The Lanterne Rouge Thread 2020 **SPOILERS**
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Tight at the back no one escaped for 170 km . Lot of ambition in the bunch"If I was a 38 year old man, I definitely wouldn't be riding a bright yellow bike with Hello Kitty disc wheels, put it that way. What we're witnessing here is the world's most high profile mid-life crisis" Afx237vi Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:43 pm0
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Yeah, I'm worried that all this talk about dull finishes and the title being decided on bonus seconds rather than decent racing might have something to it. Early days though - hopefully everyone's just marking each other for the moment and feeling each other out.0
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Loved the JRR Telekom excerpt. Went from prose to Carlton Kirby like sentence structure towards the end. I must be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome!PTP Champion 2019, 2022 & 20230
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FFS. In the unlikely event I ever reread LOTR I have a horrible feeling it's going to be in the voice of Carlton Kirby now...m.r.m. said:Loved the JRR Telekom excerpt. Went from prose to Carlton Kirby like sentence structure towards the end. I must be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome!
"Well it's three rings for the elven kings under the sky, and I've got to say it's a rather threatening Mordor sky the riders are passing under right now, Sean."
"Well, yes, they..."
"And seven for the dwarf lords in their halls of stone, and the lads out front are really setting the tone today, with nine for the mortal men who are doomed to die out in the break already, but do you think they can stay out front all day Sean?"
"Well. I..."
"And one for the dark lord, and in fact I remember watching Armstrong racing across this very plain where the shadows lie back in 1999, and there was one ring, or boucle as they call it, to rule them all and in the darkness bind them."
"Carlton?"
"Yes, Sean?"
"Can I just get a fecking word in edgeways?"2 -
This. However:Lanterne_Rogue said:
"Can I just get a fecking word in edgeways?"
After much consideration, analysis and an exhaustive investigation lasting at least 3 minutes, I have concluded that Jonathan Horace Trout has been lacing the daily cook up of the stir about with an old and in contemporary circles, rare* substance once commonly known as Laudanum.
It has become clear to me during the interrogation of facts (well most of it, bar the odd word that is quite new to me) as you will see from the following effects of this tincture, what Carlton Kirby is suffering from:
Side effects of laudanum are generally the same as with morphine, and include euphoria, dysphoria, pruritus, sedation, constipation, reduced tidal volume, respiratory depression, as well as psychological dependence, physical dependence, miosis, and xerostomia.
Given the above, one must give enormous credit to Mount Kirby in overcoming the side effects whilst still managing to fill 3 hrs plus with drivel.
It's a hard job but somebody's got to do it.
*More rare than a full stop.
seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
nothing to see here...Lanterne_Rogue said:
FFS. In the unlikely event I ever reread LOTR I have a horrible feeling it's going to be in the voice of Carlton Kirby now...m.r.m. said:Loved the JRR Telekom excerpt. Went from prose to Carlton Kirby like sentence structure towards the end. I must be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome!
"
"And one for the dark lord,
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Hwait!
Twitter was earlier full of complaints about negative riding and an underwhelming stage, which can only mean that - yes - we're in the mountains and racing has been neutralised in order to avoid the tyranny of the time cut off.
And ah, no, we'll have to hwait a bit longer. Sorry about this. Thought that was them for a minute. Bloomin' autobus, eh? You hwait hours and then sixty of them come along at once. Who'd be a bard, I ask you? Ah, here they are - you took your time, lads! - right, here we go...
Hwæt!
The slow-Wim's glory through splendid achievements
The red-lamp's former fame we have heard of,
How timers then displayed his prowess in battle
Manifest in longer hours. With low cadence blessed
Vansevenent would on the longest stages bore
Until his neighbours o'er the tour
Would be compelled to bow to his bidding and give their tribute
And say "for heaven's sake will you now just get a move on?"
Famed was Wim! Far spread the glory....
from the opening verses of Beowim - Anon
Desperate not to suffer being hors delai* a group of nearly fifty riders - including the whole of the top five on underall - rolled in some 31 minutes after the supposed winner of the stage, Alexey Lutsenko, conquered the slopes of Mont Aigoual - the only mountain in France to be named by the surveyor's theodolite landing on the foot of the hired peasant providing the names of local landmarks.
