Seemingly trivial things that cheer you up

1…322323325327328…413

Comments

  • Jezyboy
    Jezyboy Posts: 3,605
    Having bullying at the school is different from children having to change schools due to it.

  • Pross
    Pross Posts: 43,463
    rick_chasey said:

    focuszing723 said:

    rick_chasey said:

    I am clearly an easy target for bullies but I literally have never been to any school or institution without bullies and without being bullied in some way or other.

    It's part of life. It's important to know how to handle it and how to react in the right way, as it's very easy to react in the wrong way.

    Out of Interest, how do you react In the right way. Laugh it off, make them laugh?

    Standup must be pretty brutal.
    Entirely depends on the context and the situation, but I guess the main thing is to not take it personally and let it get you down, and recognise that people bully out of their own issues and not really to do with you - you're just the easiest target at that moment for whatever reason.

    What if you are one of those people who does let it get you down to the point where you start harming yourself or taking your own life or one of those who snaps and takes disproportionate action? I wonder how many high school shootings in the US felt that was the way to react to bullying?

    Workplace bullying is very different to bullying in school in my experience. Oddly, my experience of it in the workplace filled me more with dread making me feel more physically ill and reluctant to go to bed at night because it brought the next day sooner. In school the bigger worry was that it wouild get physical (which it somehow never really did) and the loneliness it causes when you're the target for everyone including those who were previously your best friends. No-one should have to put up with it in either environment and the idea that the one prepares you for the other is off the mark because of how different the dynamics are. Basically you're talking nonsense.
  • focuszing723
    focuszing723 Posts: 8,151
    Pross said:

    rick_chasey said:

    focuszing723 said:

    rick_chasey said:

    I am clearly an easy target for bullies but I literally have never been to any school or institution without bullies and without being bullied in some way or other.

    It's part of life. It's important to know how to handle it and how to react in the right way, as it's very easy to react in the wrong way.

    Out of Interest, how do you react In the right way. Laugh it off, make them laugh?

    Standup must be pretty brutal.
    Entirely depends on the context and the situation, but I guess the main thing is to not take it personally and let it get you down, and recognise that people bully out of their own issues and not really to do with you - you're just the easiest target at that moment for whatever reason.

    What if you are one of those people who does let it get you down to the point where you start harming yourself or taking your own life or one of those who snaps and takes disproportionate action? I wonder how many high school shootings in the US felt that was the way to react to bullying?

    Workplace bullying is very different to bullying in school in my experience. Oddly, my experience of it in the workplace filled me more with dread making me feel more physically ill and reluctant to go to bed at night because it brought the next day sooner. In school the bigger worry was that it wouild get physical (which it somehow never really did) and the loneliness it causes when you're the target for everyone including those who were previously your best friends. No-one should have to put up with it in either environment and the idea that the one prepares you for the other is off the mark because of how different the dynamics are.     Basically you're talking nonsense.
    Oi, stop bulling Rick I won't have it!
  • Jezyboy
    Jezyboy Posts: 3,605
    Pross said:

    rick_chasey said:

    focuszing723 said:

    rick_chasey said:

    I am clearly an easy target for bullies but I literally have never been to any school or institution without bullies and without being bullied in some way or other.

    It's part of life. It's important to know how to handle it and how to react in the right way, as it's very easy to react in the wrong way.

    Out of Interest, how do you react In the right way. Laugh it off, make them laugh?

    Standup must be pretty brutal.
    Entirely depends on the context and the situation, but I guess the main thing is to not take it personally and let it get you down, and recognise that people bully out of their own issues and not really to do with you - you're just the easiest target at that moment for whatever reason.

    What if you are one of those people who does let it get you down to the point where you start harming yourself or taking your own life or one of those who snaps and takes disproportionate action? I wonder how many high school shootings in the US felt that was the way to react to bullying?

    Workplace bullying is very different to bullying in school in my experience. Oddly, my experience of it in the workplace filled me more with dread making me feel more physically ill and reluctant to go to bed at night because it brought the next day sooner. In school the bigger worry was that it wouild get physical (which it somehow never really did) and the loneliness it causes when you're the target for everyone including those who were previously your best friends. No-one should have to put up with it in either environment and the idea that the one prepares you for the other is off the mark because of how different the dynamics are. Basically you're talking nonsense.
    I guess it's just different for everyone, but, this was my experience (for a very brief time) at school. Never concerned about it turning violent as it was taking place in a lesson.
  • orraloon
    orraloon Posts: 13,228
    Changing the subject Mr Taylor...

