A Mental Health Thread

Wheelspinner

Thread resurrection.

After the recent, sudden death of my sister, I’ve struggled mightily with managing my mental state. Stress, grief and anxiety have hammered me to pieces.

Just bumping this thread as a reminder and a thank you for those here sharing their experience, and offering support. It most definitely helps, and is appreciated more than you may know.

chris_bass

really sorry to hear of your loss, i can only imagine how tough that must be.

I found writing really helped me when i was struggling - just writing about anything, it slows the brain down and helped me to think more clearly.

keep talking/posting on here if that helps.

Tashman

Really sorry for your loss.
Yes, having someone to talk to or even at ether verbally or via a keyboard is certainly a valuable way to help deal with whatever is eating you up. Sometimes that can be a stranger in a forum (worked for me to start opening up) or a friend/family member. People that care about you will listen, even if you thought they wouldn't.

Wheelspinner

Thank you both. I've a couple of people whose support is (thankfully) inexhaustible, but what's been the most frustrating and difficult thing is the lack of access to professional help. My GP (also a friend) has offered what he can, and referred me to others for things he can't provide. The trouble is simply getting to actually see (and talk) to them.

Soon I hope!

veronese68

I can imagine how hard it's been Spinner, I've been aware through the daily postings of course. Interesting to hear getting access to the right people is similar over there. I often imagine it as being better elsewhere. Hope you get to someone soon
CB's post at the top of this page makes a lot of sense. I went on a mental health awareness course a while back and found it very interesting. One thing that stuck in my mind was the guy saying imagine a bucket in your mind that all your troubles and worries are kept in. Everyone has such a bucket net they are of varying capacities, and they can overflow which is when the problems start. Different people have different capacities. My bucket got pretty full towards the end of last year, it's still pretty full. But support of friends and family helps and as others have said sharing on here can help too.
So remember you have the support of random lycra fetishists off the internet.

Stevo_666

Wheelspinner wrote:

Thread resurrection.

After the recent, sudden death of my sister, I’ve struggled mightily with managing my mental state. Stress, grief and anxiety have hammered me to pieces.

Just bumping this thread as a reminder and a thank you for those here sharing their experience, and offering support. It most definitely helps, and is appreciated more than you may know.

Spinner, I remember when you told us about this: it must be very tough for you.

I was thinking about what to say on this thread that would be of any use, based on my experiences (both parents gone in the last 2 years). All I can say is that if you have that bloke-ish mental trait of 'compartmentalising' things then try to work on that. It seems to work for me, but that is maybe because that seems to come naturally to me for some reason and I can block out the feelings more (some might say that is form of mental abnormality in itself).

I recognise that everyones situation is different and my folks both made it to their early 90's. And being an only child, I simply have no proper reference point to imagine what it would be like losing a sibling rather than an aged parent.

Feel free to offload onto your virtual mates though, you will always have a sympathetic ear on here.

pinno

My bucket has got holes in the damn thing.

Wheelspinner

Pinno wrote:

My bucket has got holes in the damn thing.

That's just rust, surely?

Wheelspinner

Stevo 666 wrote:

Wheelspinner wrote:

Thread resurrection.

After the recent, sudden death of my sister, I’ve struggled mightily with managing my mental state. Stress, grief and anxiety have hammered me to pieces.

Just bumping this thread as a reminder and a thank you for those here sharing their experience, and offering support. It most definitely helps, and is appreciated more than you may know.

Spinner, I remember when you told us about this: it must be very tough for you.

I was thinking about what to say on this thread that would be of any use, based on my experiences (both parents gone in the last 2 years). All I can say is that if you have that bloke-ish mental trait of 'compartmentalising' things then try to work on that. It seems to work for me, but that is maybe because that seems to come naturally to me for some reason and I can block out the feelings more (some might say that is form of mental abnormality in itself).

I recognise that everyones situation is different and my folks both made it to their early 90's. And being an only child, I simply have no proper reference point to imagine what it would be like losing a sibling rather than an aged parent.

Feel free to offload onto your virtual mates though, you will always have a sympathetic ear on here.

Call me weird, but I do find it helpful to have the virtual relationships like these BR pages (and others). It's been very worthwhile over the years to share the daily lives of you lot.

pinno

Wheelspinner wrote:

Pinno wrote:

My bucket has got holes in the damn thing.

That's just rust, surely?

If only. Dodgy solenoid too.

Midnight

Too many threads to read here, sorry, just wanted to say (known on another forum I am on) that I was diagnosed Aspergers (Autism) at 60, now 61, and co morbid ADHD

I raised my three sons from 7,6 and 4 as a single father , now all over 23 when their mother walked out, they are all Autistic

Stephen and I have just returned to cycling, we rarely ever go out without each other, me especially as I hate people, well not that you would know more precisely I have being around others, I prefer animals and my own company but would do anything for anyone.

Whilst I would not go on a cycle with others, I live in Carmarthen and go to Swansea, if anyone ever has coffee anywhere, happy to meet and chat

I have been banned from a number of forums, I tend to speak my mind, speak without thinking, nothing intentional, which is why on the other forum I have this in my signature

Both I and my son are Autistic. We have aspergers and ADHD, not stupid . If I sound "blunt" in my posts, please be understanding : I am not perfect. Thank you. Visit https://www.asdinfowales.co.uk/ to learn more

I wanted to add this in the signature but there is no signature available in my CP

rjsterry

Chris Packham did a very good documentary on his Aspergers.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09b1zbb

Thoroughly watchable in its own right, and shed a lot of light on something which I previously had only the vaguest understanding. Some quite uncanny moments of recognition as well.

Stevo_666

Wheelspinner wrote:

Stevo 666 wrote:

Wheelspinner wrote:

Thread resurrection.

After the recent, sudden death of my sister, I’ve struggled mightily with managing my mental state. Stress, grief and anxiety have hammered me to pieces.

Just bumping this thread as a reminder and a thank you for those here sharing their experience, and offering support. It most definitely helps, and is appreciated more than you may know.

Spinner, I remember when you told us about this: it must be very tough for you.

I was thinking about what to say on this thread that would be of any use, based on my experiences (both parents gone in the last 2 years). All I can say is that if you have that bloke-ish mental trait of 'compartmentalising' things then try to work on that. It seems to work for me, but that is maybe because that seems to come naturally to me for some reason and I can block out the feelings more (some might say that is form of mental abnormality in itself).

I recognise that everyones situation is different and my folks both made it to their early 90's. And being an only child, I simply have no proper reference point to imagine what it would be like losing a sibling rather than an aged parent.

Feel free to offload onto your virtual mates though, you will always have a sympathetic ear on here.

Call me weird, but I do find it helpful to have the virtual relationships like these BR pages (and others). It's been very worthwhile over the years to share the daily lives of you lot.

OK, weirdo

PhilipPirrip

Has anyone else done a Mental Health First Aid course?

https://mhfaengland.org/

I've done it with working at the local uni and well worth doing if you can get your organisation involved.

Midnight

rjsterry wrote:

Chris Packham did a very good documentary on his Aspergers.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09b1zbb

Thoroughly watchable in its own right, and shed a lot of light on something which I previously had only the vaguest understanding. Some quite uncanny moments of recognition as well.

Yes saw it way back very interesting, I remember him when he was known as blondie locks, the really interesting photographer on the BBC

webboo

Midnight wrote:

Too many threads to read here, sorry, just wanted to say (known on another forum I am on) that I was diagnosed Aspergers (Autism) at 60, now 61, and co morbid ADHD

I raised my three sons from 7,6 and 4 as a single father , now all over 23 when their mother walked out, they are all Autistic

Stephen and I have just returned to cycling, we rarely ever go out without each other, me especially as I hate people, well not that you would know more precisely I have being around others, I prefer animals and my own company but would do anything for anyone.

Whilst I would not go on a cycle with others, I live in Carmarthen and go to Swansea, if anyone ever has coffee anywhere, happy to meet and chat

I have been banned from a number of forums, I tend to speak my mind, speak without thinking, nothing intentional, which is why on the other forum I have this in my signature


Both I and my son are Autistic. We have aspergers and ADHD, not stupid . If I sound "blunt" in my posts, please be understanding : I am not perfect. Thank you. Visit https://www.asdinfowales.co.uk/ to learn more

I wanted to add this in the signature but there is no signature available in my CP

If you know you can sound blunt in your posts why not read them again before posting.

Midnight

Webboo wrote:

Midnight wrote:

Too many threads to read here, sorry, just wanted to say (known on another forum I am on) that I was diagnosed Aspergers (Autism) at 60, now 61, and co morbid ADHD

I raised my three sons from 7,6 and 4 as a single father , now all over 23 when their mother walked out, they are all Autistic

Stephen and I have just returned to cycling, we rarely ever go out without each other, me especially as I hate people, well not that you would know more precisely I have being around others, I prefer animals and my own company but would do anything for anyone.

Whilst I would not go on a cycle with others, I live in Carmarthen and go to Swansea, if anyone ever has coffee anywhere, happy to meet and chat

I have been banned from a number of forums, I tend to speak my mind, speak without thinking, nothing intentional, which is why on the other forum I have this in my signature


Both I and my son are Autistic. We have aspergers and ADHD, not stupid . If I sound "blunt" in my posts, please be understanding : I am not perfect. Thank you. Visit https://www.asdinfowales.co.uk/ to learn more

I wanted to add this in the signature but there is no signature available in my CP

If you know you can sound blunt in your posts why not read them again before posting.

Typical un educated post



.

chris_bass

I think that post was meant in good spirits - at least that is how i am going to take it.

I can't speak for midnight and do not know the posts or bluntness they are referring to but I can definitely sympathise, I am on the spectrum as well and can be very very overly blunt in person let alone on forums.

you are of course assuming that they don't reread them and don't edit them down to what they believe to be acceptable but still miss the mark. If someone looks a bit shocked at what i've said I usually say "you think that's bad, imagine all the stuff i veto'd in my head before I got to that!"

webboo

I am anything but uneducated in relation to this thread.
If you know your behaviour can be taken the wrong way by others. You can choose to carry on regardless or you can try to look at ways/ strategies that you could use that might cause you less grief.
We all have issues but when we start to look for support from others. It’s about meeting half way.

chris_bass

Sorry to resurrect this old thread but I have been struggling a bit of late and writing things down helps me - I don't really care if no one reads it, the process of writing is quite therapeutic for me.

I have in the past wondered if it wouldn't be "better" to end everything - I'm not in that place currently but things are on a downward trend recently. I am so painfully logical/mathematical minded and have little to no happy/sad emotion (i literally never get excited but on the flip side i'm rarely disappointed either) that I weighed up all the good things that were likely to happen to me and all the bad and came to the conclusion it would net out on the negative side. I based this on past events, likely future events and, as a result of my mental health, basically every day is the same for me (so much so that breaking from this even for something as mundane as going to the dentist or something requires weeks of planning and thought as it is a break from the norm - for me) so easy to predict, I thought.
During this time I never actively tried to end things and have never either. I did go through a period of not taking as much care as I might but not actively seeking anything out. I made some changes and managed to get through it and have maybe decided that even a net negative life is probably better than no life - Hell even mathematical models can be wrong!

but recently I have been of the mindset of - if i wasn't here what difference would it really make to anyone or anything? Not an existential crisis (our existence is purely down to survival and helping others survive and continuing life for our species and similar species as best we can - i'm quite an anomaly here it would seem!).

Also as a result of my madness (i use that term lightheartedly btw!) I have pretty much no friends, I have work colleagues and people i'll speak to but i'm really bad at keeping in touch and meeting people and keeping things the same is tricky unless they can fit into my routine. My sister came over (she lives abroad) and i was able to have her stay over for a few days and that was a huge thing for me - so it can be done - i need to push myself but it is hard and the lead up to the event makes things seem more and more impossible until i eventually make an excuse or just don't show up - hence the lack of friends! people don't seem to like that! Perversely people seem to enjoy my company - i can make people laugh - it is weird i enjoy people's company and interacting with people but i'm also very comfortable knowing i will spend the rest of my days alone outside of work and family. this is very sad but i tend to do my shopping across multiple shops as it means i'm among more people and get more chance to speak to people at times that suit me! i'm quite the weird one! A Psychiatrist once said to me "you're quite the curious one aren't you" and imagine the people he must spend a lot of his time with.

I suppose i need to find a purpose - I like helping people, especially vulnerable people, homeless people in particular - I should do more of this. I often buy a load of food/drinks/sanitary products and hand these out around town but i'm not hugely well off so can't afford to do it as much as I'd like. I used to volunteer in a charity shop but it is hard to find somewhere i can volunteer that fits my routine.

I'm fascinated by things other people believe that seem crazy to me - religion, conspiracies, flat earth all that stuff. But it is hard to find people who believe this stuff let alone talk to people who believe these things.

Sorry I've rambled on far too long already - i'm not looking for sympathy or help or suggestions - like i said if no one reads this i don't care but i feel a little better for having written it so i guess it has served it's purpose.

orraloon

I read it. Best wishes.

chris_bass

orraloon wrote:

I read it. Best wishes.

I don't care......


just kidding - thanks!

rjsterry

Thanks for posting CB. Always worth a read and gives a lot of insight, so that's two purposes.

I know you said you weren't looking for suggestions so feel free to ignore this if you think it won't work. Anyway both parents (retired) volunteer for the National Trust at two country houses. From what they have said, someone who has a preference for routine would be far more useful than someone wanting to work whatever random days suit them. It's not quite helping the homeless but there are plenty of visitors to talk to.

chris_bass

rjsterry wrote:

Thanks for posting CB. Always worth a read and gives a lot of insight, so that's two purposes.

I know you said you weren't looking for suggestions so feel free to ignore this if you think it won't work. Anyway both parents (retired) volunteer for the National Trust at two country houses. From what they have said, someone who has a preference for routine would be far more useful than someone wanting to work whatever random days suit them. It's not quite helping the homeless but there are plenty of visitors to talk to.

It was more that i wasn't expecting people to think of suggestion - more than willing for people to suggest things!

that does sound like a really good idea - there are a few national trust places near me too so that might actually be a doable idea!

