The Lanterne Rouge Thread 2020 **SPOILERS**

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  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,431
    Hmmmm. Tartiflette.
    (Insert Homer gif)
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 51,780
    My spy; Monsieur Francois Le Tricolor, has just spotted Sivakov on a ride some 200km's south of : Île D’oleron.
    Sources tell me that he is making a huge effort to deplete any surplus energy resources and is making sure that tomorrow, there is not a snow flakes chance in hell he will have recovered for stage 10 tomorrow.
    Such is the dedication of this man.
    Can anybody or anything stop him?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Oh my word. Sivakov has completely popped. I'd hoped he could carry the Lanterne into week three at least. Great work from Jeremy's cousin, whatever his name is. He really knows how to work the echelons.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format
  • DeadCalm
    DeadCalm Posts: 4,128
    I think Cousin may end up off the front in irretrievable circumstances due to an incompetent DS, and shed a bunch of time. I'm thinking Chevalier of Brigitte Bardot (or is that Bardet) Hostels is looking menacing right now.
    Team My Man 2022:

    Antwan Tolhoek, Sam Oomen, Tom Dumoulin, Thymen Arensman, Remco Evenepoel, Benoît Cosnefroy, Tom Pidcock, Mark Cavendish, Romain Bardet
  • Alcohol units: 13. Drowning sorrows. Cigarettes: 30. Needed excuse to start coughing without arousing suspicion. Calories: lots. No longer care about figure as no longer have to fit through slightly narrow Skoda sunroof.

    Spent day in bed wearing fluffy pyjamas, eating icecream, and cuddling fluffy Tommy Voeckler hot water bottle. How the hell could I have tested positive? On my own Tour? Don't they know I only organise the sodding thing so I don't have to actually watch it? Spent whole day devising cruel and unusual stages in order to get my revenge, then realised ASO had already included all of them in the Vuelta.

    And god I'm so lonely. Nothing ahead of me for a whole week but endless slow-motion replays of bloody Pinot dropping off the back of the lead group as a solitary tear runs down his face in loving 4k hi-definition television. Bet Henri Desgrange never had this problem.

    from Bridget Prudhomme's Diary by C Prudhomme
    Yes, after years of rest days being enlivened by semi-hilarious positive tests for riders, today saw the organiser of the Tour himself, Christian Prudhomme, kicked out for seven days due to a positive test for Covid 19. To his credit he didn't blame any phantom twins, dodgy steaks or all-night drinking sprees - although for those of us who enjoy a good laugh it's rather a shame he didn't take the opportunity to run through all the old classics anyway. As far as I'm aware he's not even demanding his B-sample will exonerate him and, honestly, where's the fun in that?

    The one ray of sunshine in all this is of course that Ricardo Riccò is no longer cycling. The Covid-19 test works by amplifying up DNA, and watching Riccò test positive for coronavirus, five types of blood, 28 different herbal stimulants and the disappearance of Shergar may have been too much for the sport to bear.

    All this overshadowed another intriguing day on the road as the wind again caused havoc, with riders frantically trying to get into the right group on the road via strategically timed bottle runs, trips to the medical car, and if all that failed close inspection of passing road furniture.

    The big loser was Pavel Sivakov, whose youthful inexperience finally caught up with him. Castroveijo had clearly been lined up to wait for him in the final group on the road but Sivakov failed to make the most of today's major climb - the crossing to the Île de Ré - to (ahem) bridge across. Cousin Jerome instead flies to the top of the rankings and - with coronavirus now obviously circling the peloton - the pressure on the authorities to curtail it and declare a French winner will be growing...

    You were always on my mind:

    155 DE LA CRUZ David UAE-Team Emirates 10:08
    156 ROCHE Nicolas Team Sunweb 10:52
    157 CHEVALIER Maxime B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM ,,
    158 LEDANOIS Kévin Team Arkéa Samsic ,,
    159 CASTROVIEJO Jonathan INEOS Grenadiers ,,
    160 ALAPHILIPPE Julian Deceuninck - Quick Step ,,
    161 KOCH Jonas CCC Team ,,
    162 CARTHY Hugh EF Pro Cycling 12:15
    163 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 14:34
    164 FORMOLO Davide UAE-Team Emirates ,

    You were standing on my foot:

    155 153 ▼2 DE BUYST Jasper Lotto Soudal 2:35:12
    156 161 ▲5 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 2:35:42
    157 162 ▲5 ARNDT Nikias Team Sunweb 2:36:03
    158 157 ▼1 POELS Wout Bahrain - McLaren 2:36:19
    159 144 ▼15 CHEVALIER Maxime B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM 2:37:18
    160 159 ▼1 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 2:37:55
    161 163 ▲2 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 2:39:28
    162 165 ▲3 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 2:39:54
    163 166 ▲3 SIVAKOV Pavel INEOS Grenadiers 2:47:02
    164 164 - COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 2:53:50
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 51,780
    I think in retrospect, Sivakov over done it yesterday.

    Cousin J: he's at the front at the back at the front and ultimately leading. It's a tictac even Smith of Brian never anticipated. Hats off to the hairy bloke.

    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Lanterne_Rogue
    Lanterne_Rogue Posts: 4,201
    edited September 2020
    Heh. What did I think at the end of the stage?

    The Tour is a very small stage in a vast arena. The cosmos is not only all there is but all there ever will be. And in that vastness is here. In the sprint is everyone I care about, everyone I love, every important human being. Everyone one of those people is me, heh, but they're all here, yes? The line is the aggregate of suffering and joy, the peloton's egos, its confidence, its hunter and forager, its domestique and its soigneur. Its where we make our tiny reputations and commentators persist in calling out the wrong bloody names. Every teacher of morals, every doper, every corrupt team leader, every saint and sinner in the history of cycling made their reputation on that thin white line, a mote of dust suspended in a timing beam.

    Apart from Boonen. Different type of white line, heh.

    And our posturings and our self-importance, the delusion that we have our own special place in the pantheon of sporting excellence? a sprint is just a lonely speck in the all consuming emptiness of Eurosport's four hour long coverage of absolutely sod all happening except one poor breakaway rider trying to work out how to go slowly enough that the peloton catches him, and the peloton desperately doesn't want to, and in the end the futility of existence is underscored by a soundtrack of Carlton Kirby laughing across the universe. So in this spirit of nihilism you stick your shoulder into Wout van Aert. And all of this is happening on that thin white line.

    And then, yes, in the sprint I have unluck. Heh. No green jersey today. Too much thinking.

    from Contact by Peter Sagan
    Another electrifying and epic battle royale across the wind swept plains of France yet again failed to erupt today despite the best efforts of commentators to break up 240 minutes of soft-pedalling by excitedly pointing at trees and claiming some leaves moved.

    A large part of the early excitement came in the roll out, when Zakarin tried to engineer an excuse to laze around at the back by smacking straight into a signpost, Lopez-style, and ricocheted back into an unsuspecting Alexy Lutsenko. As soon as the flag dropped Ladagnous attacked, the prelude to a gripping three hour rolling series of riders doing absolutely nothing interesting, which naturally prompted the TV director to start trolling us with even more slow-motion replays than usual.

    After Ladagnous was drawn back in the race heated up a little bit, although riders only really started popping off properly in the run in. Cosnefroy showed off the KoM jersey with some panache, ostentatiously dropping off the front and casually rolling in nearly eight minutes down, but the stage win was taken by Lutsenko, whose earlier adventures were repaid with a sixteen second margin of victory.

    In the underall most of the contenders all finished together but Nicolo Bonifazio had some kind of issue and finished a scarcely believable fifteenth. You won't win anything in this game with sprinting like that, and talking of badly advised sprinting Pete Sagan's attempt to get back in the competition backfired when it turned out he hadn't read the rules correctly and was only relegated to the back of the group he was in instead of the whole GC. If only riders would stop looking for loopholes and just concentrate on winning the Lanterne the old-fashioned way none of this nonsense would happen.

    Join us tomorrow for the first stage to be sponsored by The Apprentice, as my badly-transcribed notes reveal we take some Chauvinists to Sir Alan...

