The Lanterne Rouge Thread 2022 **Spoilers**
Comments
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What happened to Vermaerke - serious fail today losing 2nd place in the underall by slipping off to finish over 10 minutes in front.0
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It's still really early on, so the break-merchants etc who want to lose time to avoid calling down the gods of the GC when they attack are quite often confusing the picture. That's why Wout van Ae-bm5 said:What happened to Vermaerke - serious fail today losing 2nd place in the underall by slipping off to finish over 10 minutes in front.
Oh.
Not unusual to see someone suffering a jour avec this early in the tour though. It only takes the DS seeing you skip gaily down to breakfast to jigger the whole thing.0 -
Thomas the Tank Engine was grumbling again.
"These young engines are really starting to annoy me," he said.
"PEEEP PEEP!" said Pidcock, the cheeky engine. "HURRY UP, THOMAS!"
Thomas said nothing and consoled himself with the time he'd been such a useful engine that the French Controller had given him a shiny coat of special yellow paint.
"I need to get to the big station, ITV, so I can make everyone clutch their pearls again with mild profanities about clutching my PEEP!" added Pidcock, who was always in a most peculiar hurry. "Where's this railway again?"
"Sodoff," said Thomas, quietly adding "you chuffing twat" underneath his steam.
"Are you sure that's quite right?" asked Pidcock.
"Yes!" said Thomas. "Did I ever tell you about the time I was a proper leader on my own?"
"Oh here we go again," said Pidcock.
"I was a proper leader and was given all the most important trains, and frankly it's about time tha-"
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!?" asked the Last Controller, who was listening on the radio. "We've been through this before. Everybody's a leader this time."
"But why?" persisted Thomas.
"Because almost every time we've given you a very important job you've had an accident!" snapped the Last Controller, who came from Merseyside and had made his career lounging around at the back of the peloton.
"Like that time you fell in a ditch..."
"And that time you forgot to look for potholes. Again."
"And then there was that horrible incident with the drinks bottle."
"Well at least nothing disastrous will happen on this railtour," said Thomas.
"Ah, about that..." said the Last Controller. "We've just seen the reaction on Twitter to you launching an NFT..."
- from Geraint Thomas the Tank Engine, by the NFT Tawdry.
And so to stage eight, and not just any plank of the pretty ladies, but a SUPER plank of the pretty ladies. It's the same as a regular plank but you can see its pants.
And talking of pants, the Lanterne was lit up today by an audacious attack from Marc Hirschi, Swiss scion of the famous American chocolate magnates. After spending a lot of the stage making it look like UAE Team Pogacar (plus a few mates because the organisers insisted on it) were actually providing some sort of support to the yellow jersey, Hirschi was eventually allowed off the leash to attack - rolling in last on the stage and overtaking Gianni Moron in the underall.
Leader Turgis rode defensively - ie making excuses for his performance the whole time - and limited his gains to around four minutes - although he has to be worried that UAE put so much effort into providing Hirschi with support, with two riders dropping back to pace him in. We've seen Team Sky attempt the double before - are UAE doing the same?
Super planks:
163 TURGIS Anthony TotalEnergies 18:08
164 PEDERSEN Mads Trek - Segafredo 19:36
165 DAINESE Alberto Team DSM 20:10
166 ASGREEN Kasper Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 22:13
167 JAKOBSEN Fabio Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 22:40
168 MØRKØV Michael Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team ,,
169 EEKHOFF Nils Team DSM ,,
170 BJERG Mikkel UAE Team Emirates ,,
171 LAENGEN Vegard Stake UAE Team Emirates ,,
172 HIRSCHI Marc UAE Team Emirates 22:54
Two short planks:
163 166 ▲3 JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 47:41
164 161 ▼3 TORRES Albert Movistar Team 49:05
165 164 ▼1 PEREZ Anthony Cofidis 50:07
166 155 ▼11 EEKHOFF Nils Team DSM 50:12
167 162 ▼5 LAFAY Victor Cofidis 50:35
168 168 - LAENGEN Vegard Stake UAE Team Emirates 1:03:23
169 169 - BJERG Mikkel UAE Team Emirates 1:03:43
170 171 ▲1 MOSCON Gianni Astana Qazaqstan Team 1:06:25
171 170 ▼1 HIRSCHI Marc UAE Team Emirates 1:07:09
172 172 - TURGIS Anthony TotalEnergies 1:17:07
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Are you playing with our boilers?Warning No formatter is installed for the format0
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I think my boiler would object.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0
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He's taking the points, isn't he?0
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For sale: Lunch musette. Not eaten.
