Just for Fun: If I were Prime Minister, I would...

MonkeyMonster

because in this thread I can, I'd use all the tax from cigarettes to be used to repair all the roads so they are lovely and flat and smooth.

oh and if your dog craps in a public place and you don't clear it up within a sensible time limit you will be held down and have it smeared all over your face.

ride_whenever

replace car body-work with cards, a bit like the ones that hold bags of peanuts in pubs, and cover them in energy gels, drivers found not replacing the gels are to be goo'd.

That'd be nice at the lights on long rides around town.

Kieran_Burns

MonkeyMonster wrote:

because in this thread I can, I'd use all the tax from cigarettes to be used to repair all the roads so they are lovely and flat and smooth.

oh and if your dog craps in a public place and you don't clear it up within a sensible time limit you will be held down and have it smeared all over your face.

You could call it the 'Tar Tax' :P

pickylongstocking

4. Ban all HGV and LGVs from busy roads at commuter hours

I think there might be "unintended consequences" with that. Have you thought it through?

You come up with some interesting points, I have thought this one through, I work in the construction industry and have run plenty of projects with extremely tight vehicular constraints and can see that with better management of haulage movements then we can have no go zones at set times for large movements which will not have detrimental effects on businesses. Obviously I am no transport expert but I believe their is a way of doing this.

TommyEss

Supermarkets getting their fresh food deliveries? Mobile MRI scanners moving around the country?

Sorry, but Dr Beeching set us up for all this many moons ago - we simply don't have the rail infrastructure in place anymore to move the tonneage of freight we need to by rail - I worked for a few months in Basel, and could see the rail freight terminal there in action - it was brilliant, whole HGV artics turning up, driving onto the transporters - drivers in the carriage, and a long journey ahead ahead of them to many destinations in continental Europe - not here though - as evidenced by the number of empty and moss-strewn platforms at the Eurotunnel in Dover...

pickylongstocking

TommyEss wrote:

Supermarkets getting their fresh food deliveries? Mobile MRI scanners moving around the country?

Sorry, but Dr Beeching set us up for all this many moons ago - we simply don't have the rail infrastructure in place anymore to move the tonneage of freight we need to by rail - I worked for a few months in Basel, and could see the rail freight terminal there in action - it was brilliant, whole HGV artics turning up, driving onto the transporters - drivers in the carriage, and a long journey ahead ahead of them to many destinations in continental Europe - not here though - as evidenced by the number of empty and moss-strewn platforms at the Eurotunnel in Dover...

Most supermarket deliveries are made out of commuter hours anyway due to residential constraints etc... I am sure that the NHS and their wonderful team of efficiency driven logistics managers could fathom a way of not moving their mobile scanners between say 7am-9am and 4.30pm and 6.30pm?

TommyEss

The scanners are provided by a third party - they move all over the country as and when required.

And don't overestimate the NHS managers... (I assume your post has a strong sense of sarcasm!?)

Anyway, yeah, I see where you're trying to go - but I keep finding HGVs on my route - surely they'd avoid the rush hours if they could too? Must be a good reason they don't, like that's when the deliveries need to be made!?

will3

TommyEss wrote:

Supermarkets getting their fresh food deliveries? Mobile MRI scanners moving around the country?
...

That's easy:
all supermarket deliverys to be in tins - tins to be distributed by pneumatic tube.

MRI scanners to be incorporated into helicopters.

bails87

will3 wrote:

TommyEss wrote:

Supermarkets getting their fresh food deliveries? Mobile MRI scanners moving around the country?
...

That's easy:
all supermarket deliverys to be in tins - tins to be distributed by pneumatic tube.

MRI scanners to be incorporated into helicopters.

I like the tubes!

Replace buses with Chinooks too.

"Excuse me, does this go to the High Street?"

pickylongstocking

TommyEss wrote:

The scanners are provided by a third party - they move all over the country as and when required.

And don't overestimate the NHS managers... (I assume your post has a strong sense of sarcasm!?)

Anyway, yeah, I see where you're trying to go - but I keep finding HGVs on my route - surely they'd avoid the rush hours if they could too? Must be a good reason they don't, like that's when the deliveries need to be made!?