Alerted by Julian Alaphilippe to the possibilities of riders taking epic numbers of bidons in the final stages in order to accumulate bonus seconds on LR, tour officials this morning obtained an emergency banning order to prevent the whole thing dissolving into chaos. Unfortunately some joker added 'excitement' to the list of banned persons, leaving riders no legal option but to get to the finish in the least interesting fashion possible.
The only person untroubled by the arrival of the Tour's heavies and their eviction notice was good old cousin Franck, who had again misread the map and was diligently standing about 40 miles and two valleys away from where he was supposed to be. Apparently as a keen accordion player cousin Franck is used to being shunned by right-minded society, so the empty roads and complete lack of company failed to raise any red flags with him and he didn't realise the nature of his error until long after sunset. This was probably a good thing, as Patrick Lefevre had earlier been seen walking back into the team hotel with a baseball bat he'd apparently found whilst hiding for unknown reasons in a bush outside the main entrance.
There was some action however, as you can't stop teams from finding loopholes in the regulations. Today's cunning move was the coach of Team Arkéa Samsic's Dayar Quintana evading the ban on handing over bidons by simply lobbing one underneath Quintana's front wheel when he wasn't looking instead. Bravo!
Join us tomorrow for scene of Shaggy's Boombastic: Millau-Lavaur Lavaur.
No stage times as it's virtually everybody...
Underall:
163 159 ▼4 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 1:24:14
164 160 ▼4 ARNDT Nikias Team Sunweb 1:24:35
165 161 ▼4 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 1:24:42
166 164 ▼2 DE LA CRUZ David UAE-Team Emirates 1:25:15
167 165 ▼2 BONNET William Groupama - FDJ ,,
168 168 - POELS Wout Bahrain - McLaren 1:26:42
169 169 - BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 1:29:48
170 170 - CRAS Steff Lotto Soudal 1:34:08
171 171 - COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 1:38:40
172 172 - SIVAKOV Pavel INEOS Grenadiers 1:40:00
* hors delai - the French equivalent of doing a Devon Loch1 -
I know this thread doesn't generally deign to comment on the other competitions within the Tour de France, tending to view them as rather grubby commercial additions to the Corinthian purity of the one true race. However it would be remiss of me not to mention the superb efforts of Simon Geschke. He's currently redefining the possibilities of both the KOM and Green Jersey competitions, being in negative points for both. Congratulations to him on a superb display of independent thinking:
KOM:
Peter Sagan jersey for being the rider most like Peter Sagan:
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Impressive effort and well worthy of a notable mention.The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
I am not sure. You have no chance.Veronese68 wrote:PB is the most sensible person on here.0 -
We deserve to know how Simon has managed to high grade his quest for avoidance of the green or polka's........0
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Slipstreaming behind a car, stage 2. Fined 200CHF (£165), docked 20 seconds in the general classification, six points in the points classification and two points in the mountains classification. Looks like it was behind a Cofidis car.ajkerr73 said:We deserve to know how Simon has managed to high grade his quest for avoidance of the green or polka's........
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He probably saw the fine and docked points as a bonus for not being the second rider to be put out the race by a Cofidis car.kingstongraham said:
Slipstreaming behind a car, stage 2. Fined 200CHF (£165), docked 20 seconds in the general classification, six points in the points classification and two points in the mountains classification. Looks like it was behind a Cofidis car.
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Yes, I wouldn't be going anywhere near a Cofidis car after seeing what they do to their own.andyp said:
He probably saw the fine and docked points as a bonus for not being the second rider to be put out the race by a Cofidis car.kingstongraham said:
Slipstreaming behind a car, stage 2. Fined 200CHF (£165), docked 20 seconds in the general classification, six points in the points classification and two points in the mountains classification. Looks like it was behind a Cofidis car.0 -
Some serious attempts at time loss today ahead of the predicted bunch anti-sprint tomorrow.0
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Cras and Sivakov are in the Ewan group 6 minutes or so down. Cousin Jerome however ended up on the wrong side of the split. He's currently in the lead group on the road and must be wondering how to urgently lose some time. Hopefully he's got someone there to work for him and to take back down the road to the chasing group.Pross said:Some serious attempts at time loss today ahead of the predicted bunch anti-sprint tomorrow.
