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Nodderpocalypse Now!

DonDaddyDDonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
edited April 2013 in Commuting chat
The sequel to last years superbly named Noddergeddon - thanks _Brun_ I'm calling this years sudden surge of new cyclist "The Nodderpocalypse".

And believe me it is upon us.

Any hint of sunlight and my Morning and Evening commute is met with fear and often annoyance.

Oh yes the old classics are back:

Over take a cyclist on the way to the lights, stop at lights, cyclist promptly bimbles beside you, then infront of you they plonk their bike. Light goes green, they manage to push off so slow that they achieve such a speed that you are infact unable to keep your bike upright without using a foot for balance. :x

The drafters are back. "Yep and this time its personal" As in there must be a competition to see who can draft the closest.

If I look over my shoulder and all I can see is you. Nothing of the road behind, just you. Then you my friend are too close and need to back off. :x

People who take SCR too seriously. It's not a sportive. I'm getting sick and tired of guys who have clearly just recently bought their bike, eyeing my lycra'd up roadie clipless self and thinking race. Sure where appropriate I'll entertain. But I won't entertain if you ride a bike devoid of any handling skills or sense of awareness. Seriously, those people need to back off from the back of my bike because it's that kind of person who took me out last winter.

But along with the classics there is also "Nodders the New Batch!"

'The swervers'
These are cyclists that will cycle beside the curb and then suddenly, without warning and without checking any shoulder, not yours, mine or more importantly theirs! They will swerve right at as close to a 90degree angle as possible. Why, I don't know. Escapes me. Dangerous though.

'The weavers'
These cyclists who are seemingly incapable of riding in a straight line. In a bus lane they will weave across, making it nigh impossible to overtake safely. Obviously shouting "On your right" doesn't work, it startles them and of course they're somehow off balance mid weave, meaning a very hairy scary moment.

'Left Overtakers'
I have one final thing to say about this. The next cyclist to attempt to overtake me, at speed, on the left - as to cut me up coming from the inside - is going to get a full 16st Mark Renshaw headbutt. Unless the move is superbly executed and they roar off into the sunset.

And are brain-bucket "I'm a hip cool skater dude" helmets the new vogue? I've seen more of these than road bikes?:

skate-helmet.jpg

Honestly is their a factory that produces people to think silly things are hip? I hate these helmets as much as I hate skinny jeans. Hipsters have found a new low. Seriously, has keeping the head cool by allowing wind to flow through it become a redundant concept?

But worst of all.

Mother F*cking Bus drivers. The Punani Follicles of the Universe. I cannot stand Bus drivers who overtake me only to stop at a bus stop 3 secs later meaning that not only have they cut me up but also forced me into an emergency stop. This and this alone is a pressure cooker, inside of me, at the point of exploding.

Be aware, be considerate and be safe kids.
Food Chain number = 4

A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
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  • CafewandaCafewanda Posts: 2,788
    Come back here too often and your promotion is history :)

    Breathe, give them all a wide berth except the undertakers. Thems you should 'casually' put onto the pavement. They annoy the hell out of me too :twisted: .
  • rjsterryrjsterry Posts: 20,717
    DonDaddyD wrote:
    ...
    But worst of all.

    Mother F*cking Bus drivers. The Punani Follicles of the Universe. I cannot stand Bus drivers who overtake me only to stop at a bus stop 3 secs later meaning that not only have they cut me up but also forced me into an emergency stop. This and this alone is a pressure cooker, inside of me, at the point of exploding.

    Be aware, be considerate and be safe kids.

    I find a sarcasm-drenched thumbs up as I pass the cab makes me feel better.
    1985 Mercian King of Mercia - work in progress (Hah! Who am I kidding?)
    Pinnacle Monzonite

    Liberal metropolitan, remoaner, traitor, "sympathiser", etc.
  • hatbeardhatbeard Posts: 1,087
    have you considered cycle training?
    Hat + Beard
  • DonDaddyDDonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    Cycle training would be great.

    "OK Class, Tooting Bec trainstation to Balham. On stretches of roads like this, the safest thing to do is gun it!!!!!

    Go!!"
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • kelsenkelsen Posts: 2,003
    he meant cycle training for you, DDD

    :wink:
  • DonDaddyDDonDaddyD Posts: 12,689
    3d-mad.gif
    Food Chain number = 4

    A true scalp is not only overtaking someone but leaving them stopped at a set of lights. As you, who have clearly beaten the lights, pummels nothing but the open air ahead. ~ 'DondaddyD'. Player of the Unspoken Game
  • clarkey catclarkey cat Posts: 3,641
    Yesterday a guy on a brand spanking new bright blue fakenger, wearing a bell-end skater hat RLJ'd FROM A STANDING START right into a crowd of crossing peds. Why, I have absolutely no idea.