I agree that they are trying to deliver whe the deliveries are required but if the end user was more efficient then perhaps these deliveries could be postponed until say 10am rather than 8am?

The amount of deliveries we have sat on site at 8am which the lads are "DESPERATE" for and then it sits their till lunchtime is unbelievable. If their where no goods vehicle movements in commuter areas at set times I am sure that we would all be able to work around it.

TommyEss

bails87 wrote:

will3 wrote:

TommyEss wrote:

Supermarkets getting their fresh food deliveries? Mobile MRI scanners moving around the country?
...

That's easy:
all supermarket deliverys to be in tins - tins to be distributed by pneumatic tube.

MRI scanners to be incorporated into helicopters.

I like the tubes!

Replace buses with Chinooks too.

"Excuse me, does this go to the High Street?"

"Typical... You wait all day for a bus and then..."

bails87

"Bus" stops would HAVE to play Ride of the Valkyries as the helicopters approached!

OldSkoolKona

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Unlike the NCN, which takes great delight in detouring over every hill in sight.

<OT>
Exactly, good old NCN, everytime I hear someone rattle on about it, I love to point out this photo to them (look carefully at the two signs for Newmarket :roll: )



</OT>

Jay dubbleU

Anyone showing disregard for their fellow man in any shape or form to be slapped silly 8)

will3

OldSkoolKona wrote:

Kieran_Burns did not wrote:

Unlike the NCN, which takes great delight in detouring over every hill in sight.

<OT>
Exactly, good old NCN, everytime I hear someone rattle on about it, I love to point out this photo to them (look carefully at the two signs for Newmarket :roll: )



</OT>

Oi I wrote that, not KB.

And your sign post,
it's on my commute

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&sourc ... 8,,0,11.35

Kieran_Burns

will3 wrote:

OldSkoolKona wrote:

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Unlike the NCN, which takes great delight in detouring over every hill in sight.

<OT>
Exactly, good old NCN, everytime I hear someone rattle on about it, I love to point out this photo to them (look carefully at the two signs for Newmarket :roll: )



</OT>

Oi I wrote that, not KB.

And your sign post,
it's on my commute

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?f=q&sourc ... 8,,0,11.35

but I claim intellectual copyright as you based your post on my idea :P

SimonLyons

Looking at the helmet argument in this thread...

Why not just make a range of helmets, hi-viz jackets + any other "safety equipment" you can think of free.

You can still choose whether to wear it or not.

wgwarburton

SimonLyons wrote:

Looking at the helmet argument in this thread...
Why not just make a range of helmets, hi-viz jackets + any other "safety equipment" you can think of free..

Because it would be silly?

Cheers,
W.

Kieran_Burns

WGWarburton wrote:

SimonLyons wrote:

Looking at the helmet argument in this thread...
Why not just make a range of helmets, hi-viz jackets + any other "safety equipment" you can think of free..

Because it would be silly?

Cheers,
W.

and the trebucheting of offenders into trees was what exactly? :P

CiB

Kieran_Burns wrote:

WGWarburton wrote:

SimonLyons wrote:

Looking at the helmet argument in this thread...
Why not just make a range of helmets, hi-viz jackets + any other "safety equipment" you can think of free..

Because it would be silly?

Cheers,
W.

and the trebucheting of offenders into trees was what exactly? :P

Oooh - nested quotes. Nice.

It's not the cost of this garb that stops me wearing it. It's the pointless and futile reasoning behind the desire to make it a legal requirement that gets on my ti... wick. Suggesting that it's a cost issue is close to being a bit of a cheek young feller me lad.

wgwarburton

Kieran_Burns wrote:

WGWarburton wrote:

SimonLyons wrote:

Looking at the helmet argument in this thread...
Why not just make a range of helmets, hi-viz jackets + any other "safety equipment" you can think of free..

Because it would be silly?

