Silly commuting racing

Greg T

Clever Pun wrote:

Dude!!! think about that you're saying

Out of context!

As an identifier of gender hairy legs mean nothing!

As a marker for scalping, hairless legs + BIG HANDS and prominent adams apple = probable bloke roadie (shaved) worth a shot at.....

hands off those pitchforks townsfolks

Bird34

Man bagging is definitely a sub sport, but indeed, good point re the knowing what is fair game. As time has passed and I’m no longer virtually dead on arrival in “the smoke” more fun is to be had at it, sock man for example is no longer fun but the pool of available targets is wider….. Much fun to be had sneaking up on a decent MB or hybrid, the odd snoozing roadie can occasionally be caught out but generally only briefly, there are limits, generally only possible if they are admiring the wildlife on Kings Road.

Gutted about the heart and lung capacity but sadly tis true, sometimes I think I’m doing really well at weekends, kicking on over 20 mph easily these days, even occasionally hitting 30 with good visibility and a discernable downward slope (I’m chicken) and then the Boy spoils it all by spinning past me like I’m sitting still, knitting and thinking about puppies and kittens or something…… Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman…..

Clever Pun

Greg T wrote:

Clever Pun wrote:

Dude!!! think about that you're saying

Out of context!

As an identifier of gender hairy legs mean nothing!

As a marker for scalping, hairless legs + BIG HANDS and prominent adams apple = probable bloke roadie (shaved) worth a shot at.....

hands off those pitchforks townsfolks

hehe

to reiterate my earlier edit
also... go for the cap etc as once you're at 4 or below it doesn't matter.... unless you don't have the cajones?? and like Greg66 are happy in your tea racing retirement

and I'd like a ruling on my impending toy

Condor Pista Black
black tyres standard condor/miche black rims
red tape on trad drop handle bars with 2 veloce Infinite breaks
crank is black too
48-17 free
48-18 fixed

Now 3 or 5 as an fcn??

roger_merriman

Bird34 wrote:

Man bagging is definitely a sub sport, but indeed, good point re the knowing what is fair game. As time has passed and I’m no longer virtually dead on arrival in “the smoke” more fun is to be had at it, sock man for example is no longer fun but the pool of available targets is wider….. Much fun to be had sneaking up on a decent MB or hybrid, the odd snoozing roadie can occasionally be caught out but generally only briefly, there are limits, generally only possible if they are admiring the wildlife on Kings Road.

Gutted about the heart and lung capacity but sadly tis true, sometimes I think I’m doing really well at weekends, kicking on over 20 mph easily these days, even occasionally hitting 30 with good visibility and a discernable downward slope (I’m chicken) and then the Boy spoils it all by spinning past me like I’m sitting still, knitting and thinking about puppies and kittens or something…… Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman…..

ah get them at the lights, most roadies are low hanging fruit away from the lights by the time they've cliped in i''ve pootled off, they'll catch you but next lights you do again... and again, basket + full paniers and a cheap hybrid with 38mm tires should put one right down the food chain, but with flats you can be gone by the time roadie has clipped in.

biondino

Girls in dresses on bikes......

Clever Pun

roger merriman wrote:

ah get them at the lights, most roadies are low hanging fruit away from the lights by the time they've cliped in i''ve pootled off, they'll catch you but next lights you do again... and again, basket + full paniers and a cheap hybrid with 38mm tires should put one right down the food chain, but with flats you can be gone by the time roadie has clipped in.

that's not the game though, that's just I've got lesser gearing than you... the game is out on the open highway where it's a straight race and all about your actual ability to go through the pain barrier to crush your opponents willpower

What is good in the Game?
To crush your enemies, see them driven behind you, and to hear the lamentations of the women

victor ludorum

roger merriman wrote:

ah get them at the lights, most roadies are low hanging fruit away from the lights by the time they've cliped in i''ve pootled off, they'll catch you but next lights you do again... and again, basket + full paniers and a cheap hybrid with 38mm tires should put one right down the food chain, but with flats you can be gone by the time roadie has clipped in.

