The Lanterne Rouge Thread 2018 **Spoilers**
Comments
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SpecialGuestStar wrote:Has anyone told his teammate. Looks like PhilGil is working hard to maximize the time loss working at the other end. He'll get an update on the radio soon
DS yanked him immediately after I posted. Clearly keeping an eye on this thread for tactical advice.
Message got to Phil, who promptly nearly fell off the road in surprise.0 -
underlayunderlay wrote:SpecialGuestStar wrote:underlayunderlay wrote:SpecialGuestStar wrote:This could be the ride of the tour by Dr Clerq. He's taking risks though
Needs Craddock to win the stage and the cut off to be more than 42 minutes. I can't see it working...
At least he's made his claim and showed his non-intent. The Tour is a place to dream big
It'd certainly lay down a marker. Bet he climbs off though, sadly.
ETA that Declerq duly did get off his bike. Stomach problems, apparently (so everyone else would have been glad to see him off the back, at least).
Like Kittels first tour, digestive issues in that Argos Shimano kit with the white shorts
Demare looks to be making a strong go at the Lanterne, potentially to get a better starting position tomorrow. Best hope he knows the story of Icarus though and doesn't fly too high0 -
ShutupJens wrote:underlayunderlay wrote:SpecialGuestStar wrote:underlayunderlay wrote:SpecialGuestStar wrote:This could be the ride of the tour by Dr Clerq. He's taking risks though
Needs Craddock to win the stage and the cut off to be more than 42 minutes. I can't see it working...
At least he's made his claim and showed his non-intent. The Tour is a place to dream big
It'd certainly lay down a marker. Bet he climbs off though, sadly.
ETA that Declerq duly did get off his bike. Stomach problems, apparently (so everyone else would have been glad to see him off the back, at least).
Like Kittels first tour, digestive issues in that Argos Shimano kit with the white shorts
Demare looks to be making a strong go at the Lanterne, potentially to get a better starting position tomorrow. Best hope he knows the story of Icarus though and doesn't fly too high
I doubt Icarus would have had a team car to hold onto.Warning No formatter is installed for the format0 -
*Comedy French Accent*
"You may probably be wondering why I, an 'umble cafe owner from Nouvion, might be 'anging about the back of the peloton disguised as a professional cyclist whilst 'aving the physique of Jan Ullrich in the off season. And to be honest, so am I. Suffice to say I am 'oping to escape as soon as possible before this exercise kills me.
As to why I am in this ridiculous position, it's all because of the ludicrous gibberish spoken by Officer Craddock. He braked outside my cafe one morning with a wail of pain, prompting me to say "Good Moaning". Unfortunately the allied agent took this to be a greeting due to 'is French being even more broken than 'is scapula, and now 'ere I am with a stolen copy of De Buyst's "Sir David Brailsford Making Another Big Booby" in my bidon and 68km to cycle to Bagnères-et-Mashe, where I will hand it over to a member of the resistance known only as "Tom of the Windmill".
Oh god. What is this fool sliding off the back of the pack for?"
The disguised cyclist wiggles his glasses theatrically:
"'Tis I! Declerq!"
- 'Allo 'Allo: "The Armstrong Debacle"
I honestly wasn't going to bother with a parody tonight, seeing as you're all busy amusing yourselves*, but watching Declerq slide majestically off the back, then run straight back into the peloton who were now stuck behind a load of revolting farmers, and then having to repeat the performance all over again was just too good an opportunity not to mark. And apologies for non-Brits and those of an age where 'Allo 'Allo means nothing: just remind yourselves that you never had Noel Edmond's Crinkly Bottom beamed into your living room straight afterwards. And the rest of you never whinge about the use of your licence fee again.
Anyway, Declerq made a sterling effort to gain the time needed to capture the Lanterne Rouge, but having had the news broken exclusively on this thread that he still needed Craddock to win the stage AND take 42 minutes must have broken his spirit. He climbed off shortly afterwards and left me staring at my fingers wondering what the hell I'd just done, like a conjurer who has just realised that his saw trick has created two halves of an extremely pissed off assistant.
