Anyone have any ideas how to get rid of LVG??

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  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,087
    Stay out of the black and in the red, there's nothing in this game for two in a bed. Iiiinnnnnn one, a speedboat.....

    This speed boat?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,969
    Stay out of the black and in the red, there's nothing in this game for two in a bed. Iiiinnnnnn one, a speedboat......
    Did anyone ever take the boat home?
    I can see one parked outside a block of flats in Liverpool.
    For about 30 seconds.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    I don't think they ever did but you're right - it was always people from Liverpool and Birmingham who nearly won it.

    It was a bit of a rubbish prize though:
    "Brian we've won a speed boat. Let's go out now in it"
    "Yeah, right Tracey, I'll tie it to the Cavalier and head out into the sea. Good job I don't know what I'm doing out there and it's going to cost a fortune to run".

    Thinking about it, there's a bit of a correlation between the speedboats on Bullseye and Manure - both floated in their time but now both are nothing but sinking ships, rotten of hull, devoid of engine, the crew having long since fled leaving nothing buts rats, outstanding repair bills and a stench of damp.
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,087
    Whilst sat at the breakfast table, I had a this coughing fit. What a coughing fit it was. One of those coughing fits where you see little blue stars in sharp bursts and you think your eyes are going to pop out of your head.
    In the middle of this convulsing fit, a sticky little green mass popped out horizontally from the direction of my mouth and landed on the table, steaming; glowing, it had innumerable arms and legs and it picked itself up and started to run. At first it was a bit cumbersome and slow but by the time it had reached the Cornflake packet, it had gained in strength and speed. It crashed through the Granola bag consuming most of it as it went through. Then it head at lightening speed through the cafetiere, eating everything in its path. It must have especially liked the steel filter mesh in the cafetiere because there wasn't a shred of it left upon inspection later in the day. By the time it had reached the end of the table it had assumed a more symmetrical shape, with 2 arms and two discernible legs and was approximately 20cm high. It leapt off the table and for a moment and in the position I was, it appeared to be a midget suicide attempt but it's re-appearance as it ploughed first through the kitchen door and second through the back door soon allayed any hope of a quick cessation of this abominable life form. I saw it run and jump over my fence not before going through my shed etching an almost laser silhouette of it self in the process, carrying my mower under one arm, the winter bike in the other and then leaping the neighbours fence not before devouring the bed of peonies.
    I decided that for evil to prosper, it would take a good man like me to do nothing and seen as I might have some traceable genetic link to this monster, I had better follow it for a while and see if I could do anything to halt its progress. I jumped into the car and tailed it going down the street, watching it kicking old ladies as it ran, eating their handbags and frightening everything in its path, all the while growing at an alarming rate until it found it's way to the high street and screeched to a halt as it was passing the chippie. I was too slow and too far away to intervene but suffice to say, it entered the chippie and consumed every chip, every battered savoy sausage, every raw or cooked piece of Haddock and drunk all the fizzy drinks in the chiller cabinet. Poor old Fred Jackson, he had been in that shop for more episodes than one could remember and the icon of this street had been consumed in a fleeting (but painless) moment as well as everything else.
    He exited through the back door taking the contents of the till with him and headed towards JJB sports. By the time I had caught up with him, the shop was bereft of any complete artefacts, such was the carnage. It was at this point that I lost sight of him as he disappeared off into the distance, wearing a Red Football shirt with White shorts.
    Walking around the high street, pondering the final destination of the thing, I heard the noises of a loud and violent fight. The police had finally apprehended the organism, having caught him in the pub not long after consuming 18 pints of Stella in very very quick succession. He put up quite a fight and the beer belly that had miraculously grown about his mid-rift could clearly be seen and provided much defence against the police truncheons raining down on him. In between the noises of the arrest, I could hear him shouting 'the referee is a wanka' as he was hauled off in the back of the van.
    The desk sergeant took my (rather fabricated) witness statement. I heard the voice of this creation in the distant cells: "Ferguso-on, Ferguso-on, Ferguso-on". When I followed the incident up, I was told that he was now residing in a council house, had 8 children, was unemployed and lived happily ever after in Exeter.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • ballysmate
    ballysmate Posts: 15,930
    Stoke 2 Manure 0

    Keep him! Keep him! The biggest club in the world, my ar5e!
  • city_boy
    city_boy Posts: 1,616
    Challenging times ahead for the Save Our Looey campaign!
    Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    Another great result for Manure and "Giggsy", the sister in law shagger.

    You lot really are rubbish.

    Van Gaaaaaaal - a football genius. £250 million later and you get smashed off the park by a sub strength Stoke.

