The Chuck Norris Thread

24567

Comments

  • MissBint37
    MissBint37 Posts: 1,503
    Of Bakeries, Burglars and Bad Congressional Bills
    by Chuck Norris

    05/12/2009


    This past week, all over the Internet news and in the inbox at my Web site (http://www.ChuckNorris.com) were reports about a bakery in Croatia that is using a life-size photo of me to ward off burglars who were ransacking the business weekly. The message under my photo in the store's window says, "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris."

    First, I am very honored to help reduce crime anywhere on the planet, even from a photo. (How we all wish it were always that easy!) But I want to protect not only the pastries but also the posterity of America and the world.
    Ride it like you stole it!
  • Chaz.Harding
    Chaz.Harding Posts: 3,144
    Chuck Norris has the worlds best poker face.

    He won the poker world championships with a 2 of clubs, a 7 of diamonds, a get-out-of-jail-free Monopoly card, a green number 6 uno card and a bus ticket from 1996!

    :lol:
    Boo-yah mofo
    Sick to the power of rad
    Fix it 'till it's broke
  • cat_with_no_tail
    cat_with_no_tail Posts: 12,980
    Chuck Norris' blood is not Red, because Red is the colour of communism
    "Avan-TT"
    F*cking Fast 29er
    Rapid Rose Roady
    Bionicon Beast
    Rockhopper Communter
  • welshkev
    welshkev Posts: 9,690
    http://tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ATv ... norris.jpg

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_BHru2cDEPhs/R ... paper2.png

    check this out :D
  • soy_sauce
    soy_sauce Posts: 987
    welshkev wrote:
    chuck_norris.jpg

    chuck_norris_toilet_paper2.png

    check this out :D

    fixed it for you. :)
    "It is not impossible, its just improbable"

    Specialized Rockhopper Pro Disc 08
  • welshkev
    welshkev Posts: 9,690
    cheers dude, how'd you make the pics come up?
  • Mr Wu
    Mr Wu Posts: 1,238
    edited May 2009
    Chuck Norris doesnt have tourettes - He just knows were all c.unts
    My Girlfriend...

    weight.png
  • soy_sauce
    soy_sauce Posts: 987
    welshkev wrote:
    cheers dude, how'd you make the pics come up?

    highlight the URL of the image then click the button somehow it doesn't work for the first link...
    "It is not impossible, its just improbable"

    Specialized Rockhopper Pro Disc 08
  • MissBint37
    MissBint37 Posts: 1,503
    On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
    Ride it like you stole it!
  • Chaz.Harding
    Chaz.Harding Posts: 3,144
    MissBint37 :lol::lol::lol:

    Chuck Norris is so hard, he once punched a mans SOUL!!!!
    Boo-yah mofo
    Sick to the power of rad
    Fix it 'till it's broke
  • welshkev
    welshkev Posts: 9,690
    henry_ho_yin wrote:
    welshkev wrote:
    cheers dude, how'd you make the pics come up?

    highlight the URL of the image then click the button somehow it doesn't work for the first link...

    cheers man, i always wondered what i was doing wrong :lol:
  • adb1006
    adb1006 Posts: 938
    Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
    Rock Lobster Team Tig SL Custom
  • MissBint37
    MissBint37 Posts: 1,503
    Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris
    Ride it like you stole it!
  • adb1006
    adb1006 Posts: 938
    Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
    Rock Lobster Team Tig SL Custom
  • supersonic
    supersonic Posts: 82,708
    Chuck Norris once made a tent out of Bear Grylls.
    GT ZASKAR CARBON TEAM

    VOODOO CANZO

    Come and see me at https://www.facebook.com/biketyke/
  • adb1006
    adb1006 Posts: 938
    Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
    Rock Lobster Team Tig SL Custom
  • Si78
    Si78 Posts: 963
    Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' computer will crash....
    Why has my sig been removed by the admins???
  • xtreem
    xtreem Posts: 2,965
    Why there is no life on Mars?
    Because Chuck Norris once went there.


    This thread is funny. rotfl3.gif
    NS Bikes Eccentric Alu custom - 2016
  • Uncle Peter
    Uncle Peter Posts: 324
    Chuck Norris can lick both of his elbows, at the same time.
  • KnightofCydonia
    KnightofCydonia Posts: 957
    henry_ho_yin wrote:
    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

    Bugger chuck, in Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.
    Start Weight 18st 13lbs March 2009
    17st 10lbs August 2009
    17st 4lbs October 2009
    15st 12lbs December 2010

    Final planned weight 12st 7lbs
  • nicklouse
    nicklouse Posts: 50,673
    the answer is

    Honey Badger,
    "Do not follow where the path may lead, Go instead where there is no path, and Leave a Trail."
    Parktools :?:SheldonBrown
  • Nick Dastardly
    Nick Dastardly Posts: 606
    When Chuck Norris does pressups he doesn't push his body up he pushes the Earth down.
    "The problem was, I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut"

    Demoted to commuting duty

    Orange Crush!
  • Nick Dastardly
    Nick Dastardly Posts: 606
    That wasn't really a nuclear weapon test in North Korea, it was Chuck Norris laughing at Team America.
    "The problem was, I was still using my eyes even though I had them shut"

    Demoted to commuting duty

    Orange Crush!
  • blister pus
    blister pus Posts: 5,610
    chuck_norris_dog1.jpg
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,665
    John Wayne was harder than Chuck Norris.

    In fact the Equalizer was harder than old chuckie.

    The Equalizer was quite simply the hardest man on TV ever!!


    Chuck was just MIA all the time
  • hulabalooza
    hulabalooza Posts: 52
    Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral

    Chuck Norris puts the laugh in manslaughter
    :D
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,665
    chuck norris rides a specialized
  • Tim.s
    Tim.s Posts: 515
    sheepsteeth wrote:
    chuck norris rides a specialized

    :roll: I'm sure I saw him up Ashton court the other day.........on a Marin.
    "Didn't hurt"
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Posts: 79,665
    i said it first = the truth, too late to make claims about what he rides.

    also i asked him about marins and he said he likes the frame, they are always well made but the frame needs loads of other bits to make it go and for some reason marin seem to fit bad ones for the money.
  • Tim.s
    Tim.s Posts: 515
    Ha, oh hang on.......ive got a Specialized anyway.
    "Didn't hurt"

Categories