low hanging fruit indeed? the stiffer gearing of a road bike can make them it a little sluggish at the lights, but not if the rider is switched on and playing the game.

you might catch out a few amateurs early doors, but try playing me for a sissy with that strategy and I'll make you hurt... a one footed kick to set off from the lights, clip in on the upswing, stomp down and free-wheel along behind you like time's winged chariot with my campag cassette ticking loudly all the while. then, just when you can't take it any more, I'll slip by so gentle you'll be crying tears of gratitude as I relieve you of your still beating heart.

besides, entering and leaving lights and filtering traffic is out of bounds. the competition is open road only.

Greg T

victor ludorum wrote:

besides, entering and leaving lights and filtering traffic is out of bounds. the competition is open road only.

Now this is of course true.

I have recently however been playing another sub game as a requirement of only having the one gear.

It is the "Away from the lights dressage"......

1. Trackstand (or wobble around looking like a bit of an arse)
2. Lights Change
3. SLOW turn of the crank
4. Slow turn of the crank
5. By the shape of your body, slow churn of the crank and your road positioning convince all behind that you are awesome, are hugely geared and are about to drop the hammer
6. Drop the hammer
7. Spool up the Ring - max out your wattage.....

If no-one does you in the slow phase you have dominated them with your presence (Lord Vader!) and you book the win.

I like this game. You need a terminator face though, don't grin - it spoils it.

victor ludorum

Greg T wrote:

If no-one does you in the slow phase you have dominated them with your presence (Lord Vader!) and you book the win.

I like this game. You need a terminator face though, don't grin - it spoils it.

ah yes, the don't f*ck with me at the lights, i will mess you up face. I've never deliberately done it to other cyclists, but I will turn round and give it to (generally cabbies) who try and force their way alongside you while you wait.

the square set of the jaw, combined in my case with mirrored rudy project wraparounds creates a pleasingly soulless expression. I call it the Judge Dredd...

Bassjunkieuk

I really should stop reading this thread at work, it's becoming rather difficult to stiffle my laughter!

I should be off in about 10 minutes for my lovely usually un-eventful ride eastwards towards that place i call home. I just hope that I can get some more interesting targets then a few MTB's. I had one guy yesterday who I reeled in a bit quicker then expected right before the "technical" section on LCN 74 where you cross tramlines then have to negotiate 3 barriers. I kept ahead but we part ways a bit further ahead. Still with the lack of any proper opposition I still have my trusty cycle computer which will (from my average speed) tell me if I was actually slacking or flying :-)

Also forgot all this talk of the races away from the last's is only increasing the pain I feel as I'm not working up in the city :-( I also have to disagree that roadies have a disadvantage at the lights, I can still make a fairly decent getaway and clip in!

Greg T

biondino wrote:

Girls in dresses on bikes......

A chum of Mrs T's currently bemoaning her single status.

I told her that all she needs to do is buy a road bike, join a club and she will be innundated with offers....

Fit girls on Bikes both rare and inexplicably hotter than fit girls not on bikes - don't write in - I don't make the rules or understand it.

velorazzi

Fellow ploughers of the black furrow...Ooer, think I'll start again.

Being a noob to this forum, but not entirely to the game, I'm somewhat confused as to my own ranking.

Depending upon my disposition, I might commute on the following:

If travelling in winter or Au naturel (across country you understand, not in the niff and jostling the old plucked turkey on the saddle).

14 yr old sort of hybrid Mtb with slicks, flat bars as opposed to risers, bar ends
full SKS mudguards
SPDs
Black's rucksack with flashing lights (useful when dropped keys in winter and locked self in garage with lights off)
socks when cold (feet not turkey)
Merino T
Baggies
Helmet with visor
8 or 9?

Or for white knuckle days:

Pinnarello Sestriere road bike
Full muddies again - but not a touring bike as no pannier bosses. Italians don't do panniers do they?
Coloured tyres (they were on it when I bought it - honest...b*gger)
triple chainset (sob)
lycra clipless pedals
Socks, helmet and rucksack as above

Ooh, and I'm hairy in a manful way.