Cheers,
W.

and the trebucheting of offenders into trees was what exactly? :P

Now that was a sound plan. Admittedly there are some details to work out WRT placement of the trebuchets, flight paths, training of the volunteers (my working assumption is that there would be no shortage of volunteer operators, but I think H+S training might be required...), and maintenance but fundamentally, it seems an eminently sensible idea! Let's start with the two guys in the pickup from last night's commute....

Cheers,
W.

MonkeyMonster

eh.... hadn't we banned health and safety as being boring?

Sounds like we need to start trebucheting closer to home that we first realised... 8)

davmaggs

I would instigate "the mitten" and "the boot", which are large metal gloves/shoes that would be clamped over the hand of a thief/fare dodger or to the foot for stupid driving offences. They would be heavy too so they are a pest.

They would also be clamped to the person't preferred hand or foot so that they have to spend weeks not only dragging the limb around (until their time is served), but they have to use the 'wrong' hand for everything else.

Perhaps bike thieves could have a penny farthing locked to them.

Matt the Tester

national cycling year!! lol what great fun would that be i know it would be pretty dangerous in parts but imagine how many people we would be going past!

lost_in_thought

davmaggs wrote:

I would instigate "the mitten" and "the boot", which are large metal gloves/shoes that would be clamped over the hand of a thief/fare dodger or to the foot for stupid driving offences. They would be heavy too so they are a pest.

They would also be clamped to the person't preferred hand or foot so that they have to spend weeks not only dragging the limb around (until their time is served), but they have to use the 'wrong' hand for everything else.

Perhaps bike thieves could have a penny farthing locked to them.

Equipping drivers with a 'lead foot' = surely a bad idea? :P

shouldbeinbed

all cars to have a spring loaded sharp metal spike placed into the centre of the steering wheel that is activated if a cyclist is overtaken with less than 3 feet. I envisage some sort of sonar device or maybe for organics a couple of tame bats wired into the sensor system to ensure that it doesn't happen accidentaly or on account of bad riding by the knobrot cyclists that give the rest of us a bad name.

Road designers, planners and engineers to be forced to ride their roads once done, especially where they've incorporated full width speed bumps rather than speed pillows and doubly so whenn they've foisted us with a pointless meandering green strip full of gutters and sharp metal rubbish beside a perfectly servicable carriageway that we are expected to use. And redesign them when they realise that they're not cycle friendly. Serious point - if our leaders expect the country to take up cycling in any number, for whatever reason, then cycling needs to get parity or priority in multi modal situations.

castration and crucifixion for a range of thoughtless and 'I'm bigger than you' offences such as left hooking, parking in the pointless green strips, slapping or buzzing cyclists as they drive past them, pulling ahead of the give way line at junctions and right turning across us, just for starters

Enforced wearing of a Ronald McDonald costume and full make up for 6 months for anyone that shouts out supposedly humerous comments and encouragement to us whilst we're riding along.

All small flying insects to be made illegal or at least made to wear hi-viz jackets and never swarm more than 2 abreast. little bug helmets too to protect them in case of collisions with cyclists


(edited)

NGale

I wouldn't bother running in the first place to be honest. As for Jake being Prime Minister :shock: :shock: :shock:

He would also be looking for someone else to cook his dinner

simonaspinall

All cars to be fitted with a 35mph limiter.

Yes I know, i'd love it too.

Orrrrr all drivers to be fitted with a battle royale style extermination necklace.

Lovin the lead limb idea - perhaps extend that to a full frontal labotomy.

Ooo ooo ooo! What about driving offences being correctly brought to justice in a gladiatorial contest with a lion. Sorry, did I say lion? I meant fire-breathing, razor clad attack lion of pain.

CiB

These people aren't trying hard enough. Where are the suggestions to arm the public with paintball guns, lolly-pop ladies to have powers of detention, energy foods fixed to cars for the greater good etc? Telegraph readers are letting themselves down a bit with all this nonsense about Human Rights & so on. I'll post a comment on there pointing them here. That should give em the idea.

Scrap these laws.

Kieran_Burns

Kieran_Burns wrote:

Ooh ooh!!!


I got another one!


Leading on from CiBs uber-rant.


All cyclists to be armed with paintball guns!

Like this one you mean? AND it was in reply to your suggestion! :roll: