    dylanfernley Posts: 409
    Zanelad-- how do you know that?-- you have inside info, or just a mistrust of all women ?
  • daviesee
    daviesee Posts: 6,386
    Zanelad wrote:
    What worries me is that if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd suspect that your worldly goods would be in black bin bags on the lawn and the locks changed.
    That's what my wife says would happen. Couldn't blame her.
    At least I know where I stand, and what to do in reverse.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • dbg
    dbg Posts: 846
    My eldest daughter (15) told me tonight that my wife keeps showing her all the texts from 'lover boy' and discussing them with her - am I right to feel extremely angry about that?
  • Vino2007
    Vino2007 Posts: 340
    obviously you would. Is he a bloke who loves watching "his" footie team on a saturday and likes heading out with the boys for pints? That would truly fuck me off. Go out and ride your bike HARD and get in the physique of your life.
  • The Ors
    The Ors Posts: 130
    dbg wrote:
    My eldest daughter (15) told me tonight that my wife keeps showing her all the texts from 'lover boy' and discussing them with her - am I right to feel extremely angry about that?

    Yes, I think you are. Not sure what to advise though!
  • ShutUpLegs
    ShutUpLegs Posts: 3,522
    The Ors wrote:
    dbg wrote:
    My eldest daughter (15) told me tonight that my wife keeps showing her all the texts from 'lover boy' and discussing them with her - am I right to feel extremely angry about that?

    Yes, I think you are. Not sure what to advise though!

    Don't discuss it with your daughter and use her for your emotional support.
  • daviesee
    daviesee Posts: 6,386
    dbg wrote:
    My eldest daughter (15) told me tonight that my wife keeps showing her all the texts from 'lover boy' and discussing them with her - am I right to feel extremely angry about that?
    Yes. You are right, but don't let it out in front of your daughter.
    Best to play it as hurt and disappointed at your wife's actions. Your daughter will probably relate to that more.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • paulmgreen
    paulmgreen Posts: 158
    dbg wrote:
    Thanks for the messages of support they do actually help.
    That's good to know buddy. I can feel pretty much what your going through.

    Keep your chin high and talk when you need to ..

    Best of luck fella
  • verylonglegs
    verylonglegs Posts: 4,023
    dbg wrote:
    My eldest daughter (15) told me tonight that my wife keeps showing her all the texts from 'lover boy' and discussing them with her - am I right to feel extremely angry about that?

    Am I the only one that thinks it's just plain weird for a parent to do that? Especially with a minor. It makes her sound nuts tbh.
  • Widgey
    Widgey Posts: 157
    Dbg - I am from a family where my parents have split up within the last year or so. All I can say is that your children will be hurt by what has happened, but you have to keep them informed of the decisions. Nothing is worse than finding out about some information third hand. Trust is lost exceedingly quickly if such happens and from personal experience is almost none existent to regain.

    On the plus side since my parents have split they are both much happier. I spend a lot more time with my parents now as the "treading on egg shells" is not worried about.
    Dry Bike
    Wet Bike
  • zanelad
    zanelad Posts: 269
    dylanfernley wrote:
    Zanelad-- how do you know that?-- you have inside info, or just a mistrust of all women ?

    I don't mistrust all women. After all, I haven't met them all yet. I do listen when Mrs Z tells me about the relationship failings amongst her friends. Seldom do they end well.

    Mrs Z would not tolerate it if I was thinking about banging an old flame, even after 31 years of marriage. I know how much she'd be hurt and I've a pretty good idea how she'd react. Not that I wish to put my theory to the test.
  • Redhog14
    Redhog14 Posts: 1,377
    I would add some caution to the solcitors debate - I went to a large established Glasgow firm met my solicitor and was quite impressed with her - it did cost me quite a bit as she was a "big hitter" so to speak but my ex had a torrid time with hers who was "fee mining" as the term goes...she ended up changing over half way through. It never went to court though. A mate of mine is also representing himself in his current divorce, but he is quite a sorted kind of character IYKWIM. not sure I coudl have done.

