Just for Fun: If I were Prime Minister, I would...

TommyEss

CiB wrote:

These people aren't trying hard enough. Where are the suggestions to arm the public with paintball guns, lolly-pop ladies to have powers of detention, energy foods fixed to cars for the greater good etc? Telegraph readers are letting themselves down a bit with all this nonsense about Human Rights & so on. I'll post a comment on there pointing them here. That should give em the idea.

Scrap these laws.

Hahahaha.......... From Chris at 10:52

A review of speed limits. They are appearing everywhere.

WTF?! Every public road has a maximum speed limit you goon!

CiB

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Ooh ooh!!!


I got another one!


Leading on from CiBs uber-rant.


All cyclists to be armed with paintball guns!

Like this one you mean? AND it was in reply to your suggestion! :roll:

No - I was referring to the contributors to the Telegraph report.

greg66_tri_v2.0

glauciaregina9 wrote:

Make any motoring offence punishable by having the offending vehicle crushed to the size of a Terry's Chocolate Orange, then packaged & sent back to the owner at Easter...

Including bicycles?

Special roads to be built for moped riders. All of which lead to a derestricted section that will take them off Beachy Head.

Any motorcyclist riding down the middle of the road is to carry a lance. Bike licence revoked upon death or serious injury.

Any driver in my way who is plainly mouthing the mantra "30 mph is a limit, not a target" to be directed to the moped roads. Or immolated.

Anyone who gets to a till in a shop and hasn't by then realised that they will have to pay, which involves locating their purse/wallet and locating the means of payment within it is to be forced to ride motorcycles down the middle of the road.

Failing to use the subjunctive when required punishable by mandatory moped or motorcycle use.

always_tyred

Anyone born before 1970 should have to pay a surcharge.

CiB

Greg66 wrote:

Anyone who gets to a till in a shop and hasn't by then realised that they will have to pay, which involves locating their purse/wallet and locating the means of payment within it is to be forced to ride motorcycles down the middle of the road.

Failing to use the subjunctive when required punishable by mandatory moped or motorcycle use.

Knighthood.

Always Tyred wrote:

Anyone born before 1970 should have to pay a surcharge.

Month in the cells.

TommyEss

CiB wrote:

Greg66 wrote:

Anyone who gets to a till in a shop and hasn't by then realised that they will have to pay, which involves locating their purse/wallet and locating the means of payment within it is to be forced to ride motorcycles down the middle of the road.

Failing to use the subjunctive when required punishable by mandatory moped or motorcycle use.

Knighthood.

Always Tyred wrote:

Anyone born before 1970 should have to pay a surcharge.

Month in the stocks.

Fixed that for you!!!

lost_in_thought

Use of text-speak punishable by exorbitant fines.

Not understanding the word 'exorbitant' punishable by even more exorbitant fines.

davis

People who the following phrases:

I'm not racist, but...
It's political correctness gone mad!
vertical markets
blue-sky thinking
Think out of the box
It wasn't like this in my day.
"resource" (when referring to "people")

and people who use the word "action" as a verb, read the Daily Hate, work in Marketing or Advertising* will be treated to a one-off seminar in self immolation.

I would also require breeding licenses for humans. I'd be the one in charge of issuing them, and it'd be an automatic spaying for anyone turning up in a football shirt or chewing gum.

Mouth-breathers and people who spit will also be twung** into the sea.

*: Bill Hicks, baby!
**: The past tense of "twang". Yes, it is.

Edit And another thing (Shakes fist): People who are unaware of the difference between "your" and "you're", or "they're", "their", and "there" to be slapped with a copy of Strunk & White.

MonkeyMonster

lost_in_thought wrote:

Use of text-speak punishable by exorbitant fines.

Not understanding the word 'exorbitant' punishable by even more exorbitant fines.

1st point would get you in the door, 2nd would get you re-elected

always_tyred

lost_in_thought wrote:

Use of text-speak punishable by exorbitant fines.

Not understanding the word 'exorbitant' punishable by even more exorbitant fines.

Yay. I wud vote 4 u 2 b PM. lol

p9uma

Il Principe wrote:

TailWindHome wrote:

Reduce the rate of Vat on 'sport's equipment' obv including bicycles to 0%

+1. Top idea...

+1 +20% for me too.

cyclingprop

" If I were Prime Minister, I would..."

Resurrect really old threads.

walkingbootweather

... have friends over for dinner (and not charge them for the privilege)

SimonAH

Make it illegal to do anything other than speak on a mobile phone unless seated.

Went to the cinema last night to watch the Hunger Games and I reckon that eighty percent of the people were shuffling down the stairs in the auditorium and out toward the door texting or updating facereunitedtwitterbook as they went. Like lemmings the lot of them, we need randomly open drain covers dotted around the streets to cull these people.

Does this make me old?

SteppenHerring

I have an utterly ridiculous idea: enforce the existing laws. You know, the ones about not using a handheld mobile while driving, not using a motor vehicle in a manner that causes alarm, not turning left without checking in the cycle lane next to you (not that I approve of cycle lanes).

But I like the one about hi-viz jackets for cars.

DonDaddyD

If I were Prime Minister, I would...

Lower the top rate tax to 40%. Raise the 40% tax threashold to around £50,000. So that anyone earning up to £50,000 would pay the basic tax rate.

Name David Miliband as my successor and Chaka Umunna as his chancellor.

Punch George Osbourne square in the face.

Re-nationalise the rail industry and run it like a proper f*cking business.