Give us a clue fellers...

cjcp

Looking forward to getting back into The Game next week - have been away on a Silly Commuter Racing Training Camp for the last two weeks eating scones, jam and clotted cream and pasties. When I brush my teeth, my stomach damn near wobbles. My bike is going to bloody well creak beneath me on Monday morning.

Greg T - what's this about you going all singlie? Have you been spinning like a cartoon character yet?

I see Gregg66/the Dark Rider has gone off on his annual sojourn. Those of us on Embankment should be able to breathe easier. For the moment at least.

biondino

Greg, can you show her my avatar and see what she says? I am singleish and quite possibly about to become single proper

Spiny

Hail fellow gladiators of the Commute.

You have given form, substance and meaning to what I thought was a singularly unique personality disorder.

The tales of your exploits and derring-do have amused me many a recent day during those tedious hours between sessions of THE GAME often referred to as 'work'. I haven't been able to digest my lunchtime carbs for all the chortling.

I salute you. More power to your cranks!

Spiny

victor ludorum

velorazzi wrote:

Fellow ploughers of the black furrow...Ooer, think I'll start again.

Being a noob to this forum, but not entirely to the game, I'm somewhat confused as to my own ranking.

Give us a clue fellers...

The best place to work out your respective food chain numbers is on the excellent FCN calculator page created by fury21

http://www.citrusskies.co.uk/fcn

I think the most up to date set of rules are on the Facebook group page, its also worth looking at the Eurocyclist facebook group for a guide to style and substance at the top of the two-wheeled foodchain.

We operate on the honours system here. A win is a win, but a loss is also a loss. Claiming one, while failing to admit the other tarnishes your soul, leaves you unable to sleep nights, and may cause erectile dysfunction. (I'm told...)

Oh, and welcome to The Game.

victor ludorum

I haven't been commuting for a few days, but I went out on an errand yesterday which took me eastwards into London during the evening rush hour. There wasn't an iota of competition going my way, but oodles heading west. It was very frustrating...

All the way along, I found myself appraising oncoming roadies for shaven like a laydee smoothness and trying to will them to realise they'd left their keys at work and turn around. That said, I could almost feel the lower numbers going the other way looking at me and totting up my score.

Truly, you do not play the game, but it plays you.

velorazzi

victor ludorum wrote:

[
Being a noob to this forum, but not entirely to the game, I'm somewhat confused as to my own ranking.

Give us a clue fellers...

The best place to work out your respective food chain numbers is on the excellent FCN calculator page created by fury21

http://www.citrusskies.co.uk/fcn

I think the most up to date set of rules are on the Facebook group page, its also worth looking at the Eurocyclist facebook group for a guide to style and substance at the top of the two-wheeled foodchain.


Oh, and welcome to The Game.[/quote]

Thanks Victor, pretty sure I'm an 8 on the mtb, but not sure about the road bike as it has mudguards but isn't a tourer. So methinks I'll just go for a hairy roadie, if you know what I mean.

Does the occasional outbreak of piles help the ranking perhaps? There's got to be some modifier there somewhere. Unless pile ointment is classed as a banned substance. :shock:

velorazzi

Oh b*gger. I *rsed up the quote. Serves me right for trying to edit it. :oops:

cjcp

velorazzi wrote:

victor ludorum wrote:

[
Being a noob to this forum, but not entirely to the game, I'm somewhat confused as to my own ranking.

Give us a clue fellers...

The best place to work out your respective food chain numbers is on the excellent FCN calculator page created by fury21

http://www.citrusskies.co.uk/fcn

I think the most up to date set of rules are on the Facebook group page, its also worth looking at the Eurocyclist facebook group for a guide to style and substance at the top of the two-wheeled foodchain.


Oh, and welcome to The Game.

Thanks Victor, pretty sure I'm an 8 on the mtb, but not sure about the road bike as it has mudguards but isn't a tourer. So methinks I'll just go for a hairy roadie, if you know what I mean.

