Silly commuting racing
Comments
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SecretSam wrote:I may have missed the answer to this in the maelstrom of posts against this topic, but what do we do about:
PANSY FACE MASKS ("Oo-oooh my delicate little lungy-wungies, I shall wear my stormtrooper get up in the vain hope it isn't a waste of time")
Surely anyone wearing one should be +1 for being such a tw$t?
Haven't seen one legged running guy, BTW. But he sounds cool.
I think facemask's should be a +2 - 1 for being a tw4t and 1 for believing the hype0 -
I think this is a null point. Sure facemasks make you look like a tw@t, but they restrict your breathing to such an extent that the penalty is 'built in'. Shoppers with baskets will be whizzing past you while you struggle in your own private, oxygen-deprived hell...0
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I think this is a null point. Sure facemasks make you look like a tw@t, but they restrict your breathing to such an extent that the penalty is 'built in'.
no, no, no SGI
the fact that they are a handicap means that they need a +1 - think about it this way, tw riders on identically clad on identical bikes except one has a face mask. If the non-face mask wearer wins, why should he get any points? If the fmw wins then he has overcome the oxygen shortage and his own tw@tishness and deserves a point. Equally the non-fmw needs to scuttle off in shame
You know I'm right
J0 -
Hmmm. I see the truth in what you say Jedster.... +1 makes sense...0
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Sea_Green_Incorruptible wrote:Hmmm. I see the truth in what you say Jedster.... +1 makes sense...
But we all agree they are tw&ts, regardless of the points punishment :roll:
It's just a hill. Get over it.0 -
SecretSam wrote:Sea_Green_Incorruptible wrote:Hmmm. I see the truth in what you say Jedster.... +1 makes sense...
But we all agree they are tw&ts, regardless of the points punishment :roll:
I think that's a given.......0 -
This thread is hilarious... I think I'll have to change my route and commute down the Embankment just for fun.
Do any of you actually race? Surely most self-respecting roadies will be in Active Recovery whilst commuting and therefore any points are a Phyrric victory? And why don't you all get your BC licences so you can let off some steam in a proper race before you end up under a bus! :-)
There's too much history to read so forgive me if it's been done already but surely some stealth race numbers are in order - maybe the old Greyhound logo of the US bus company with your number to help make the calculations easier? It could become quite a phenomenon - and a spectator sport as I could watch the races unfold.0 -
James_London wrote:This thread is hilarious... I think I'll have to change my route and commute down the Embankment just for fun.
Do any of you actually race? Surely most self-respecting roadies will be in Active Recovery whilst commuting and therefore any points are a Phyrric victory? And why don't you all get your BC licences so you can let off some steam in a proper race before you end up under a bus! :-)
There's too much history to read so forgive me if it's been done already but surely some stealth race numbers are in order - maybe the old Greyhound logo of the US bus company with your number to help make the calculations easier? It could become quite a phenomenon - and a spectator sport as I could watch the races unfold.
By actually race I'm guessing you mean for a local club etc. I for one don't and think you'd only find racers in the shaved like a laydee roadies......but I could be wrong what with all those stealth MTBer's on ss contraptions!
As for stealth race numbers whilst I think it's a good idea, it would make scoring easier I think we'd need some sorta coloring scheme for each FCN, then you could have a small discrete patch on your back somewhere to signify what FCN you are?0 -
James,Surely most self-respecting roadies will be in Active Recovery whilst commuting and therefore any points are a Phyrric victory?
oh your good. sneaky but I kind of admire that. get your excuses in first
Of course we can see through you. It won't wash. I contend that no "self-respecting" ladyshaver is going to let a lower FCN beat them even if they are just back from a stage win on the TdF. They might start out by thinking "I'll just take it easy, I won't rise to the bait" but the competitive juices have to rise when a hairy on a slicked up mountain bike passes them.
Active Recovery my @rse, you let the lower FCN go, you pay with ego and kudos.
And you know it!
(BTW welcome to the silliness)
J0 -
And James... you should know as well as anyone that it's no use emptying your tanks on the time trial at the weekend if you've got nothing left for the serious business of the mountains later on in the week...0
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Sea_Green_Incorruptible wrote:Not sure where to place her, but ended up giving her a 3 for the bike with a +1 /-1for clothes. She had a team top of some sort on but then... I kid you not... some kind of mad tweed plus fours.
