Arran's Agony Aunt Thread

135

Comments

  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,613
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    arran77 wrote:
    Maybe on your gravity assisted ride tomorrow you could send him some pictures to show him what he's missing.
    Bad news on that one - my fellow DH nutter pulled out on account of a twisted ankle and the weather forecast for Cwmcarn is biblical rain for most of the day so I'm canning it. No piccies tomorrow, but we're rebooking for June by which time I'll have 'The Panzer' (it's big, it's bad and it's German :) ) instead of The Bruiser and I can make him even more jealous :D

    Those crudders are a soft bunch. If Noah had come to Scotland and said 'It's going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights', we would have been p1ssing ourselves rolling on the floor laughing.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,947
    No fun = no point going :)

    And as it's so fappin dangerous, DH'ing on your own isn't always the smartest move. Not a problem for softshyte roadies :wink:
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • nathancom
    nathancom Posts: 1,567
    I guess looking like you have gone three rounds with a muck spreader is going to be fun to some people.
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,947
    nathancom wrote:
    I guess looking like you have gone three rounds with a muck spreader is going to be fun to some people.
    Unfortunately you won't get a laugh today on that front - but that's exactly what I would have looked like. Soaked Welsh hillside plus knobbly tyres = muckspreader, just without the nasty smells.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,613
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    nathancom wrote:
    I guess looking like you have gone three rounds with a muck spreader is going to be fun to some people.
    Unfortunately you won't get a laugh today on that front - but that's exactly what I would have looked like. Soaked Welsh hillside plus knobbly tyres = muckspreader, just without the nasty smells.

    I think he's just making up excuses. What he really want's, what he really really want's is to be sat in his bed drinking skinny Frappucino's, listening to the Carpenters box set and reading the latest issue of 'Take a break' tomorrow morning.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,947
    pinarello001 wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    nathancom wrote:
    I guess looking like you have gone three rounds with a muck spreader is going to be fun to some people.
    Unfortunately you won't get a laugh today on that front - but that's exactly what I would have looked like. Soaked Welsh hillside plus knobbly tyres = muckspreader, just without the nasty smells.

    I think he's just making up excuses. What he really want's, what he really really want's is to be sat in his bed drinking skinny Frappucino's, listening to the Carpenters box set and reading the latest issue of 'Take a break' tomorrow morning.
    My invite to come downhilling still stands - and until I sell the Bruiser I've got a spare bike I can lend you :)

    Come and 'ave a go if think you're 'ard enough... :wink:
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,613
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    pinarello001 wrote:
    Stevo 666 wrote:
    nathancom wrote:
    I guess looking like you have gone three rounds with a muck spreader is going to be fun to some people.
    Unfortunately you won't get a laugh today on that front - but that's exactly what I would have looked like. Soaked Welsh hillside plus knobbly tyres = muckspreader, just without the nasty smells.

    I think he's just making up excuses. What he really want's, what he really really want's is to be sat in his bed drinking skinny Frappucino's, listening to the Carpenters box set and reading the latest issue of 'Take a break' tomorrow morning.
    My invite to come downhilling still stands - and until I sell the Bruiser I've got a spare bike I can lend you :)

    Come and 'ave a go if think you're 'ard enough... :wink:

    Yeah sure, bring it with you.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • Stevo_666
    Stevo_666 Posts: 61,947
    I googled 'Stranraer uplift' and was drawing a blank...the mountain (or uplift) won't come to Mohammed so it's a road trip to Wales.

    Anyhow, off up North soon. Play nicely you lot.
    "I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]
  • navrig2
    navrig2 Posts: 1,851
    One of our riding buddies has either worn out his bibs or put on weight. The result is that whenever he is in the drops his crack is on show through the stressed fabric. The choice is to ride out front or put up with the view into oblivion.

    What do you suggest?
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Navrig2 wrote:
    One of our riding buddies has either worn out his bibs or put on weight. The result is that whenever he is in the drops his crack is on show through the stressed fabric. The choice is to ride out front or put up with the view into oblivion.

    What do you suggest?

    Unless you're gay and enjoy looking at mens arse cracks the only acceptable answer here is to ride at the front :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • navrig2
    navrig2 Posts: 1,851
    Navrig2 wrote:
    One of our riding buddies has either worn out his bibs or put on weight. The result is that whenever he is in the drops his crack is on show through the stressed fabric. The choice is to ride out front or put up with the view into oblivion.

    What do you suggest?

    I think he is doing it on purpose. Tomorrow I'll use cling film instead of shorts. That'll sort him.
  • Maxxypriest
    Maxxypriest Posts: 231
    Navrig2 wrote:
    Navrig2 wrote:
    One of our riding buddies has either worn out his bibs or put on weight. The result is that whenever he is in the drops his crack is on show through the stressed fabric. The choice is to ride out front or put up with the view into oblivion.

    What do you suggest?

    I think he is doing it on purpose. Tomorrow I'll use cling film instead of shorts. That'll sort him.