Elsewhere French agricultural affairs, which are apparently what happens when sheep have particularly lovely eyes, rudely intruded on today's stage causing all sorts of chaos. First the peloton came to a shuddering halt, and then the gendarmerie - proving that the secret of comedy isn't timing but cruelty - forced the Sky lads to take great big puffs of their inhalers by spraying mace over the lot of them. Rumours that one of them has lumped his mortgage on Luke Rowe defending his Lanterne remain unconfirmed.
Sergeant Pepper's not so smart spray banned, the peloton finally got moving - and Declerq, appropriately enough for his condition, was promptly shat out the back again. The resultant battles to reestablish a breakaway blew the peloton to bits, and briefly threatened to turn this into an unexpectedly exciting stage on Lanterne Rouge. Unfortunately it all appears to have come back together somewhat. Despite this Tarantino's Phil Gil made a rare appearance down at the right end of the peloton thanks to his Wile E Coyote inspired cornering, Peter Sagan hinted that he might have what it takes to win something important for once, and Arnaud Demare restored some French pride by crawling in a marvellous ten minutes after everyone else.
On LR Captain Craddock rolled in safely at the back of the autobus to maintain his position, the Thomson Twin has again overtaken bad translation's favourite Jansen, and Demare crashes into the bottom ten to displace Dimitri Claeys.
Join us tomorrow for (checks stage notes) absolute chaos.
Degrees of Resistance:
138 PETER SAGAN 111 BORA - HANSGROHE 05H 44' 09'' + 00H 30' 47'' <--- THE BLOODY TEASE!
139 MICHAEL GOGL 195 TREK - SEGAFREDO 05H 44' 09'' + 00H 30' 47'' - -
140 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 05H 44' 09'' + 00H 30' 47'' - -
141 DAMIEN GAUDIN 185 DIRECT ENERGIE 05H 44' 09'' + 00H 30' 47'' - -
142 PHILIPPE GILBERT 104 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 05H 44' 33'' + 00H 31' 11'' - -
143 SEP VANMARCKE 18 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 05H 44' 35'' + 00H 31' 13'' - -
144 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 05H 44' 35'' + 00H 31' 13'' - -
145 ANTHONY PEREZ 206 COFIDIS, SOLUTIONS CREDITS 05H 44' 48'' + 00H 31' 26'' - -
146 JULIEN SIMON 207 COFIDIS, SOLUTIONS CREDITS 05H 44' 48'' + 00H 31' 26'' - -
147 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 05H 54' 42'' + 00H 41' 20'' - -
Ohmless:
138 DAMIEN GAUDIN 185 DIRECT ENERGIE 70H 58' 50'' + 02H 46' 49'' - P : 00' 10''
139 MAXIMILIANO ARIEL RICHEZE 107 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 70H 59' 14'' + 02H 47' 13'' - -
140 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 71H 00' 40'' + 02H 48' 39'' - -
141 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 71H 05' 51'' + 02H 53' 50'' B : 8'' -
142 JASPER DE BUYST 173 LOTTO SOUDAL 71H 09' 54'' + 02H 57' 53'' - P : 00' 20''
143 TIMO ROOSEN 167 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 71H 11' 29'' + 02H 59' 28'' - P : 00' 20''
144 JACOPO GUARNIERI 153 GROUPAMA - FDJ 71H 12' 26'' + 03H 00' 25'' - -
145 AMUND GRØNDAHL JANSEN 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 71H 12' 37'' + 03H 00' 36'' - -
146 JAY ROBERT THOMSON 137 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 71H 17' 06'' + 03H 05' 05'' - P : 00' 20''
147 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 71H 28' 36'' + 03H 16' 35'' - -
* And possibly other people, although I'm pleased to say that's nothing that I've ever aspired to0 -
underlayunderlay wrote:
On LR Captain Craddock rolled in safely at the back of the autobus to maintain his position, the Thomson Twin has again overtaken bad translation's favourite Jansen, and Demare crashes into the bottom ten to displace Dimitri Claeys.
