Silly commuting racing

Greg T

SecretSam wrote:

Have brought the Sirrus into London, thereby lowering my FCN number, and increasing potential for scoring scalps

"Speedy" touring 531 thing now lives in sunny Bucks :roll:

Gamesmanship - fully supportive.

I'm thinking of getting a "Asthma Sufferers UK" day glo hump made up.

Anyone want one?

2wheelzgood

I saw a bike with a lollipop on! mind you she was on a trip (trippin indeed possible) as she had panniers and was going on hols on a train.
Nuts.

I've seen a fair few "players" with a helmet on them. But rather than on head, just wearing it on the handlebars to get the FCN point.. :shock:

victor ludorum

2wheelzgood wrote:

I've seen a fair few "players" with a helmet on them. But rather than on head, just wearing it on the handlebars to get the FCN point.. :shock:

Risking the wrath of Greg66, I have to admit I sometimes do this. But generally only in weather like this and for the short hop from the railway station at Cambridge into work. The reason being that after the long hot ride the padding in the front of my helmet is generally saturated. It doesn't dry while I'm sat on the train, but it does go very cold. The resulting cold sweat, skin cell and gopp cocktail which is squeezed down my face when I put my helmet back on is so revolting I'm willing to risk a persistent vegetative state to avoid it.

Totalnewbie

I don't indulge in this game.

Much.

Maybe a very little bit along the Albert Embankment, which is the only proper stretch on my commute.

But I'd be interested to know where tourers rate. Somewhere near fast hybrids, I presume?

And I have waxed legs but being a girl that's hardly surprising and probably makes little difference to the pecking order. You lot sharing your thigh measurements is pretty hilarious though, I must say.

2wheelzgood

crap girls saw our thigh conversation.. er.. all hide! :oops:


edit: so anyway here's what I'm claiming is FCN 5 when I wear mtb baggy shorts
I hope there are no singlespeed sloping top tube haters!
http://www.bikeradar.com/forum/viewtopi ... 2#14902022

victor ludorum

But I was specifically asked about my thighs (maybe not vital statistics, but I'm going to try and brave that one out...) You guys chipped in of your own volition.

I'm not ashamed. (okay, maybe a little)

Greg T

Totalnewbie wrote:

I don't indulge in this game.

Much. (1)

Maybe a very little bit along the Albert Embankment, which is the only proper stretch on my commute.

But I'd be interested to know where tourers rate. Somewhere near fast hybrids, I presume? (2)

And I have waxed legs but being a girl that's hardly surprising and probably makes little difference to the pecking order.

You lot sharing your thigh measurements is pretty hilarious though, I must say (3).

(1) LIAR - you may be a burd but do not tell me that in your mind you have always kept score - granted it may not have been in line with the codified scoring here but you are a player.

(2)Touring bikes = 6

Fury's done a "way cool" calculator as we couldn't keep up with the demand of the game. It will give you all you need

http://www.citrusskies.co.uk/fcn

(3) (Cough) nothing wrong with this. As Moseley's Libel case shows what a gentleman chooses to do in his own dungeon (Garage) is his own concern (by the way I didn't see anyone book a bigger thigh number than mine - Haaaaaa!)

I'll see you on the embankment - as I pass - Ha!

Physicsman

Hope the chap who wrote the FCN calculator is still reading this forum - I've found a bug which needs correcting. If one of you fellows are in contact with him, then maybe you can pass the message on?

Essentially, the calculator is giving the wrong FCN number - I've even tracked it down to which of the Food Chain Adjusters is causing the problem, it's "Panniers: +1". After selecting all my adjusters it gives me an FCN as 15, when it should be 13. That is, selecting "Panniers: +1" adds 3 to my FCN rather than 1. It does this regardless of what the other options you select, so it should be a simple fix to correct the Panniers to add 1 and not 3.

It's a shame really as being a 15 is pretty cool - I can prey on just about every one else, but no one can prey on me. A 13 isn't too bad, I can still prey on loads of people but I'm sure there are a couple of people who can prey on me now!!

greg66_tri_v2.0

victor ludorum wrote:

Risking the wrath of Greg66, I have to admit I sometimes do this. But generally only in weather like this and for the short hop from the railway station at Cambridge into work. The reason being that after the long hot ride the padding in the front of my helmet is generally saturated. It doesn't dry while I'm sat on the train, but it does go very cold. The resulting cold sweat, skin cell and gopp cocktail which is squeezed down my face when I put my helmet back on is so revolting I'm willing to risk a persistent vegetative state to avoid it.

Yes. Well I can only say that your logic is almost Vulcan in its impregnability.