    Hope you dont mean me Navrig2!!
  • simonhead
    simonhead Posts: 1,399
    Dear Arran,

    What shall I have for my dinner, I am torn between Lamb Chops or Surf N Turf?
    Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.
  • navrig2
    navrig2 Posts: 1,851
    Maxxypriest wrote:
    Navrig2 wrote:
    Navrig2 wrote:
    One of our riding buddies has either worn out his bibs or put on weight. The result is that whenever he is in the drops his crack is on show through the stressed fabric. The choice is to ride out front or put up with the view into oblivion.

    What do you suggest?

    I think he is doing it on purpose. Tomorrow I'll use cling film instead of shorts. That'll sort him.

    Hope you dont mean me Navrig2!!

    :D
  • Maxxypriest
    Maxxypriest Posts: 231
    Dear Aunt Arran

    One of our informal cycling group wants us to get "team jerseys" so we are all coordinated and look lovely whilst out on our rides

    We have collectively told him that there's no way we'll agree to it but he's a persistent old duffer and he won't give up

    How can we politely put it that we ain't gonna do so that he doesnt get too hacked off as he's great at making fish curry when have a social event?

    Thanks in advance
  • simonhead
    simonhead Posts: 1,399
    just googled "auntie arran" and it comes up with this

    d296c0_2cb48bd14de3621de0d25e5658f71318.jpg_512

    Feck i am struggling this afternoon.
    Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.
  • navrig2
    navrig2 Posts: 1,851
    Maxxypriest wrote:
    Dear Aunt Arran

    One of our informal cycling group wants us to get "team jerseys" so we are all coordinated and look lovely whilst out on our rides

    We have collectively told him that there's no way we'll agree to it but he's a persistent old duffer and he won't give up

    How can we politely put it that we ain't gonna do so that he doesnt get too hacked off as he's great at making fish curry when have a social event?

    Thanks in advance

    I'll step in here. Sorted:

    121159159724_5.jpg
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    simonhead wrote:
    just googled "auntie arran" and it comes up with this

    d296c0_2cb48bd14de3621de0d25e5658f71318.jpg_512

    Feck i am struggling this afternoon.

    Apparently that's Auntie Robbie with a bloke called Arran :P
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    simonhead wrote:
    Dear Arran,

    What shall I have for my dinner, I am torn between Lamb Chops or Surf N Turf?

    Just eat whatever Mrs Head is cooking :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Maxxypriest wrote:
    Dear Aunt Arran

    One of our informal cycling group wants us to get "team jerseys" so we are all coordinated and look lovely whilst out on our rides

    We have collectively told him that there's no way we'll agree to it but he's a persistent old duffer and he won't give up

    How can we politely put it that we ain't gonna do so that he doesnt get too hacked off as he's great at making fish curry when have a social event?

    Thanks in advance

    Well as Navrig2 has already sourced some jerseys I reckon you need to go for it.

    Alternatively you could do as these young ladies have done and paint jerseys on, assuming you have the chests to pull it off of course :wink:

    208i1if.jpg
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • Maxxypriest
    Maxxypriest Posts: 231
    Navrig2 is actually the guy who I was eluding to Aunt Arran

    I've l certainly got the chebs to pull off a top like that so will look into some pick body paint and revert back in due couse

    Thanks again
  • pesky_jones
    pesky_jones Posts: 2,890
    Arran, I've broken my collarbone and can't walk let alone ride, what should I do??
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Pesky Jones wrote:
    Arran, I've broken my collarbone and can't walk let alone ride, what should I do??

    Is it our w*nking arm? If its not then w*nk lots until you can ride, if it is then learn to w*nk with the other arm until you can ride again. Basically just w*nk lots.
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • pesky_jones
    pesky_jones Posts: 2,890
    That's w@nk advice
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Tosser :P
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • pesky_jones
    pesky_jones Posts: 2,890
    Who said that?
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    Pesky Jones wrote:
    Who said that?

    :lol:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn
  • simonhead
    simonhead Posts: 1,399
    Arran,

    Sort this out for me, i need a "problem" dealt with. I have to take my wife's cousin to the pub keep him entertained for a day whilst he is over from France. He speaks very little English and just sits there looking miserable. She suggested taking him to a museum or similar but the football will be on.

    Can I leave him with you?
    Life isnt like a box of chocolates, its like a bag of pic n mix.
  • Flâneur
    Flâneur Posts: 3,081
    Why not play hide and seek? he can hide you can watch the football and then Arran doesn't do him any lasting damage. Everyone is a winner, except England at a guess

    Dear Arran,

    How should I approach a fashionable looking young lady when wearing lycra
    Stevo 666 wrote: Come on you Scousers! 20/12/2014
    Crudder
    CX
    Toy
  • arran77
    arran77 Posts: 9,260
    simonhead wrote:
    Arran,

    Sort this out for me, i need a "problem" dealt with. I have to take my wife's cousin to the pub keep him entertained for a day whilst he is over from France. He speaks very little English and just sits there looking miserable. She suggested taking him to a museum or similar but the football will be on.

    Can I leave him with you?

    Museums can be very stuffy, I think you'll get away with the pub idea as long as you emphasis to your wife that's it's so her brother can get a real cultural experience :D

    Failing that do as sa0u823e suggests and play hide and seek, then you can accidentally 'loose' him somewhere :wink:
    "Arran, you are like the Tony Benn of smut. You have never diluted your depravity and always stand by your beliefs. You have my respect sir and your wife my pity" :lol:

    seanoconn

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