Head partially gone I suppose, lack of motivation for lots of things, cycling included

Thanks @First.Aspect for your considered reply.

I'm sorry it's a hard read, though to be fair it has helped me, and if there's a chance it might help some others, then it is potentially proving useful to a wider audience.

I have my bl00d test booked for late next Thursday, earliest appointment I could get - the other one I can do whenever, just need to muster up a suitable pot to p1ss in ;-)

The more people I speak to, the more I am thinking CBT might not be what I need, but I'm definitely going to refer myself for our local NHS talking therapies thingy and see what that yields, I've nothing to lose I would wager.

I'm assuming SSRI's are meds? I'm definitely going to leave that as a last resort.

Yeh I totally realise my fitness is not going to be what it once was, though having come to proper training at a late age of pretty much being 40, I do wish I'd had access to these training tools 20 years previously, but there we go.

I do think though I can still get back to a decent level of fitness, and still cut it on fast rides with our clubs, not the very fastest, but one rung down I think - that will require a rebuild, and shedding some of this excess weight I have accrued though.

Tuesday night I got around to cleaning the garage area where my turbo is, so that's all had a good hoover, and I've re-installed the recently serviced Turbo trainer, and re-docked the turbo bike, so that is all ready to go, which is great.

Good shout on the non competitive aspect, I can't swim, so the first 3 on your useful list are out for me, but I have been doing some walking recently, and yes maybe some fell running (Is that just a bit like trail running?) could be interesting, as even walking fast is somewhat slow.

It could be partly loneliness for sure, though I would tend to say I am more introvert than extrovert.

I'm generally happy/content in my own company if that makes sense, and am happy to find something to entertain myself with, be it chores, exercise of some type, reading, watching a program or sport.

The good news is I can pretty much abandon riding to the office that has no drying facilities, and either cadge a lift or drive there very sporadically - the much closer office I have a locker at, and if I am not in the mood it can be as little as 5-6k each way, but I'm aiming to ride a much longer (32k) route in the morning, and then after work I can either come straight home via the shortest route, or if I am feeling good can extend it accordingly.

Going in to the office isn't a guaranteed fix anyway sadly, as with the mass of people wfh, it's entirely possible I will go in and see none of the people I work with regularly - I got lucky on Tuesday and saw one chap who I get on with well and have a lot of time for, but that was it!

It's a fine shout, and one I did start looking into just before lockdown hit, though hadn't got to the point of booking anything.

I see my partner and daughter enjoying their time in the water and going paddle boarding etc, and I can see they are having fun, but I think my problem is I have a genuine fear of swimming, and have literally never had any lessons, or any tuition at any point in my life, so it's pretty well embedded - even paddling out to what most people would deem a shallow depth freaks me out.

Work is also quite full on at the time being, feeling like I am behind where I need to be, so putting in some extra hours and effort to try and remedy that - what with that, having a relatively young daughter still, and my partner working a lot of hours for her own business, it doesn't feel like there is much spare time, either for chilling out, or getting on the bike, and yes I am starting to feel the urge to get back on the bike which is good :-)

I can run pretty badly, but I have enjoyed it once I have gotten a bit fitter, and then it feels less effortful, and more flowing if that makes sense - however I have never been this heavy, so it may be a big ask of the old knees.

I'm lucky with my work as well, they are super flexible, so I often in the past have taken a 2 hour break, and carried out a turbo session, and then showered before getting back to work.

The reason I don't tend to go out during the day is that I don't want to risk a mechanical meaning I can't get back for a meeting or something - they are fine with me being flexible with hours, but I don't want them ever to think I am taking the p1ss and stop letting me do what I need to do.

Thankyou, it feels like a big step, and also quite a weight off my shoulders in a number of ways, as a caveat, it has taken me about 12 months, so not the most speedy of awakenings shall we say........

This combined with talking to the doctor, people at work and referring for the counselling service I feel are all positive moves, so I think it kind of feels like I am vaguely in control as opposed to simply being a passenger.

I can well imagine it is a very gradual process, but I'll endeavour to remember to update on here on how things progress, or regress, hopefully just the former, but it's not the end of the world if it's not one way traffic.

Hey @molteni_man,

thankyou for your kind words, much appreciated :-)

Although I am a similar age, I think we are at vastly different paths in our lives - my only daughter is 11 this year, and due to a house extension I still unfortunately have a whacking great (to me) mortgage 😐️

I do wonder though if it is partly a case of getting to this point, and kind of realising this is what it is, and how it will be, if that makes sense - by the time she flies the nest I will be a minimum of 55, but probably more like 57 or even older in reality, and I suppose that is a somewhat sobering thought, and I think strengthens the case for 'if you are going to have children, have them early'

I am currently in a challenging job, mostly due to the fact it is outside of my comfort zone, but it's good to be pushed and not stagnate I guess, but there is a balance to be had!

I do like that feeling though when I simply know what I am doing, and am confident in whatever I have to face, it's a nice comfortable place to be.

You are right on the weather front, it has been shockingly bad, and I'm definitely someone who NEEDS sunshine and warmth - actually speaking of that, I used to have a dream of retiring to France or Italy, and enjoying cycling on the beautiful roads, and enjoying the fine wine, food and a more relaxed outdoor lifestyle - that of course is now much more difficult to achieve, and thinking about it now, I wonder if that dream I had being taken away has added to everything else.

It may have been we never did it anyway, but it was something I had been holding onto and thinking about probably for the last 20 years.

Not long after my daughter was born in 2013 we were in conversation with a couple who were looking to sell a Cycling friendly B&B in southern France, but we never got very far with discussions or negotiations sadly, they weren't hugely helpful to be fair.

On more positive topics, I have the half term week booked off, but of course we are restricted to school holidays now, so costs are significant where ever we go, though I am thinking of another visit to my home city of Norwich, which I always find quite rejuvenating, especially if the weather is good.

I've been to Monaco twice, both times just me and my partner, and absolutely loved it, as both a F1 fan of about 44 years, seeing the roads for the first time in real life was mind blowing, and also of course all of the exotica that drives around during the day - such a nice place to walk around - we covered 10 miles that day, walking all over, and up into the old town I think it is called - happen to be a big Grace Kelly fan too.

Once again, thankyou for your kind comments, it's taken me 12 months or so to get here, but thanks to all the helpful replies on here, messages, and conversations with my partner and friends etc, I'm certainly feeling in a much more positive frame of mind.

Just about to book a couple of days off in May so my partner and I can have a day out, daughter has scouts that day too, so if we can arrange her going home with a friend who also attends scouts, we could have a full 12 hours to ourselves, so maybe a bike ride or walk in the day, and then a meal out in the evening :-)

Cheers :-)

Thanks @molteni_man, never knew about that museum, that's a great shout, and I will file it away, 10 euros is really good value, plus the Sunbeam alpine would be a pleasure to see :-)

We did find a very good value Haagen Dazs in a little park just over the road from the Casino, which we thought would be crazy money, but was priced the same as, or even less than it would have been in the uk - this was some 15 years ago I would wager, so it may have changed, but we were very pleasantly surprised.

I have never heard of labyrinthitis before I read this, that sounds quite debilitating and rather frustrating I would suspect.

Well done for getting back on the bike, I can see how it would be easy to let that put you off.

That's awesome your son is living over there, what a dram that must be, even if he only stays for a year or so, memories made forever, can't imagine how amazing it must be to call Monaco your home, even for a short time.

Is he able to get into the city (and you) to watch the GP do you know?

I know there are many many current and ex drivers who live there, and many of them love to cycle, I wonder who you might bump into out on their bike :-)

I did ride down to Salisbury on Saturday, it was a very leisurely ride with a coffee stop mid morning, and then a long lunch as well - it's only 50 miles for pities sake, but the last quarter I was struggling with - admittedly I also had two panniers full and a rack bag, so maybe could have packed lighter, but wanted clothes for the evening, and with the constantly changing conditions (hot sun, no breeze no sun gusty wind) meant I did need quite a few clothing options - not to mention the fact that my recent weight gain means that most of my nice kit I currently would struggle to get into, and or look like a sausage wearing it.

Anyway, it would seem that my posterior is far from happy with spending that long on a saddle, and I was in a fair bit of discomfort in the latter stages and in the evening regrettably, though it was a lovely evening eating and drinking with friends - I wasn't stupid though, I just had a 330ml Peroni, and a 500ml Doombar.

The Premier inn was quite warm though, and I didn't sleep well, felt pretty ropey in the morning, and wasn't able to eat much breakfast - that combined with my posterior being in the state it was in, meant I had to unfortunately decide to let them ride back alone (There were 5 of them) and get the train back instead - I suggested my partner ride back with them, but she was adamant she wanted to come back with me, so we saw the rest of the group off, and then wondered into Salisbury for a look around and a coffee, before booking train tickets to get us back.