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Once upon a time there were four little sprinters, and their names were Sammy, Aussie, Wout van Tail and Peter.
Stage 7 saw us taking the windy, windy road from Millau to Lavaur, and I'm not casting aspersions on Millau but has anyone else noticed the only thing anyone mentions is the best way to avoid it? One for the tourist board to ponder, I feel.
And they lived with their teams in a peloton, somewhere in France, and Peter slept every night on the mountain of carrots sent to him by adoring sponsors.
"Now my dears," said old Patxi Vila one morning. "You may go in the break or sprint at the end, but you must never go into Mr McGroenewegen's lane. People have had very bad accidents there. Now ride along, and - Peter - don't get into any mischief. I've heard about your behaviour on the podium..."
from The Tale of Peter Sagan by BMX Potter.
Today's stage was a bit of a curate's egg, I'm afraid. Everybody got really excited when BORA-hansgrohe hit the front in the wind and started drilling it, but despite all the excitement on the road it had curiously little effect on the underall standings. It didn't even pay off for Bora - they did all the hard work of blowing the race to bits but forgot to tell Pöstlberger to drop off the back to take advantage and reignite his challenge on LR.
Sivakov and Kras were unfazed by the wind, holding position carefully to ensure the echelons left without them. However according to the official tracking app - admittedly one whose data appears to be sourced via highly trained monkeys throwing darts at a list of riders - Cousin Jerome found himself caught at entirely the wrong end of the peloton and trapped in the lead group. If this is true, his solo break across to the last group on the road is one of the great performances of this tour.
Underall:
163 166 ▲3 DE LA CRUZ David UAE-Team Emirates 1:39:47
164 163 ▼1 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 1:40:08
165 164 ▼1 ARNDT Nikias Team Sunweb 1:40:29
166 165 ▼1 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 1:40:36
167 167 - BONNET William Groupama - FDJ 1:41:09
168 168 - POELS Wout Bahrain - McLaren 1:42:36
169 169 - BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 1:44:20
170 170 - CRAS Steff Lotto Soudal 1:50:02
171 171 - COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 1:54:34
172 172 - SIVAKOV Pavel INEOS Grenadiers 1:55:541 -
No stage results today as a whole group came in together, btw.
Meanwhile, in the points race...
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As I was cycling from Cazères
There was a bit of a shake up in the underall today as Bonnet climbed off and Poels and De La
I met a man who wasn't there.
He won't be there again today,
Oh why does Pinot fade away?
Agoner by William Anna MearesSoulCruz climbed out of the top ten due to being caught in the wrong group on the final climb. Cousin Jerome suffered a jour avec, going out in the break of thirteen and at one point attacking off the front of that. Whether it's a sneaky way of gaining some room to attack the Lanterne later remains to be seen, but it's a worrying show of intent for a French nation desperate to see one of their own recapture the greatest prize in cycling.
Things also looked a bit worrying for Sivakov at one point. This morning he gave an emotional interview proclaiming his pride in cycling on the roads he grew up on whilst being part of the Tour, and I'm sure it was only modesty that prevented him mentioning that he was currently leading the competition as he must surely have dreamt of doing as a kid.
Ineos have no truck with romance, however, and rather than protecting his position Sivakov was ordered to stick with the yellow jersey group for a while and do some work. Fortunately he was soon given the all clear - it was possible he was being protected from being hors delai if the pace really picked up - and was able to give a jaunty wave as he slipped back downhill to join the groups toiling to survive.
The biggest gainer on the day was Niccolo Bonifazio, who gained around seven minutes on Sivakov by ambling in as part of the same group as new entrant to the top ten André Greipel, who I note has so far done a very good job of avoiding being caught in a sprint.
