Silly commuting racing

cycledad2

This thread is insane and clealy breaks the 3 primary rules of 'Race Club'. Still as its all out in the open, i feel we should discuss artistic merit:

Basically add or deduct points based on:
-Effort. Looking casual is good (-1) sweating and pounding bad (+1)
-Technique:. Cool tricks count. If someone is bunny hopping doing wheelies or standing on pedals at junctions without being dangerous and not looking silly then they get points if they fail you get points. Adjust yourself by how impressed/jealous/amused you are.

Also:
Can we grant -1 per child seat and -2 for trailers?

Clever Pun

It's getting bad, I could see cyclists coming the other way and all I could think was I could take them easy why aren't they going my way...

snooks

cycledad2 wrote:

Can we grant -1 per child seat and -2 for trailers?

+1 for a child seat ans +2 for a trailer, remember the higher you're number the slower you should be :0)

But that doesn't mean that a lady shaved roadie with child seats all over their frame can cheat the system. Child seats have to be usable, and I think we could prolly make it to +1 for each child as well :0)

cjcp

Greg T wrote:

cjcp wrote:

I'm Category 5 (Roadie, hairy legs). I passed two scooters on Embankment this morning and one single speed (non-fixed hub) and wasn't passed. What does that buy me?

That buys you a pint the "Gamers Arms" from a barman who knows your ususal and pulls down your special engraved "Scooter Scalper" beer mug from the top shelf and gives it to Kylie Minogue (the new bar maid) to fill for you...

[Roads were a bit quiet this morning. Very nice.

I think a lot of second div strugglers left their bikes at work last night as it was a bit wet. They are weak.

Greg T - you're a bit earlier than me although our paths could well cross on the route home. I join Embankment at the sliproad just before Blackfriars underpass anytime from 5.45 onwards. Will give you a tap on the back as I go past.

Please do amigo. I will enjoy sitting on you back wheel whilst you spin like a moulinex for just under the "I did him" timing before slipping by you singing amedley of songs from the Sound of Music.

You may need to change your username...

So you'd need a breather before trying to go past me?

CP - very true!

biondino

Now in my opinion Putney Bridge is a killing zone. It's dead straight and sloping with a bus lane. OK so it's only 2-300M long but with the slope it can seperate the wheat from the chaff and with the bus lane it's gladiator time.

Too right. The one place where I won't ever allow myself to be overtaken is Putney Bridge. I think I probably subconsciously take it easy in the half mile before I get there so that I have enough strength. It's that perfect length and incline to push yourself hard but not wear yourself out, and the downhill stretch (for me anyway) leads to invariable traffic lights so I have a bit of recovery time.

cjcp

biondino wrote:

Now in my opinion Putney Bridge is a killing zone. It's dead straight and sloping with a bus lane. OK so it's only 2-300M long but with the slope it can seperate the wheat from the chaff and with the bus lane it's gladiator time.

Too right. The one place where I won't ever allow myself to be overtaken is Putney Bridge. I think I probably subconsciously take it easy in the half mile before I get there so that I have enough strength. It's that perfect length and incline to push yourself hard but not wear yourself out, and the downhill stretch (for me anyway) leads to invariable traffic lights so I have a bit of recovery time.

I think you have to - there's either glass on the road, a bus in the bike lane or a fresh landmine hole in the road by the traffic lights as you bend round left.

Then there's the nice ski slope off the lights past the Duke's Head.

snooks

biondino wrote:

Now in my opinion Putney Bridge is a killing zone. It's dead straight and sloping with a bus lane. OK so it's only 2-300M long but with the slope it can seperate the wheat from the chaff and with the bus lane it's gladiator time.

Too right. The one place where I won't ever allow myself to be overtaken is Putney Bridge. I think I probably subconsciously take it easy in the half mile before I get there so that I have enough strength. It's that perfect length and incline to push yourself hard but not wear yourself out, and the downhill stretch (for me anyway) leads to invariable traffic lights so I have a bit of recovery time.

Having said all that if it's stacked with traffic, would it be filtering??? :? Unless it's a good run along the bus lane, then anyone is fair game, till you get past the lights and buzz over to the right asap :0)

greg66_tri_v2.0

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

It appears to be a little colony of morlocks, chattering to each other in their peculiar language about their interactions with real people.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, morlocks. Giving it chat in an internet thread won't make you a real person.

And for anyone who wants to play: Cervelo, on the Embankment. FCN with adjustments puts me on zero.

No prisoners. No survivors. Let the games begin. :twisted:

Greg T

Greg66 wrote:

Tsk, tsk, tsk, morlocks. Giving it chat in an internet thread won't make you a real person.

And for anyone who wants to play: Cervelo, on the Embankment. FCN with adjustments puts me on zero.

No prisoners. No survivors. Let the games begin. :twisted:

I like big talkers on exotic machinery - I like it even better when they are in pain and wishing this fat dude would just let it go and leave them alone.

My money is on Greg66 having a too close relationship with his razor - or do you - shudder - wax?

Snooks wrote:

Having said all that if it's stacked with traffic, would it be filtering??? Unless it's a good run along the bus lane, then anyone is fair game, till you get past the lights and buzz over to the right asap :0)

Bus lane drag racing only. Also the run off to the right past the dukes head is often free flowing and gives you a chance to prove your dominance and defend your lead or your mark to hunt you down and have you by the chippy...

snooks

Greg66 wrote:

And for anyone who wants to play: Cervelo, on the Embankment. FCN with adjustments puts me on zero.

No prisoners. No survivors. Let the games begin. :twisted:

Do you shave like a lady sir? Do you sir? Do you like it sir? Do you sir? Ooh sir, what silky smooths legs you have :P
.

woodford2barbican

SecretSam wrote:

woodford2barbican wrote:

SecretSam wrote:

woodford2barbican wrote:

Somebody needs to specify a schedule of allowable adjustments.......

Oh, God, there's a QS on the 'board... :roll:

Are you calling me a geek? You are right if you are!

QS = Quantity Surveyor AKA Brick Counter

If you are, you have a beard, wear short sleeved shirts (all year round) WITH A TIE ("comedy" one on Fridays) and Jesus-creeper sandals (all year round) WITH SOCKS

I speak the truth.

And no way are SPDs universal, some of us haven't the bottle to justify 2 x new pedals plus shoes when we've just bought new wheels because we need new tyres...real men use clips

Software Development is my game - I know my food chain number in hexadecimal.

pst88

I missed a great scalp the other day. I was just "checking my phone" (aka trying not to be sick) at the top of a moderate hill at the end of my journey home. I'm on my singlespeed (ss: 4, normal clothes +2, spd -1. FCN 5) and this dude crawls past on a carbon TT machine. Shaved like a lady 2, not sure if it was normal lycra or team kit so I'll count that as 0, aero bars -1, spd -1. So i'm on 5 and he's on 0. If I see him again it's on!

greg66_tri_v2.0

Greg T wrote:

My money is on Greg66 having a too close relationship with his razor - or do you - shudder - wax?

snooks wrote:

Do you shave like a lady sir? Do you sir? Do you like it sir? Do you sir? Ooh sir, what silky smooths legs you have :P
.

Bah. Silence, morlock scum! Your idle chattering means nothing to me.

Can you even find the skin of your carpet laden legs? Do you pick each other's fleas out and eat them? :twisted:

dav1

woodford2barbican
my FCN = 1001 whats yours

Greg T

pst88 wrote:

I missed a great scalp the other day. I was just "checking my phone" (aka trying not to be sick)

There is an art in this - I was trying to justify not playing on the way in this morning as I need to not disgrace myself tomorrow and had just about managed to face down the baying of the inner voices when suddenly I'm at the lights and spidey senses are in overdrive and twitching like a virgin at a prison rodeo..

Next set of lights I'm "just having a little sip from the bottle" and hoping no-one notices I'm secretly sucking the air out of the bottle and leaving the water....

Now Greg66

wIki has this to say about morlocks:

The Morlocks' main source of food is the Eloi, another race descended from humans that lives above ground. The Morlocks treat the Eloi as cattle, and the Eloi do not resist being captured.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morlock

Nice legs.

victor ludorum

Okay the battle roll is as follows:

victor 'the hairy coz my missus would change the locks if I shaved like a laydee' ludorum
=FCN 5

Last night I had to divert from my normal King's Cross to Chiswick hunting ground and go from Liverpool Street, but starting in the Square Mile offered some rich pickings.


One scooter - new and shiny, on an otherwise clear road.

Two (count 'em) SS couriers - they might have been fakengers, but they looked grubby and one had a walkie-talkie. Technically, they were heading home rather than on duty, but they were on the road and they knew the risks... (clips, courier bags, dreadlocks, one was fixed)

One query though. Are we limiting ourselves on a gender basis here? I took a 'shaved like a laydee' roadie on Lambeth Palace Road, but the catch was, she was, well, a lady.
On the other hand, she was on an Orbea Orca, had a Giro Ionos lid, was lycra'd to the nines and had on a pair of sidis that probably cost more than my wheels. She looked like Victoria Pendleton's training partner. I felt quietly pleased that I took the scalp, but should I be ashamed?

Clever Pun

Greg T wrote:

There is an art in this - I was trying to justify not playing on the way in this morning as I need to not disgrace myself tomorrow and had just about managed to face down the baying of the inner voices when suddenly I'm at the lights and spidey senses are in overdrive and twitching like a virgin at a prison rodeo..

