Arran's Agony Aunt Thread

arran77

Our almost long forgotten brother seanoconn doesn't seem to be his usual chipper self so I thought I'd lend a listening ear.

So take a seat and let us help



The sun is shinning, no doubt you're still getting plenty of action so what could be troubling you young womble

homers_double

Every time I walk into my garage I get a tear in my eve looking at my beloved Heckler, all dirty and unused.

What shall I do because I keep walking past it to this nasty skinny wheeled thing.

arran77

homers double wrote:

Every time I walk into my garage I get a tear in my eve looking at my beloved Heckler, all dirty and unused.

What shall I do because I keep walking past it to this nasty skinny wheeled thing.

Get back on the Heckler and do some proper riding

seanoconn

My stupid tenants have cost me £1300 in the last month! How do you break a bloody gas pipe for f*cks sake! And I'm sure they sabotaged the boiler and washing machine, evil b@stards.

arran77

seanoconn wrote:

My stupid tenants have cost me £1300 in the last month! How do you break a bloody gas pipe for f*cks sake! And I'm sure they sabotaged the boiler and washing machine, evil b@stards.

Leave the gas pipe and boiler broken which will result in dead tenants, no £1300 bill and a place for you to live

tlw1

seanoconn wrote:

And I'm sure they sabotaged the boiler and washing machine

do you mean wife?

seanoconn

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

My stupid tenants have cost me £1300 in the last month! How do you break a bloody gas pipe for f*cks sake! And I'm sure they sabotaged the boiler and washing machine, evil b@stards.

Leave the gas pipe and boiler broken which will result in dead tenants, no £1300 bill and a place for you to live

Thanks Doc, I feel so much better. Who's next?

arran77

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

My stupid tenants have cost me £1300 in the last month! How do you break a bloody gas pipe for f*cks sake! And I'm sure they sabotaged the boiler and washing machine, evil b@stards.

Leave the gas pipe and boiler broken which will result in dead tenants, no £1300 bill and a place for you to live

Thanks Doc, I feel so much better. Who's next?

No problem, glad to be of assistance

seanoconn

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

arran77 wrote:

seanoconn wrote:

My stupid tenants have cost me £1300 in the last month! How do you break a bloody gas pipe for f*cks sake! And I'm sure they sabotaged the boiler and washing machine, evil b@stards.

Leave the gas pipe and boiler broken which will result in dead tenants, no £1300 bill and a place for you to live

Thanks Doc, I feel so much better. Who's next?

No problem, glad to be of assistance

I'll forward your bill to my tenants

navrig2

One of our regular riding crew is getting too fit and making cycling serious. We can't catch him easily and when we do we can't keep up. It's causing distress to the rest of us, what should we do Aunty?

arran77

Navrig2 wrote:

One of our regular riding crew is getting too fit and making cycling serious. We can't catch him easily and when we do we can't keep up. It's causing distress to the rest of us, what should we do Aunty?

Just 'modify' his brakes so after zooming off and dropping you all it'll be you and your mates who have the last laugh

Colinthecop

Dear Aunty Arran,

It's a lovely day but i'm still a bit hungover after a leaving do last night.

Would it be okay not to go out on my bike as I know i'll be slow and feel like shite, or is this a MTFU scenario...?

Love Colin.

arran77

Colinthecop wrote:

Dear Aunty Arran,

It's a lovely day but i'm still a bit hungover after a leaving do last night.

Would it be okay not to go out on my bike as I know i'll be slow and feel like shite, or is this a MTFU scenario...?

Love Colin.

Turn the bike ride into a pub crawl........ride and hair of the dog all in one.

Colinthecop

I like the cut of your jib - thank you. 8)

navrig2

arran77 wrote:

Colinthecop wrote:

Dear Aunty Arran,

It's a lovely day but i'm still a bit hungover after a leaving do last night.

Would it be okay not to go out on my bike as I know i'll be slow and feel like shite, or is this a MTFU scenario...?

Love Colin.

Turn the bike ride into a pub crawl........ride and hair of the dog all in one.

We did that last year. 7 pints and a couple of drams later........

Two cyclists clash at a rural junction and go down in a jumble of flesh and plastic.

One cyclist goes over the handlebars, concussion and a sore knee.

We decided never again.......

simonhead

Dear Auntie Arran,

have a "friend" his wife watches this programme called Devious Maids, he happened to catch a few minutes of it and is now glued, he tells me its Roselyn Sanchez that is drawing him in but I know he secretly like the storyline. Is my "friend" getting a little gay?

arran77

simonhead wrote:

Dear Auntie Arran,

have a "friend" his wife watches this programme called Devious Maids, he happened to catch a few minutes of it and is now glued, he tells me its Roselyn Sanchez that is drawing him in but I know he secretly like the storyline. Is my "friend" getting a little gay?