    Pale Blue Dots:

    Cousin/Sivakov/Kluge etc 4:25
    156 GOGL Michael NTT Pro Cycling 6:16
    157 BURGAUDEAU Mathieu Team Total Direct Energie 6:46
    158 MARTIN Tony Team Jumbo-Visma 7:46
    159 TEJADA Harold Astana Pro Team ,,
    160 COSNEFROY Benoît AG2R La Mondiale ,,
    161 LUTSENKO Alexey Astana Pro Team 8:02

    Pale Blue Rinses:

    152 155 ▲3 DE BUYST Jasper Lotto Soudal 2:36:10
    153 147 ▼6 BURGAUDEAU Mathieu Team Total Direct Energie 2:37:13
    154 162 ▲8 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 2:39:54
    155 156 ▲1 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 2:40:07
    156 158 ▲2 POELS Wout Bahrain - McLaren 2:40:44
    157 159 ▲2 CHEVALIER Maxime B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM 2:41:43
    158 160 ▲2 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 2:42:20
    159 161 ▲2 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 2:43:53
    160 163 ▲3 SIVAKOV Pavel INEOS Grenadiers 2:51:27
    161 164 ▲3 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 2:58:15
  • DeadCalm
    DeadCalm Posts: 4,128
    Good to see Sam Bennett giving the Irish proper cause for cheer, although he's obviously not a contender for the underall with distractions at the other end of the race.
    Team My Man 2022:

    Antwan Tolhoek, Sam Oomen, Tom Dumoulin, Thymen Arensman, Remco Evenepoel, Benoît Cosnefroy, Tom Pidcock, Mark Cavendish, Romain Bardet
  • To Mr Sherlock Holmes he is always The Cyclist. Indeed, I have seldom heard him mention him under any other name. The perplexing and regular disappearance of Haimar Zubeldia was a mystery that Holmes never managed to solve, despite the very closest of attention to the movements of the peloton. It was not that he felt any emotion personally towards Senor Zubeldia. All emotions were abhorrent to the cold, precise and analytical mind of Holmes, and the idea of having feelings about such a phantom would seem to him absurd. Thus it is that I never mention, at least to Mr Holmes, the incident when Zubeldia popped up fifth on GC and Holmes immediately grabbed my service revolver and put six rounds straight through the television.

    I mention the case of the disappearing cyclist because Holme's long-standing affection towards the sport of professional cycling, perhaps enhanced by a shared embarrassment about their drug habits in times gone by, had again led us to take a short vacation in rural France to observe a stage or two of the grandest tour. Holmes was telling an anecdote about his small role in the Festina affair, in which a gendarme at the Belgian border had stumbled upon Holmes' enormous stash of sedatives in his travelling trunk with apparently hilarious consequences. As he stood at the window reminiscing a movement below caught his eye.

    "I believe we are about to receive a visit from a member of Sunweb's lead out train," said Holmes.

    I looked at the anonymous cyclist dismounting below. "How on earth do you deduce that, Holmes?" I asked. "He carries no distinguishing attire at all."

    "As usual, my dear Watson, you see but you do not perceive. When he entered the promenade our hotel sits upon he was at the head of a group of cyclists, but by the time he had arrived they had totally surrounded him, knocked him off his course, and he has now forgotten what it was he came there for. See now - he checks the notes on his top tube to remind him of his instructions. Please be so good as to pop down and show him to our rooms."

    After making the acquaintance of our cyclist visitor, I ushered him into the suite to introduce him to Holmes, eager to find out what problem was vexing him. Mr Holmes, however, with that perspicacity that could draw the veil from all men's hidden intentions, revealed that he had already solved the mystery.

    "You must launch your sprinter with precisely twenty-six kilometres to go," Holmes declared.

    "But however could you-"

    "Despite riding well, you are being swamped in the last twenty kilometres. Once we have eliminated the impossible - that you could somehow not spluff it up despite having every advantage - we are left with only the possible. Mr Hirschi has demonstrated his sprinting prowess, has he not? And he has also demonstrated his stamina. Thus we combine the two together and voila. Your problem is solved."

    "However can I repay you?"

    "There is no need. I already have four thousand Euros on the result," announced Holmes, with some small measure of what - in a lesser man - I would call irritating smugness.

    from The Adventure of the Sac au May by Sir Arthur Cosne Froyle.
    OH INEOS!

    We told you that copying Movistar's multiple leader concept was bound to introduce chaos and confusion, and here we are at last. Sivakov blowing up completely and Luke Rowe left too far adrift to worry Cousin Jerome at this stage in the race. What makes this particularly vexing is that Rowe has just about ridden himself into the perfect form for a tilt at the Lanterne - eg into a collision. Photos of Rowe's back look absolutely hideous, and the patch of angry red road rash next to it hardly improves the aesthetic.