    Stoke. Stoke, home of the potteries and ugly women. Alsager commuter belt.
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • ballysmate
    ballysmate Posts: 15,930
    Van Gaal has brought success all over Europe.
    Perhaps he has been given an impossible job of making a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
    Perhaps Manure are a mediocre club and their supporters best get used to the reality?
  • I think van gaal's been a top coach over a good stretch of time but he's been pretty poor for Man U.

    The way he sets up his team and sends them out to play seems to be out of a fear of losing rather than trying to take the game to the opposition. He's got a serious lack of pace in his team as well as a very poor goals per game ratio.

    What I find most strange though is his transfer dealings. His squad looks like a combination of players on their way out of top level football and others who still have to prove that they belong there...

    To suggest Man U are destined to be another mediocre team seems premature though. They have massive support / resources so unless there's a major floor in the structure of the club maybe it's simply poor personnel in this football cycle?
    Cannondale caad7 ultegra
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    Brother Swift
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    I think van gaal's been a top coach over a good stretch of time but he's been pretty poor for Man U.

    The way he sets up his team and sends them out to play seems to be out of a fear of losing rather than trying to take the game to the opposition. He's got a serious lack of pace in his team as well as a very poor goals per game ratio.

    What I find most strange though is his transfer dealings. His squad looks like a combination of players on their way out of top level football and others who still have to prove that they belong there...

    To suggest Man U are destined to be another mediocre team seems premature though. They have massive support / resources so unless there's a major floor in the structure of the club maybe it's simply poor personnel in this football cycle?

    Poor personnel after spending £250 million? Sheepshead man, if I misspending 2.50 at work I get a bollocking, let alone £250 million.

    Anyhow, I thought Schweinsteiger was meant to be the best thing ever? And Martial? And the other dudes?

    Sow's purse? More like oxen's testicles ..........
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • capt_slog
    capt_slog Posts: 3,965
    What is LVG?

    I thought it was some sort of driving entitlement, small lorry or some such.

    At last, just seen him on TV...

    LVG is Louis Van Gaal.

    Everyday's a school day, but in this case I cherish my ignorance


    The older I get, the better I was.

  • I think van gaal's been a top coach over a good stretch of time but he's been pretty poor for Man U.

    The way he sets up his team and sends them out to play seems to be out of a fear of losing rather than trying to take the game to the opposition. He's got a serious lack of pace in his team as well as a very poor goals per game ratio.

    What I find most strange though is his transfer dealings. His squad looks like a combination of players on their way out of top level football and others who still have to prove that they belong there...

    To suggest Man U are destined to be another mediocre team seems premature though. They have massive support / resources so unless there's a major floor in the structure of the club maybe it's simply poor personnel in this football cycle?

    Poor personnel after spending £250 million? Sheepshead man, if I misspending 2.50 at work I get a bollocking, let alone £250 million.

    Anyhow, I thought Schweinsteiger was meant to be the best thing ever? And Martial? And the other dudes?

    Sow's purse? More like oxen's testicles ..........

    Yeah not trying to defend LVG's position. Just his past achievements. I think he's had his shot and been poor to say the least.

    Schweinsteiger was a class act but now he's shot. He looked shot for bayern, no way he was gonna handle the premiership's pace. One of the strange transfer dealings I was referring too.
    Cannondale caad7 ultegra
    S-works Tarmac sl5 etap
    Colnago c64 etap wifli
    Brother Swift
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    Martial had potential but LVG jeffed him.
    That other bloke they signed this summer beginning with S had potential but LVG jeffed him.
    Mata got jeffed.
    Woo net is shot but they pay him too much to drop him because they need to make their money back on shirt sales.
    Fellini was always shyyyyt.

    The only decent dude is the goalie and generally that's only because he copied my haircut. But I bet he doesn't do it himself in the kitchen on a Sunday morning.
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,087
    LVG is brilliant.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • ballysmate
    ballysmate Posts: 15,930
    Where's Redvision, has he accepted that Manure are a spent force?
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,087
    Where's Redvision, has he accepted that Manure are a spent force?

    He's probably decided to support a new team, after all, when you are from Exeter...
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,969
    Where's Redvision, has he accepted that Manure are a spent force?

    He's probably decided to support a new team, after all, when you are from Exeter...
    Well, Chelsea won it last year.
    Oh.....
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • redvision
    redvision Posts: 2,958
    Ballysmate wrote:
    Where's Redvision, has he accepted that Manure are a spent force?

    I'm here, thanks for your concern :lol:

    Well theres nowt to say apart from LVG get the f out!