- Ernest Hemingway, apocryphally
Cricket has the concept that a certain number of overs have to be bowled before a match can officially have a result. The same is true of grand tours, and now that Geraint Thomas has fallen off (yesterday, and apparently again today) and Thibeau Pinot has yet again suffered unexpected bad luck, the 2022 Tour is now officially on.
Of the two the Pinot one was naturally the more entertaining. After a fairly innocuous crash Pinot was starting to recover when a Trek soigneur more or less belted him straight in the face in the feed zone. I can only assume the instruction to 'give him a hand' got mistranslated.
Unfortunately for your reporter however Tibbles managed to get back on the main group, and barely entertained the notion of launching a tilt for the main prize. "I'm looking forward to the Alps," he's reported as saying. "They can't go any worse."
Oh Tibbles... Must you tempt fate like that?
Back in the race that really matters, Gianni Moron's challenge is over despite his explanation of "long Covid" suggesting that he'd arrived in peak form. A reminder there that the Lanterne requires stamina and mental fortitude as well as conditioning. Vermaerke has also left the race after being caught in a crash early on. Laengen is another covid casualty - a DNS after a positive test - and Bouchard too, although he wasn't showing in the underall.
A curiously subdued performance from Anthony Turgis - 156th on the stage - opened up opportunities for others, although the withdrawals and other shufflings mean that his lead has actually increased for now. I'm not entirely sure what happened to Amund Grøndahl Jansen, but he pulled out the ride of the day to finish nearly 21 minutes behind WVA - has he literally crashed his way into the top ten or was he just taking it easy on the way in?
Baby shoes, not worn:
160 BJERG Mikkel UAE Team Emirates 11:56
161 JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 12:48
162 BAGIOLI Andrea Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 14:06
163 BARTHE Cyril B&B Hotels - KTM 14:10
164 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 14:37
165 MØRKØV Michael Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 14:52
166 ASGREEN Kasper Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team ,,
167 VAN POPPEL Danny BORA - hansgrohe ,,
168 JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 20:54
Baby shark, do do do do do do do do:
159 152 ▼7 VAN POPPEL Danny BORA - hansgrohe 54:46
160 130 ▼30 JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 55:17
161 166 ▲5 EEKHOFF Nils Team DSM 57:23
162 164 ▲2 TORRES Albert Movistar Team 58:20
163 163 - JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 1:00:33
164 162 ▼2 ASGREEN Kasper Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 1:01:43
165 167 ▲2 LAFAY Victor Cofidis 1:02:10
166 171 ▲5 HIRSCHI Marc UAE Team Emirates 1:13:23
167 169 ▲2 BJERG Mikkel UAE Team Emirates 1:15:43
168 172 ▲4 TURGIS Anthony TotalEnergies 1:28:42
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Tibbles and the Soigneur must have rehearsed that for hours.
Fair play to them.seanoconn - gruagach craic!1 -
I'm currently stuck on a train so a full update might not happen tonight. Turgis is still sitting pretty and set to move through the psychologically important two hour barrier; at the other end of the race Mr Bob Jungels will be disappointed with today's result.
Having entered in tip top condition, Covid Bob has since suffered an unfortunate attack of optimism and today's stage has put the tin lid on it. Perhaps panicked by the sudden noise behind as Pinot's hopes imploded, and as the entire French nation put their fists through the telly, the officially biologically inert Belgian sprinted off for the win. He'll be disappointed with that when he sees the replay...0 -
Great work from Lotto taking 1 minute 20 seconds from QUick step whatever in today's ttt.0
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"In vain I have struggled. It will not do! My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire you. In declaring myself thus I'm fully aware that I will be going expressly against the wishes of my team, my friends, and, I hardly need add, my own better judgement.
