a bit of friday BMW bashing, I'll start
Comments
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kaiser83 wrote:Pudseyp wrote:
you found a good likeness of me, im impressed, i didnt think i had any pictures that came up in google image searches!
my focus cost me £3k and other than the usual (cheap) maintenance, i havent had a single problem in 3.5 yrs, i have spent more cash on bikes, life and living (and saving) than i would if i still owned that BMW, i am therefore a happy man
also BMW means Black Mans Willy............
You would rather have savings than have the b!tches oogle over your monster wang.
I'm taking your man card back. And the bike. That's mine too.0 -
whoa there, i have enough inch to have the required effects and also you dont own a mans bike, you have gone all lycra and road like....................you've changed!0
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Look please refer all arguments to me and i will judge..
In this case BMW drivers, nice car, shame about the image, and they instantly make you drive like a nobber unless your extremely strong willed, thought they will wear you down in time.
The compulsion to drive and behave liek a nobber is proportional to the engine size of your vehicle over age. so if your younger your far more likely to be a nobber in a BMW.
This is simply the turth it's not jealousy its just your a nob, Even told my Brother who owns one that is a nob lol he agreed
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The compulsion to drive and behave liek a nobber is proportional to the engine size of your vehicle over age. so if your younger your far more likely to be a nobber in a BMW.
Also the height of the nobber vehicle has a huge effect.
Yet to meet anyone with an X that you would not think of as a total nobber.
A nobber buys an X to be a bigger nobber and to be seen as a nobber from a longer distance.
Look at me Look at me I am an X driver and the biggest nobber on this road.0 -
Thewaylander wrote:Look please refer all arguments to me and i will judge..
In this case BMW drivers, nice car, shame about the image, and they instantly make you drive like a nobber unless your extremely strong willed, thought they will wear you down in time.
The compulsion to drive and behave liek a nobber is proportional to the engine size of your vehicle over age. so if your younger your far more likely to be a nobber in a BMW.
This is simply the turth it's not jealousy its just your a nob, Even told my Brother who owns one that is a nob lol he agreed
Well obviously it runs in the family.....
Plus there are far more young nobbers driving the likes of corsa'/saxo's and Renault clitoris's....
It will always be an contensious issue, for the same reason some cockstranglers still buy Orange 5's0 -
Look I never said it was contensiouos i just said the way it is...
simples 0 -
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kaiser83 wrote:whoa there, i have enough inch to have the required effects and also you dont own a mans bike, you have gone all lycra and road like....................you've changed!
Hey hey hey, i've got another mountain bike, not just a lycra clad weekend warrior!0 -
kinggareth wrote:I owned a BMW once.
I immediately lost the ability to use indicators and my c*ck shrunk by half.
Thankfully my missus crashed it.
Into an Audi.
Bonus.
I'm not old I'm Retro0 -
Time to change your sig?MountainMonster wrote:Hey hey hey, i've got another mountain bike, not just a lycra clad weekend warrior!"I spent most of my money on birds, booze and fast cars: the rest of it I just squandered." [George Best]0 -
Whoah I had completely forgtotten about that, I normally just see my name and ignore anything I say cause it's pointless anyways.
A bit like this post. Anywayss.......0 -
When Mr BMW decides to cut in between 2 lorries to get to a junction and finds a Fiat Panda there, he gets very angry, with much flashing of lights, hooting of horn and various verbal abuses the Fiat Panda driver can't hear. Mr Panda laughs and remembering the contents of a forum thread, wiggles his little finger. Mr BMW misses his junction. Mr BMW then proceeds to follow Mr Panda until Mr Panda stops in the car park of a supermarket to buy some Tea. At which point Mr BMW decides to exit his car and shout much verbal abuse once again, including much ranting about Mr Panda and questioning why people drive cars like that and not the mighty BMW. Mr Panda gets out of his car and Mr BMW for some reason goes a bit quiet. Mr Panda then walks up to Mr BMW looks down at him and says quite loudly so that everybody in the car park (not many at 7.45am, but still enough) can hear 'I don't drive a BMW because unlike you I don't have a small penis'. Mr BMW gets back into his car muttering much about kickings and beatings, drives off and in an act of puny defiance throws an empty Macdonalds carton in the direction of Mr Panda and misses by a country mile. Just for more win Mr Panda takes Mr BMW's registration and upon arriving at work consults the DVLA and issues the owner (company unsuprisingly not MR BMW) a penalty notice for littering.Visit Clacton during the School holidays - it's like a never ending freak show.
Who are you calling inbred?0 -
For the win!
+ 1001 posts reset by the cruel cruel moderators!
