Arran's Agony Aunt Thread

pinno

Stevo 666 wrote:

I love the way some of Pinno's posts backfire on him so spectacularly. If he didn't need psychiatric treatment before this thread he might well do after

...and you're a tw4t an' all.

Mr Stevo 'Keep your cards very close to your chest' 666, manipulator by day manipulator by night. In fact you're so tight, you squeak when you walk. In Scotland we have an adjective for tight 4rse tw4ts like you - 'Ticht' and you are about as ticht as ticht can be. Maybe the YMCA boys like it ticht but this is a bike forum not some bum scrunching keep it all in, see how ticht I can be, ticht fest.

So there :P

AlexMac1973

Although it has amused me no end reading you all poking a big stick at Pina, can all remind you that he is in the waste disposal business (as was Tony Soprano).

Stevo_666

pinarello001 wrote:

Stevo 666 wrote:

I love the way some of Pinno's posts backfire on him so spectacularly. If he didn't need psychiatric treatment before this thread he might well do after

...and you're a tw4t an' all.

Mr Stevo 'Keep your cards very close to your chest' 666, manipulator by day manipulator by night. In fact you're so tight, you squeak when you walk. In Scotland we have an adjective for tight 4rse tw4ts like you - 'Ticht' and you are about as ticht as ticht can be. Maybe the YMCA boys like it ticht but this is a bike forum not some bum scrunching keep it all in, see how ticht I can be, ticht fest.

So there :P

You really gotta stop smoking that Dutch 'tobacco'

pinno

AlexMac1973 wrote:

Although it has amused me no end reading you all poking a big stick at Pina, can all remind you that he is in the waste disposal business (as was Tony Soprano).

Thanks for your support AM73 but don't worry, I only allow them to live on account of the fact that they provide a little amusement now and again. If they stop being slightly amusing, well, who knows...

pinno

Stevo 666 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

Stevo 666 wrote:

I love the way some of Pinno's posts backfire on him so spectacularly. If he didn't need psychiatric treatment before this thread he might well do after

...and you're a tw4t an' all.

Mr Stevo 'Keep your cards very close to your chest' 666, manipulator by day manipulator by night. In fact you're so tight, you squeak when you walk. In Scotland we have an adjective for tight 4rse tw4ts like you - 'Ticht' and you are about as ticht as ticht can be. Maybe the YMCA boys like it ticht but this is a bike forum not some bum scrunching keep it all in, see how ticht I can be, ticht fest.

So there :P

You really gotta stop smoking that Dutch 'tobacco'

I much prefer African bush.

Stevo_666

pinarello001 wrote:

Stevo 666 wrote:

You really gotta stop smoking that Dutch 'tobacco'

I much prefer African bush.

Watch you don't accidentally slip and get some dung.

pinno

Stevo 666 wrote:

pinarello001 wrote:

Stevo 666 wrote:

You really gotta stop smoking that Dutch 'tobacco'

I much prefer African bush.

Watch you don't accidentally slip and get some dung.

I'll mark 'Buffer bridge' with some white paint.

pinno

Dear Aunty shyty shrink Arran

I seem to have this other problem. Every time I post on the forum (apart from Workshop) this bloke who lives in Bromley posts straight after me.
He's beginning to spook me a little and I also fear he bats for the other side. In fact I know he bats for the other side - he rides mowntayn bykes. What should I do?

P

arran77

Dear Piña

I think your fears are totally irrational, you need to stop repressing your inner urges, mountain bikes are the way to go.

Flâneur

Dear Aunt Arran,

Thank you for the advice, the lady in question when asked should you dunk the teabag, said it is something she thinks can help, however she doesn't really like tea but suggested a Mocha with cream. As far as I can see this a different offer altogether but one that should probably be taken? Your thoughts?

Secondly (I will take advantage as you charge a lot less than my normal therapist) why do I find myself draw to threads such as this. I have to mix with people who ride big clunky bikes and Pina who appears to afraid of a little attention.