Claeys is an eternal disappointment to me. A stellar 5th place as a GT novice (though hardly a neo-pro...) last year but he cant make it count this year. Just too Cofidis, I guess.Warning No formatter is installed for the format0 -
underlayunderlay wrote:I honestly wasn't going to bother with a parody tonight, seeing as you're all busy amusing yourselves*...
Well you will snore all afternoon when we're all gagging for an LR fix.
Has Macron's bodyguard got anything to do with Declerq?
When you're a Belgian cyclist heading south over a wall, what's 'oh f*ck' in Flandrian?
How did Gerrunt Thomas hold himself back in the face of all that living wool?
How on earth is an aspiring LR winner supposed to get any time gains on tomorrow's very short stage?
Has Noel Edmonds been shot? If not, why not?seanoconn - gruagach craic!0 -
Meanwhile it transposes that despite being at the back, and nominally able to see these things coming and avoid them, Captain Craddock ensured he got a good lungful of pepper spray. #marginalgains0
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And now for the slipping forecast, issued by the Met Office on behalf of the Tour de France, Stage 17.
There are warnings of ales in most roadside spectators.
General synopsis: Rowe expected shortly, defending badly, currently 33 minutes adrift.
The rider forecasts for the next twenty-four hours:
Craddock: Backing backwards backwardly, slow becoming slower. Good.
Thomson, Jansen: Rising slowly, outbreaks of unfortunate optimism later. Advise Baileys in large quantities to restore previous performance.
Guarnieri: Headed downhill slowly, uphill slower later. Good.
Alanis, Morrisette: Isn't it cyclonic, don't you think?
Demare: Outbreaks of extremely sticky bottles expected later. Twitter reaction: Rough or very rough.
Gaudin, Richeze, Ferrari...
Controversy hit the Lanterne Rouge today when Andre Greipel, after softening the blow of leaving the Tour by binge-watching all 264 episodes of Murder She Wrote, went all Jessica Fletcher on Demare's ass and accused him of receiving outside assistance on the final climb. Initial suspicions that some sort of electric motor was being used were easily silenced when it was realised that the whining noise was in fact an aggrieved German sprinter, but having 'previous' in this area it seems likely that Demare's bidons will be carefully tested in future for traces of cyanoacrylate.
Tour organisers will be hoping this Twitterstorm serves as a smokescreen for the outrageous start procedure they operated today. The reactions to this ranged from the predictably extreme ("An absolutely underwhelming cluster-f***!") to the moderate ("An underwhelming cluster-f***!"). Whilst everyone else was laughing at the high drama of the GC riders soft-pedalling whilst they waited for everyone else to catch up, Demare was already sneaking off the back unseen. It seems clear that by placing the LR candidates together so that they were busy watching each other, and then allowing Demare to start from the pit lane because of an engine change*, the organisers were trying to ensure that the credibility of the Tour could be restored by ensuring a French victory in the most important competition as Demare sneaked away on his own. Fortunately Craddock was wise to these shenanigans and carefully marked all the moves, but it does appear that the desire to see a French winner is starting to pollute the otherwise innocent nature of the Tour.