Giant Trance X4 (2010)
Giant SCR 02 (2006)0 -
Well done, i find it hard to keep calm enough when this happens.spongtastic wrote:When Mr BMW decides to cut in between 2 lorries to get to a junction and finds a Fiat Panda there, he gets very angry, with much flashing of lights, hooting of horn and various verbal abuses the Fiat Panda driver can't hear. Mr Panda laughs and remembering the contents of a forum thread, wiggles his little finger. Mr BMW misses his junction. Mr BMW then proceeds to follow Mr Panda until Mr Panda stops in the car park of a supermarket to buy some Tea. At which point Mr BMW decides to exit his car and shout much verbal abuse once again, including much ranting about Mr Panda and questioning why people drive cars like that and not the mighty BMW. Mr Panda gets out of his car and Mr BMW for some reason goes a bit quiet. Mr Panda then walks up to Mr BMW looks down at him and says quite loudly so that everybody in the car park (not many at 7.45am, but still enough) can hear 'I don't drive a BMW because unlike you I don't have a small penis'. Mr BMW gets back into his car muttering much about kickings and beatings, drives off and in an act of puny defiance throws an empty Macdonalds carton in the direction of Mr Panda and misses by a country mile. Just for more win Mr Panda takes Mr BMW's registration and upon arriving at work consults the DVLA and issues the owner (company unsuprisingly not MR BMW) a penalty notice for littering.0 -
Mr Panda with his huge penis is my new forum hero.I don't do smileys.
There is no secret ingredient - Kung Fu Panda
London Calling on Facebook
Parktools0 -
If this is how BMW drivers treat Fiat Panda drivers, I'm going to hate driving a Hyundai Atoz 0
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Don't worry we won't insult your mangina.Ryan Jones wrote:If this is how BMW drivers treat Fiat Panda drivers, I'm going to hate driving a Hyundai AtozI don't do smileys.
There is no secret ingredient - Kung Fu Panda
London Calling on Facebook
Parktools0 -
cooldad wrote:
Don't worry we won't insult your mangina.Ryan Jones wrote:If this is how BMW drivers treat Fiat Panda drivers, I'm going to hate driving a Hyundai Atoz
Please don't, I only brought it as I like tall burds, and hoofing a tall burd on top over cannock chase in the back of a normal car usually causes paralysis, and while this is in many ways advantageous, on a balance I'd prefer it if they could walk off afterwards.
(this is of course complete bullplop, the only reason I brought it was because it cost less than my gear setup the month before)0 -
Nice one Sponge..
I once got a lift into the city with a friend in his X5, I can say I was scared and embarrassed to the max, he cut up more people in one hour than I have in my life, and had to drive at warp speed between each red light !! Nice guy, but once he got into his car, that was it, he was only 5' as well!
However, I do like my A3.. but I'm too easy going to be a n0b!0 -
Unfortunately my hero story is with an AudiA4 so can not be shared in this thread
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Thewaylander
Tell us anyway!
I met a right uanker in a 1 series this morning, he pulled up at a spiral roundabout in the lane to my left, which lead immediately back off the RAB, but he decided he didn't want that junction, so just cut straight in front of me by straightlining the corner, I had to slam the brakes on to avoid him. I gave him the horn, naturally, and he stuck two fingers up at me.
I wouldn't have minded if he'd had the courtesy to indicate! :roll:
*The incident above may not be representative of all BMW drivers
......just most of them0 -
bails87 wrote:Thewaylander
Tell us anyway!
I met a right uanker in a 1 series this morning, he pulled up at a spiral roundabout in the lane to my left, which lead immediately back off the RAB, but he decided he didn't want that junction, so just cut straight in front of me by straightlining the corner, I had to slam the brakes on to avoid him. I gave him the horn, naturally, and he stuck two fingers up at me.
I wouldn't have minded if he'd had the courtesy to indicate! :roll:
*The incident above may not be representative of all BMW drivers
......just most of them
Indicators are an optional extra on BMW's I think0 -
Laughing at people going on about driving a BMW, not driving a nice car, driving a fast car, driving a comfortable car, driving a reliable car, driving a good value car, driving a nice looking car and everything else I put on my importance list above what factory the car came from.
"It's a BMW and it was expensive, therefore it's better than what everyone else on here drives" does make me chuckle. Also like the comparing a brand new Mondeo to a 2 year old BMW for price (how about a 2 year old Mondeo for a fair comparisson?).0 -
Much prefer a Alfa to a BMW....either that or possibly Merc....all available for less than £24K if looking 2nd hand....0
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Dear New BMW Owner:
Congratulations on the purchase of your new automobile! We're sure that
it will provide you with the utmost in driving pleasure and lifestyle
enhancement.
However, we must inform you that there are certain minimum requirements
that a BMW customer must meet in order to retain ownership of his or her
vehicle. Specifically, as a first time owner, you must take and pass the
following classes, offered by your local BMW dealer:
* ARR 101 -- Arrogance
A six week course explaining the details of driving habits, posture,
clothing, and other details that all lead to the arrogant appearance
and demeanor that all BMW owners must present. $800/person
* AGG 101 -- Aggressiveness
Six weeks of hands-on experience in tailgating, rapid unsignaled lane
changes, speeding, and hard breaking. When you complete this course
you'll be able to merge your car into the tiniest available spot on the
freeway and cause everyone around you to know a BMW just entered the
road, even if they couldn't see you at the time. $1000/person
* BUD 101 -- Budgeting To Make Your Car Payment
Twelve weeks. $1500/person
If this is a second (or later) BMW, then our requirements include:
* ARR 102 -- Arrogance Refresher
Three weeks of refresher course on arrogance. $650/person
* AGG 102 -- Aggressiveness Refresher
Three weeks of refresher course on aggressiveness. $850/person
* BUD 102 -- Additional Budgeting Skills
12 weeks. This course covers additional budgeting skills including:
* How to buy your teenage child his or her first BMW and
still make the payment on your own.