    Elsewhere in the race BORA - hansgrohe's attempts to gain Peter Sagan another relegation backfired badly as it gifted green jersey leader Sam Bennett the stage win. Suddenly the reason for his tears at winning a stage the other day become clear - Bennett is obviously eyeing up a tilt at the biggest prize but his team are refusing to let him, possibly via the use of blackmail. If his eye starts twitching in his next podium ceremony make sure to pay close attention - it may be Morse code asking for rescue.

    In the underall Sivakov's inexplicable behaviour opens the door for Freddy Kluge to continue his nightmare on la rue de l'orme (don't @ me - there's one there somewhere, probably). Behind him comes a Frison of danger, Marc O'Haller (good year for the Irish, this) and the big cavalier in fifth. Above it all though remains Cousin Jerome, now with nearly 15 minutes in hand.

    Join us for tomorrow's stage, when in some kind of tax dodge I see the finish line has been quietly taken off the payroll.

    The speckled band:

    141 MØRKØV Michael Deceuninck - Quick Step 26:25
    142 PEDERSEN Mads Trek - Segafredo ,,
    143 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal ,,
    144 POLITT Nils Israel Start-Up Nation ,,
    145 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal ,,
    146 BOL Cees Team Sunweb ,,
    147 VUILLERMOZ Alexis AG2R La Mondiale ,,
    148 LATOUR Pierre AG2R La Mondiale ,,
    149 VIVIANI Elia Cofidis, Solutions Crédits ,,
    150 OSS Daniel BORA - hansgrohe ,,
    151 CAVAGNA Rémi Deceuninck - Quick Step ,,
    152 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal ,,
    153 ROWE Luke INEOS Grenadiers ,,
    154 NIV Guy Israel Start-Up Nation ,,
    155 GESCHKE Simon CCC Team ,,
    156 GREIPEL André Israel Start-Up Nation ,,
    157 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie ,,
    158 SKUJIŅŠ Toms Trek - Segafredo ,,
    159 PÖSTLBERGER Lukas BORA - hansgrohe ,,
    160 BENNETT Sam Deceuninck - Quick Step ,,

    F^&* me - it's actually a snake:

    151 160 ▲9 SIVAKOV Pavel INEOS Grenadiers 2:55:02
    152 145 ▼7 GREIPEL André Israel Start-Up Nation 2:56:04
    153 154 ▲1 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 2:57:21
    154 146 ▼8 ROWE Luke INEOS Grenadiers 2:57:35
    155 149 ▼6 NIV Guy Israel Start-Up Nation 2:58:35
    156 157 ▲1 CHEVALIER Maxime B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM 2:59:10
    157 158 ▲1 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 2:59:47
    158 155 ▼3 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 3:04:02
    159 159 - KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 3:07:48
    160 161 ▲1 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 3:22:10
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 51,780
    You would think that those hapless men who are in pursuit of the biggest prize of all would make use of the many poplar trees lining the roads in France.
    Although Bernie Eisel's method involving a team car is not recommended.

    The weather is windy, grey, dull and quite melancholy here on the West coast of Jockland - quite removed you would think, from the glorious sunshine of central France, But is it?
    It's a true reflection of the inside of Sivakov's mind having plummeted down the leader board.

    Like Nigel Short imitating Kasparov, Sivakov is wondering just how to grow a beard and long locks in the space of week because in his minds eye, that is the key to the road back to glory.

    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,431
    Sivakov has well and truly blown it today!
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • Lanterne_Rogue
    Lanterne_Rogue Posts: 4,201
    edited September 2020
    pblakeney said:

    Sivakov has well and truly blown it today!

    Still time to blow....

    Narrator: There was not time.
  • "That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I-am! I do not like that Sam I am!"
    "But I don't like these sodding hills!"
    "You do not like them, Sam-I-am? You do not like green shirts and hills?"
    "I like green shirts but not green hills! All these hills will make me ill!"
    "Would you like them here or there?"
    "I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like these sodding hills. These sodding hills will make me ill."
    "Would you ride them with green socks? Would you ride them on a box?"
    "I could not ride them on a box! Just go away you silly clots!"
    "Would you, could you, in a car?"
    "I would not, could not, in a car! I'm supposed to be a cycling star! Not with a box. Not with green socks. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. I do not like these sodding hills. These sodding hills will make me ill!"
    "You may like them! You may see! Just come and ride these hills with me!"
    "I DO NOT LIKE GREEN SHIRTS AND HILLS!"
    "But Sam..."
    "WHAT?"
    "If you try them, you might see - you might take some time you see...."