Sticky Bottles:
137 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 02H 48' 45'' + 00H 27' 18'' - -
138 ALEXANDER KRISTOFF 95 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 02H 48' 50'' + 00H 27' 23'' - -
139 CHRISTOPHE LAPORTE 201 COFIDIS, SOLUTIONS CREDITS 02H 49' 03'' + 00H 27' 36'' - -
140 JACOPO GUARNIERI 153 GROUPAMA - FDJ 02H 49' 19'' + 00H 27' 52'' - -
141 MAXIMILIANO ARIEL RICHEZE 107 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 02H 49' 28'' + 00H 28' 01'' - -
142 TIMOTHY DUPONT 213 WANTY - GROUPE GOBERT 02H 49' 53'' + 00H 28' 26'' - -
143 RAMON SINKELDAM 157 GROUPAMA - FDJ 02H 49' 57'' + 00H 28' 30'' - -
144 JELLE VANENDERT 178 LOTTO SOUDAL 02H 50' 26'' + 00H 28' 59'' - -
145 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 02H 50' 43'' + 00H 29' 16'' - -
146 MICHAEL HEPBURN 65 MITCHELTON - SCOTT 02H 52' 57'' + 00H 31' 30'' - -
Aristotles:
137 DAMIEN GAUDIN 185 DIRECT ENERGIE 73H 45' 39'' + 03H 11' 28'' - P : 00' 10''
138 MAXIMILIANO ARIEL RICHEZE 107 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 73H 48' 42'' + 03H 14' 31'' - -
139 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 73H 49' 25'' + 03H 15' 14'' - -
140 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 73H 56' 34'' + 03H 22' 23'' B : 8'' -
141 JASPER DE BUYST 173 LOTTO SOUDAL 73H 57' 09'' + 03H 22' 58'' - P : 00' 20''
142 TIMO ROOSEN 167 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 73H 57' 35'' + 03H 23' 24'' - P : 00' 20''
143 AMUND GRØNDAHL JANSEN 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 74H 00' 05'' + 03H 25' 54'' - -
144 JAY ROBERT THOMSON 137 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 74H 00' 17'' + 03H 26' 06'' - P : 00' 20''
145 JACOPO GUARNIERI 153 GROUPAMA - FDJ 74H 01' 45'' + 03H 27' 34'' - -
146 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 74H 15' 51'' + 03H 41' 40'' - -
* Tour organisers also moved to prevent any further controversy over this, assuring journalists that if Demare has to change his motor a second time before the end of the race he will face a ten place grid penalty, and by the way, did anyone see Chris Froome using an inhaler today? Look! Sky**!
** Talking of Sky, did anyone else notice Chris Froome's attempt to retrieve some affection from the French audience today by sticking his tongue out and gurning in clear homage to French' darling TV Tommy?0 -
In the mysterious absence of a more qualified narrator, I'll make a bash of this until we get the full stage report.
EDIT: The mysteriously absent narrator mysteriously appeared, leaving me looking slightly silly.
The Henry Ford award for today's stage was presented by Andre Greipel to Arnaud Demare, who rode a miraculous second mountain stage all by himself and yet made the time cut again. Demare managed to come in just ahead of Audrey Hepburn. As Demare passed Audrey she said
though Arnaud may have misheard.The best thing to hold onto in life is each other
Audrey was also overheard telling Arnaud
but Arnaud needed the second hand for his handlebars. As Arnaud vanished up the road, Audrey turned to the commissaires car and saidAs you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others
and then mutteredPeople, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.Paris is always a good idea.
125 Lawson Craddock (USA) EF Education First-Drapac p/b Cannondale 0:25:48
137 Roberto Ferrari (Ita) UAE Team Emirates 0:27:18
138 Alexander Kristoff (Nor) UAE Team Emirates 0:27:23
139 Christophe Laporte (Fra) Cofidis, Solutions Credits 0:27:36
140 Jacopo Guarnieri (Ita) Groupama-FDJ 0:27:52
141 Maximiliano Richeze (Arg) Quick-Step Floors 0:28:01
142 Timothy Dupont (Bel) Wanty-Groupe Gobert 0:28:26
143 Ramon Sinkeldam (Ned) Groupama-FDJ 0:28:30
144 Jelle Vanendert (Bel) Lotto Soudal 0:28:59
145 Arnaud Demare (Fra) Groupama-FDJ 0:29:16
146 Michael Hepburn (Aus) Mitchelton-Scott 0:31:30
Underall:
137 Damien Gaudin (Fra) Direct Energie 3:11:28
138 Maximiliano Richeze (Arg) Quick-Step Floors 3:14:31
139 Roberto Ferrari (Ita) UAE Team Emirates 3:15:14
140 Arnaud Demare (Fra) Groupama-FDJ 3:22:23
141 Jasper De Buyst (Bel) Lotto Soudal 3:22:58
142 Timo Roosen (Ned) LottoNL-Jumbo 3:23:24
143 Amund Grøndahl Jansen (Nor) LottoNL-Jumbo 3:25:54
144 Jay Thomson (RSA) Dimension Data 3:26:06
145 Jacopo Guarnieri (Ita) Groupama-FDJ 3:27:34
146 Lawson Craddock (USA) EF Education First-Drapac p/b Cannondale 3:41:40Warning No formatter is installed for the format0 -
The arrow of time's a pain, isn't it?