    This was at top of Waterloo Bridge / Strand / Aldwych junction.

    Really not cool.
  • Rich158Rich158 Posts: 2,348
    yep the nodders are back, I've lost count how many have nearly taken me out by RLJ when I'm on a green in central London :twisted: :twisted:

    The answer to drafting fairies DDD is simple, drop them like a stone! If they're still there after 30 secs you're obviously not fast enough :wink:
    pain is temporary, the glory of beating your mates to the top of the hill lasts forever.....................

    Revised FCN - 2
  • Clever PunClever Pun Posts: 6,778
    More cyclists good... we were all rubbish once

    just be nice and let people know where they are being a tool and then show them dust as you cycle off at a speed they can only hope to attain with a motor
    Purveyor of sonic doom

    Very Hairy Roadie - FCN 4
    Fixed Pista- FCN 5
    Beared Bromptonite - FCN 14
  • Brain bucketeer here.
    But only because it feels like it might actually help in a situation it's "designed" for...
    I dream of generating enough of a draught to cool my cranium, even when bare-headed.

    Other than that, how could one fail to agree. I actually have to laugh at those nob ends who have heard that it's OK to stop at a controlled junction (in fact would doubtless never dream of RLJing) but whose road sense tells them to stop in a position where they cannot see the signals themselves. Instant scalp on green.

    Roll on summer; surely it's going to be a two-wheeled riot this year.
    "Consider the grebe..."
  • You have missed out the hands free morons who cycle along texting with no hands on the bars, I came up behind one yesterday, airzounded him, :twisted:
    Peds with ipods, natures little speed humps

    Banish unwanted fur - immac a squirrel
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... heads.html
  • fossyantfossyant Posts: 2,549
    If you've got Klingons, you ain't riding fast enough son ! :P
  • jimmypippajimmypippa Posts: 1,712
    This afternoon I had a van that was parked on the right side of the road, start up and swerve across just as I cycled past (on the correct side of the road). He had no awareness of any traffic and of course couldn't use his mirrors* to check. He had a duff brake light too.



    *because he had parked badly, nobody in the drivers seat could have seen traffic coming from behind. He couldn't use his mirrors because that was probably too complex for him.
  • jeremyrundle, well done you. That must have made your day. Imagine if a car had blown their horn at him, how would people have reacted on here?
    "Mummy Mummy, when will I grow up?"
    "Don't be silly son, you're a bloke, you'll never grow up"
  • Jay dubbleUJay dubbleU Posts: 3,159
    Came across one of these today - passed me on the pavement whilst I waited at a junction - he then switched to the road and I passed him - he then RLJ'd whilst I waited at the lights and rode off on the pavement - then back on the road - meanwhile I got caught at a pedestrian crossing - caught him up and passed him on the road again - I really don't think there's any excuse for that sort of riding :evil:
  • Jay dubbleUJay dubbleU Posts: 3,159
    jeremyrundle, well done you. That must have made your day. Imagine if a car had blown their horn at him, how would people have reacted on here?

    Personally I would say it served him right - tw*t
  • MonkeypumpMonkeypump Posts: 1,528
    You have missed out the hands free morons who cycle along texting with no hands on the bars, I came up behind one yesterday, airzounded him, :twisted:

    What an absolute d*ck (and I don't mean the guy texting).
  • DuduDudu Posts: 4,637
    I'm with you, DDD.

    Riding a bike fast, efficiently, legally and safely is just so easy. Why TF do these idiots manage to get everything wrong? it's not a war.
    ___________________________________________
    People need to be told what to do so badly they'll listen to anyone
  • DuduDudu Posts: 4,637
    jeremyrundle, well done you. That must have made your day. Imagine if a car had blown their horn at him, how would people have reacted on here?

    In my case, about the same.

    You need two hands to ride a bike. One if you really need to signal or scratch your bum.
    ___________________________________________
    People need to be told what to do so badly they'll listen to anyone
  • DuduDudu Posts: 4,637
    Clever Pun wrote:
    More cyclists good... we were all rubbish once

    Some of us read up on it and gave it some rational thought before we started.