    Green Shirts and Hills by Dr Seuss
    And onwards through the Massif Central and the Chaîne des Puys (lit: conga of lentils)...

    Today saw breaks trying to fall off the rear right from the start of the stage, with many of the potential LR candidates carefully avoiding warming up on rollers to gain a critical advantage in the opening skirmishes.

    The tale of the stage was again Deceuninck - Quick Step sending Julian Alaphilippe off up the road, and whilst confused rivals tried to work out what was going on Sam Bennett slip off the back unnoticed. The biggest victim of this piece of misdirection was Sivakov, who completely lost track of who he was supposed to be marking and destroyed his chances in the underall. Luke Rowe then completed a miserable afternoon for Ineos by slipping another couple of minutes - surely stage wins are all they can really hope for now?

    The one concern early on was that riders might struggle to avoid being caught hors delai, but in the end DQS timed things perfectly and avoided any real stress - even leaving enough margin to fall off the back of the autobus and gain some extra seconds.


    Join us tomorrow as we ask "Thibeau Pinot: is he the GOAT?"




    Massif Central:

    147 LAPORTE Christophe Cofidis, Solutions Crédits 31:18
    148 CONSONNI Simone Cofidis, Solutions Crédits ,,
    149 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal ,,
    150 DE BUYST Jasper Lotto Soudal ,,
    151 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal ,,
    152 KRISTOFF Alexander UAE-Team Emirates 31:24
    153 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 31:40
    154 BOL Cees Team Sunweb 31:45
    155 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 32:52
    156 DEVENYNS Dries Deceuninck - Quick Step 34:12
    157 MØRKØV Michael Deceuninck - Quick Step 34:21
    158 DECLERCQ Tim Deceuninck - Quick Step ,,
    159 BENNETT Sam Deceuninck - Quick Step ,,

    Massif deficit:

    150 155 ▲5 NIV Guy Israel Start-Up Nation 3:19:35
    151 154 ▲3 ROWE Luke INEOS Grenadiers 3:19:40
    152 152 - GREIPEL André Israel Start-Up Nation 3:20:00
    153 147 ▼6 BENNETT Sam Deceuninck - Quick Step 3:21:09
    154 156 ▲2 CHEVALIER Maxime B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM 3:23:22
    155 153 ▼2 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 3:24:08
    156 157 ▲1 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 3:25:22
    157 158 ▲1 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 3:29:15
    158 159 ▲1 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 3:32:59
    159 160 ▲1 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 3:46:06
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,431
    pblakeney said:

    I can't quite get my head around who the favourites are this year. I guess I should avoid picking anyone French though

    Out and out sprinter just hoping to get through on the back of the autobus to the Champs Elysees? Is it possible to win both a stage and the Lantern Rouge?
    I guess yes in theory, but has it been done?
    From the first page. Bennet, hmmmm.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • If the tour is as backloaded as the hyperbole would have you believe, I think he's too far forward already - the autobus is going to end up too close to the cut off for him to be able to take enough time without being timed out. A shame, really.
  • ddraver
    ddraver Posts: 26,531
    I'm worried about Jerome's Cousin though. He looks shaky. One day he's going to accidentally get caught out by a break that stays away....
    We're in danger of confusing passion with incompetence
    - @ddraver
  • alan_a
    alan_a Posts: 1,554
    LR - where do you find the inspiration. These are getting better and better every stage.
  • Like anyone else involved with the Lanterne, it's basically increasing levels of desperation and panic...
  • "Well Thomas," said the thin controller kindly. "You've been a very useful engine for me over the last two weeks. I would like you to do a special job for me."
    "Can I please pull the big train in the final sprint?"
    "No, Thomas. It's the wrong stage for that. I need you to go really quickly up the big hill."
    "Is it so I can win the stage like one of the big engines? Carlton Kirby has been insufferable about the Swiss train timetables since Hirschi won."
    "Not quite, Thomas," said the thin controller. "But it will be really useful."