Does the occasional outbreak of piles help the ranking perhaps? There's got to be some modifier there somewhere. Unless pile ointment is classed as a banned substance. :shock:[/quote]

That's hardcore, which puts you further up the chain.



:shock:



Welcome to The Game. How plentiful is the prey in your part of the world?

stuaff

A few questions: Where would rider health & fitness fit in to all of this? FCN makes allowances for someone being having better equipment, but what if you're (say) a kebab-eating layabout, or as in my case stick-thin with bugger all muscle (the technical term is ectomorph)? My top speed on the flat so far is 23 mph- with a tailwind...pathetic, I know (hoping I'll improve with practice- only got back into longer rides this year, after 15+ years of just a short commute and not a lot else). It's surely more of an achievement for a less fit person to take out a shaven roadie, right?
Secondly: where does my new commuting weapon of choice fit in? Fast hybrid? Mine does have mudguards, but I wouldn't call it a tourer. And it folds but it definitely ain't a Brommie... http://dahon.com/archive/2007/intl/cadenza.htm
Third: Still on the subject of folders, and small-wheeled bikes in general- as per the discussion of Airnimals on the thread a while back- shouldn't there be a FCN for 'performance folders'? Something like my other Dahon- this is the original spec http://dahon.com/archive/2004/jetstreamxp.htm - or umpteen other Dahons, Bike Fridays, Birdys, are a definite notch or two above a Brommie in speed. And where would a Moulton fit in (damn quick bikes...small wheels, but they don't fold)? Unless you want to give us all an unfair advantage, which is just fine
I have to play at weekends, anyway...no-one to chase down when I'm actually commuting, sadly. Chav scum on their nasty BSOs don't count...!!

victor ludorum

StuAff wrote:

A few questions: Where would rider health & fitness fit in to all of this? FCN makes allowances for someone being having better equipment, but what if you're (say) a kebab-eating layabout, or as in my case stick-thin with bugger all muscle (the technical term is ectomorph)? My top speed on the flat so far is 23 mph- with a tailwind...pathetic, I know (hoping I'll improve with practice- only got back into longer rides this year, after 15+ years of just a short commute and not a lot else). It's surely more of an achievement for a less fit person to take out a shaven roadie, right?

I seem to be manning the phones this weekend (just not got much else to do...)

Although you undoubtedly enter relative fitness into the big ego totalizer for a scalp won or lost, it isn't a very reliable universal measure. One man's racing snake might be another man's pie-fuelled biffa, but a Pashley's a Pashley and a Da Rosa Idol is always a Da Rosa Idol. In the Game, its the choice of bike that lays the challenge, the fitness of the rider is just fine tuning.

If you go out and buy yourself a top of the line helium filled carbon dream-ride, you'd better be damn sure you've got the legs and lungs to match it, otherwise you might as well attach your scalp with the glue they use on post-it notes. If you're riding a mixture of lead and quick-setting concrete, then you're virtually unassailable, but you are all but counting yourself out of the kind of glory that people write songs and base mythologies upon.

This is the fine balance, the line we must all walk... er, ride. The competition is based on bikes, the fitness of the rider is used to embellish your tales of daily combat with contempt/anguish depending on whether you won or you lost.

stuaff

victor ludorum wrote:

I seem to be manning the phones this weekend (just not got much else to do...)

Although you undoubtedly enter relative fitness into the big ego totalizer for a scalp won or lost, it isn't a very reliable universal measure. One man's racing snake might be another man's pie-fuelled biffa, but a Pashley's a Pashley and a Da Rosa Idol is always a Da Rosa Idol. In the Game, its the choice of bike that lays the challenge, the fitness of the rider is just fine tuning.

If you go out and buy yourself a top of the line helium filled carbon dream-ride, you'd better be damn sure you've got the legs and lungs to match it, otherwise you might as well attach your scalp with the glue they use on post-it notes. If you're riding a mixture of lead and quick-setting concrete, then you're virtually unassailable, but you are all but counting yourself out of the kind of glory that people write songs and base mythologies upon.

