Dumbest thing you've heard in a bike shop

tim_wand

Frank the tank wrote:

tim wand wrote:

Frank the tank wrote:

tim wand wrote:

Spotty Youth/ Shop rep in Halfords Newark. Came up to me whilst I was giving a Carrera Virago a cursory look.

"Its the same bike as the bloke who won the tour rode"

Me Trying not to choke with Laughter "And is the Victoria Pendleton one the same as she rides at the olympics?"

Him "No thats Carbon, we dont do that one".

Genius!!!!!!!!!

You do realise though Tim, NEWARK is a anagram of W@NKER.

I Was obviously talking about my recent trip to Newark USA where the new Halfords Pilot store is, hence the lack of staff Knowledge.

I personally live in Newark on Trent and its rite posh I ll have you know. I ll fight anyone for a caravan and a dawg who disagrees.

For some reason I thought you resided in Farndon?

Yer like I said Frank the posh part of Newark on Trent. Your just sore cause they did the yellows in the league last week.

Monty Dog

tim wand wrote:

I Was obviously talking about my recent trip to Newark USA where the new Halfords Pilot store is, hence the lack of staff Knowledge.

Hard to believe, but I'd rather spend a night out in Newark, Notts than Newark, Noo-joisey - scared the bejesus out of me the night I took the subway from Grand Central out to Elizabeth as I was staying near the airport - I was the only white guy in town. If you look carefully, it does feature in the titles of The Sopranos - but an offramp on the NJ turnpike is about as close as anyone would want to get..

satnavsteve

"we can't let you take a test ride because it was raining earlier"
Edinburgh Cycle Co-Op - Edinburgh Branch

I'd travelled 80 miles. The roads had dried. I spent my hard earned, long saved money elsewhere. Lots of it.

Frank the tank

satnavsteve wrote:

"we can't let you take a test ride because it was raining earlier"
Edinburgh Cycle Co-Op - Edinburgh Branch

I'd travelled 80 miles. The roads had dried. I spent my hard earned, long saved money elsewhere. Lots of it.

Was it a carbon fibre bike as it's well documented they melt if they contact water.

Frank the tank

tim wand wrote:

Frank the tank wrote:

tim wand wrote:

Frank the tank wrote:

tim wand wrote:

Spotty Youth/ Shop rep in Halfords Newark. Came up to me whilst I was giving a Carrera Virago a cursory look.

"Its the same bike as the bloke who won the tour rode"

Me Trying not to choke with Laughter "And is the Victoria Pendleton one the same as she rides at the olympics?"

Him "No thats Carbon, we dont do that one".

Genius!!!!!!!!!

You do realise though Tim, NEWARK is a anagram of W@NKER.

The "yellows" lose to everyone these days.



I Was obviously talking about my recent trip to Newark USA where the new Halfords Pilot store is, hence the lack of staff Knowledge.

I personally live in Newark on Trent and its rite posh I ll have you know. I ll fight anyone for a caravan and a dawg who disagrees.

For some reason I thought you resided in Farndon?

Yer like I said Frank the posh part of Newark on Trent. Your just sore cause they did the yellows in the league last week.

APIII

"Those wheels look really heavy". My wife pointing at some deep section carbon wheels.

mouth

In Evans a few days ago (the bike shop, not the clothes shop for fat birds) and the kids response to "is this a good bike for commuting on every day" was "yeah, they're ideal"

http://www.evanscycles.com/products/qui ... e-ec034632

I'm not sure if he knew I was taking the piss when I asked.

cougie

LBS near us sold my averagely sized 13 year old pal a 25 1/4 inch frame - with the wise advice "he'll grow into it."

He never did.

Same shop also banned me as I'd taken a dynamo back to them that wasnt working. "You didnt tell us you'd opened the headlamp" - that's where the bloody manufacturers had thoughtfully secreted the instruction leaflet.
He's lost out on thousands of pounds of business to me. And he's dead now. So don't cross me !! ;-)

Smokin Joe

I went into Rory'O Brians in Romford about twelve years ago to buy something stupid like brake blocks or a tube, whatever it was it cost no more than a few quid. Whilst admiring a Veloce equipped Cannondale CAAD 2 he had on display I found my mouth opening of it's own accord and a strange voice coming out with the words, "I'll have that". It was like an uncontrollable out of body experience.