I think I am begining to fear for my soul...
Rapha do/did tweedy plus-fours as part of their fixed range. If so, fair scalp...Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride.
(John F Kennedy)
Hairy Roadie (new scoring) FCN 1/20 -
just because I'm enjoying this thread so much...
Food Chain Number Calculator (based on the facebook group rules - none of the newer stuff yet).itsnotarace.org - SCR Rules & FCN Calculator0 -
fury21 wrote:just because I'm enjoying this thread so much...
Food Chain Number Calculator (based on the facebook group rules - none of the newer stuff yet).
Very good work! Someone must be having a quiet day at work - says he who setup the FB group whilst "working" :-)
Think I'll add that as a link on the group page to make calculations easier!0 -
Bassjunkieuk wrote:By actually race I'm guessing you mean for a local club etc. I for one don't and think you'd only find racers in the shaved like a laydee roadies......but I could be wrong what with all those stealth MTBer's on ss contraptions!
I just meant a British Cycling race of any description - see the calendar at www.britishcycling.org.uk. You don't have to be a club member to race. You can't get a decent rhythm going commuting unless it involves some Richmond, Hyde or Regents Park laps when I will gladly slap on a number! Racers are probably a subset of those shaved like a laydee. And some race hairy - ahem.
Still, if you make it down to the Embankment on 7th September you can chalk up some legitimate scalps:
http://www.tourofbritain.co.uk/therace_ ... _index.aspBassjunkieuk wrote:As for stealth race numbers whilst I think it's a good idea, it would make scoring easier I think we'd need some sorta coloring scheme for each FCN, then you could have a small discrete patch on your back somewhere to signify what FCN you are?
What I was thinking was a race number panel with a greyhound emblem and your FCN. Why does it have to be small and discrete? Cyclists wear all sorts of ridiculous garish things and nobody bats an eyelid. The point is that it would only be meaningful to the cognoscenti, innit. The prey must acknowledge it's a race or it's pointless and the number would indicate they were game. It could also turn the streets of London into alleycat racing hell, but hey... It would put a smile on all our faces at least.0 -
jedster wrote:James,Surely most self-respecting roadies will be in Active Recovery whilst commuting and therefore any points are a Phyrric victory?
oh your good. sneaky but I kind of admire that. get your excuses in first
Of course we can see through you. It won't wash. I contend that no "self-respecting" ladyshaver is going to let a lower FCN beat them even if they are just back from a stage win on the TdF. They might start out by thinking "I'll just take it easy, I won't rise to the bait" but the competitive juices have to rise when a hairy on a slicked up mountain bike passes them.
Active Recovery my @rse, you let the lower FCN go, you pay with ego and kudos.
And you know it!
(BTW welcome to the silliness)
J
Yep. I ride with some people who will not be passed but I just get on with my scheduled workout. Save the testosterone (naturally generated only please) and ego for racing. If it happens to be a Level 1 day you're in luck and you can have my scalp. If it's Level 4 then have fun holding my wheel (remembering of course you'll be doing >30% less work slipping me you lazy toad). :-)0 -
fury21 wrote:just because I'm enjoying this thread so much...
Food Chain Number Calculator (based on the facebook group rules - none of the newer stuff yet).
Awesome! I love the calculator. I disagree with TdF jerseys for -2 though. I've seen yellow on some low-life this week. Club jerseys should be -1 though and I do see some around - the odd Serpentine, Addiscombe and Kingston Wheelers jersey for example.
I'll stick a number on my back anyway just to contribute some more 'inventory' to the game for the Embankment peleton. I think I need a two. Or maybe someone can lend me a razor and I'll have a -1 to help y'all out?0 -
James_London wrote:Awesome! I love the calculator. I disagree with TdF jerseys for -2 though. I've seen yellow on some low-life this week. Club jerseys should be -1 though and I do see some around - the odd Serpentine, Addiscombe and Kingston Wheelers jersey for example.
Or Dynamos. That club ring a bell with you, James?
James_London wrote:I'll stick a number on my back anyway just to contribute some more 'inventory' to the game for the Embankment peleton. I think I need a two. Or maybe someone can lend me a razor and I'll have a -1 to help y'all out?