Launch a nationalised bank/building society targetting the poor. The bank would offer low interest rates and very little cash raising benefits. But would provide low cost, relatively low amount lending. There would be a greater chance of being awarded loans and mortgages (though lower in amount than what private sector banks would offer). The bank wouldn't offer an overdraft but would offer a payday loan system. All interests on lending would be manageable.

Sack Andrew Lansley.

Change conviction laws for deaths/injury caused by motorists.

Focus on providing swimming pools, libraries and youth clubs to inner city areas.

Invest money in Britains development, R&D and science industries as well as car, bike making and film production.

Push through laws putting more tax restrictions of football clubs and policy stating that football clubs had to actively "give back" to their communities. This would probably result in a properly funded regional school boy football league.

Give the Country one completely PAYE tax free month each year. So while there is tax on products, for that one month your salary won't be taxed. - There's an incentive to work.

davis

DonDaddyD wrote:

Give the Country one completely PAYE tax free month each year. So while there is tax on products, for that one month your salary won't be taxed. - There's an incentive to work.

Or, more likely, those that can choose when to claim their margins/commission/bonuses will save up the margin for this month...

SteppenHerring

davis wrote:

DonDaddyD wrote:

Give the Country one completely PAYE tax free month each year. So while there is tax on products, for that one month your salary won't be taxed. - There's an incentive to work.

Or, more likely, those that can choose when to claim their margins/commission/bonuses will save up the margin for this month...

Well that's easy enough to stop - you just spread the 1 month over the whole year by reducing the overall tax rate by 1/12th. Sorted.

SimonAH

And then simply raise taxes by 8.34444% to recover the lost revenue.

davis

Genius, I tells ye.

DonDaddyD

Oi! It's my idea. Stop destroying it. If I was Prime minister I would give the Country one PAYE tax free month each year. In that month you couldn't earn a bonus, overtime, commission etc. Just your basic salary or the average based on your salary/yearly earnings if you are a sole trader or some such.

veronese68

SimonAH wrote:

Does this make me old?

Yes, but as another old git I agree with you.

mudcow007

id make it law for a 2ft long spike to be fitted to the steering wheels of cars. that way they might drive a bit more careful without slamming on for no apparent reason

id make it law that young tiddlywinks be only allowed to drive cars up to a certain cc like 100 until they learn how to drive a fast car

insurance should shown on the windscreen (like in Ireland) like a tax disk

road tax should be removed an tax added to fuel, you dont use car you dont pay tax, if you drive loads...you pay more tax etc.

davis

mudcow007 wrote:

road tax should be removed an tax added to fuel, you dont use car you dont pay tax, if you drive loads...you pay more tax etc.

Quite like this idea, in a way. I'd probably have an old Landcruiser or something for carrying/towing duties, with a small efficient runabout (Fox/Polo/whatever) for everyday driving. The big thing would sit on my drive 99% of the time.

Plenty of problems with changing to the "no car tax" (not road tax) way, but I'd quite like a back-up car that was free when I wasn't using it.

rick_chasey

I'd tax expenditure rather than income - banded of course.

Mwahahahaaa.

daviesee

Rick Chasey wrote:

I'd tax expenditure rather than income - banded of course.

Mwahahahaaa.

You would have to give this tax a name.
How about "Value Added Tax"?

Sounds good in principle but the VAT would have go up massively to cover the loss of income tax, say to 35%-40%.
Which in turn would make the UK very expensive to visit, which would cut tourism, business meetings etc, etc.....

rick_chasey

daviesee wrote:

Rick Chasey wrote:

I'd tax expenditure rather than income - banded of course.

Mwahahahaaa.

You would have to give this tax a name.
How about "Value Added Tax"?

Sounds good in principle but the VAT would have go up massively to cover the loss of income tax, say to 35%-40%.
Which in turn would make the UK very expensive to visit, which would cut tourism, business meetings etc, etc.....

No no no.

By how much you spend.

Totally different to VAT.

So, say you spend £100,000k a year, you get a tax bill of say, £45,000 at the end of the year.

You spend £20,000, and you get a tax bill of say, £3,000 or whatever it is.

Etc.

Haven't worked out the banding.

daviesee

Rick Chasey wrote:

No no no.

By how much you spend.

Totally different to VAT.

So, say you spend £100,000k a year, you get a tax bill of say, £45,000 at the end of the year.

You spend £20,000, and you get a tax bill of say, £3,000 or whatever it is.

Etc.

Haven't worked out the banding.

Doing away with cash transactions while you are at it?

Reminds me. Do away with copper coins. Waste of time & space.
While I am at it. You have a carry on luggage gauge at the airport. Introduce a person gauge. Too big, you need 2 seats :twisted:

rick_chasey

daviesee wrote:

Rick Chasey wrote:

No no no.

By how much you spend.

Totally different to VAT.

So, say you spend £100,000k a year, you get a tax bill of say, £45,000 at the end of the year.

You spend £20,000, and you get a tax bill of say, £3,000 or whatever it is.

Etc.

Haven't worked out the banding.

Doing away with cash transactions while you are at it?

My idea is obviously brilliant.

You could event count an investment as expenditure. :shock: Now - ostensibly this is disastrous - who would put a tax on investment - but wait..... Since you don't get taxed on the profit you make, it reward a) good investment and b) longer term investment.

Kieran_Burns

I'd remove ALL benefits

All of 'em: pensions, disability, dole (or whatever the feck it's called). This would remove a HUGE amount of people who are running this ridiculous system.

and give EVERYONE (over 18) a Citizens Payment of a basic living wage. (maybe about £16K a year).