We did have to navigate the train companies methods of bike storage, which was interesting, and a bit challenging, but we managed it ok, and we made it home in good time, so could spend some more time with our daughter which was a nice benefit.

This morning I had my first ever blood test, which was fairly traumatic, as I like neither needles or blood, and then need to wait for my posterior to calm down before I can get back on a bike, out on the road or on the turbo.

I'm guessing I need to go easy, and give big gaps to start with, maybe every 3 days, and see if the posterior situation stabilises, before increasing the frequency and length of sessions.

Also wondering if I should drop my saddle a tiny bit, maybe 3 months off the bike means my body is not as used to the position, and has lost some flexibility in that time period?

Hey @Munsford0,

I have a recollection of you starting that job at the school, but don't recall all that went before it.

Thankyou for sharing your story in detail, that's an incredible and fantastic turn around from where you were, to where you ended up.

It sounds like you are basically in your absolute ideal situation currently, I'm guessing you must look back and view your previous situation as an entirely different life, in more ways that one - so pleased it has worked out THAT well for you.

Great news you are off meds completely as well, and I won't rule them out, but I'm going to give other things a try first, and see how things go - they will be there if required.

I would agree the whole mortgage / paying the bills thing is probably the biggest pressure, especially as I am now the bread winner and have been for maybe 4 years, where as previously it was more even income wise, and she did earn more at one point.

The fact is that if suddenly was not earning we would not be able to meet the bills for that long, where as if she was to be not earning, we could make things work for much longer, indefinitely, on my salary alone.

My company is in the midst of a merger currently, so there may be redundancies next year, although probably unlikely.

Interesting you have had the saddle discomfort thing to, I'd never had it in the last 15 years, but then probably never had 3 months off the bike.

I've lowered the saddle on my turbo bike by a few mm, and have decided to take things very steadily and cautiously, so did a 30 minute easy turbo session yesterday morning, and had no ill effects, so will repeat that every 2 days (Slightly different sessions) and if there is no ill effects after 2 weeks, will probably increase the duration to 45 minutes or maybe even an hour.

Sounds like my approach will not be dissimilar to your own, weather is cr@p here currently, so not much motivation to go out in the real world sadly.

Hi @molteni_man,

It was a very slow 50 miles, but yes I suppose it is still an achievement, even if I probably ate more calories than I burnt!

I also generally use Fizik saddles, the Arione, Arione 00 and something similar, and also use some Syncros saddles that are pretty similar in profile, I seem to like flat saddles rather than curved ones.

As above, I have dropped my saddle a few mm, and cautiously getting back into it again, so will see how that goes - I've definitely felt more positive and a desire to get on the bike which I take as positive.

The bl00d test was pretty bad, in that I'm not a fan of needles or blood, well other than it being in my body, and I'd also not drunk enough, so it was a bit of a struggle for the nurse woman to get it out, so fairly traumatic in that sense, but we got there eventually.

The results are with my docs but he has not had a chance to look at them yet, so might get some answers (if there are any to be had) tomorrow or more likely Monday I reckon.

That's frustrating about the GP, and I guess if you are not living somewhere around the actual circuit and up high, you've got no chance.

I've heard Spa (My favourite track ever) can be quite affordable, some people saying the cost of travel, and the tickets is less than going to Silverstone - that was years ago though, so may not be the case now.

I'm not a big drinker, so like you drink little before riding, especially if it is distance or I am hoping t make progress. Some really fast people I know can down two bottles of wine the night before, and then ride seemingly with no ill effects the next day, genetics I guess.

The week has been going ok to be fair thanks for asking, work has been pretty good, as was last week thinking about it, and with the exception of the traumatic blood test (Although that's still me doing something positive so still a good thing) it's been pretty ok, shame the weather is so rubbish, I'd really like to go out on a ride or for a walk, but it's either really cold windy and grey, or raining.

Also just ordered some larger cycling kit, so hoping that will motivate me to get on the bike more too.

Ah I didn't realise that, that could be useful, but I'm not setup for it I am sure. I rang again this morning (As requested) to be told he still hasn't had a chance to review the results - they've put a note on to remind him, and advised me they would contact me next week if anything was worthy of discussion.

Definitely the polar opposite of a fan, although if I have to do it again, I'll drink pints of water beforehand to try and get it over with asap!

As it was I declined to view any of the goings on at all, and stared intently at a picture of kittens up on the wall, presumably there for that exact purpose 🤣

P.S sorry to read of your RP experience, sounds like it could have been pretty grim, glad they cleared off.