    Watching, on catch up, the women's Brugge - De Panne. There's a Rodney on his bike on the cycle path and as the lead group on the road come up level he tries to accelerate and promptly loses the front wheel and trashes.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,324
    rick_chasey said:

    pinno said:

    Jezyboy said:

    I'd recommend working in an industry with fewer knobheads tbh.

    But he is one of them. I recommend he doesn't.
    Like I said, bullying is a feature everywhere, even on this thread, so let's not pretend hiding away from it will make it go away.
    But the person in the office or the playground does not have a choice.
    On a forum, you can leave, not reply, not get into a discussion where you think you may be on the receiving end of abuse.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • rjsterry
    rjsterry Posts: 29,556
    rick_chasey said:

    lol if heads of school had to leave their jobs because they had bad bullying in their school, there wouldn't be any heads of school. Don't be so naïve.

    And you wonder why people get fed up with trying to have a conversation with you. There's plenty of options before you get to people losing jobs. Of the three schools my two have attended there's variation in how well they have dealt with situations but another world compared with attitudes in my childhood.
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Part of the anti-growth coalition
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 75,661
    I can only talk about my own experience but I can confidently say I have never seen anyone in authority do anything effective about bullying or straight up violence.

    Whether that’s people beating me up most days at school, or kicking the sh!t out of me and putting fags on on my chest outside of school because I grassed them up, no teacher did anything. They were troubled boys apparently. No sh!t.

    Whether it’s my boss balling me out because my wife wasn’t chatty enough at the Xmas party and docking my “bonus” as a result (because it came out of his own pay) or my other boss who drew a big cartoon arse with legs and wings and stuck it on my monitor and called me the flying butt monkey for the rest of my time there.

    Or it’s another boss’ son deliberately telling me the wrong times for morning client meetings and then using that to ball me out in front of the rest of the office when I turned up at the “wrong” time. Or calling me “f@cking lazy” over and over because I didn’t make the calls he said he would make.

    Or it’s the police who did nothing when I got pushed off my bike by someone leaning out of a car window and pushing cyclists off which damaged my hip ligaments. Or when I got annoyed a driver clipped me with his wing mirror and he pushed me off and kicked me on the ground > the witness who helped me didn’t come forward because he didn’t want the hassle.

    So my own experience makes it blatantly clear to me that in most instances it won’t be stopped so you need to learn strategies to deal with it. No one else is gonna do it for you. As much as you hope they will.

    In the real world no one will look out for you when the sh!t hits the fan so for your own mental resilience its good practice to work out how you’re gonna handle it without blowing up your own life.
    _
  • focuszing723
    focuszing723 Posts: 8,151
    rjsterry said:

    rick_chasey said:

    lol if heads of school had to leave their jobs because they had bad bullying in their school, there wouldn't be any heads of school. Don't be so naïve.

    And you wonder why people get fed up with trying to have a conversation with you. There's plenty of options before you get to people losing jobs. Of the three schools my two have attended there's variation in how well they have dealt with situations but another world compared with attitudes in my childhood.
    And, and he eats horses.
  • focuszing723
    focuszing723 Posts: 8,151
    Thread title, things to cheer you up!
  • focuszing723
    focuszing723 Posts: 8,151
    Packet of peanuts, yum.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,324
    focuszing723 said:

    Packet of peanuts, yum.

    Not popcorn?
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • focuszing723
    focuszing723 Posts: 8,151
    pinno said:

    focuszing723 said:

    Packet of peanuts, yum.

    Not popcorn?
    Yep, nice bit of popcorn too.
  • pinno
    pinno Posts: 52,324
    rick_chasey said:

    I can only talk about my own experience but I can confidently say I have never seen anyone in authority do anything effective about bullying or straight up violence.

    Whether that’s people beating me up most days at school, or kicking the sh!t out of me and putting fags on on my chest outside of school because I grassed them up, no teacher did anything. They were troubled boys apparently. No sh!t.

    Whether it’s my boss balling me out because my wife wasn’t chatty enough at the Xmas party and docking my “bonus” as a result (because it came out of his own pay) or my other boss who drew a big cartoon censored with legs and wings and stuck it on my monitor and called me the flying butt monkey for the rest of my time there.