    When all the engines got to the final hill, Thomas was ready to go.
    "Peep peep peep! You can't catch me! Come on, lazy bones!"
    The other engines looked at him wearily. They had trains behind them to look after.
    "Peep peep! Hurry up!" said Thomas, shooting ahead.
    The other engines looked at each other. They didn't like this cheeky engine going quicker than them. They opened up more steam and started to catch up.

    Up ahead, Thomas was starting to realise the hill was too steep.
    "I must make it up! I must make it up!" he was puffing to himself
    The other engines were catching him quite quickly now.
    "I must make it up! I must make it up! Ooohh - ooh - my legs!"

    Thomas's legs had given up. All the other engines came past him, laughing.
    "Come on, lazy bones!" they laughed. "We thought you wanted to hurry up?"

    Thomas felt sad. He radioed the thin controller.
    "Why did you trick me into blowing my boiler up on that hill?" he asked, sadly.
    "Why, Thomas," laughed the thin controller. "With Sir Cough-in-Mask away and self-isolating, everyone's enjoying racing. I needed you to make everyone chase quickly to increase the gap back to Caleb the small engine! And you've been a very useful engine indeed!"

    From Thomas de Gendt Engine by The Rev C. Kirby.
    It's always a pleasure to see a team go all in to a competition, whether it's to nick a stage win or to put their rivals into difficulty, and today saw another perfect display of team tactics by Sunweb Lotto-Soudal to force a brilliant four-man break and take some serious time out of Cousin Jerome's lead.

    Knowing that Bora HG and CCC were hitting the front hard in an effort to shed Sam Bennett, Lotto-Soudal worked lethargically to let the peloton go and rolled in nine minutes after everyone else. More importantly, with four riders in the bottom six and the mountainous third week to come Lotto Soudal now have some serious tactical cards to play if the autobus leaves any time available. After a somewhat slow start to this year's lanterne it looks like everything is finally set for the battle to truly explode.

    Monkey Men (thanks for the music, Toots):

    151 COQUARD Bryan B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM 19:56
    152 BOL Cees Team Sunweb ,,
    153 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie ,,
    154 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 28:55
    155 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal ,,
    156 DE BUYST Jasper Lotto Soudal ,,
    157 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal ,,

    Monkey Business:

    148 152 ▲4 GREIPEL André Israel Start-Up Nation 3:39:33
    149 153 ▲4 BENNETT Sam Deceuninck - Quick Step 3:40:42
    150 154 ▲4 CHEVALIER Maxime B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM 3:42:55
    151 155 ▲4 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 3:43:41
    152 145 ▼7 DE BUYST Jasper Lotto Soudal 3:43:47
    153 156 ▲3 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 3:44:55
    154 147 ▼7 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 3:47:09
    155 157 ▲2 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 3:57:55
    156 158 ▲2 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 4:01:39
    157 159 ▲2 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 4:05:47
  • Magnificent from Klunge Kluge, not fannying around there.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format
  • Lanterne_Rogue
    Lanterne_Rogue Posts: 4,201
    edited September 2020
    They screw you up, this Jumbo squad.
    You know they mean to, and they do -
    They grind teams down like you once did
    But add van Aert, just for you.

    But they were screwed up in their turn
    By you of Ineos and Sky,
    Who spent the day upon the front
    Just burning off the other guys.

    Team hands down misery to team.
    An audience gets bored, they say.
    Get out of it soon as you can,
    And get timed out by hors delai.

    This be the verse by Alaphilippe Larkin

    And so the the Grand Colombier, which like the vegetables in a pretentious restaurant was being done three ways, none of which looked terribly appetising. Because of this difficult parcours today had always been one that was marked down for the sprinters, and after the intermediate sprint between Bennett and Sagan everyone packed up for the day and concentrated on getting to the finish within the time cut. The final ramps still managed to split the autobus, with Freddy Kluge showing his claws in the reverse sprint to take the stage honours.

    Elsewhere Cousin Jerome holds onto the lead despite shedding another couple of minutes to Kluge, and there now have to be real doubts about whether he peaked too soon or can find a way to restore his margin. Ireland's Marc O'Haller relost some gained ground by choosing the right wheel to follow, and Ewan also helped tighten the Lotto-Soudal pack nipping at Jerome's heels. Finally, with Bernal looking more Egon than Egan the decision from Ineos that Rowe should get up the road the other day to work for him looks increasingly unwise, especially after another fine finish for the Welshman.