Did that lead to a domestic confrontation when I got home.

tim_wand

Smokin Joe wrote:

I went into Rory'O Brians in Romford about twelve years ago to buy something stupid like brake blocks or a tube, whatever it was it cost no more than a few quid. Whilst admiring a Veloce equipped Cannondale CAAD 2 he had on display I found my mouth opening of it's own accord and a strange voice coming out with the words, "I'll have that". It was like an uncontrollable out of body experience.

Did that lead to a domestic confrontation when I got home.

Caad 2, Fond memories coming back of when I had teeth and functioning testicles. Just before I brought a Caad 2 and "Upgraded to a Caad3" and had both rattled out by the stiffness and fine british road surfaces.

pinno

Phew, this is a long one - go get yourself a cuppa !

Years ago (and I was green and new to this cycling/lycra mallarchy), went into a shop called Bowies cycles. I wanted to replace the standard axles on my standard bike with hollow axles so that I could fit quick release skewers because going on a club run and getting a puncture was a hassle. I did not have much money at all.
The reply was 'Oh no, you don't want them. All the wheels are held on by is a thin fragile pin, they break easy' !!! 27 years later and I have yet to meet a roadie who has broken a skewer whilst out riding.

Same c*nt 1993 - Wanted the cluster taken off a set of Mavic MA2's on Chorus hubs so that I could send the hubs to Cornwall to be rebuilt on to a pair of MA40's with swiss DB spokes. I did not have the cluster removal tool. Came back to the shop and he told me "£15 pounds please". What, I said 15 quid ?! He siad "Yes, I trued the wheels, gave the cogs a clean up and put it back on".
I told him, I didn't need that done as the wheels were going away to be re-built. He insisted they didn't need rebuilding despite the MA2 rims being totally worn.
Worse was to come because once I did get the wheels back from Cornwall, the back hub bearings went after 200 miles. As far as I can make out, the silly fokker must have contaminated the bearings in the process of taking the spindle out so that he could insert the removal tool. He denied all responsibility and when I forced my way into his workshop area, the place was a greasy, dark and filthy place. He still denied it. I know those bearings were A1 before the build.
To this day, I still give him screwy looks and I bet he doesn't know why.

Bowie Cycles, Stranraer - do not go there in any circumstance. I have not used a cycle shop for a repair since 1997 after bending the rear chainstay in a spill and Mike in Cheltenham straightened it out for zilch. Cheers Mike, pity you left.

natrix

Six years ago I bought a brand spanking new specialised mountain bike from a shop that I'll call 'Berkshire cycles in Crowthorne'. I also bought a matching bottle cage and they insisted on fitting it whilst they gave the bike a final check over. When I went back to collect it, they handed the bike over with a cheery "It's in tip-top condition that bike, tip-top".

I didn't have the heart to tell the daft b*ggar that he'd fitted the bottle cage upside down

Dmak

natrix wrote:

Six years ago I bought a brand spanking new specialised mountain bike from a shop that I'll call 'Berkshire cycles in Crowthorne'. I also bought a matching bottle cage and they insisted on fitting it whilst they gave the bike a final check over. When I went back to collect it, they handed the bike over with a cheery "It's in tip-top condition that bike, tip-top".

I didn't have the heart to tell the daft b*ggar that he'd fitted the bottle cage upside down

Nice enough shop, great prices but the workshop tribe don't give a s**t, or don't know how to.

beverick

Evans, Castleford, some years ago now:

Shop assistant: "You need a new chainset, the middle chainring's badly warn. If you look you can see that the teeth are all different sizes."
Me: "It's brand new. The teeth are like that by design."

In one of the Leeds Halfords stores:

"Hmm. The seat post is quite loose. We can't repair it but we do have a brand new Carrera here for £90 if you're interested?"

Me, every time I go into a bike shop:

"Do you have a replacement XXX, spare YYY or new ZZZ?"
The answer, irrespective of what part I require, is usually "No. You'll have to order one online"

Bob

Hoopdriver

Monty Dog wrote:

tim wand wrote:

I Was obviously talking about my recent trip to Newark USA where the new Halfords Pilot store is, hence the lack of staff Knowledge.

Hard to believe, but I'd rather spend a night out in Newark, Notts than Newark, Noo-joisey - scared the bejesus out of me the night I took the subway from Grand Central out to Elizabeth as I was staying near the airport - I was the only white guy in town. If you look carefully, it does feature in the titles of The Sopranos - but an offramp on the NJ turnpike is about as close as anyone would want to get..

You did take the scenic route, didn't you?

NWLondoner

Fudges Cycles Manager

"I'm sorry but we don't have to take these wheels back as we don't normally keep these in stock"

Me

I purchased these online so they are covered by distance Selling Act

thistle_

LBS at the bottom of my road:

Me: Do you sell mech hangers?
LBS: No, they're all different so you're best ordering one off the internet.

Me: Do you have any cheap chainsets? I'm building a singlespeed.
LBS: No we don't sell chainsets, you're best ordering one off the internet.

The last two times I've been in there's been a different chap there and I've managed to buy a bolt and some DOT 5 fluid (MTB) from them so they might've worked out how to make money now.

I went to another LBS when I wore out a pivot on my MTB. They didn't have any in stock so the guy measured it for me and told me to order one online from TF Tuned "because that's what we will do and add our 10% markup to it".

At least the shops around here are honest.

appletrees

Halfords in Clacton, where for the avoidance of doubt, I was buying car cleaning stuff...

Halfords fat bloke to customer: "It's a 9 speed, that means it's got 3 at the front and 6 at the back"

I gave the customer an "oh it does does it look"

Customer asked what chain it would need...

Halfords fat bloke spends somewhere in the region of an eternity looking at the very small range of chains on offer, pointing vaguely in the direction of one marked 7/8 speed, but not really wishing to commit.

I pointed customer to 6 speed chain, which was marked "6 speed" in what I considered to be quite large letters and also in english.

Customer rolled eyes at fat bloke and I suspect went to a proper shop.


Also Halfords, but Colchester and again not to me:

"It's got box section rims. This means the tyre can go inside the rim when you bump up a kerb so that you don't get a puncture".

Genius. Absolute genius.

doublem_1

appletrees wrote:

Halfords in Clacton, where for the avoidance of doubt, I was buying car cleaning stuff...

Halfords fat bloke to customer: "It's a 9 speed, that means it's got 3 at the front and 6 at the back"

I gave the customer an "oh it does does it look"

Customer asked what chain it would need...

Halfords fat bloke spends somewhere in the region of an eternity looking at the very small range of chains on offer, pointing vaguely in the direction of one marked 7/8 speed, but not really wishing to commit.

I pointed customer to 6 speed chain, which was marked "6 speed" in what I considered to be quite large letters and also in english.

Customer rolled eyes at fat bloke and I suspect went to a proper shop.


Also Halfords, but Colchester and again not to me:

"It's got box section rims. This means the tyre can go inside the rim when you bump up a kerb so that you don't get a puncture".

Genius. Absolute genius.

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading these experiences. And I always knew that Halfords will claim the top spot for dumb employees. Almost ashamed to of worked at Halfords, albeit on the car side, in my college years.

snoopsmydogg

while building a budget mtb i went to a lbs to get a set of 8 speed shifters and some spd's

oh sir you dont want them, everyone is on 10 speed now. Why dont you just buy a new bike? we have one on offer for £600.

Now I think it's fine to try and upsell but he wouldn't even sell me the 8 speed kit I wanted even though I could see them on display.

Thinking it may be a one off I went back for a new chainset and BB.

well sir I can do you deore for £xx and would there be anything else?

told him i would like a new 1 1/8 cap and stubby bar ends. So after answering why I wanted bar ends in the first place he asked if I could come back in 3 hours because the top cap was in the back room and he couldnt be bothered to go and get it.

Not really dumb things to have heard just a dumb shop owner/assistant? lord knows how they actually make money unless they are selling brand new bikes all day every day.

Initialised

"No we don't have one in stock but we can order it in for next week."

I came in an actual shop because I need it now, if I wanted next week I could go online, pay less and get a few free sachets of energy gel thrown in for free.

pinno

Initialised wrote:

"No we don't have one in stock but we can order it in for next week."

I came in an actual shop because I need it now, if I wanted next week I could go online, pay less and get a few free sachets of energy gel thrown in for free.

Yep, dodgy energy drink from Wiggle. Gave me a bleedin stomach ache and I went backwards. I can, I have and I will blame Wiggle.

symo

This is a Trek or Specialized, best bikes money can buy, they are all handmade you know.
Me : Really?