Probably a good time to mention that timings might become a bit erratic over the next few days, so apologies to anyone silly enough to sit there hammering F5 until my idiocies arrive. I'll try and work out a way to get them posted at a sensible time though.0 -
At this time of night you have to be careful you don't bump into the asterisk police wandering out of some dimly lit recess, Duvel in one hand, Ventolin in the other threatening sodomy.seanoconn - gruagach craic!0
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There was an old man with a beard,
Who said "It is just as I feared."
"Demare and De Buyst,
Have all been and passed,
Yet Craddock has still not appeared." - Ned "Boulting" Lear
Here follows a complete list of interesting things that happened in today's stage:
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-
-
-
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-
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- Demare won.
Okay, okay, so that's a grand total of one half interesting thing, but i was getting desperate. I even considered making the obligatory Yorkshire t'Pau joke, but was told not to push too far, and anyway it turns out Pau is actually named in honour of the smallest French Teletubby so even that joke doesn't work, and somehow a disappointing stage gets even more disappointing.
Even the Lanterne Rouge didn't throw up any interest today. Demare had the most miraculous recovery on the third day since some bearded bloke whose name I forget and won the stage - but somehow everyone else missed the opportunity to gain some places on LR. I suspect that they'd had the same response as most of the audience and simply fallen asleep.
The only person to emerge with any credit, frankly, was Captain Craddock - who gave the crowd exactly what they'd turned up for and rolled across the line over 40 seconds behind everyone else. It's good to see that ahead of Saturday's time trial Craddock is still concentrating on gaining every second lest anyone stages an unlikely coup, and also to see that he's still taking the Lanterne seriously enough to put on a bit of a show.
Join us tomorrow for an evil set of mountains and Lawson's final major challenge. He's suffered a couple of jours avec in the hills in this tour, albeit without losing too much time, but with such a large advantage his only real challenge tomorrow is ensuring he doesn't get greedy and accidentally get timed out.
Guilty feet:
137 JHON DARWIN ATAPUMA HURTADO 92 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 03H 49' 56'' + 00H 03' 06'' - -
138 WOUT POELS 6 TEAM SKY 03H 50' 22'' + 00H 03' 32'' - -
139 NIKI TERPSTRA 108 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 03H 50' 22'' + 00H 03' 32'' - -
140 THOMAS BOUDAT 182 DIRECT ENERGIE 03H 50' 28'' + 00H 03' 38'' - -
141 MATHEW HAYMAN 64 MITCHELTON - SCOTT 03H 50' 35'' + 00H 03' 45'' - -
142 LUKE DURBRIDGE 63 MITCHELTON - SCOTT 03H 50' 35'' + 00H 03' 45'' - -
143 RORY SUTHERLAND 97 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 03H 50' 46'' + 00H 03' 56'' - -
144 IAN BOSWELL 142 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 03H 50' 46'' + 00H 03' 56'' - -
145 TOBIAS LUDVIGSSON 155 GROUPAMA - FDJ 03H 50' 46'' + 00H 03' 56'' - -
146 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 03H 51' 28'' + 00H 04' 38'' -
Got no rhythm:
137 DAMIEN GAUDIN 185 DIRECT ENERGIE 77H 35' 03'' + 03H 14' 02'' - P : 00' 10''
138 MAXIMILIANO ARIEL RICHEZE 107 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 77H 35' 32'' + 03H 14' 31'' - -
139 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 77H 37' 16'' + 03H 16' 15'' - -
140 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 77H 43' 14'' + 03H 22' 13'' B : 18'' -