    Or it’s another boss’ son deliberately telling me the wrong times for morning client meetings and then using that to ball me out in front of the rest of the office when I turned up at the “wrong” time. Or calling me “f@cking lazy” over and over because I didn’t make the calls he said he would make.

    Or it’s the police who did nothing when I got pushed off my bike by someone leaning out of a car window and pushing cyclists off which damaged my hip ligaments. Or when I got annoyed a driver clipped me with his wing mirror and he pushed me off and kicked me on the ground > the witness who helped me didn’t come forward because he didn’t want the hassle.

    So my own experience makes it blatantly clear to me that in most instances it won’t be stopped so you need to learn strategies to deal with it. No one else is gonna do it for you. As much as you hope they will.

    In the real world no one will look out for you when the sh!t hits the fan so for your own mental resilience its good practice to work out how you’re gonna handle it without blowing up your own life.

    I have every sympathy with your experiences but it does not make that behaviour acceptable.
    And 'they will just have to deal with it' is not the correct recourse.

    So, because no one stood up for you then people who get bullied should just have to take it on the chin as that's 'just life'. This is not an acceptable attitude.
    seanoconn - gruagach craic!
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 75,661
    edited March 2023
    Well what happens when no one sticks up for you? What you gonna do?

    You have to rely on yourself.

    I’m not saying that’s how it should be, but that is the reality of life.
    _
  • Jezyboy
    Jezyboy Posts: 3,605
    Mental resilience is a toughie. I'm not really sure it's some trainable skill tbh.
  • rjsterry
    rjsterry Posts: 29,556
    edited March 2023
    rick_chasey said:

    I can only talk about my own experience but I can confidently say I have never seen anyone in authority do anything effective about bullying or straight up violence.

    Whether that’s people beating me up most days at school, or kicking the sh!t out of me and putting fags on on my chest outside of school because I grassed them up, no teacher did anything. They were troubled boys apparently. No sh!t.

    Whether it’s my boss balling me out because my wife wasn’t chatty enough at the Xmas party and docking my “bonus” as a result (because it came out of his own pay) or my other boss who drew a big cartoon censored with legs and wings and stuck it on my monitor and called me the flying butt monkey for the rest of my time there.

    Or it’s another boss’ son deliberately telling me the wrong times for morning client meetings and then using that to ball me out in front of the rest of the office when I turned up at the “wrong” time. Or calling me “f@cking lazy” over and over because I didn’t make the calls he said he would make.

    Or it’s the police who did nothing when I got pushed off my bike by someone leaning out of a car window and pushing cyclists off which damaged my hip ligaments. Or when I got annoyed a driver clipped me with his wing mirror and he pushed me off and kicked me on the ground > the witness who helped me didn’t come forward because he didn’t want the hassle.

    So my own experience makes it blatantly clear to me that in most instances it won’t be stopped so you need to learn strategies to deal with it. No one else is gonna do it for you. As much as you hope they will.

    In the real world no one will look out for you when the sh!t hits the fan so for your own mental resilience its good practice to work out how you’re gonna handle it without blowing up your own life.

    Like I said. Schools today, at least the good ones, are a different world from your or my direct experience. The good ones really do take it seriously and stamp it out.

    Sadly the fact that schools of our childhood treating it as trivial means that there are a lot people still floating around who still believe the nonsense that it's character building. The Met seems to have gone out of its way to hire them.

    Small businesses are also vulnerable to tolerating bullying because very often there is no other person in authority to speak to and it's entirely reliant on the character of the director. There's plenty of rumours flying around my industry about who is an absolute sh*t to work for and there's still a macho, 'didn't do me any harm' culture. That culture is set from the top and if it's tolerated it's the boss's fault.

    So yes, it's very far from a job done but there is absolutely nothing good that comes out of accepting it as just one of those things.
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Part of the anti-growth coalition
  • rjsterry
    rjsterry Posts: 29,556
    focuszing723 said:

    Thread title, things to cheer you up!

    Well... that there are businesses and organisations that take prevention of bullying seriously.
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Part of the anti-growth coalition
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 75,661
    No one is saying “it didn’t do me any harm”.

    I’m saying when the chips are down no one will help so you should know how to handle it.

    And I don’t really know how they stamp it out. Even the excluded kids would just wait outside my house and kick my head in then.
    _
  • TheBigBean
    TheBigBean Posts: 21,917
    rick_chasey said:

    Well what happens when no one sticks up for you? What you gonna do?

