The Lanterne Rouge Thread 2022 **Spoilers**

Pross

Carlton really demonstrating his lack of cycling understanding, as Torres rolled off the start ramp CK stated that he would give it a go.

Lanterne_Rogue

Jakobsen, controversially, riding a chair.

Is that allowed???

Pross

No_Ta_Doctor said:

The TT is always very awkward for the Lanterne contenders. Going off first they have to try and guess what the winning time and tinecut will be. It's high stakes gambling

They don't call it the race of truth for nothing, it is the ultimate test of skill for a true LR contender.

Lanterne_Rogue

Commissaires took a dim view of Jakobsen's chair and have told him in no uncertain terms to use a bicycle instead. Shame - thought we were seeing something truly groundbreaking there.

RichN95.

If Ewan wins the last stage, would be be the first person to simultaneously finish the Tour first and last.

Edit: excluding when it finished in a TT.

Pross

Lanterne_Rogue said:

Commissaires took a dim view of Jakobsen's chair and have told him in no uncertain terms to use a bicycle instead. Shame - thought we were seeing something truly groundbreaking there.

Typical of the UCI, stuck in the past and restricting innovation.

No_Ta_Doctor

Caleb has taken 13" on Torres at first split

Pross

RichN95. said:

If Ewan wins the last stage, would be be the first person to simultaneously finish the Tour first and last.

Edit: excluding when it finished in a TT.

He's going to find it hard to defend LR and go for the stage. Really needs to commit, too many riders trying to be 'all-rounders' these days.

No_Ta_Doctor

He's banking more seconds at the second check

No_Ta_Doctor

Terrible ride from Torres unless Caleb has the time cut wrong. He nearly caught him

bm5

Disappointing from Torres. Does he not like a stick of rock and penny falls

Pross

No_Ta_Doctor said:

Terrible ride from Torres unless Caleb has the time cut wrong. He nearly caught him

Playing safe, he can take back that and plenty more tomorrow for far less risk knowing Ewan is going to be at the wrong end of the race crossing the line.

bm5

Won't have the special dossard or whatever it is tomorrow though. Will be something if Caleb can win with it though.

Lanterne_Rogue

There are two races of truth. One of them always tells the truth and the other, well, always tells the truth. That's what time trials do.

We knew before today's time trial that Ewan was going to have to protect, and if possible extend, his lead to ensure he had some slipping room in Paris. And to his credit that's exactly what he did, with a creditable fourth on the stage. Torres, his only real competitor, suffered a rush of blood to the legs and shipped over a minute. It's possible that he can find that in Paris - the banter outcome is that Ewan finishes second due to the extra drag of his fancy pink bib and the six second bonus costs him the Lanterne - but at the moment it's looking unlikely.

Rocamadour:

129 VAN POPPEL Danny BORA - hansgrohe 8:04 43.568
130 BAUER Jack Team BikeExchange - Jayco 8:07 43.529
131 IZAGIRRE Gorka Movistar Team 8:12 43.465
132 GROENEWEGEN Dylan Team BikeExchange - Jayco 8:13 43.452
133 JAKOBSEN Fabio Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 8:14 43.439
134 MOZZATO Luca B&B Hotels - KTM 8:35 43.170
135 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 8:50 42.980
136 ROLLAND Pierre B&B Hotels - KTM 8:54 42.930
137 JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 9:05 42.792
138 BONNAMOUR Franck B&B Hotels - KTM 9:32 42.457

Rock me Amadeus:

129 131 ▲2 JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 5:11:48
130 130 - HIRSCHI Marc UAE Team Emirates 5:13:11
131 132 ▲1 LECROQ Jérémy B&B Hotels - KTM 5:14:40
132 133 ▲1 TURGIS Anthony TotalEnergies 5:20:11
133 134 ▲1 JAKOBSEN Fabio Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 5:24:29
134 136 ▲2 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 5:29:21
135 135 - JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 5:30:47
136 137 ▲1 JANSE VAN RENSBURG Reinardt Lotto Soudal 5:32:16
137 138 ▲1 TORRES Albert Movistar Team 5:36:39
138 139 ▲1 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 5:41:33

bm5

Perhaps they should run final tts in reverse order then the contenders would know the timecuts and be able to really go for it to improve standings. How do we get Prudhomme to understand what he's missing here?