    Also got 2 friends going through the same thing right now (she did the dirty on him, hopefully more toward the resolution stage) it can be a very confusing time as you will be at loggerheads with someone you previously understood and communicated well with, this probably won't get any better I am afraid. So far as involving your kids that is a tricky one but for sure you are right to raise your point about the texts your wife has shared with your daughter, she will be trying to justify the reasons behind the split to her. Stay strong and be patient, think before you speak, many things will be said and suggested by her over the next period but I would wager that 80% will turn out to be bollox!
    @surroundedbh
  • Bunneh
    Bunneh Posts: 1,329
    I can't and won't give advice as I know nothing of such things; however I wish you the best of luck, hope you get through it in one piece and my thoughts are with you. Huge manly hugs!
    http://www.youtube.com/user/Eurobunneh - My Youtube channel.
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 75,660
    Sorry to hear that.

    Can't offer anything useful, but do try to keep your head up, and keep having respect for yourself.
    _
  • dbg
    dbg Posts: 846
    Thanks for the support again folks. I spoke to Mrs dbg this morning about her showing my eldest her fancy man's texts and she admitted it was wrong and she won't do it again - a small moral victory but it felt good!
    I do wonder how it will affect her being home alone (with no car) while I'm in Ireland with the kids for the next 6 days - I guess it could be a big reality check! and it could work for or against me.
  • seanorawe
    seanorawe Posts: 950
    dbg wrote:
    Thanks for the support again folks. I spoke to Mrs dbg this morning about her showing my eldest her fancy man's texts and she admitted it was wrong and she won't do it again - a small moral victory but it felt good!
    I do wonder how it will affect her being home alone (with no car) while I'm in Ireland with the kids for the next 6 days - I guess it could be a big reality check! and it could work for or against me.

    Enjoy Ireland
    I'm Irish myself

    Where in Ireland are you going?
    Cube Attain SL Disc
    Giant CRS 2.0
  • dbg
    dbg Posts: 846
    Very close to Kinsale
  • dylanfernley
    dylanfernley Posts: 409
    Good man, you are in control , which is the best place to be, moral victorys' are good for your soul, conversely she will be down, she will obviously having confused thoughts, hence the behaviour , good that she recognises her mistakes regarding your daughter, that will backfire on her as well, hope you can enjoy your Irish holiday, you going to a great part of the world,hope you can appreciate it, best of luck my man
  • dylanfernley
    dylanfernley Posts: 409
    Zanelad-- fair enough, like you i wouldn't dream of the same with mrs f, she likewise, we have our moments, but trust is the biggest bond, if that goes its beginning of the end --- feel for the OP , he is guilty of what, doing his best ?
  • postman
    postman Posts: 120
    Sorry about all of this,i went through it 25 years ago.With your girls fight for them to stay with you and keep the house.She has chosen to meet another fella.And think of this ,he is dropping one girl he is fed up of,once he has tasted ,sorry your wife.He could move her on also,it happens.She has backed a loser here.Keep yourself and your girls together in the house.They need stability.And try not to rubbish here infront of them even though you must be hurting inside.
    It will all come around eventually and you will find happiness,i did.
  • Smokin Joe
    Smokin Joe Posts: 2,706
    verylonglegs wrote:
    dbg wrote:
    My eldest daughter (15) told me tonight that my wife keeps showing her all the texts from 'lover boy' and discussing them with her - am I right to feel extremely angry about that?

    Am I the only one that thinks it's just plain weird for a parent to do that? Especially with a minor. It makes her sound nuts tbh.
    Sadly, it's not unusual.

    Many years ago a girlfriend's mother had an affair that led to her leaving her marriage and she did similar with my GF, going on about how dad was crap in bed and how well lover boy treated her in comparison. People can be vicious when a relationship breaks up and they often WILL try and use the kids as weapons in the fight.
  • d4evr
    d4evr Posts: 293
    2Phat4Rapha wrote:
    1. You need a solicitor - NOW.

    Worst case: sell the house and divvy up, you both move on, the kids WILL live with her (mostly), you pay maintenance.

    Likliest case: She stays in the house with the kids until the youngest is old enough. You pay maintenance. You move out and build a new life - paying for that as well.

    “Fault” doesn’t figure in these things.

    Wanna keep the costs down? Don’t argue. Believe me, don't argue.

    ^^^^^^^THIS!!!!
  • mattshrops
    mattshrops Posts: 1,134
    Just caught up with this thread.Sheeet.

