Arran's Agony Aunt Thread

pinno

Dear Aunty Arran

My old Spaniel (RIP) was mad keen. He would try to shag everything. I think some of his molecules transferred over to me (Ref.: The Atomic theory of the Bicycle). If he got a whiff of a lady canine on heat, he would go into Doggy Depression, slump on the floor as well as not eat his food for a few days and generally take lots of deep sad breaths.

Today, whilst cruising the streets not especially looking for a 'poodle', I spotted this gorgeous, mousy blonde, blue eyed female apparition driving a Clio. (Far too good looking to be from around here). I managed to avoid crashing physically but mentally, I have sunk deep into a Doggy Depression. Even Premium Chum on toast doesn't appeal.

What can I do?

P

arran77

pinarello001 wrote:

Dear Aunty Arran

My old Spaniel (RIP) was mad keen. He would try to shag everything. I think some of his molecules transferred over to me (Ref.: The Atomic theory of the Bicycle). If he got a whiff of a lady canine on heat, he would go into Doggy Depression, slump on the floor as well as not eat his food for a few days and generally take lost of deep sad breaths.

Today, whilst cruising the streets not especially looking for a 'poodle', I spotted this gorgeous, mousy blonde, blue eyed female apparition driving a Clio. (Far too good looking to be from around here). I managed to avoid crashing physically but mentally, I have sunk deep into a Doggy Depression. Even Premium Chum on toast doesn't appeal.

What can I do?

P

Dear Piña,

It's quite understandable that an old dog such as yourself still cannot resist a young bitch especially when she has clearly strayed into the dodgy parts of town looking for a bit of 'rough'.

Take a leaf out of young Sean's book and jump straight on in, what could possibly go wrong

Sleeper Cell

Dear AA

My thingy seems to be a bit wonkier since I did some harding up the goosechute. Should I use brute force thumbage to unwonky it or would slipping it in the mangepot do the trick? I've just been diagnosed with whistling flimsy so I can't do thrippling on Tuesdays, if that was an option.

arran77

Sleeper Cell wrote:

Dear AA

My thingy seems to be a bit wonkier since I did some harding up the goosechute. Should I use brute force thumbage to unwonky it or would slipping it in the mangepot do the trick? I've just been diagnosed with whistling flimsy so I can't do thrippling on Tuesdays, if that was an option.

Dear Sleeper Cell,

Firstly welcome, with posts like this you'll fit right in round here

Anyway, back to business.

I can assume from the 'wonky' description that the goosechute was a little on the tight side, you're not friends with Rolf and Jimmy are you :shock:

I also assume that it wasn't GT's-mums goosechute as that's far from tight

Anyway I digrese, you could try slipping it into the mangepot but I'd give it a quick wipe on the curtains first unless your young lady likes mixing the pink and brown, if she does by the way I would question her moral standards, the filthy young hussy :shock:

If all this fails then there's only one thing for it.......make an appointment with Mrs Thumb and her four lovely daughters.

Hope this helps.

seanoconn

[url=http://www.bikeradar.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=18975303#p18975303]Veronese68[/url] wrote:

Speaking of Bear attacks, I was watching a bit of Bear Grylls on the Quest channel, as you do and he was demonstrating how to eat bear poo! I Sh!t you not!