Elsewhere Pinot had a moment of existential angst in which he realised that as much as the French public want him to win a yellow jersey, they've been equally desperate for a new hero to ride off the front and stick his tongue out for the TV cameras. This caused a crushing dissolution of his spirits which even his entire team surrounding him failed to lift, and if Marc Madiot could harness this negative energy properly Pinot would surely be a shoe-in for the Lanterne.
Join us tomorrow and give it a little bit of heart and soul in your best Yorkshire accent, because tomorrow morning we dig out my annual joke and head... t'Pau.
Still not naming 70+ riders coming in the last group, so just the underall again:
159 159 - GREIPEL André Israel Start-Up Nation 2:02:34
160 161 ▲1 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 2:02:55
161 162 ▲1 BEWLEY Sam Mitchelton-Scott 2:04:18
162 164 ▲2 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 2:06:07
163 165 ▲2 ARNDT Nikias Team Sunweb 2:06:28
164 166 ▲2 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 2:06:35
165 170 ▲5 CRAS Steff Lotto Soudal 2:08:45
166 171 ▲5 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 2:09:41
167 169 ▲2 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 2:10:19
168 172 ▲4 SIVAKOV Pavel INEOS Grenadiers 2:14:371 -
You have to hand it to Cousin J - on a few occasions he has hung off the back for long periods and then as the stage progresses into the finale, he marches up the field. That surely makes him one of the top contenders. This tactic has got him right up to 3rd position.
You never know, France could be on the verge of long overdue success; not since the great Jimmy Engo volavent have they tasted victory.
But I have been pontificating and contemplating and considering and examining and pondering and deliberating and after this long cogitate, wondering just how this years LR is shaping up after stage 8, I came to the conclusion that a Thesaurus is a wonderful thing.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
“In the midst of the pack, I found there was, within me, an invincible strength.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the peloton pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”
Albert Sivakovseanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
Tactically I think Sivakov has been a bit naive today - it's his age and lack of experience showing. Should have done a brief couple of turns, made a Pinot-esque point towards his back, and then sat up.0
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Yes but he's extraordinarily philosophical:
“Nobody realises that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
I have to agree. J Cousin is playing a blinder. Not sure we've seen this wanton abandonment for some time .
The thing I love about this competition is their commitment to the front bumper of the broom wagon. There should be a reverse fine as they are anti-drafting. The UCI should be paying them1 -
They should. The ASO have the perfect vehicle for success - right under their noses and yet he is so unsupported.
I mean; right at the crucial moments - where are the cameras, the publicity?
I blame Macron. It was never like this under Chirac.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
"Well, Harry," said Prudhommebledore gravely, his beard twitching. "I'm afraid this might be your final battle. If he-who-must-not-be-named finds the place he stored his soul in..."
"But Professor," said Harry reproachfully, his finger tapping the brake lever nervously. "You told us never to be afraid to say his name?"
"Ah, Harry. Of course. I've said many things over the years, and you can't expect these bloody books to be internally consistent when half of them were written in a cheap Scottish cafe and the other half in the gilded-garret of a multi-millionairess," said Prudhommebledore, looking a little peevish. "As you say though, if the most evil and backstabbiest cyclist of all time, Valverdemort finds his soul at last he may even win this tour. Nobody else has been trying."
"I think this is the bit where I cut in and tell the silly boys something incredibly obvious that I've learnt in a library," said Hermione Desgrainger smugly, still smarting from La Course lasting just one stage. "But I've been looking at the map of today's stage and I'm starting to get incredibly suspicious about this cat one 'Col de la Hourcrux'. It sounds awfully suspicious to me."
Rigoberto Uron Weasley cut in moronically, his yellow helmet obvious in the middle of the pack. "I've just eaten two insects to provide some minor comic relief, and may shortly say something a bit rude in order to provide an air of edginess whilst remaining suitable for primary school children."
"OH EFF OFF, GINGER!" screamed an unexpected death eater, adverbially.
Harry instinctively raised his wand and fired. "Stupidify!"
There was a brief moment of silence, everybody waiting to see what effect the spell had made on the death eater. From nowhere it pulled out a microphone, its face shining with sudden enthusiasm.