    This be the verse:

    147 BOL Cees Team Sunweb 38:08
    148 TRENTIN Matteo CCC Team 38:25
    149 KRISTOFF Alexander UAE-Team Emirates ,,
    150 ROWE Luke INEOS Grenadiers 38:57
    151 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal ,,
    152 MØRKØV Michael Deceuninck - Quick Step ,,
    153 BENNETT Sam Deceuninck - Quick Step ,,
    154 WALSCHEID Max NTT Pro Cycling ,,
    155 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren ,,
    156 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 39:16

    Verse than that:

    147 148 ▲1 GREIPEL André Israel Start-Up Nation 4:17:05
    148 149 ▲1 BENNETT Sam Deceuninck - Quick Step 4:19:45
    149 150 ▲1 CHEVALIER Maxime B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM 4:20:27
    150 151 ▲1 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 4:21:13
    151 152 ▲1 DE BUYST Jasper Lotto Soudal 4:21:19
    152 153 ▲1 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 4:23:58
    153 154 ▲1 EWAN Caleb Lotto Soudal 4:26:12
    154 155 ▲1 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 4:35:27
    155 156 ▲1 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 4:41:01
    156 157 ▲1 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 4:43:19
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 51,780
    edited September 2020
    On this second rest day, in a moment of respite and recollection, Sivakov writes:

    The rock, here, is the weight of despair. It’s what Pavel Sivakov calls the unbearable lightness of Dogma - F12's.

    It’s the heaviness that I felt when I went to play in the Garden of Le Massif Central on the night that Jerome betrayed me – the gravity of despair enveloped me to the point that I sweat drops of blood.

    Sivakov writes, “The boundless grief is too heavy to bear. These are our nightmares: fighting the power of the autobus and jolly domestiques who taunt me.”

    There is power in coming to this point of despair when you recognize that your deepest fears came true and there are more clever men than me.

    In the very moment you recognize despair, you confront truth. And Sivakov says “crushing truths perish from being acknowledged.”

    But we don’t escape failure by piddling in the bush because the press may take pictures.
    We don’t escape failure by cycling away from it, because it will catch us.
    We don’t escape failure by burying our heads in musettes, because it will remember.

    We escape failure by embracing it. (Although embracing Cousin J in an act of forgiveness would be overwhelming and something the commissaire might frown upon without proper PPE).

    Triumph and transformation take place when we can embrace our darkest moments and deepest failures by remembering they are part of who we are.

    Whether in life, or games, work, or play, we remember that failure is the price of participating.

    Knowing that there is a goal or the Champs Elysee, but not necessarily knowing exactly what that might be or how to get there is what sets us on the path to discovery. Although Discovery are dead in the water - a long forgotten band of intent men who captured the limelight and allowed the brave men of the LR to flourish in their 'shadow'.

    Pavel Sivakov, notes for his 2020 essay, The Art of Failure and plagiarism.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Don't think we've done this yet. Jeremy's cousin apparently spent lockdown bikepacking and being a labourer.

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  • DeadCalm
    DeadCalm Posts: 4,128
    Do we think Bora will persist with their ambitious tactic of trying to get the grupetto to miss the cut so that Pöstlberger can take the Lanterne?
    Team My Man 2022:

    Antwan Tolhoek, Sam Oomen, Tom Dumoulin, Thymen Arensman, Remco Evenepoel, Benoît Cosnefroy, Tom Pidcock, Mark Cavendish, Romain Bardet
  • Bora don't seem to be worried at all about the Lanterne - it's about dislodging the Green Shadow for them. Judging by the way that Sagan had to work alone the day after their first big shove I don't think they've really got it in them to do it day after day, so if Kluge gets through the first series of attacks I think we can rule them out.

    The danger of the grupetto is more an issue for Jerome, who no longer has the time gap to roll in ahead of them. If there's a serious risk of being timed out does he stay with the group and risk HD, or hit out and risk losing time...
  • Getting nearer to that 5 hour mark. I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief when that marker is passed.
  • Jeremy's cousin missed the time cut? :'(
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  • Sensational.

    Might take a while to digest this.