Thanks x

arran77

sa0u823e wrote:

Dear Aunt Arran,

Thank you for the advice, the lady in question when asked should you dunk the teabag, said it is something she thinks can help, however she doesn't really like tea but suggested a Mocha with cream. As far as I can see this a different offer altogether but one that should probably be taken? Your thoughts?

Secondly (I will take advantage as you charge a lot less than my normal therapist) why do I find myself draw to threads such as this. I have to mix with people who ride big clunky bikes and Pina who appears to afraid of a little attention.

Thanks x

Dear sa0u823e

Glad that the advice has helped with the young lady. Some people aren't keen on tea bag dunking but if she prefers the idea of a mocha with cream I would take up her offer, I would suggest that the classier option here is to make sure the cream stays in the cup, it can get very messy otherwise.

Bottom bracket certainly is a melting pot for society with some very interesting people, there are however those that you may wish to keep more at arms length, T47 and Mikey for example :shock: Pina is harmless enough despite appearances, he's struggling with his inner mountain bike urges at the moment but Stevo and myself are working to cure this. Why not try talking to him, I think he might like it.

Hope this helps and remember be safe at the coffee shop.

pinno

Run out of punters A77? I know a lampost in Leicester that you could stand under.

arran77

pinarello001 wrote:

Run out of punters A77? I know a lampost in Leicester that you could stand under.

Well your back again aren't you :P

Pituophis

Dear Aunty Arran
Since I've gotten a bit long in the tooth, I find I'm not getting the right kind off attention that I would like to receive from nubile 20 something young ladies (waiting outside their houses is starting to prove problematic too recently!)
Do you think putting a strategically placed sock in my bib shorts will help get me some action at the cake stop tomorrow?

arran77

Pituophis wrote:

Dear Aunty Arran
Since I've gotten a bit long in the tooth, I find I'm not getting the right kind off attention that I would like to receive from nubile 20 something young ladies (waiting outside their houses is starting to prove problematic too recently!)
Do you think putting a strategically placed sock in my bib shorts will help get me some action at the cake stop tomorrow?

Stuffing your bib shorts with socks will certainly get you attention at the cake shop if you're looking for a free cream finger from the young lady, just be sure to make sure the assistant is not male and offering free chocolate rings though.

Stevo_666

Dear aunty arran,

I have a 'friend' who is suffering from paranoia - for some wierd reason he thinks we are stalking him when all we are doing is ripping the p1ss out of him because he deserves it, and he's getting very touchy about it all. How can I persuade him to be less of a caber tosser and to try some witty comebacks instead?

Yours sincerely,

arran77

Stevo 666 wrote:

Dear aunty arran,

I have a 'friend' who is suffering from paranoia - for some wierd reason he thinks we are stalking him when all we are doing is ripping the p1ss out of him becuase he deserves it, and he's getting very touchy about it all. How can I persuade him to be less of a caber tosser and to try some witty comebacks instead?

Yours sincerely,

This is very tricky, it sounds like your friend is rather 'complex', I suspect that their insecurity steams from a deep seated envy of you. It would be best for you to continue as you are and perhaps your friend will eventually see the error of his ways and will hopefully eventually become a worthy adversary for you.

simonhead

Dear Arran,

I went to the pub last night and had a little too much to drink. I topped this with a curry that was a tad hot.

Please can you tell me how to get stains out of bed clothes.

arran77

simonhead wrote:

Dear Arran,

I went to the pub last night and had a little too much to drink. I topped this with a curry that was a tad hot.

Please can you tell me how to get stains out of bed clothes.

You don't say what the stains on the sheets are? This will be critical in deciding how to proceed.

Failing this information being forthcoming I suggest incinerating the sheets and sleeping on newspaper from now on.

Pituophis

arran77 wrote:

Pituophis wrote:

Dear Aunty Arran
Since I've gotten a bit long in the tooth, I find I'm not getting the right kind off attention that I would like to receive from nubile 20 something young ladies (waiting outside their houses is starting to prove problematic too recently!)
Do you think putting a strategically placed sock in my bib shorts will help get me some action at the cake stop tomorrow?