Lanterne_Rogue

Boo! The commissaires, no doubt exhausted by having to enjoy massive boozy lunches for not one but two tours today, knocked off early and awarded everyone the same time, thereby ensuring there was no moves possible on LR.

Caleb Ewan therefore secures the biggest win of his career - congratulations to the tiny Australian speedster on the achievement. Never forget how difficult it is to win a Lanterne - very few riders manage to ever repeat the crowning glory of any career - and I look forward to seeing images of him riding Pedro Delgado's donkeys in the shadow of the central pier.

Thanks to everyone who's played along, joined in, or simply rolled their eyes. I'm not sure I'll be doing this again next year - it gets harder every time - but I'm doing the Lanterne Feminin in another thread so it's not over just yet - please come on over and enjoy the fun.


EDIT:

OH FFS COMISSAIRES! START TAKING THIS CONTEST SERIOUSLY, FFS!!!

Suddenly time splits have appeared, apparently because somebody woke up and - after surveying the remains of the cheese course - decided to introduce some random gaps to make it look like they'd done a day's work. The upshot is that the Danes started this race, and it turns out that they also got to finish it...

Revised Kronology:

126 BAUER Jack Team BikeExchange - Jayco 3:10
127 PEREZ Anthony Cofidis ,,
128 CATTANEO Mattia Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 3:32
129 VAN KEIRSBULCK Guillaume Alpecin-Deceuninck 4:02
130 BAGIOLI Andrea Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 4:14
131 JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 4:29
132 SCHACHMANN Maximilian BORA - hansgrohe 5:24
133 RUTSCH Jonas EF Education-EasyPost ,,
134 HONORÉ Mikkel Frølich Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 6:44
135 KRON Andreas Lotto Soudal ,,


Caleb Tropicana:

126 131 ▲5 LECROQ Jérémy B&B Hotels - KTM 25 5:13:49
127 130 ▲3 HIRSCHI Marc UAE Team Emirates 25 5:15:09
128 129 ▲1 JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 25 5:15:26
129 132 ▲3 TURGIS Anthony TotalEnergies 25 5:20:17
130 133 ▲3 JAKOBSEN Fabio Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 25 5:23:38
131 134 ▲3 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 25 5:30:19
132 136 ▲4 JANSE VAN RENSBURG Reinardt Lotto Soudal 25 5:31:25
133 135 ▲2 JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 25 5:31:27
134 137 ▲3 TORRES Albert Movistar Team 25 5:36:33
135 138 ▲3 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 25 5:40:42

diplodicus

Thank you for these threads Lanterne, really enjoyable.
I for one will miss them if you decide not to do them any more

ddraver

Once again, outstanding!

orraloon

Please keep doing them 😍 Really enjoyed following, and also your Feminin is off to great start.

webboo

Excellent work. Please keep going.

Pross

That's a pi$$ poor effort by Torres today. It was an open goal with Ewan stuck at the wrong end of the race

peteco

Many thanks for this thread. It makes me smile every day I check it.

Pete

blazing_saddles

The team classification was dominated by Belgian teams who, with Alpecin, Lotto and Quick Step made it a podium clean sweep.
Ultimately it was Pat Leferve’s team that took the cherished er bottom step.

bm5

Thank you Mr Rogue for entertaining us. Hope you can renew your contract for next year.
How disappointing was Ewans dossard though. Hope he enjoys the full English breakfast of his labours. Those donkey rides might just give him the aero position he needs for next year's stage win.

No_Ta_Doctor

Cheers @Lanterne_Rogue, hopefully someone will step up next year, but you've set a very high bar!

Nice to see Kron crowned for the stage 😁

pinno

There seems to be enough bodies to press gang Lanterne_Rogue into a Broom wagon and carry on...