Does the calculator now generate negative numbers? Didn't when I last tried it 8)
I'm thinking a sticky around the seatpost. How to make it waterproof though...?0 -
James_London wrote:jedster wrote:James,Surely most self-respecting roadies will be in Active Recovery whilst commuting and therefore any points are a Phyrric victory?
oh your good. sneaky but I kind of admire that. get your excuses in first
Of course we can see through you. It won't wash. I contend that no "self-respecting" ladyshaver is going to let a lower FCN beat them even if they are just back from a stage win on the TdF. They might start out by thinking "I'll just take it easy, I won't rise to the bait" but the competitive juices have to rise when a hairy on a slicked up mountain bike passes them.
Active Recovery my @rse, you let the lower FCN go, you pay with ego and kudos.
And you know it!
(BTW welcome to the silliness)
J
Yep. I ride with some people who will not be passed but I just get on with my scheduled workout. Save the testosterone (naturally generated only please) and ego for racing. If it happens to be a Level 1 day you're in luck and you can have my scalp. If it's Level 4 then have fun holding my wheel (remembering of course you'll be doing >30% less work slipping me you lazy toad). :-)
Indeed. It is a "race of truth", in which drafting is ultimately a sign of weakness.
Should there be a further penalty/adjustment for an admitted BC Cat status?FCN 2-4.
"What happens when the hammer goes down, kids?"
"It stays down, Daddy."
"Exactly."0 -
GOD'S CRAP!
A chap spends a morning "working" and look what happens.....
Now - perhaps we've let things slip in allowing baggy over lycra as a 0 and not standing quickly enough on schisms surrounding TDF jerseys and a slow judgement on bike computers but we must focus!
Sea_Green_Incorruptible I suggest you pedal over to the vending machine as you are clearly hypoglyceamic and are off your tits - speaking jibberish. Unless you get some carbs inside you not only will you be "quiet" tomorrow when we are all giving it large about our exploits but you'll probably be in custody having shouted obscenities at coppers before being found slumped face down on a garage forecourt smeared with Mars bar.... I know you've come back from the brink but all the same...
Rapist masks are so foul they may in fact make the wearer completely untermenschen - the only bike class in existence that doesn't count in the game..... I'm not willing to make this call and a simple adjuster may be more appropriate but after my skinning on Monday I'm in no mood to be good cop.
Now what's all this about German burds wearing tweed plus fours? Where are you commuting from Sandringham?
Jaysus......
Silver lining on the clouds....
I regained my cojones after a workmanlike performance into the wind last night and a spirited cycle in in the rain this morning, singles bagged on both trips and I dragged one of them the length of the embankment today....
Greg66 has shown a clean pair of heels and perfectly smooth and ladylike calves to a scooter - finally booking a win!
Snooks is trading up for a road bike and will soon be larging it about how slicked up MTBs are "so slow I never realised" with all the conviction of an ex smoker at a cancer survivors meeting....James_London wrote:Do any of you actually race? Surely most self-respecting roadies will be in Active Recovery whilst commuting and therefore any points are a Phyrric victory? And why don't you all get your BC licences so you can let off some steam in a proper race before you end up under a bus! :-)
I note the question about shouldn't we be in recovery and "spinning" to save ourselves for the weekend and "proper" racing- do what son? By Friday night my energy debt from wasting dudes on singlies is so high Road Lights dim as I go by them and I'm receiving red cross food parcels at home. Legging around the Surrey hills with your roadie mates is all very well if you haven't been mixing it all week but in my book day in day out attritional warfare is the true sport of our age. MY GOD - idea!
Commuter racing to be an official Olympic sport at London 2012.......
We'll get The Ice Skating judges in to provide "artistic realisation" scores for non commital "I'm not trying" faces.... This has got legs (two of them unlike one legged rapid running dude).....
If that NYC bike messanger video is anything to go by they are the team to beat.. I fear however their "hell YEAHs" and "yeeee hahs" they let go on bagging a scalp will lose them points and the simple "bit fresh today heh" to the bloke you just humiliated at the next lights will score big points with the beaks.Fixed gear for wet weather / hairy roadie for posing in the sun.
What would Thora Hurd do?0 -
FCN 2-4.
"What happens when the hammer goes down, kids?"
"It stays down, Daddy."