Stuffing your bib shorts with socks will certainly get you attention at the cake shop if you're looking for a free cream finger from the young lady, just be sure to make sure the assistant is not male and offering free chocolate rings though.

Aunty Arran, success!
After something of a protracted fracas, I eventually met a lovely police woman!
She put on the old "frosty act" (as they all do ) but I could tell she was keen as mustard.
I followed her home at a discrete distance once her shift finished, and now all I have to do is bump... persuade her current fella that he's no longer in the picture and she will be powerless to resist my charms.
Couldn't have done it without you. :oops:

florerider

Dear aunty Arran

I have a friend who works for the police in Manchester. He is unaware that some one else is socking it to his other half. I am worried he may be banished to some distant isle. Should I tell him? I would not like him to find his arm cut off as they try to remove his wedding ring.

arran77

florerider wrote:

Dear aunty Arran

I have a friend who works for the police in Manchester. He is unaware that some one else is socking it to his other half. I am worried he may be banished to some distant isle. Should I tell him? I would not like him to find his arm cut off as they try to remove his wedding ring.

Interesting!!!

I would suggest that you leave it to Juliet Bravo to decide who's truncheon she prefers, anyway if your friend is a proper plod then he'll no doubt frame this new man up for kiddy fiddling or something

florerider

He has just taken up track racing so might go round in circles a bit before working it out.

Pituophis

Arran
It seems the policewoman in question is less keen than I imagined, and did not appreciate me wooing her from the tree in the back garden. She saw no plus side to the binoculars.
What would you recommend for multiple German shepherd bites?

arran77

Pituophis wrote:

Arran
It seems the policewoman in question is less keen than I imagined, and did not appreciate me wooing her from the tree in the back garden. She saw no plus side to the binoculars.
What would you recommend for multiple German shepherd bites?

Maybe stalking her from the back garden was not the best idea but chapeau for trying it, he who dares 'an all

As for German Sheperds, I suggest using one of these in future....



For dealing with existing bites I suggest these....

secretsam

Dear Auntie Arran

Despite much sweaty effort, I still have an ar53 the size of Ben Nevis, which can swallow saddles whole.

Do you think red shorts would draw attention towards or away from it?

arran77

SecretSam wrote:

Dear Auntie Arran

Despite much sweaty effort, I still have an ar53 the size of Ben Nevis, which can swallow saddles whole.

Do you think red shorts would draw attention towards or away from it?

Dear SecretSam

I think Lycra is a bad thing unless you happen to look like this.....



On the off chance that you do look like that I say go for it, if not avoid the tight stuff unless you want to look like this......

Stevo_666

Dear Aunty Arran,

My paranoid 'friend' really wants to buy my bike but he can't bring himself to say that he does. He's an out of the closet lycra wearer but I suspect he wants to swing the other way and needs a real man's bike to do it.

How do I get him to go with his inner urges?

arran77

Stevo 666 wrote:

Dear Aunty Arran,

My paranoid 'friend' really wants to buy my bike but he can't bring himself to say that he does. He's an out of the closet lycra wearer but I suspect he wants to swing the other way and needs a real man's bike to do it.

How do I get him to go with his inner urges?

Dear Stevo,

You're friend is quite clearly in denial but as you say he just can't quite admit his true feelings, very much a case of cutting off ones nose :roll:

Maybe on your gravity assisted ride tomorrow you could send him some pictures to show him what he's missing.

If this all fails at least you'll be a happy crudder but your friend will always just be a miserable roadie.

Stevo_666

arran77 wrote:

Maybe on your gravity assisted ride tomorrow you could send him some pictures to show him what he's missing.

Bad news on that one - my fellow DH nutter pulled out on account of a twisted ankle and the weather forecast for Cwmcarn is biblical rain for most of the day so I'm canning it. No piccies tomorrow, but we're rebooking for June by which time I'll have 'The Panzer' (it's big, it's bad and it's German ) instead of The Bruiser and I can make him even more jealous