Of course, not sweating would solve your problems at a stroke. 8)

greg66_tri_v2.0

Totalnewbie wrote:

I don't indulge in this game.

Much.

Maybe a very little bit along the Albert Embankment, which is the only proper stretch on my commute.

But I'd be interested to know where tourers rate. Somewhere near fast hybrids, I presume?

And I have waxed legs but being a girl that's hardly surprising and probably makes little difference to the pecking order. You lot sharing your thigh measurements is pretty hilarious though, I must say.

Ah! A comely female approaches! With her legs of wax. So, comely female, do you giggle girlishly at the lights before laying down pain and humiliation on the assembled throng? Do you have tassles on your pink bicycle handlebars to fool the unwashed carpet-legged mtb'ers into a foolish and reckless bid to take you on? Do you rip the still beating hearts of hybrid riders from their chests with your soap-smelling fingers and varnished nails?

If so, are you of child bearing age? :twisted:

greg66_tri_v2.0

Greg T wrote:

(by the way I didn't see anyone book a bigger thigh number than mine - Haaaaaa!)

Easy tiger.

Point of order: which bit of the thigh are you measuring round? Mid, bottom, or top? Or diagonally to really eke out every last cm of awesome throbbing man power?

xio

am liking the calculator. I'd feared I might be a 4 or slightly lower, but it turns out I'm a 6. And I'm sure I could get another point for being old (40).

I still wish to protest about scooters being no. 1 though. They're dead slow and you can't use the defence (as someone did) that you're overtaking on a clear road - who has a commute like that in London really? (except this week cos school's out, and I still passed one scooter and drafted another for about 1/4 mile until he spotted me at which point my little single speed legs couldn't keep up on the downhill).

Dunston_checks_in

Physicsman wrote:

It's a shame really as being a 15 is pretty cool - I can prey on just about every one else, but no one can prey on me. A 13 isn't too bad, I can still prey on loads of people but I'm sure there are a couple of people who can prey on me now!!

Dude! 15! That is totally cool if you've got the legs. Kind of like a Q ship from WWI.

But man, what's your ride? A shopper with a basket?! Do you have a beard and a tweed suit too?!

prj45

Greg T wrote:

Shall we just gloss over the unedifying spectacle of grown men sending each other their quad measurements over the internet? (62 - yes 62 - Power packed cm of grind muscle)....

76cm.

Just one of my legs is the same circumference as my boss's waste.

Shooting me at 30mph along Chelsea Embankment tonight, but I'm not playing your silly little game.

I did TOTALLY PWN a LDY LGED R8CRBOY THO !!! LOL !! HAX, 1 MIL POINZ BOOM HEADSHOT!!!!

Dunston_checks_in

@prj45

Good God man! Are you drunk?!

(I am...)

Physicsman

Dunston_checks_in wrote:

Dude! 15! That is totally cool if you've got the legs. Kind of like a Q ship from WWI.

But man, what's your ride? A shopper with a basket?! Do you have a beard and a tweed suit too?!

Unfortunately I'm a 13 not 15, which is why I'm saying it's a shame! I'm only a 15 using the FCN calculator which has a bug, when I compute it correctly by hand then I'm FCN 13.

How I get that score is as follows:

Hybrid = 7 Non-cycling clothes +2 Panniers +1 Beard +1 Flat pedals +2 Total = 13

victor ludorum

Greg66 wrote:

Yes. Well I can only say that your logic is almost Vulcan in its impregnability.

Of course, not sweating would solve your problems at a stroke. 8)

Hey, I never claimed it was logical, or even particularly bright...

As to not sweating, I'd love to give it a go but I run a high metabolism.

I don't overheat, but I run hot.

greg66_tri_v2.0

Gorgeous morning today. Picked up a fattie on a tourer with panniers waiting at some lights. He was in full lycra (not very flattering) and a London 2007 Grande Depart jersey. I did my usual lazy pull away from the lights and he dug deep to beat me across the junction. I was then able to witness him winding himself up into an under-geared and over-excited bobbing frenzy of inefficiency, before I swept past.

Picked my way through the usual line of not-trying-hard-enough hybrids, roadies mtbers along the Embankment. Then came up to a fine looking filly riding pillion on an underpowered moped round Pt Sq. As luck would have it, she (they) were going my way.

Now, this slyph was wearing a simple black dress, hitched up around her navel to accommodate the moped, so exposing her tanned and shapely eyes.

I could have scalped her "man" but instead I took pity on him, and so as not to leave her weeping and wailing at her poor choice of "man" partner, I sat alongside and admired the view. Most agreeable.

Greg T

prj45 wrote:

76cm.

Just one of my legs is the same circumference as my boss's waste.

Shooting me at 30mph along Chelsea Embankment tonight, but I'm not playing your silly little game.

I did TOTALLY PWN a LDY LGED R8CRBOY THO !!! LOL !! HAX, 1 MIL POINZ BOOM HEADSHOT!!!!

You measure your Boss's waste?

I'm not sure but I think he can't actually MAKE you do that.

Also - at 76 cm in circumference that's one heavy duty do do.......


Physicsman - you are our first beta tester - congratulations and welcome.13 is a very big number indeed - do you cycle with water wings also? Beard, flats and panniers.....

I'll drop Fury a note about Physicsman's bug detection. If I'm going to do this should we lance the boil that is the apex spot being occupied by scooters?

I'm at the tipping point that we should drop them off and count them as exotica worthy of mention and elevate Roadies (shaved - silky - hmmm) to the top of the tree.

What do we think?

Also after spinning in this morning on the Paddy Wagon I can safely say that 42 16 gearing is pish weak and S............l.........o...........w.

I did one very surprised looking hairy roadie this morning on the up slope of the blackfriars tunnel roller coaster ride. I think he was surprised that my legs could turn that fast without bursting into flames - he wasn't the only one..

I think I kept a clean sheet but it was hard to tell as I was on spidey sense overload...

Greg T

Greg66 wrote:

Gorgeous morning today. Picked up a fattie on a tourer with panniers waiting at some lights. He was in full lycra (not very flattering) and a London 2007 Grande Depart jersey.

Ah! I saw him too - black jersey yes......

I was lining him up for a bumping but he he skipped onto the pavement - TDF jersey and scared of traffic.....

I saw him last cycling the on the pavement (river side) after Albert bridge -

Greg66 wrote:

I could have scalped her "man" but instead I took pity on him, and so as not to leave her weeping and wailing at her poor choice of "man" partner, I sat alongside and admired the view. Most agreeable.

You have let yourself down badly. If you had followed the bushido code you would have scalped him ragged. At the next lights she would have swung her leg off his wasted and weak scooter tapped you on the shoulder and you would have given her a "backy" to work and took her number.

I impressed no one on my man powered cetrifuge this morning.

greg66_tri_v2.0

Greg T wrote:

I'm at the tipping point that we should drop them off and count them as exotica worthy of mention and elevate Roadies (shaved - silky - hmmm) to the top of the tree.

What do we think?

Hmmmm. Who am I going to chase down? Most days I already feel like the games teacher playing rugby with the Under 11s. And not giving a quarter. It's nice to have someone else to play with.

attica

Hey GregT

Paddywagon:-
I love mine, but after 6 months on it I'm starting to wonder about the gearing too - A friend has advised me to take it from it's 69 inch gearing up to about 80 inches, gonna try it and see if I fly!

Greg T

Attica wrote:

Hey GregT

Paddywagon:-
I love mine, but after 6 months on it I'm starting to wonder about the gearing too - A friend has advised me to take it from it's 69 inch gearing up to about 80 inches, gonna try it and see if I fly!

I'm going to 79 with a bigger 48 ring on the front......

Well I think I am - frankly no idea how the maths works. Don't tell me - I zone out and am dense.

Anything to get my base speed up....... I'm a sitting duck... and am bobbing like a sewing machine trying to keep myself out of trouble.......

Physicsman

Greg T wrote:

Physicsman - you are our first beta tester - congratulations and welcome.13 is a very big number indeed - do you cycle with water wings also? Beard, flats and panniers.....

I'll drop Fury a note about Physicsman's bug detection. If I'm going to do this should we lance the boil that is the apex spot being occupied by scooters?

I'm at the tipping point that we should drop them off and count them as exotica worthy of mention and elevate Roadies (shaved - silky - hmmm) to the top of the tree.

What do we think?

Thanks for the welcome! This thread is one of the funniest and best I've read on any forum anywhere! As to your question, nope no water wings - I just wear what is most comfortable for me to get into work without being wetter than a mermaid's blanket (due to all the sweat).

I think we can leave the scooters on top, they're fast enough (granted, almost everything on the food chain is faster than me but the point still stands!) Anyway, it gives us all something to chase after if the scooter is ridden by a lady that is pleasing to the eye!

greg66_tri_v2.0

Greg T wrote:

You have let yourself down badly. If you had followed the bushido code you would have scalped him ragged. At the next lights she would have swung her leg off his wasted and weak scooter tapped you on the shoulder and you would have given her a "backy" to work and took her number.

I impressed no one on my man powered cetrifuge this morning.

Dammit.