I have heard this a few times. At a few shops, where I tend to drift out as soon as is possible.

D@VE

Local bike shop Owner : Can I help
Me : Yes I'm thinking of up grading my wheels.
LBSO : Have a look a these.
Me : Those rims look different.(They had a deeper section every two spokes).
LBSO : Yes watch this (He spins two wheels side by side,the other a standard cheap wheel).
This wheel will spin for ages longer because of the pendulum affect of the rim!
Me : Oh nothing to do with the better bearings then?
LBSO : Errr
LBS Assistant in the back : Snigger.

stigofthedump

In the Bicycle Doctor in Manchester, a cycling cooperative and cracking shop. Local youth comes in to have a puncture fixed. They offer to sell him a tube, but he says he doesn't know how to fit it. While he is waiting he asks if they could give him a job.

Initialised

At Ride in Newacastle

Me: So what kind of riding do you do?
Staff: Oh anything but road

It's true, I sometimes see him heading the other direction, always on the pavement... on a road bike :rolleyes:

canbakay

got into a bet with a mechanic at a certain auto parts store that sells bikes:

when I asked to see the small sized spanners behind the glass, he asked what for, i said to adjust my seatpost/saddle.
something something about no bike would ever require a spanner for its saddle.
ended up with a free spanner...

wrong size.

CiB

Brother-in-law told me this.

Took his bike back to a well know national chain (good 'eavens, who could it be?) with a hairline fracture on the top tube. It's a nice bike but nothing daft - cost him about £1750 last year, a bit of carbon, bit of alloy, decent spec Shimano cogs; near to the bottom end of where nice bikes really start. The man in the shop peers at it meaningfully and then announces that yes it is cracked, but it's not a good idea to use a bike like this as the regular day to day bike, it's intended for weekend runs and club rides, that sort of thing. "After all" he says, pausing for effect - "you wouldn't drive a Ferrari to work and back every day would you?" BiL steps back and asks what on earth he means. Ferrari? Bradley's £10,000 worth of carbon stupidity is the Ferrari of the bike world. This at a push is a Porsche Boxter, nothing more.

The Coup de grace - "well maybe so, but it's the harmonic resonances you see. Using it on a daily basis for longish distances set up vibrations at specific frequencies and that can lead to this sort of fracture." Chortle chortle. Really?

So don't buy half decent budget bikes from errr.. that sort of shop, not if you intend to use it on a regular basis to go further than the shops. It'll harmonically resonate itself to bits, being as it is a biking equivalent of a Ferrari.

redvee

CiB wrote:

Brother-in-law told me this.

Took his bike back to a well know national chain (good 'eavens, who could it be?) with a hairline fracture on the top tube. It's a nice bike but nothing daft - cost him about £1750 last year, a bit of carbon, bit of alloy, decent spec Shimano cogs; near to the bottom end of where nice bikes really start. The man in the shop peers at it meaningfully and then announces that yes it is cracked, but it's not a good idea to use a bike like this as the regular day to day bike, it's intended for weekend runs and club rides, that sort of thing. "After all" he says, pausing for effect - "you wouldn't drive a Ferrari to work and back every day would you?" BiL steps back and asks what on earth he means. Ferrari? Bradley's £10,000 worth of carbon stupidity is the Ferrari of the bike world. This at a push is a Porsche Boxter, nothing more.

The Coup de grace - "well maybe so, but it's the harmonic resonances you see. Using it on a daily basis for longish distances set up vibrations at specific frequencies and that can lead to this sort of fracture." Chortle chortle. Really?

So don't buy half decent budget bikes from errr.. that sort of shop, not if you intend to use it on a regular basis to go further than the shops. It'll harmonically resonate itself to bits, being as it is a biking equivalent of a Ferrari.

That'll create a buzz in the bike trade. With spiel like that, the salesman/mechanic will go to heavan

Phil Fouracre

Great stories - seriously though, does anyone actually use bike shops for maintenance? Every time I've tried to use them I get more problems than when I started, gave up years ago. I guess it's the monkeys and peanuts theory!
Years ago we bought a couple of Brompton folders, took one back to shop to have new chain, not exactly difficult. Came back unrideable, wrong size chain, crank would barely turn! they obviously didn't even spin the wheel when they had finished. Just bought electric assist, 'cos of injury, shop seems to have even less idea!!