Woah there... once you start the game, it plays you... if you're scalped you have to live with it no matter how tired you are, no matter how much pain you're in never give in... cause seeing me piss past you on a brompton and you saying I'm not playing today aint going to wash buster

Greg T

victor ludorum wrote:

Victoria Pendleton

I'll get back to you when I can think straight again.

CP wrote:

Woah there... once you start the game, it plays you... if you're scalped you have to live with it no matter how tired you are, no matter how much pain you're in never give in... cause seeing me wee-wee past you on a brompton and you saying I'm not playing today aint going to wash buster

You don't need to tell me - I can't get off this moving train and am now living in fear.

I had to drop a dude on a Boardman straight barred hybrid type thing this morning and thought my eyeballs were boiling........

snooks

victor ludorum wrote:

One query though. Are we limiting ourselves on a gender basis here? I took a 'shaved like a laydee' roadie on Lambeth Palace Road, but the catch was, she was, well, a lady.

If it feels like a victory, it usually is. I think all girls are hairy roadies, unless other adjusters are visible, wrap arounds, Team jerseys, exotic wheels etc, you'll know em when you see em

will3

snooks wrote:

victor ludorum wrote:

One query though. Are we limiting ourselves on a gender basis here? I took a 'shaved like a laydee' roadie on Lambeth Palace Road, but the catch was, she was, well, a lady.

If it feels like a victory, it usually is. I think all girls are hairy roadies, unless other adjusters are visible, wrap arounds, Team jerseys, exotic wheels etc, you'll know em when you see em

Some years back I scalped a housemate of mine on the way home. She was on her clanky bike, but I was still proud as she's now cycling for GB!

woodford2barbican

Dav1 wrote:

woodford2barbican
my FCN = 1001 whats yours

FCN = 110

It is easy to know it in Hexadecimal when it is under 9!

Greg T

woodford2barbican wrote:

It is easy to know it in Hexadecimal when it is under 9!

OK then......

If this is an obscure maths scalping game you've done me........

Anyone else using plate glass windows to check for Klingons? The best are shop doors at 45 to the road as you get a view downstream and can ID lurkers...

Clever Pun

woodford2barbican wrote:

Dav1 wrote:

woodford2barbican
my FCN = 1001 whats yours

FCN = 110

It is easy to know it in Hexadecimal when it is under 9!

even easier if you can type
http://www.statman.info/conversions/hexadecimal.html

dav1

yeah, good old hex. Mine is easy on octal as well


Anyway back on topic. How about high vis jackets? they have to be a +1 IMO.

Clever Pun

Dav1 wrote:

yeah, good old hex. Mine is easy on octal as well


Anyway back on topic. How about high vis jackets? they have to be a +1 IMO.

The utter shame of being binned by one could be enough, I mean any self respecting commuter let along cyclist (you know what I mean) would be mortified at being dropped by that...

so yeah I reckon you're on to something there

victor ludorum

If we're talking about obscure maths, then the prize has to go to will3, whose sig says
'I'd rather walk than use simplex.'

Since I only know what a simplex is in the sense of a polytope of N+1 vertices in N dimensions. I am sure that this is a mathematical reference of the most abstruse kind.

To quote wikipedia:
Specifically, a simplex is the convex hull of a set of (n + 1) affinely independent points in some Euclidean space of dimension n or higher (i.e., a set of points such that no m-plane contains more than (m + 1) of them; such points are said to be in general position).

But I also think that the maths tangent is distracting from the real issue. Which is: If N = the number of scalps I take this evening with a combined FCN factor of Y...

2wheelzgood

but in winter? I reckon even-stevens .

In rain.. I put it to the floor mob

My only waterproof cycling top is fluorescent- although bleached by the sun in my porch recently!

modifiers for non-waterproofs on a wet day? extra points for spraying that ladyshaver as you pull in in front? "oh sorry didn't see you there, I was riding my own ride" (honest)

victor ludorum

Dav1 wrote:

Anyway back on topic. How about high vis jackets? they have to be a +1 IMO.

Hi viz jacket or a tabard type top?

If its a Hi-viz Endura or Altura jacket then I reckon +1 is fair. Tabards ought to be plus more.
On a shopper or a folder though, a Hi Viz jacket ought to be treated as a free upgrade like in much the same way as lycra on a roadie.

Greg T

victor ludorum wrote:

But I also think that the maths tangent is distracting from the real issue. Which is: If N = the number of scalps I take this evening with a combined FCN factor of Y...

That's must be the thread equivalent of an old bloke on an electric shopping cart doing you on the flat whilst eating a pork pie and saying "that's a reet fancy push bike Youngster!"

I'm not at all comfortable with all this book reading. Where's Greg66 the ubermensch Eloi gone anyway? I presume he's in the men's loo practicing his "war face"....


grrrrr....

victor ludorum

No, he'll be in a cubicle immac-ing and polishing his Campag Shamal Ultras in silver... :twisted: