The Chuck Norris Thread

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  • TheRevOlutionary
    TheRevOlutionary Posts: 1,176
    Chuck Norris can run the F1 circuits quicker than the cars...and not break a sweat.
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  • xstrathyx
    xstrathyx Posts: 1,104
    the SAS are regarded by most fighting forces of the world as the best of the best.

    Chuck Norris trained the SAS!
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  • xtreem
    xtreem Posts: 2,965
    Only Chuck Norris has seen Tom and Jerry's grandma whole.

    Chuck is half and hour faster than the second.

    Only Chuch wears XXM size shirt.

    Chuck Norris pumped a table tennis ball.

    Chuck Norris's dog collects his own sh!t. Why?
    Because Chuck doesn't take any crap from anyone.
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  • IcarusGreen
    IcarusGreen Posts: 1,486
    Newton’s Fourth Law is Chuck Norris. “An object at motion will stay at motion, unless it meets Chuck Norris”
    + 1001 posts reset by the cruel cruel moderators!

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  • IcarusGreen
    IcarusGreen Posts: 1,486
    Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him “a promising future apprentice”.
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  • TheRevOlutionary
    TheRevOlutionary Posts: 1,176
    How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

    Chuck Norris doesn't leave messages, he leaves warnings.

    Water boils faster when Chuck watches it.

    Chuck Norris drives Optimus Prime to work.

    Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits...

    Chuck Norris CAN talk about Fight Club.

    A new Alien & Predator vs Chuck Norris movie was going to be made, but there's no justice releasing a 3 second movie.
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  • xtreem
    xtreem Posts: 2,965
    Babies cry when they are born, because they know that they are coming to a world in which Chuch Norris lives.

    Once Chuch Norris took a bottle of sleeping pills.
    And he bilnked.

    Chuch Norris can solve sudoku without any given number.

    Only Chuck Norris has e-mail from Hotmail on Yahoo.
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  • TheRevOlutionary
    TheRevOlutionary Posts: 1,176
    Chuck Norris' facial hair is known to cut diamonds.

    Google no longer runs searches on Chuck Norris You dont find chuck norris, Chuck Norris finds you!

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    Newbie with a Felt Q720

    A day where you don't learn something is a waste...
  • TheRevOlutionary
    TheRevOlutionary Posts: 1,176
    Chuck Norris can speak braille.

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
    Newbie with a Felt Q720

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  • IcarusGreen
    IcarusGreen Posts: 1,486
    Chuck Norris could win the the Tour d' France with no bike.
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  • IcarusGreen
    IcarusGreen Posts: 1,486
    If Carlsberg made people - they'd have made Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris wasn't made, he became!
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  • MarkEo
    MarkEo Posts: 308
    Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open

    Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks

    Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in only 3 moves

    The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on a game of dodgeball Chuck Norris played
    Tis better to regret something you've done than to regret not doing something!
  • MissBint37
    MissBint37 Posts: 1,503
    Ohhhhh I'v missed chuck goodness

    Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
    Ride it like you stole it!
  • Th3 Firestarter
    Th3 Firestarter Posts: 395
    Seriously, these lame fu ck norris threads should be banned
    Th3+Firestarter.png
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,665
    Th3 Firestarter wrote:
    Seriously, these lame fu ck norris threads should be banned

    chuck said you're lame for posting in one.
  • Whytepeak
    Whytepeak Posts: 2,616
    MissBint37 wrote:
    Ohhhhh I'v missed chuck goodness

    Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

    Chuck Norris can wheelie a tandem 'no handed'
    Now that we are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak and not to please ourselves. ROMANS 15:1
  • fred1star
    fred1star Posts: 428
    Chuck Norris can endo a unicycle and a tandem blind folded and riding backwards.
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  • mikeage
    mikeage Posts: 150
    Chuck Norris and Martin Skrtel set out to answer the age old question 'what happens when an unstoppable force hits an immoveable object?', turns out Chuck Norris was NOT an immoveable object.
  • TimesLikeThese
    TimesLikeThese Posts: 304
    I thought chuck norris was gay...
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,665
    chuck norris thinks you are gay
  • TimesLikeThese
    TimesLikeThese Posts: 304
    sheepsteeth wrote:
    chuck norris thinks you are gay

    Dont get him excited - I'm not that way inclined.
    But seriously - every time you see him hes always got his arms around some bloke!
  • big-hitter
    big-hitter Posts: 254
    chuck norris is so fast he can kill youm run to the sun and back then kill you again befor you even realise your dead.
    Tree's are not soft. FACT
  • MissBint37
    MissBint37 Posts: 1,503
    I think this thread needs resurrexting...

    Chuck Norris created the Universe. Astrophysicist Stephen Hawking has apologized for the "Big Bang" theory.
    Ride it like you stole it!
  • Mickey Eye
    Mickey Eye Posts: 590
    Chuck Norris disagrees.
  • stuart_c-2
    stuart_c-2 Posts: 805
    Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra. After 4 hours of agony, the cobra died.
    "I ride to eat"
  • rogue pieman
    rogue pieman Posts: 77
    Chuck Norris pities Mr T
    Gerrin! Love owt like that, me.

    Malty goodness
  • nicklouse
    nicklouse Posts: 50,673
    Chuck Norris does not need a D lock.




    He is the D lock.
    "Do not follow where the path may lead, Go instead where there is no path, and Leave a Trail."
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  • stuart_c-2
    stuart_c-2 Posts: 805
    Chuck Norris came up with the idea for the Total Gym after trying to bench press his own penis. He realised he had to start at a lower weight and work his way up.
    "I ride to eat"
  • projectsome
    projectsome Posts: 4,010
    Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.
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  • RichMTB
    RichMTB Posts: 599
    Chuck Norris can divide by zero
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