    Richard's Bicycle Book, 1979 edition.
    ___________________________________________
    People need to be told what to do so badly they'll listen to anyone
  • DuduDudu Posts: 4,637
    fossyant wrote:
    If you've got Klingons, you ain't riding fast enough son ! :P

    P'takH!
    ___________________________________________
    People need to be told what to do so badly they'll listen to anyone
  • To be honest I hardly see any other bikes, yes quite often they are foolishly ridden but I always enjoy seeing them on the whole.

    common mistake I'd say is over zealous filtering just because you can fit though the gap doesn't mean you should.

    on the whole the great thing about biking is you can do it any way you want. I ride a SS with work trousers plus old Royal mail shoes... others seem to manage on cheap nasty dual suspension jobbies etc.
  • jeremyrundlejeremyrundle Posts: 1,091
    edited February 2011
    jeremyrundle, well done you. That must have made your day. Imagine if a car had blown their horn at him, how would people have reacted on here?

    I think he would have been amazed, he was on a CYCLE/FOOT path.
    Peds with ipods, natures little speed humps

    Banish unwanted fur - immac a squirrel
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... heads.html
  • Monkeypump wrote:
    You have missed out the hands free morons who cycle along texting with no hands on the bars, I came up behind one yesterday, airzounded him, :twisted:

    What an absolute d*ck (and I don't mean the guy texting).

    As I said he was on a cycle/foot path, you had not thought of that had you, what would you have said if that d*ck had hit a CHILD because he was texting :!:

    Did I SAY he was on a road, or did you assume....
    Peds with ipods, natures little speed humps

    Banish unwanted fur - immac a squirrel
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... heads.html
  • davisdavis Posts: 2,505
    Monkeypump wrote:
    You have missed out the hands free morons who cycle along texting with no hands on the bars, I came up behind one yesterday, airzounded him, :twisted:

    What an absolute d*ck (and I don't mean the guy texting).

    As I said he was on a cycle/foot path, you had not thought of that had you, what would you have said if that d*ck had hit a CHILD because he was texting :!:

    Did I SAY he was on a road, or did you assume....


    Who mentioned road vs. cycle path? Oh, that's right, only you. Again.

    Extra special bonus points for "Oh my god won't someone think of the children!?" response too
    Sometimes parts break. Sometimes you crash. Sometimes it’s your fault.
  • Extra special bonus points for "Oh my god won't someone think of the children!?" response too
    "sad" :(

    So what you are clearly stating here on a cycle forum is that you don't give a damn about children or peds as long as the cyclist can ride how they want with no regard for others, I repeat "sad" :!:

    It is people like that who give considerate cyclists a bad name.

    If a moron in a car was texting and no hands on the wheel and I commented no doubt you would again call me names, unless of course they hit "you".
    Peds with ipods, natures little speed humps

    Banish unwanted fur - immac a squirrel
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... heads.html
  • CafewandaCafewanda Posts: 2,788
    CW pulls up a comfy chair and waits for round two. JR, I think you might be ahead on points :twisted:
  • davisdavis Posts: 2,505
    Extra special bonus points for "Oh my god won't someone think of the children!?" response too
    "sad" :(

    So what you are clearly stating here on a cycle forum is that you don't give a damn about children or peds as long as the cyclist can ride how they want with no regard for others, I repeat "sad" :!:

    My my, that's quite a firm grasp of the wrong end of the stick you've got there. No, that's not what I was implying, however your ability to infer whichever opinion maximises your outrage is apparently still functioning perfectly.

    I was merely objecting to the "but what if a CHILD got hurt?" -- the idea that either children must be prevented from doing anything either remotely dangerous or that you can go to any lengths to protect them. Or possibly that you don't need to look out for other peoples' safety if they're over 18 (though here I'm possibly reading things that you didn't say or mean, and that's your trick)

    Anyway, quite how you manage to ascertain my attitude to general manners, or my cycling behaviour is beyond me.

    Don't let all this distract you though; the view from your ivory tower must be lovely.

    (How we doing for points, CW? :) )
    Sometimes parts break. Sometimes you crash. Sometimes it’s your fault.
  • wgwarburtonwgwarburton Posts: 1,863
    Cafewanda wrote:
    CW pulls up a comfy chair and waits for round two. JR, I think you might be ahead on points :twisted:

    Hmm, not with you there CW- He behaved inappropriately, leapt to conclusions, insulted someone who disagreed with him, and then made misleading (and inconsistent) comparisons...

    I'd say he's not doing so well at the moment...

    Cheers,
    W.
  • CafewandaCafewanda Posts: 2,788
    It's Friday and I've been paid. I'm allowed a little mischief on a Friday payday 8)
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