"Exactly."0 -
Greg66 wrote:James_London wrote:Awesome! I love the calculator. I disagree with TdF jerseys for -2 though. I've seen yellow on some low-life this week. Club jerseys should be -1 though and I do see some around - the odd Serpentine, Addiscombe and Kingston Wheelers jersey for example.
Or Dynamos. That club ring a bell with you, James?
Or indeed a Dynamo. You scurvy lurker! Reveal yourself! :-)
How many points for a bell again? Are you of undeclared BC status and out scalping on the Embankment?! Get to Hillngdon or Palace you lazy good-for-nothing.... 0 -
I'm starting to feel increasingly dissatisfied with the clothing adjusters, surely there's a gulf of difference between a rich all-the-gear-no-idea boy in a TdF shirt and a truly committed roadie.
Then there's the money-to-burn Rapha wearers who can be anything from Gods to beginners with big wallets.
I think the only true adjuster should be a club shirt - discuss"Impressive break"
"Thanks...
...I can taste blood"0 -
Attica wrote:I'm starting to feel increasingly dissatisfied with the clothing adjusters, surely there's a gulf of difference between a rich all-the-gear-no-idea boy in a TdF shirt and a truly committed roadie.
Then there's the money-to-burn Rapha wearers who can be anything from Gods to beginners with big wallets.
I think the only true adjuster should be a club shirt - discuss
There should be a severe penalty for TdF or pro team jerseys.FCN 2-4.
"What happens when the hammer goes down, kids?"
"It stays down, Daddy."
"Exactly."0 -
cjcp wrote:
There should be a severe penalty for TdF or pro team jerseys.
The most severe being reserved for fat lads on mtbs with four inch wide nobblies, puffing and panting, but sporting the polka dot jersey.
Why oh why do they do it? And does anyone else ever buy the polka dot jersey?0 -
Greg66 wrote:cjcp wrote:
There should be a severe penalty for TdF or pro team jerseys.
The most severe being reserved for fat lads on mtbs with four inch wide nobblies, puffing and panting, but sporting the polka dot jersey.
Why oh why do they do it? And does anyone else ever buy the polka dot jersey?
Would you get extra points for overtaking someone in a green TDF jersey as they obviously fancy themselves as something tasty?0 -
Does a unicycle count as single speed fixed gear?
If so, I don't feel so bad about being overtaken by one this morning.FCN:319 - Lead clogs, mahogany helmet and 19th century diving suit.0 -
It's that time of day. I hear the click of helmet straps, the re-adjusting of velcro on the shoes and snap of lycra on skin.FCN 2-4.
"What happens when the hammer goes down, kids?"
"It stays down, Daddy."
"Exactly."0 -
Greg66 wrote:Why oh why do they do it? And does anyone else ever buy the polka dot jersey?
Here I must (slightly shamefacedly :oops: ) admit to owning a KOM jersey.
When I wear it is purely for the opportunity to to say 'Hardly surprising, with this cloak of invisibility on?' to SMIDSYing* drivers and because during the TdF it amuses me to ride up the one slight incline on my commute (Holland Park Avenue) scalping all the people in a maillot jeune.
(*Sorry Mate, I Didn't See You)Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride.
(John F Kennedy)
Hairy Roadie (new scoring) FCN 1/20 -
James_London wrote:cognoscenti, innit. The prey must acknowledge it's a race or it's pointless and the number would indicate they were game. It could also turn the streets of London into alleycat racing hell, but hey... It would put a smile on all our faces at least.
Not quite, in missing the early history you have missed part of the basic premise. Whether they are party to this thread or not, most commuters, deep in their hearts and in the reptilian parts of their brains, are playing The Game. All scoring is done by the ego and is measured in the profit and loss columns of the ledger of the soul. One of the key aspects of the race is that no competitor (on the road at least) acknowledges that there is a race. Although formalising FCNs in wearable form is a possibility it wouldn't quite be in the spirit of the game.
For the same reason alleycatting is unlikely. That would mean admitting there was a race going on. Besides, the first rule of The Game is that you must remember you are on a public highway and obey all the rules of that highway. Illegalities like RLJing are expressly forbidden and all other risky enterprises are frowned upon as being contrary to the spirit of the game which is one commuter against another on the open road.Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of a bike ride.
(John F Kennedy)
Hairy Roadie (new scoring) FCN 1/20