141 JASPER DE BUYST 173 LOTTO SOUDAL 77H 43' 59'' + 03H 22' 58'' - P : 00' 20''
142 TIMO ROOSEN 167 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 77H 44' 25'' + 03H 23' 24'' - P : 00' 20''
143 AMUND GRØNDAHL JANSEN 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 77H 46' 55'' + 03H 25' 54'' - -
144 JAY ROBERT THOMSON 137 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 77H 47' 07'' + 03H 26' 06'' - P : 00' 20''
145 JACOPO GUARNIERI 153 GROUPAMA - FDJ 77H 48' 35'' + 03H 27' 34'' - -
146 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 78H 07' 19'' + 03H 46' 18'' - -
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A stage ranking title and an underall ranking title and I've got an earworm. Five f@cking words. That's some going. Chapeau.
I only have one cure for this (I think this is Deamre's call sign to his team car)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEfIkuTtzQ4Warning No formatter is installed for the format0 -
Huh?0
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DeadCalm wrote:A trivia question to which I don't know the answer.
Poor old Geraint is currently sitting in last place in this competition. Obviously a bitter disappointment to a rider who showed so much promise in his first Tour in 2007 when he came a close second to the indomitable Wim Vansevenant. Has any rider ever known the joy of carrying the Lanterne Rouge into Paris, and subsequently faced the ignominy of riding into Paris in yellow?0 -
ddraver wrote:Did anyone notice the beautifully times sprint from Captain Craddock off the back of the autobus today?
Exemplary
I know we shouldn't fall for conspiracy theories but I couldn't help notice something seemed to be hindering Craddocks rear hub - as though there was some hidden internal brake or something...I've got no video evidence but just observing he seemed to go back quicker than would be expected ...also I noticed he had to stop for a rear wheel change and when he picked up the back end the wheel stopped almost immediately....??0 -
It was a beautiful gesture to give the stage to his broken and bleeding team mate though....0
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Not sure if it's because I'm on my phone, but I'm getting the dreaded "Ranking is coming" error again and frankly I wish he'd stop it. I'll update it later once the Tour bother filling me in! Good to hear Braddock performed well in the mountains though.
As for Thomas, don't know* the yellow jersey. They have to spend almost as long in the saddle, and it's still a worthy prize - if not, obviously, the main one.
*Knock! Knock, dammit!0 -
I think we might as well stick a fork in this one - its done. Ireland's Tim O'Roosen inexplicably missed a vital split to lose 6 minutes, and Gaudin started to chase potatoes only to end up fried. Peter Sagan again showed his promise - if only he weren't so keen on wearing that awful green jersey. Perhaps he was just a frustrated goalkeeper as a kid? Captain Craddock tried to sneak a small time gap at the end but just couldn't stretch it far enough.
Meanwhile I'm pleased to see that Taylor Phinney has given an interview revealing that he had ambitions to become a sprinter. Finishing miles down on everyone on a mountain stage shows that he's grasped at least one important principle*, although it's come too late to rescue his Lanterne standing despite some impressive wounds that surely would have aided a challenge had he suffered them earlier in the tour.
Join us tomorrow to see Craddock hopefully wrap up a fine win. Technically there's a chance to take more time in Paris, but it seems unlikely that he can lose from here.