* The home equity loan -- your friend.
* Selling your house to pay for your car -- you can do it.
* Paying for your BMW owner training classes -- yes, you have to.
$1500/person
These classes must be completed successfully during your first 3 months of
ownership, or we will be forced to repossess your car.
In addition, we offer other classes that you may be interested in taking.
These include:
* LIF 101 -- Living Where Other BMW Owners Live
How to find those neighborhoods where your fellow BMW owners already live.
Three weeks. $500/person
* MAI 101 -- BMW Maintenance
Four weeks. Basic training in how to open your wallet to pay BMW
mechanics seven times the going hourly rate to fix your car when it
breaks. $750/person
* MAI 201 -- Advanced BMW Maintenance
Eight weeks. Admission to this class requires instructor approval.
Hypno-therapy to ease the process of opening the wallet of really
tough customers.
Please contact your BMW dealer to enroll in your required classes, and
in any of the voluntary classes that appeal to you.
Once again, we appreciate your business! Happy Driving!0 -
VWsurfbum wrote:Dear New BMW Owner:
Congratulations on the purchase of your new automobile! We're sure that
it will provide you with the utmost in driving pleasure and lifestyle
enhancement.
However, we must inform you that there are certain minimum requirements
that a BMW customer must meet in order to retain ownership of his or her
vehicle. Specifically, as a first time owner, you must take and pass the
following classes, offered by your local BMW dealer:
* ARR 101 -- Arrogance
A six week course explaining the details of driving habits, posture,
clothing, and other details that all lead to the arrogant appearance
and demeanor that all BMW owners must present. $800/person
* AGG 101 -- Aggressiveness
Six weeks of hands-on experience in tailgating, rapid unsignaled lane
changes, speeding, and hard breaking. When you complete this course
you'll be able to merge your car into the tiniest available spot on the
freeway and cause everyone around you to know a BMW just entered the
road, even if they couldn't see you at the time. $1000/person
* BUD 101 -- Budgeting To Make Your Car Payment
Twelve weeks. $1500/person
If this is a second (or later) BMW, then our requirements include:
* ARR 102 -- Arrogance Refresher
Three weeks of refresher course on arrogance. $650/person
* AGG 102 -- Aggressiveness Refresher
Three weeks of refresher course on aggressiveness. $850/person
* BUD 102 -- Additional Budgeting Skills
12 weeks. This course covers additional budgeting skills including:
* How to buy your teenage child his or her first BMW and
still make the payment on your own.
* The home equity loan -- your friend.
* Selling your house to pay for your car -- you can do it.
* Paying for your BMW owner training classes -- yes, you have to.
$1500/person
These classes must be completed successfully during your first 3 months of
ownership, or we will be forced to repossess your car.
In addition, we offer other classes that you may be interested in taking.
These include:
* LIF 101 -- Living Where Other BMW Owners Live
How to find those neighborhoods where your fellow BMW owners already live.
Three weeks. $500/person
* MAI 101 -- BMW Maintenance
Four weeks. Basic training in how to open your wallet to pay BMW
mechanics seven times the going hourly rate to fix your car when it
breaks. $750/person
* MAI 201 -- Advanced BMW Maintenance
Eight weeks. Admission to this class requires instructor approval.
Hypno-therapy to ease the process of opening the wallet of really
tough customers.
Please contact your BMW dealer to enroll in your required classes, and
in any of the voluntary classes that appeal to you.
Once again, we appreciate your business! Happy Driving!
I think its a tiny fail.....I notice that its in US dollars....and we all know how fuckingannoying though fat loud mouth fookers can be.0 -
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Over here, you don't get many BMW drivers. A combination of roads which will destroy any suspension over a short period of time; other drivers in CSOs (car shaped objects) who drive through red lights, go wrong way up one way streets, weave through traffic at insane speeds, and are uninsured, are liable to smash into you (footing you with a scary repair bill); expensive cars are magnets for carjackers and thieves (who wait till you stop at traffic lights, put a brick through your window and grab whatever...or just threaten to shoot you); and the higher cost of buying them in the first place thanks to some scary import taxes which adds anything from 30% to 60% to the sale price.
Even the 335D would meet it's match here
Formally known as Coatbridgeguy0 -
I'll stick to driving my 04 Nissan Patrol 3.0d chipped for extra torks (not that it needs it :shock: ) BMW drivers normally keep there distance due to the fact that I would happilly park on top of it if they played me up. 0