Genuinely - thank you - both for reading and taking the time to respond! same to you too orraloon

orraloon

We are all somewhere on a spectrum from one 'extreme' to the other. E.g. rang true for me when you wrote about friends. I too acknowledge I'm cr4p at keeping in touch on regular basis. But I guess friends know who I am, those that I've stayed in touch with are relaxed, we just resume where we left off, though it could be years between meetings. And when we do get together, is good times. Just don't seem to need such contact on an hourly / daily / weekly basis, as others appear to do.

[/navel gazing]

shirley_basso

I read it with interest.

I am generally the polar opposite - happy go lucky without a care in the world, and really really struggle with empathy, which makes me particularly useless at helping people with anxiety and depression issues

People who go through difficult patches very rarely talk about it so I thank you for sharing how you're feeling and I hope you find purpose with your life, because rest assured, you will be missed. I wish you all the best.

tangled_metal

Do you like the outdoors, nature and physical work? If you have any mid week free days then there was a conservation charity that I believe is called The Conservation Volunteers. It's a big, UK charity that carries out conservation and community based work. I used to volunteer when I was unemployed. Twice a week and occasionally on Sundays. I also once applied to be a volunteer officer when I was unemployed. That would allow me to effectively work for the charity as an officer in them while claiming JSA and getting trained up too. Didn't get the role. I digress.

I assume it's similar to 20 years ago when I went out with them. You meet up at their local unit or at a pick up point for their local group minibus. They take you to a work site and you spend the day working on a conservation project. That might be footpath maintenance, tree felling to improve woodland, brush/scrub clearance or something like community pond creation. It really can be anything to improve your local environment. The key thing is the work is physical (great for unwinding IMHO), community based (you're putting something into your area for locals to use / appreciate) and you'll be socialising with people with an interest in the outdoors / in making a difference.

I will say that I've gone out with two different btcv / tcv groups. They were different due to differences in their local environment. One was a mix of semi - urban nature reserves and remote countryside (forest of Bowland moorland). The other was north Lancashire / south Cumbria. The only thing in common was a real mix of people. Old to young. Working to unemployed or retired. People with great knowledge of natural world to townies with no knowledge of it other than perhaps the ability to identify dandelions and nothing else. The key thing is enthusiasm and an interest in making things better.

I made friends with some amazing people. Through that charity. I joined the second group many years after the first group but people in the second group knew people I knew from the first group way back. It was a very social charity. I later met some of those people through other clubs and activities. Ten years since I had last seen them but the bond of friendship felt like the gap in years had not happened.

Sorry I ramble but my point is there are certain charities out there which offer physical activity, social integration with often similarly minded people and a strong community focus. It seems to me that CB might benefit from a regular activity like that. Physical for the unwinding aspect of such activities. Social integration into a group of people that can give you another fixing into society. Meeting people with similar interests (in my case outdoors/conservation). I met people with some real issues in their life that got real help from the volunteering. One old lady broke her isolation through the group. Another long term unemployed person seemed to have mental health issues that he admitted that volunteering helped him cope. A guy I met in one group and many years later in another outdoors club became a close friend. He had issues of confidence. I've lost contact but last I heard he had married, held down a job for many years that he loved and kept him outside a lot. Plus he had a child on the way or actually born. He got his life together through volunteering. The charity paid for his training. He later used that training to get a job in a very nice part of the country. Through that he met a very nice lady, gained confidence, found very good friends and turned his life around.

Rambled on enough.

TL:DR - Find a charity / volunteering group in a field you're interested in. Meet people. Gain a focus to your life / free time. Feel good again!

tangled_metal

Shoot sorry for the long post. It's my nature. I have something to say but can't organise my thoughts that well.

BTW I come across as happy go lucky and nothing bothers me / I forget things people do against me very quickly. Truth is not as it seems. People can mask emotions. Public vs private personna I think.

laurentian

I read it and wish all the very best to you

keef66

Thanks for sharing. I'm the same in that I can write things down far more easily than I can explain them face to face. A lot of what you describe felt very familiar; maintaining friendships is beyond me, so I have none. My salvation has been my wife and children, and since the kids left home I've been struggling again.

I'm in the throes of being made redundant, which is a good thing because the job was in large part responsible for my deteriorating mental state. But although we could probably afford to treat it as early retirement, I'm thinking of taking a technician job at a local school so I get some social interaction / purpose in life.

I'd second the suggestion about conservation volunteering. I did it a few times with BTCV when I was adrift as a young adult, still trying to make sense of the world. You get to do practical stuff outdoors, and get a feeling you've done something useful. You also meet a diverse range of people and you're kind of forced to interact with them, but it's somehow easier.

I've reached 62 doing all my cycling on my own, but now I'm considering joining the local bike club to see if I can manage a social ride... Since we're on a cycling forum, is that something you'd consider?