Uber:
136 MACIEJ BODNAR 112 BORA - HANSGROHE 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
137 MICHAEL GOGL 195 TREK - SEGAFREDO 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
138 JACOPO GUARNIERI 153 GROUPAMA - FDJ 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
139 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
140 LUKAS PÖSTLBERGER 118 BORA - HANSGROHE 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
141 DANIEL OSS 116 BORA - HANSGROHE 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
142 MAXIMILIANO ARIEL RICHEZE 107 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
143 PETER SAGAN 111 BORA - HANSGROHE 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
144 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 06H 06' 40'' + 00H 38' 23'' - -
145 TAYLOR PHINNEY 15 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 06H 08' 50'' + 00H 40' 33'' - -
Scuba:
136 RAMON SINKELDAM 157 GROUPAMA - FDJ 83H 40' 03'' + 03H 50' 32'' - -
137 MAXIMILIANO ARIEL RICHEZE 107 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 83H 42' 12'' + 03H 52' 41'' - -
138 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 83H 43' 56'' + 03H 54' 25'' - -
139 TIMO ROOSEN 167 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 83H 44' 47'' + 03H 55' 16'' - P : 00' 20''
140 AMUND GRØNDAHL JANSEN 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 83H 47' 17'' + 03H 57' 46'' - -
141 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 83H 49' 54'' + 04H 00' 23'' B : 18'' -
142 JASPER DE BUYST 173 LOTTO SOUDAL 83H 50' 39'' + 04H 01' 08'' - P : 00' 20''
143 JAY ROBERT THOMSON 137 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 83H 53' 47'' + 04H 04' 16'' - P : 00' 20''
144 JACOPO GUARNIERI 153 GROUPAMA - FDJ 83H 55' 15'' + 04H 05' 44'' - -
145 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 84H 13' 59'' + 04H 24' 28'' - -
* https://www.velonews.com/2018/07/tour-de-france/taylor-phinney-the-sprinter_4733810 -
Stop all the clocks, cut off the phone,
Distract Hinault with a nice, juicy bone.
He was my first, therefore the last,
When eventually Lawson Craddock rode past.
- from Funeral Rouge, by WH Gaudin
Bit of a nervous moment earlier. I turned on the TV to see Craddock out on his own and feared he'd been spat out of the back super-early or - worse - gone on a ridiculous, Lanterne-losing solo attack from virtually the start of the stage. Then it hit me - this was the individual time trial, also known as the "Race of Truth" - presumably because the clock is a lying little sod and you can't beat it. Still, it's all relative, as Einstein pointed out, so let's see what the random number generator threw up this time*.
Firstly, Captain Craddock rode a conservative race - as anyone would in his situation - to finish 127th on stage. It seems a shame that nobody ever got it together to challenge him properly, as it feels like his win may come to be tainted by the lack of competition. Personally I think the tour really needs to look at the cutoffs - a lot of sprinters could have really livened up the race but were excluded before it could really get going.
in the Lanterne not much happened, although Robert "Lolo" Ferrari didn't make a giant boob and posted an excellent time to overtake Tim O'Roosen once more. Taylor Phinney continued his improvement as a sprinter, but it was Niki Terpstra who won the stage with a massive 38" advantage. Sky, on the other hand, will have to seriously examine their selection policy, as only Luke Rowe managed to put in a moderately decent shift - the others all finishing within the fastest 25 times. It's clear that they're simply not taking this seriously, and no wonder the French fans are revolting.
Join us tomorrow for the ceremonial procession into Paris and Geraint Thomas inevitably falling off and crocking himself in heart-breaking fashion. You didn't really think he could stay upright for a whole tour, did you?