    I think you owe it to your kids AND yourself to make sure you all have a brilliant holiday in beautiful Ireland.( When you all return home full of the craick -have some of that. Yes its childish but meh.)

    Trying to see some good here, your kids arent too young- a few years and they will probably be at university.
    Whatever happens, and i'm really sorry but your wife will probably get custody,you must keep as close as you can to your kids. They'll have lives of their own soon enough and you'll always be their dad.
    You will stop caring for her when self preservation kicks in, and then you can move on.

    Good luck my friend.
    Death or Glory- Just another Story
  • rubyrider
    rubyrider Posts: 68
    Really sorry you're in this situation dbg. I only clicked on this thread because I thought your Missus had a new bike! :?

    I don't know if I'm the only female who's read through this thread, but I'd just like to say you sound like a steady kind of guy with the right priorities - and that is your children. I'm impressed that you're taking them on holiday and I'm sure you would cope with looking after them. It will be a learning curve but you will manage. I haven't been through a marriage break up, but my mum died when I was 13 so I was thrust into suddenly coping with running a home and sorting my uniform etc. as my dad was pretty useless in that respect.

    My brother's wife left him for another man ( or several!). My brother stayed in the house and looked after their two children (10 and 13yrs) but I'm not sure that she wanted custody. I felt very bitter that she wouldn't even let them go and stay with her for the odd night because her new partner wouldn't like it. :twisted:

    I'm glad you challenged your wife about the texts. It's really not fair on your daughter. In time your wife will realise what she's mucked up.

    If you move out, you will still have to support them financially, and I reckon you'll be much more stable for your children than she will. Hang on in there and enjoy your holiday - nice bonding time :)

    Very best of luck.
  • Smokin Joe
    Smokin Joe Posts: 2,706
    Regarding custody, surely with children of that age they will have the largest say on who they stay with, particularly the 15yo?
  • craprider
    craprider Posts: 111
    Going through something similar myself mate.
    Missus kicked me out when baby was 6 months old, had a new guy then split up with him. decided she wanted me back a year and a half later when i had just started seeing someone and i was stupid enough to go back.....
    needless to say 6 months later i'm out on my ear again.
    it does get easier but the feelings never stop. the one thing to do is make sure you spend as much time as possible with the kids.
  • ALaPlage
    ALaPlage Posts: 732
    Been through similar after 23 yrs of marriage. Kept it civil and agreed financial bit and erred on the generous side which when she saw a solicitor was told I'd made her a fair offer so that put that one to bed. Used Wikivorce website for advice and cheap DIY divorce. Cost came in agreeing to pay her solicitor costs to just get things done and maintain some control as to pace. Overall around £1500 to get it done.

    Wikivorce a good source of answers for lots of questions I'm sure you'll have.
    Trek Madone 5.9
    Kinesis Crosslight T4
  • Simmotino
    Simmotino Posts: 295
    Not wanting to scratch an open wound, but how are you (and the kids) doing dbg?
  • CanalRider
    CanalRider Posts: 194
    When the missus and me went through a split 9 years ago, I was in the wrong, we agreed to go to mediation to sort out the assets and finances as well as access to the girls (though that was a no brainer). It brought me to my senses. We got back to gether soon afterwards. Off to Dubai for our 20th anniversary soon.

    Hope you can work it out and it works out well.
    --
    Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
  • dbg
    dbg Posts: 846
    Thanks again for all the messages of support folks. Ireland went pretty well all things considered, strange sleeping alone at night though, one bonus was I still had some Euro's left when I got back - that's unheard of!!
    We remain in a strange stalemate neither prepared to leave the kids as we are both so attached to them and to plunge ourselves into financial stress by either leaving and putting both of us and the kids on the breadline just seems ludicrous.
    I believe we have to 'tough it out' somehow, find some common ground whereby we can co-exist for at least the foreseeable future. We're kind of getting along at present, all went to Warwick Castle as a family on Sat - she even held my arm in the dungeon scary bit lol!
    But its certainly a crappy situation with no easy resolution (I noticed yesterday she'd joined the metal detectors association and she's told me in the past he's well into that so obviously things are good between them!) - no gold digger jokes please!!

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