The relative situation of our teams is such that any alliance between us must be regarded as a highly reprehensible connection. Almost from the earliest moments of our acquaintance I have come to feel for you a passionate admiration and regard, which despite of my struggles, has overcome every rational objection. And I beg you, most fervently, to relieve my suffering and - by the flicking on my elbow - signal that I wish for you to drive this break onwards."
"You what?"
"Just ignore that berk on your radio and ride on the front for a bit, will you? I'll even let you take the intermediate sprint."
Ride and Prejudice, by Janse van Austen
So with the cycling world rocked by the news that Mark Cavendish is out of contract at the end of the season, and with your correspondent uncomfortably aware that Cav would bring a wealth of experience and knowledge to Lanterne Rouge punditry if you lot saw fit to have a whip-round, we head to stage ten and the news that very few cyclists are named after steroids, but Magnus Cort is one.
Devotees of the Lanterne Rouge know that mountain stages have an unfortunate influence on the race, as all too often an autobus forms and racing is simply neutralised for the day. However today's protesters - apparently up in arms about the rising number of summits in modern tours - cannot be condoned. If you want to lie in a heap on the road whilst the world's cameras look on at least have the decency to crash properly like [here it comes...] Geraint Thomas [You're fired - Ed.].
In the race for the ultimate prize today's stage did at least create some interesting splits despite the boring boring mountains. Lotto Soudal appear to be taking an interest at last, with Ewan anchoring a superb team ride and hitting out alone before the end, but despite his efforts Turgis is still sitting pretty and the UAE pairing of Hirschi and Bjerg are still coasting on the pretence of working for Pogacar. Don't think we haven't noticed, lads...
Extinction Rebellion:
153 LEMOINE Cyril B&B Hotels - KTM 26:35
154 JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 26:48
155 JAKOBSEN Fabio Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 26:56
156 MØRKØV Michael Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team ,,
157 VERMEERSCH Florian Lotto Soudal 28:17
158 VAN MOER Brent Lotto Soudal ,,
159 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal ,,
160 JANSE VAN RENSBURG Reinardt Lotto Soudal 28:37
161 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 31:06
Extinction Official Indifference As Long As It Doesn't Interfere With Petrol Prices, Anybody's Commute, Or Priti Patel's Five Minute Hate; I Hope You Have A Licence For That Protest, Sonny Jim:
152 153 ▲1 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 1:39:22
153 157 ▲4 JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 1:44:47
154 158 ▲4 MØRKØV Michael Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 1:45:40
155 160 ▲5 LAFAY Victor Cofidis 1:46:24
156 161 ▲5 JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 1:48:27
157 162 ▲5 TORRES Albert Movistar Team 1:49:44
158 159 ▲1 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 1:50:55
159 163 ▲4 HIRSCHI Marc UAE Team Emirates 1:58:54
160 164 ▲4 BJERG Mikkel UAE Team Emirates 1:59:57
161 165 ▲4 TURGIS Anthony TotalEnergies 2:12:561 -
How good are UAE?
Attacking both ends of the race.The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
I am not sure. You have no chance.Veronese68 wrote:PB is the most sensible person on here.1 -
Did Caleb stop at the TDF merchandise van to buy a brolly or something. That's some gain there in presumably the last few kilometres. Frison should have gone with him to help his top 10 placing. Poor team tactics.0
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Today and tomorrow see the race for survival heat up - quite literally, given the weather reports. Michael Mørkøv - a man that can work out the madison points and tactics while riding it - is in charge of the Quickstep mental arithmetic, and he doesn't like to waste a single minute of the cutoff allowance. If you're behind his group you're almost definitely out. The race is entirely neutralised unless you're seriously foolish and try and do alternative maths, in which case, you're almost definitely out.Warning No formatter is installed for the format0
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James Bennett, great grandfather of George who was oft cited by the academic Del Boy Trotter (phd 'innit') who, like his father Gordon, had racing in his blood - from motor cars to Polo to sailing would be turning in their graves right now.