Your 'friend' sounds a little confused to me, Roselyn Sanchez is a fine looking lady so I have no issue here but what concerns me is that 'he' watches Devious Maids to get his fix.

I would suggest to your 'friend' that 'he' perhaps just searches for pictures of the lovely Roselyn on the internet and if 'he' finds anything juicy be sure 'he' posts it in the Big Girls thread for us.

homers_double

arran77 wrote:

homers double wrote:

Every time I walk into my garage I get a tear in my eve looking at my beloved Heckler, all dirty and unused.

What shall I do because I keep walking past it to this nasty skinny wheeled thing.

Get back on the Heckler and do some proper riding

https://www.strava.com/activities/141086975

Thank you agony Arran!

pinno

Dear Aunty

I have deep issues. I tend to wander a little from Cake Stop and Bottom Bracket. I can't help it. I am drawn to the possibility that I am missing out on something. Then it goes all t1ts up because I meet 'serious' cyclists and innumerable, humourless tw4ts whom I tend to swear and poke fun at. Is it me or is it them?

Pina

Flâneur

Dear Aunt Arran,

I normally purchase a double espresso from my local coffee shop, however the girl recently suggested I should try something else, be adventurous. Not quite sure what she was getting at, any suggestions?

arran77

pinarello001 wrote:

Dear Aunty

I have deep issues. I tend to wander a little from Cake Stop and Bottom Bracket. I can't help it. I am drawn to the possibility that I am missing out on something. Then it goes all t1ts up because I meet 'serious' cyclists and innumerable, humourless tw4ts whom I tend to swear and poke fun at. Is it me or is it them?

Pina

Piña, I understand your wanderlust, sometimes I too venture to the far corners of this forum but this inevitably leads to being warned off and told to return to whence I came.

I suggest you stick to what you know, there are some very strange people on the interweb and you never know who you might come across!

Having said this it might be best if some sort of restraining order is imposed on you, perhaps we could ask the mods?

arran77

sa0u823e wrote:

Dear Aunt Arran,

I normally purchase a double espresso from my local coffee shop, however the girl recently suggested I should try something else, be adventurous. Not quite sure what she was getting at, any suggestions?

This is indeed a dilemma.

If the girl is attractive I would take her up on her suggestion, how about asking if she recommends you try something involving a tea bag being dunked?

pinno

arran77 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

Dear Aunty

I have deep issues. I tend to wander a little from Cake Stop and Bottom Bracket. I can't help it. I am drawn to the possibility that I am missing out on something. Then it goes all t1ts up because I meet 'serious' cyclists and innumerable, humourless tw4ts whom I tend to swear and poke fun at. Is it me or is it them?

Pina

Piña, I understand your wanderlust, sometimes I too venture to the far corners of this forum but this inevitably leads to being warned off and told to return to whence I came.

I suggest you stick to what you know, there are some very strange people on the interweb and you never know who you might come across!

Having said this it might be best if some sort of restraining order is imposed on you, perhaps we could ask the mods?

You f*cking amateur armchair shrink - two a penny you lot are. I mean you are not even a very good armchair shrink, you are paid to massage my f*cking ego and say 'there there, I know, I know, everything will be alright' but what do I get? "You should have a f*cking restraining order put on you". I am going to find you, you barsteward and kick your head in, stuff a f*cking funnel in yer throat and pour waste cooking oil from deep frying battered Mars bars down your throat and then p!ss on your bike and then see how much F*cking therapy you need bloody internet fraudster with your dodgy naval gazing refinement technique for southern softies. I'm off to complain to the f*cking BPS (British Psychological Society) and then I am going to sue your 4sre off, you f*cking looser and then live happily ever after on the ££millions££ of compensation they're going to give me for the emotional damage caused by you, you half cocked part-time brain f*cker-upper, so there.

arran77

pinarello001 wrote:

arran77 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

Dear Aunty

I have deep issues. I tend to wander a little from Cake Stop and Bottom Bracket. I can't help it. I am drawn to the possibility that I am missing out on something. Then it goes all t1ts up because I meet 'serious' cyclists and innumerable, humourless tw4ts whom I tend to swear and poke fun at. Is it me or is it them?

Pina

Piña, I understand your wanderlust, sometimes I too venture to the far corners of this forum but this inevitably leads to being warned off and told to return to whence I came.

I suggest you stick to what you know, there are some very strange people on the interweb and you never know who you might come across!

Having said this it might be best if some sort of restraining order is imposed on you, perhaps we could ask the mods?