I have spent 30 minutes in the Temple of Psychotic Contemplation reflecting on what I have done. You are right. I have committed a heinous wrong. I see now that this "man" merely used a shapely female as a distraction to prevent him being scalping, vile and base coward that he is.

I feel the anger growing in me. Tonight there shall be a reckoning. If you see a Cervelo with flaming wheels, being ridden by something with a flaming skull where his head should be, you will know that the end is near...

Totalnewbie

Greg66 wrote:

Totalnewbie wrote:

I don't indulge in this game.

Much.

Maybe a very little bit along the Albert Embankment, which is the only proper stretch on my commute.

But I'd be interested to know where tourers rate. Somewhere near fast hybrids, I presume?

And I have waxed legs but being a girl that's hardly surprising and probably makes little difference to the pecking order. You lot sharing your thigh measurements is pretty hilarious though, I must say.

Ah! A comely female approaches! With her legs of wax. So, comely female, do you giggle girlishly at the lights before laying down pain and humiliation on the assembled throng? Do you have tassles on your pink bicycle handlebars to fool the unwashed carpet-legged mtb'ers into a foolish and reckless bid to take you on? Do you rip the still beating hearts of hybrid riders from their chests with your soap-smelling fingers and varnished nails?

If so, are you of child bearing age? :twisted:

I'm afraid there is no such frippery as tassles on my 531 tourer (can you even fit tassles on drops?!), which is a fetching shade of aubergine rather than pink, having been treated to a rather lovely respray. And there is no giggling at the lights, being as I am too busy giving those trying to squeeze past me the evil eye (yes, I too often end up playing the 'you jump the lights and I'll pass you yet again' sub-game without even trying).

I found the calculator rather perplexing but the post upthread has cleared things up; it said I was a 10 but it was the pannier messing things up it would appear, instead I am an 8.

Now you all carry on sharing your thigh sizes, it is most entertaining.

victor ludorum

Greg66 wrote:

I feel the anger growing in me. Tonight there shall be a reckoning. If you see a Cervelo with flaming wheels, being ridden by something with a flaming skull where his head should be, you will know that the end is near...

The lone cyclist of the apocalypse...

I watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like a freewheeling Campag, "Come!". I looked, and there before me was a white bicycle! Its rider wearing lycra, and he was given a Uvex helmet, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest.

victor ludorum

I don't even want to think about what happened to my score yesterday...

The Ludorum household is currently awaiting the patter of tiny cleats. Mrs Ludorum, who was previously a keen cyclist, has not been on her bike for some time and decided yesterday that she would like to try and ride to work and asked if I would take a detour and escort her on her route.

God bless her. She was doing her best, and I don't think that having what appears to be a largish watermelon shoved down one's lycra shorts could ever be described as 'performance enhancing', but the last time I rode that slowly I had three wheels and the cranks were attached to the front one directly.

We were passed by everything on wheels. I was passed by a guy on a folder with a dayglo tabard and the sort of helmet that appears to have been carved from packing foam. A woman on a step-through with a wicker basket full of shopping. A full-sus MTB with an iffy weld. Girls even! With every one, I felt my ego shrink a little more. I now keep it in a tic-tac box, under a tic-tac.

I have never ridden on my small chain ring for so long in my life.

If anyone went past a man on a yellow roadbike, freewheeling down High Street Kensington yesterday, weeping copiously and mumbling 'a bloody Dahon' to himself over and over, that was me.

I made sure to lay down some significant awesome on the Euston Road and chewed up a true brakeless fixie, two shaven roadies and five hairy ones like they were standing still. (Apart from the fixie who didn't jump a red, but rather sneakily used the little driveway in front of St Marylebone Church to circumvent a set and overtake me while I was stopped...) but it doesn't matter. My beautiful clean sheet is in tatters.

Totalnewbie

I bet you've got lots of brownie points from Mrs Ludorum though!

Clever Pun

GregT I ordered a singlespeed freewheel (Condor pista) only at the weekend as well 48-18 as it's the first one and I've got to be weary of the hills on the way home.

Anyway first ride of the week this morning after having spent sunday night in Bray at the Waterside Inn and the hinds head on monday so I was full of buttery fine food and wine over the weekend and today I was unsure how that would work... pretty well as it goes.

I got to Beckenham jct traffic lights and saw a potential scalp going my way... I waited for the lights and the game was back on. I gained steadily waiting for the hill and it's just better to properly crush someone when they struggle (I've seen this rider before, good on the flat utter pish on hills) he starts to climb and sorts his gears I just set it to something akin to my impending arrival, absolutly slayed him with minimal fuss heh.

Nothing else of note on the way in really, a couple of people turning off before I could take them... it's just selfish