"Well you join us today on the stage from Pau, and Sean, I'm sure the riders will be hoping that it won't be - hehe - 'Pau'ring down with rain later..."
"Well you've done it now, Harry," said Hermione.
from Harry Pogacar and the Commentator of Doom by JK Riding
Today saw the race head from Pyreneean Tellytubby Pau to one-horse Tom Dumoulin tribute town La Runs, and for most of the race nobody had a clue what was going on - not helped by thick cloud on the descents. Indeed, conditions were so murky that Gaudu couldn't even see the tarmac in front of him and somehow fell off the side of the road into an innocent and entirely unexpected bystander. On the other hand, given how much we saw of Cosenfroy today perhaps the polkadot cape she was wearing was just unexpectedly effective camouflage on today's mountain stage?
Other excitement came from Pinot's unexpected charge off the front, as after yesterday's stage it seemed clear he was turning his attentions towards sneaking a Lanterne stage win. It soon transpired that Thibeau had become so emotionally confused that he'd charged off to attack in the wrong direction, and he was reduced to doing track stands until the rest of the race sped by.
In the LR underall a huge group of riders finished in the autobus. Sivakov ended up unable to follow the splits and surrendered around two and a half minutes to Bonifazio and several others - a worrying sign if he's likely to be made to work later in the tour. Steff Cras, who had been sitting untroubled in fourth was forced to climb off - or possibly just took a wrong turn in the fog - and Fabio Aru's potentially race-winning break was ended prematurely when the lads in the broom wagon waved a tempting warm cup of cocoa at him. Rider of the day wasHirschiRoger Kluge, who went on a long-distance solo break and stayed away to take over two minutes on everyone else.
Order of the Phoenix:
89 LEDANOIS Kévin Team Arkéa Samsic 24:37
90 NEILANDS Krists Israel Start-Up Nation 26:03
91 COQUARD Bryan B&B Hotels - Vital Concept p/b KTM 26:52
92 AMADOR Andrey INEOS Grenadiers ,,
93 SIVAKOV Pavel INEOS Grenadiers ,,
94 - 165 Virtually everyone else 29:27
166 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 32:13
Order of two chip suppers and a mushy peas, please.
157 158 ▲1 POELS Wout Bahrain - McLaren 2:30:54
158 159 ▲1 GREIPEL André Israel Start-Up Nation 2:32:09
159 160 ▲1 HALLER Marco Bahrain - McLaren 2:32:30
160 161 ▲1 BEWLEY Sam Mitchelton-Scott 2:33:53
161 162 ▲1 FRISON Frederik Lotto Soudal 2:35:42
162 163 ▲1 ARNDT Nikias Team Sunweb 2:36:03
163 164 ▲1 KLUGE Roger Lotto Soudal 2:38:56
164 166 ▲2 COUSIN Jérôme Team Total Direct Energie 2:39:16
165 167 ▲2 BONIFAZIO Niccolò Team Total Direct Energie 2:39:54
166 168 ▲2 SIVAKOV Pavel INEOS Grenadiers 2:42:371 -
I enjoy the characterisation of Kirby as a death eater. Best one yet!0
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Although (and with some irony), it promotes him a little.bobmcstuff said:I enjoy the characterisation of Kirby as a death eater. Best one yet!
I think that the upcoming rest day could be a very bad thing for Sivakov. He could loose all that err... momentum.
Immediately after the chaotic stage 9 and a brief conversation he had with another wannabe LR contender Thibault, the following is the translation of an obviously exhausted yet delirious Sivakov who texted me whilst leaning up against the broom wagon.
He was once again, in very philosophical mood.
They refuse to work outside the conditions they seem to have attached to their pursuit. Indeed, our team leaders tend to harden into habits and although habits give shape to our inner musettes, they can mutate into the rigidity of routine and create a kind of momentum that, rather than expanding our capacity for greatness, contracts it.
In the trance of a rouleur and expected productivity, we end up showing up for the team meetings while being absent from them.
Few things things break us out of our grupetto's and awaken us to the living substance of happiness more powerfully than the road ahead, the soigneur (with the big hands) and Tartiflette.
seanoconn - gruagach craic!0