At first glance, bailing out of the tour on some trumped up positive lergy test and a quick 20 euros to monsieur Prudhomme in clandestine fashion seems odd but one has to dig a little deeper to understand the true tactical picture; as deep as new potatoes. If it wasn't for political correctness (and the fact that George is from New Zealand), I would have added an Irish stereotype but suffice to say, he's currently on gardening leave, digging to feed poor mouths being careful all the while not to smile in case the tactical masterpiece is uncovered.
Having too many riders at the back of the race helping those intent on wearing that silly yellow jersey* really is not conducive to the cause - the coveted LR. So telling George he's surplus to requirements took some amount of courage from the DS coupled with a huge dollop of humility by George himself.
One gas to commend the autocorrect. I meant; one has to commend Aart Vierhouten.
*Polyamide/polyester mix. It is concerning that tradition isn't being adhered to.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
So I didn't watch the Tour today because it's been a foregone conclusion since the opening stages and everyone just rides tempo in the high mountains rather than attacking each other, right? Perfect day to slope off to Newcastle and look at a boat.
Anyway, did I miss much?
[checks reports]
Oh for f-
Yes, today saw racing break out unexpectedly as everyone spotted the leader's weakness and suddenly pounced, on a stage where nothing much was expected to happen. Slumped over his handlebars on the finish line and looking utterly shocked, Turgis must surely be wondering if he's got what it takes to mount a comeback as UAE continue to utterly dominate.
I presume everyone watching the lesser battle for the GC is really bored of Pogacar bossing things up at your end, huh?
Elsewhere in the LR there was a minor surprise as Matthieu van der Poel withdrew without ever having shown quite what he could do. I'm guessing that's a result of his team failing to support him properly in a tilt at the Lanterne, but having heard him hyped up so much I'm surprised he didn't really compete. You'd never see that from WVA if he had half a sniff of a title...
River deep:
155 JANSE VAN RENSBURG Reinardt Lotto Soudal 39:21
156 BJERG Mikkel UAE Team Emirates 39:32
157 LAFAY Victor Cofidis 39:52
158 MØRKØV Michael Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 40:08
159 JAKOBSEN Fabio Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team ,,
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Mountain lows:
150 151 ▲1 JANSE VAN RENSBURG Reinardt Lotto Soudal 2:18:06
151 153 ▲2 JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 2:21:09
152 154 ▲2 MØRKØV Michael Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 2:25:19
153 156 ▲3 JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 2:25:21
154 155 ▲1 LAFAY Victor Cofidis 2:25:47
155 157 ▲2 TORRES Albert Movistar Team 2:26:38
156 158 ▲2 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 2:29:25
157 159 ▲2 HIRSCHI Marc UAE Team Emirates 2:37:24
158 160 ▲2 BJERG Mikkel UAE Team Emirates 2:39:00
159 161 ▲2 TURGIS Anthony TotalEnergies 2:43:52
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UAE has a solid effort there, but COVID may put an end to their challenge, finally sealing up Turgis' victory.0
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Where are B&B in this competition, surely they should be competing to repay their invitation to the race?0
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Is Turgis cracking? Looks like he dropped a huge chunk of his lead
Three Danes in the top ten. I told you the Vikings were... err... Going?Warning No formatter is installed for the format0 -
Ewan sounded like he was launching a serious bid for the title when interviewed yesterday. Claiming he was expecting to be dropped nice and early.0
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Crank up Marc Madiot's greatest hits, soak your chamois in pastis, and open up the family bucket of cheap and outdated stereotypes because today is July the 14th, and that can mean only one thing:
Tomorrow is going to come with a hangover.
Oh, yeah. And that every single French rider will be hoping for glory.
You can imagine my excitement when I finished today's interminable ill-timed work call and found Twitter alight with news of things going downhill quickly. I mean, that's the entire raison d'etre of this thread, and indeed any other dried fruit that comes to mind. I was therefore somewhat disappointed to discover that the fuss was merely because Yorkshire's finest mountain biker, Yorkshire's finest cross rider, and Yorkshire's brightest hope on the road had all sneaked off into the break together, and with stereotypical Yorkshirestinginessthriftiness that was all one person.