You f*cking amateur armchair shrink - two a penny you lot are. I mean you are not even a very good armchair shrink, you are paid to massage my f*cking ego and say 'there there, I know, I know, everything will be alright' but what do I get? "You should have a f*cking restraining order put on you". I am going to find you, you barsteward and kick your head in, stuff a f*cking funnel in yer throat and pour waste cooking oil from deep frying battered Mars bars down your throat and then p!ss on your bike and then see how much F*cking therapy you need bloody internet fraudster with your dodgy naval gazing refinement technique for southern softies. I'm off to complain to the f*cking BPS (British Psychological Society) and then I am going to sue your 4sre off, you f*cking looser and then live happily ever after on the ££millions££ of compensation they're going to give me for the emotional damage caused by you, you half cocked part-time brain f*cker-upper, so there.

Glad I could help

seanoconn

pinarello001 wrote:

arran77 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

Dear Aunty

I have deep issues. I tend to wander a little from Cake Stop and Bottom Bracket. I can't help it. I am drawn to the possibility that I am missing out on something. Then it goes all t1ts up because I meet 'serious' cyclists and innumerable, humourless tw4ts whom I tend to swear and poke fun at. Is it me or is it them?

Pina

Piña, I understand your wanderlust, sometimes I too venture to the far corners of this forum but this inevitably leads to being warned off and told to return to whence I came.

I suggest you stick to what you know, there are some very strange people on the interweb and you never know who you might come across!

Having said this it might be best if some sort of restraining order is imposed on you, perhaps we could ask the mods?

You f*cking amateur armchair shrink - two a penny you lot are. I mean you are not even a very good armchair shrink, you are paid to massage my f*cking ego and say 'there there, I know, I know, everything will be alright' but what do I get? "You should have a f*cking restraining order put on you". I am going to find you, you barsteward and kick your head in, stuff a f*cking funnel in yer throat and pour waste cooking oil from deep frying battered Mars bars down your throat and then p!ss on your bike and then see how much F*cking therapy you need bloody internet fraudster with your dodgy naval gazing refinement technique for southern softies. I'm off to complain to the f*cking BPS (British Psychological Society) and then I am going to sue your 4sre off, you f*cking looser and then live happily ever after on the ££millions££ of compensation they're going to give me for the emotional damage caused by you, yoyu half cocked part-time brain f*cker-upper, so there.

This ^^ well said.

arran77

seanoconn wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

arran77 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

Dear Aunty

I have deep issues. I tend to wander a little from Cake Stop and Bottom Bracket. I can't help it. I am drawn to the possibility that I am missing out on something. Then it goes all t1ts up because I meet 'serious' cyclists and innumerable, humourless tw4ts whom I tend to swear and poke fun at. Is it me or is it them?

Pina

Piña, I understand your wanderlust, sometimes I too venture to the far corners of this forum but this inevitably leads to being warned off and told to return to whence I came.

I suggest you stick to what you know, there are some very strange people on the interweb and you never know who you might come across!

Having said this it might be best if some sort of restraining order is imposed on you, perhaps we could ask the mods?

You f*cking amateur armchair shrink - two a penny you lot are. I mean you are not even a very good armchair shrink, you are paid to massage my f*cking ego and say 'there there, I know, I know, everything will be alright' but what do I get? "You should have a f*cking restraining order put on you". I am going to find you, you barsteward and kick your head in, stuff a f*cking funnel in yer throat and pour waste cooking oil from deep frying battered Mars bars down your throat and then p!ss on your bike and then see how much F*cking therapy you need bloody internet fraudster with your dodgy naval gazing refinement technique for southern softies. I'm off to complain to the f*cking BPS (British Psychological Society) and then I am going to sue your 4sre off, you f*cking looser and then live happily ever after on the ££millions££ of compensation they're going to give me for the emotional damage caused by you, yoyu half cocked part-time brain f*cker-upper, so there.

This ^^ well said.

Well that's gratitude for you isn't it, especially after I offered to help you out with your old boiler :P

Crankbrother

All very well Pina, but there's a schoolboy spelling error ... Kinda dilutes the power of you're diatribe ...

Just saying ...

arran77

Crankbrother wrote:

All very well Pina, but there's a schoolboy spelling error ... Kinda dilutes the power of you're diatribe ...

Just saying ...

Only one spelling error? That's pretty good for him :P

florerider

Dear Auntie Arran

I am worried that Pina keeps linking to threads of girls about the same age as Stevo's daughter.

Should I be worried for him or me?

arran77

florerider wrote:

Dear Auntie Arran

I am worried that Pina keeps linking to threads of girls about the same age as Stevo's daughter.

Should I be worried for him or me?

Dear florerider

Piña is indeed a very worrying case (see my previous advice that he be tagged).

Between you, me and anyone else reading this it wouldn't surprise me if Operation Yew Tree are monitoring his activity right now :shock:

I reckon it's beyond needing to be worried about him and unless you happen to be a 12 year old girl you have nothing to fear either

Stevo_666

I love the way some of Pinno's posts backfire on him so spectacularly. If he didn't need psychiatric treatment before this thread he might well do after