This is the fine balance, the line we must all walk... er, ride. The competition is based on bikes, the fitness of the rider is used to embellish your tales of daily combat with contempt/anguish depending on whether you won or you lost.

Fair enough, thought I'd check. Thanks for clearing that up.

Bassjunkieuk

What VL says is the truth, at the end of the day the only true judge as to whether the person you just left eating your dust or me person who just laid waste to your finest efforts should count as a scalp or scalping is ultimately your ego.

After all as has been pointed out before any city banker can go and blow his wad of cash on a £1K+ slither of a carbon road bike without having the legs to back it up, as opposed to the older gent on his "old faithful" who'll probably put up much more of a challenge despite being on something out of scaffolding!

victor ludorum

victor ludorum wrote:

If you're riding a mixture of lead and quick-setting concrete, then you're virtually unassailable, but you are all but counting yourself out of the kind of glory that people write songs and base mythologies upon.

Sorry, have just realised the fundamental error in the above comment.

If your bike looks like the bastard child of a rusty threshing machine and Stephenson's Rocket, you aren't counting yourself out of the glory, you are on the road to guaranteeing yourself a statue on one the remaining plinth in Trafalgar Square... all you have to do is a top off a Shaven (like a laydee) Roadie in a skin-suit and aero helmet who's riding one of these babies...

http://www.bikeradar.com/gallery/article/first-look-look-2009-road-bikes-17832?img=1&pn=first-look-look-2009-road-bikes&mlc=news%2Farticle

victor ludorum

StuAff wrote:

Secondly: where does my new commuting weapon of choice fit in? Fast hybrid? Mine does have mudguards, but I wouldn't call it a tourer. And it folds but it definitely ain't a Brommie... http://dahon.com/archive/2007/intl/cadenza.htm
Third: Still on the subject of folders, and small-wheeled bikes in general- as per the discussion of Airnimals on the thread a while back- shouldn't there be a FCN for 'performance folders'? Something like my other Dahon- this is the original spec http://dahon.com/archive/2004/jetstreamxp.htm - or umpteen other Dahons, Bike Fridays, Birdys, are a definite notch or two above a Brommie in speed. And where would a Moulton fit in (damn quick bikes...small wheels, but they don't fold)? Unless you want to give us all an unfair advantage, which is just fine

The Dahon Cadenza is undoubtedly a prince among folders, and its certainly a heap load sportier than some of the other folders out there. But I think the discussion that followed my tussle with the Airnimal was that a folder is a folder. So view it as more power to your elbow.

But, after the Airnimal incident, I hardened my outlook somewhat. At the time I was satisfied to call it a draw - now, I'd get off and eat my bike before I let someone with a hinge in the middle beat me in open combat.

Yes, foldie fans, that was me throwing down the gauntlet... :P

cjcp

victor ludorum wrote:

StuAff wrote:

Secondly: where does my new commuting weapon of choice fit in? Fast hybrid? Mine does have mudguards, but I wouldn't call it a tourer. And it folds but it definitely ain't a Brommie... http://dahon.com/archive/2007/intl/cadenza.htm
Third: Still on the subject of folders, and small-wheeled bikes in general- as per the discussion of Airnimals on the thread a while back- shouldn't there be a FCN for 'performance folders'? Something like my other Dahon- this is the original spec http://dahon.com/archive/2004/jetstreamxp.htm - or umpteen other Dahons, Bike Fridays, Birdys, are a definite notch or two above a Brommie in speed. And where would a Moulton fit in (damn quick bikes...small wheels, but they don't fold)? Unless you want to give us all an unfair advantage, which is just fine

The Dahon Cadenza is undoubtedly a prince among folders, and its certainly a heap load sportier than some of the other folders out there. But I think the discussion that followed my tussle with the Airnimal was that a folder is a folder. So view it as more power to your elbow.