Meanwhile at the other end of the race (and I notice the French celebrated by giving Anthony Turgis an onboard camera today) things are bubbling up nicely. Perhaps overly worried about being caught hors delai, Turgis is now consistently shipping time to those desperadoes who are more willing to take risks on the ascents. In particular the sprinters' teams, released from any need to feel the wind in their face, are now hoovering up time like it's going out of fashion, and it's no surprise to find QSAVT and Lotto Soudal nearly blocking out the top ten on today's stage.
Almost, but not quite - because to the joy of French people the world over, one of their riders has finally delivered on the Alpe on Bastille day. Congratulations to Victor Lafay for sneaking in amongst the sprinters and beating them at their own game. I can only say "chap eau", which I think used to be traditionally thrown at Lazarus du Jour Chris Froome.
La Marseillaise:
149 HONORÉ Mikkel Frølich Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 37:21
150 SÉNÉCHAL Florian Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team ,,
151 VERMEERSCH Florian Lotto Soudal 38:10
152 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal ,,
153 WELLENS Tim Lotto Soudal 38:18
154 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 38:25
155 JANSE VAN RENSBURG Reinardt Lotto Soudal 38:26
156 LAMPAERT Yves Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 39:04
157 MØRKØV Michael Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 40:03
158 JAKOBSEN Fabio Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team ,,
159 LAFAY Victor Cofidis ,,
Egg Mayonnaise:
150 150 - JANSE VAN RENSBURG Reinardt Lotto Soudal 2:53:09
151 151 - JUUL-JENSEN Christopher Team BikeExchange - Jayco 2:53:21
152 155 ▲3 TORRES Albert Movistar Team 2:57:14
153 153 - JANSEN Amund Grøndahl Team BikeExchange - Jayco 2:57:40
154 152 ▼2 MØRKØV Michael Quick-Step Alpha Vinyl Team 3:01:59
155 154 ▼1 LAFAY Victor Cofidis 3:02:27
156 157 ▲1 HIRSCHI Marc UAE Team Emirates 3:02:59
157 156 ▼1 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 3:04:27
158 158 - BJERG Mikkel UAE Team Emirates 3:11:16
159 159 - TURGIS Anthony TotalEnergies 3:13:30
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Ps - got to love Pro Cycling Stats for revealing that today's winner is a specialist climber, and that he looks like he ought to be running a vegan noodle cafe in Shoreditch.
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Credit to the LyonnaiseLanterne_Rogue said:Ps - got to love Pro Cycling Stats for revealing that today's winner is a specialist climber, and that he looks like he ought to be running a vegan noodle cafe in Shoreditch.
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'Jour sans', 'jour avec', 'jour bâtarde'... Can't keep up with this terminology. I guess this is on the wave of French excitement over a possible first victory for France since Sebastian Caravanelle.
I fear French hearts might soon be broken by the deft, daring Dane which would illicit a collective 'jour mal', tres tres mal, catastrophe. There is no end of gallic adjectives.
With no success (or failure) at both ends of the race, the French might abandon Le grand boucle and persuade the UCI to downgrade the event to a 2.9, so the entire future of the event and French cycling is resting on the shoulders of Turgis.
What a burden to carry.
[The paragraph above would sound far better with a deep, guttural, rasping 40 Gauloise par jour, film voice over and this will be lost when read by les rosbif*].
*(originally among French-speakers) an English person.
"as far as Paris is concerned, the rosbifs of England are slovenly, drunken, and inordinately fond of pets". C'est vrais, c'est vrais. I don't know if Monsieur le Pidcock loves pets but I do know he was very proud of his yellow duck given to him by some obscure Belgian bath company.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
Victor Lafay not victorious, steps off. The Lyonnaise now out of CreditWarning No formatter is installed for the format1
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Looks like Ewan's death or glory charge is tending towards death, at least of this year's hopes.0
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Or maybe not. Everyone's decided to knock off the effort to take the sprinters properly out of the stage, so he's got a chance to nurse it homeLanterne_Rogue said:Looks like Ewan's death or glory charge is tending towards death, at least of this year's hopes.
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