    You have to rely on yourself.

    I’m not saying that’s how it should be, but that is the reality of life.

    I'm sure you will ignore this and call me a patronising arse, but I think you need to work through your experiences and try to reach a different conclusion. Right now, it sounds pretty unhealthy. I know in any other context (eg domestic violence or rape) you would not be saying "that's life, get over it". In this context, you were the victim, but you are moving towards being unable to recognise other victims.
  • Jezyboy
    Jezyboy Posts: 3,605
    No, no one is saying it didn't do me any harm...someone seems to be saying it did them good!
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 75,661
    edited March 2023
    TheBigBean said:

    rick_chasey said:

    Well what happens when no one sticks up for you? What you gonna do?

    You have to rely on yourself.

    I’m not saying that’s how it should be, but that is the reality of life.

    I'm sure you will ignore this and call me a patronising censored , but I think you need to work through your experiences and try to reach a different conclusion. Right now, it sounds pretty unhealthy. I know in any other context (eg domestic violence or rape) you would not be saying "that's life, get over it". In this context, you were the victim, but you are moving towards being unable to recognise other victims.
    No but I think plenty of women would recognise that relying on the police isn’t going to stop it or help them , right?
    _
  • webboo
    webboo Posts: 6,087
    Is it possible that the things you have experienced in life and how you view them, just might be the reason why you appear unable to see anyone else’s point of view.
  • rick_chasey
    rick_chasey Posts: 75,661
    edited March 2023
    webboo said:

    Is it possible that the things you have experienced in life and how you view them, just might be the reason why you appear unable to see anyone else’s point of view.

    Sure. I don’t think dismissing my experience as annoying to your point is helpful either.

    I think, in general rather than bullying specifically, it’s important to learn to handle sh!t on your own and not rely on authority or anyone else to help. If it is there to help, great.

    Sure, working in a team with help is great and wonderful. But when it gets bad you’re on your own and it’s helpful to be equipped for it.

    I’m sure this is why now I’m a one man line of business at work I’m much happier.
    _
  • webboo
    webboo Posts: 6,087
    rick_chasey said:

    webboo said:

    Is it possible that the things you have experienced in life and how you view them, just might be the reason why you appear unable to see anyone else’s point of view.

    Sure. I don’t think dismissing my experience as annoying to your point is helpful either.

    I think, in general rather than bullying specifically, it’s important to learn to handle sh!t on your own and not rely on authority or anyone else to help. If it is there to help, great.

    Sure, working in a team with help is great and wonderful. But when it gets bad you’re on your own and it’s helpful to be equipped for it.

    I’m sure this is why now I’m a one man line of business at work I’m much happier.
    I’m pretty sure I have not said anything about anyone being annoying.
  • webboo
    webboo Posts: 6,087
    Now this is a generalisation.
    People who have been in domestic abusive relationships when in new non abusive relationship often feel the need to test because their past experiences tell them that they will be abused at some point.
  • orraloon
    orraloon Posts: 13,228
    Jings this thread is deffo gone cheerful.
  • N0bodyOfTheGoat
    N0bodyOfTheGoat Posts: 6,057
    More time for outdoor evening rides in daylight from Sunday, woohoo! :D
    ================
    2020 Voodoo Marasa
    2017 Cube Attain GTC Pro Disc 2016
    2016 Voodoo Wazoo
  • rjsterry
    rjsterry Posts: 29,556
    rick_chasey said:

    TheBigBean said:

    rick_chasey said:

    Well what happens when no one sticks up for you? What you gonna do?

    You have to rely on yourself.

    I’m not saying that’s how it should be, but that is the reality of life.

    I'm sure you will ignore this and call me a patronising censored , but I think you need to work through your experiences and try to reach a different conclusion. Right now, it sounds pretty unhealthy. I know in any other context (eg domestic violence or rape) you would not be saying "that's life, get over it". In this context, you were the victim, but you are moving towards being unable to recognise other victims.
    No but I think plenty of women would recognise that relying on the police isn’t going to stop it or help them , right?
    In which case the thing that needs fixing is the police and the abusers; not a better coping strategy.
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Part of the anti-growth coalition
  • Pross
    Pross Posts: 43,463
    It’s quite ironic that Rick is taking the stiff upper lip, moral fibre stance on this more associated with Boomers and us oldies are the snowflakes

Categories