But, after the Airnimal incident, I hardened my outlook somewhat. At the time I was satisfied to call it a draw - now, I'd get off and eat my bike before I let someone with a hinge in the middle beat me in open combat.

Yes, foldie fans, that was me throwing down the gauntlet... :P

A dark day indeed...

guinea

I cycled home on saturday after going to work to retrieve my bike. I didn't cycle home on firday night due to safety/alcohol reasons.

I expected it to be hard to get a point as it was not exactly a busy commuter time. However, I was rewarded with a cyclist on a racing bike joining me at a junction. I let him pull away first at the lights so I could get the chance to overtake. Unfortunately I couldn't. I managed to stay about 20 metres behind the whole time. I couldn't bridge the gap and get a tow. He must have had eyes on his ar5e as every time I kicked he did too. Eventually I gave up and slowed down.

However, I still broke my PB for my journey home. I think that was because I was in top gear honking most of the way home.

snooks

I go away for a week (or two) and in the meantime Greg has gone all singly on us, go on get some colourful tyres to match you're ickle cap some (mentioning no names...But you know who you are) have been measuring your thighs! I'm thinking -1 penalty for everyone who measured, and -2 for those who measured and posted!!

I also see the facebook numbers have been swelling faster than Greg's thighs

Anyway, quick thoughts summary:

Tagging on a few miles to your commute for a scalp, or to get some more
Cycling further (than your normal commute) to scalp, is fair play in my book...bring em on, the more the merrier....Play or be played when and where you can, if you're on two wheels you're someone's target. :twisted:

Girls doing boys like they are girls
Go girl! If you're a roadie you're counted as a hairy legged roadie (even though you might well shave) unless you are really a ladeee shaved lady roadie (i.e. serious Roadie) then you'll have to be a man about the whole thing and ride your FCN...but no growing beards to lower your FCN!

Big fellas, but out of shape
If, like me, you prefer pies to pedallin', and you can take the slippery snakes on higher FCN's you are indeed carrying more dark matter in your rotund physique and you deserve every scalping point your fat fuelled legs can carry.

Fit taking fat
If you're fit and more slippery than a jellied eel with a liberal dousing of Wet Lube - for chains, your FCN is between 2-4, and you think passing lardsters like me on the same FCN as you is a fare scalp, can you really live with yourself? can you? really? what seriously?...you obviously didn't read this bit of the rules : "If you get confused on the road, think of it this way if you drop anyone who looks faster that you +1. If you get dropped by anyone that looks slower than you -1"

So, I'm back, out of shape, having not commuted for 2 weeks, but I'll be making up for lost time....there will be a rusty green slicked mtb, hunting anything that moves...be afraid, or be amused!
.

Greg T

guinea wrote:

I managed to stay about 20 metres behind the whole time. I couldn't bridge the gap and get a tow. He must have had eyes on his ar5e as every time I kicked he did too. Eventually I gave up and slowed down.

However, I still broke my PB for my journey home. I think that was because I was in top gear honking most of the way home.

That's the spirit!

Ragging yourself stupid in a glorious but ultimately ftile attempt to ride some dude down. Full support.

You will be stronger next time - PB is always good. You may find yourself thinking about "training" - this is dangerous and slippy slope that you should be aware of......

It is the dirty little secret of the game - gamers don't even talk about it to each other (apart from now - now it's out the bag it's all going to come out...)

Since playing the game I've bought "Cycling Plus" twice and am investigating carbohydrate and glycogen restocking strategies to improve my evening embankment performance.....

I found myself in waitrose this morning by the health food section lookling at carb drinks - Maximuscle!

Glad I'm in trusted company.....


Snooks is back!

I hate your glamourous and non worky job. Photographing boats isn't a job it's a nice day out.

I am but dabbling in strange world of singlying - I'm not yet entirely convinced but am waiting for the fixed cog to reveal the mysteries to me..... Don't start with the whole thigh measiring thing... You've just measured yours - don't lie - you would have posted the results if it wasn't less than your collar size.