    I'm at OT tomorrow and if they do lose i reckon he will resign.
    Trouble is i'm not sure who would take over. LVG really has screwed the club up good and proper, but i wonder if Mourinho will be the right man to sort it.
    Maybe its a chance for Giggsy. I mean this season is pretty much a right off now, so he hasn't really got anything to lose - so long as they get to 38 points! :lol:

    On a brighter note, at least we still have more titles than any other English team though :wink:
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,087
    Ballysmate wrote:
    Where's Redvision, has he accepted that Manure are a spent force?

    I'm...points! :lol:

    On a brighter note, at least we still have more titles than any other English team though :wink:

    You can hang on to that thought for years and years...q12

    "q12" ?? That's what the cat has to say about it.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    Ballysmate wrote:
    Where's Redvision, has he accepted that Manure are a spent force?

    I'm here, thanks for your concern :lol:

    Well theres nowt to say apart from LVG get the f out!

    I'm at OT tomorrow and if they do lose i reckon he will resign.
    Trouble is i'm not sure who would take over. LVG really has screwed the club up good and proper, but i wonder if Mourinho will be the right man to sort it.
    Maybe its a chance for Giggsy. I mean this season is pretty much a right off now, so he hasn't really got anything to lose - so long as they get to 38 points! :lol:

    :wink:

    Straws. Grasping. Ship Sinking.

    If you're heading up to the Theatre of Alcoholism and Paedoiphilia tomorrow I hope you've left home already - Weymouth to Manchester is a hell of a train journey.

    Do you have a Travel Lodge booked for staying overnight as its such a long journey home?

    At least you'll be able to regale your friend with your story of your Big Christmas Adventure. Post a piccie of your half 'n' half scarf when you get back home.

    On a brighter note, at least we still have more titles than any other English team though
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    Turgid draw against a mediocre, struggling team 8 places below them in the league.

    Pitiful team you have there I'm afraid.
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,969
    Turgid draw against a mediocre, struggling team 8 places below them in the league.

    Pitiful team you have there I'm afraid.
    Complete shyte.
    Manyoo would already have Borehino signed up if they had the balls.
    But then, he doesn't set up teams in the Manyoo style, so who is it to be?
    And Chelsea better wake up to the relegation battle.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • city_boy
    city_boy Posts: 1,616
    Place yer bets...

    0b366490d42d873a71840bb0e3c95ca5_zpsb54tzzk0.jpg
    Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
  • city_boy
    city_boy Posts: 1,616
    Please God, let this be true :mrgreen:

    2LJxsfe.jpg
    Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    "Rooney's brilliant finish"

    Or

    "Pisssssss poor finish by a fat lad who cheats in his wife, holds his club to ransom and is an appalling role model who is trying to emulate the great, mighty fabled finish of Zola - possibly the nicest bloke ever to grace a football pitch".,

    And for Redvision, as this mighty fabled goal of power was before his football watching time, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Z4DAaQe7Q4

    In the meantime, Nigel Farage, the biggest bell end of all time:
    http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/multimedia/archive/01037/NIP000204951795_1037800c.jpg
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 60,598
    Must have been a really slow day for news in Spain just before Christmas :lol:
    http://www.express.co.uk/sport/football/628351/Chelsea-Manuel-Pellegrini-Pep-Guardiola-Jose-Mourinho-sacked
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • Matthewfalle
    Matthewfalle Posts: 17,380
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/manchester-united/12085998/Man-Utd-news-Louis-van-Gaal-taking-no-chances-in-FA-Cup-tie-against-Sheffield-United.html

    "LVG to play big guns against Sheffield United"

    What - they are putting out a full team instead of the junior reserves (or not even turning up because they are too stuck up their own backsides) for England's premier cup competition - the historical one, the people's one (not to be confused with Manchester City, the people's club of Manchester) and the one every true English footballer wants to win?

    Manure really are a bunch of disrespectful arses.
    Postby team47b » Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:53 am

    De Sisti wrote:
    This is one of the silliest threads I've come across. :lol:

    Recognition at last Matthew, well done!, a justified honour :D
    smithy21 wrote:

    He's right you know.
  • pblakeney
    pblakeney Posts: 26,969
    Also because he can't afford not to.
    Can you imagine the Mancs horror at being knocked out by Sheffield. And watching Liverpool lift the cup.
    The above may be fact, or fiction, I may be serious, I may be jesting.
    I am not sure. You have no chance.
    Veronese68 wrote:
    PB is the most sensible person on here.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,087
    It will be the only silverware on offer for the Mancs for a while, so you would think they will go at it full guns* blazing.

    *Sorry, 'pea shooters'.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!