Down down:
136 RAMON SINKELDAM 157 GROUPAMA - FDJ 00H 48' 05'' + 00H 07' 13'' - -
137 ALEXANDER KRISTOFF 95 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 00H 48' 09'' + 00H 07' 17'' - -
138 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 00H 48' 15'' + 00H 07' 23'' - -
139 DAMIEN GAUDIN 185 DIRECT ENERGIE 00H 48' 18'' + 00H 07' 26'' - -
140 TAYLOR PHINNEY 15 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 00H 48' 35'' + 00H 07' 43'' - -
141 JASPER DE BUYST 173 LOTTO SOUDAL 00H 48' 52'' + 00H 08' 00'' - -
142 SEP VANMARCKE 18 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 00H 49' 04'' + 00H 08' 12'' - -
143 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 00H 49' 05'' + 00H 08' 13'' - -
144 ANDREA PASQUALON 216 WANTY - GROUPE GOBERT 00H 49' 26'' + 00H 08' 34'' - -
145 NIKI TERPSTRA 108 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 00H 50' 04'' + 00H 09' 12'' - -
Deeper and down:
136 RAMON SINKELDAM 157 GROUPAMA - FDJ 84H 28' 08'' + 03H 57' 31'' - -
137 MAXIMILIANO ARIEL RICHEZE 107 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 84H 29' 35'' + 03H 58' 58'' - -
138 TIMO ROOSEN 167 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 84H 31' 42'' + 04H 01' 05'' - P : 00' 20''
139 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 84H 32' 11'' + 04H 01' 34'' - -
140 AMUND GRØNDAHL JANSEN 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 84H 32' 11'' + 04H 01' 34'' - -
141 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 84H 38' 59'' + 04H 08' 22'' B : 18'' -
142 JASPER DE BUYST 173 LOTTO SOUDAL 84H 39' 31'' + 04H 08' 54'' - P : 00' 20''
143 JAY ROBERT THOMSON 137 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 84H 39' 56'' + 04H 09' 19'' - P : 00' 20''
144 JACOPO GUARNIERI 153 GROUPAMA - FDJ 84H 43' 06'' + 04H 12' 29'' - -
145 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 85H 01' 33'' + 04H 30' 56'' - -
*Presumably after one too many pastis chasers. Happens to all of us.0 -
So has any statto found out if any other rider has carried the lanterne from stage 1 all the to Paris before?
What do we even pay the statto nerds for if not for this stuff?Warning No formatter is installed for the format0 -
No tA Doctor wrote:So has any statto found out if any other rider has carried the lanterne from stage 1 all the to Paris before?
What do we even pay the statto nerds for if not for this stuff?
Bicycling.com suggested it 'probably' hasn't been done before, which implies that the stats are hazy at best. The early years are all a bit weird statistically - I seem to recall that there's even some fairly large disagreements about how much distance the earliest tours covered, let alone how long it took.
He's the first American though.
ETA: https://www.bicycling.com/tour-de-france/a22581028/lawson-craddock-lanterne-rouge/0 -
Let's hope for a more even handed competition next year0
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I couldn't go a whole Tour...The grizzled road captain surveyed the road to Paris. At least he hoped it was the road to Paris. All roads led to Rome, supposedly, but the madmen in charge of this campaign might as well have sent them circling round the whole goddam country. Still, maybe things were changing. They even been given a decent billet last night for once. Usually they'd been accommodated in a barn somewhere whilst the French bagged the fancy chateaux and their extensive wine cellars. Lying there in the dark with the rats and cowshit you had to remind yourself that it could have been worse; many in this country had been forced to resort to sleeping in Campanile Hotels, and the only time they'd liberated a decent amount of alcohol they'd immediately had to dismiss Lt Moscon for fighting. Moscon seemed a waste - they were out here to fight, dammit - but he'd been the only person he'd lost on this tour of duty.
Other units attached to theirs had suffered casualties though. He could still remember the Australian he'd watched go down alongside him on the day of the cobbles, mostly because he'd reminded him of a soldier he'd known and served alongside years before. Then there was that young American, Craddock. He was a sensible kid, always hanging around at the back of things whilst everyone else got into trouble. The only concern was that he kept telling people that after the war he was going to buy a velodrome, and everyone knew what happened to kids like that at the start of the third act. Still, if anyone was going to buck the trend it was Craddock. He had taken a terrible wound early in the campaign and staggered everyone by limping proudly back out of the medical tent despite being barely able to use his left arm, and resumed fighting as if nothing had happened. Only the shouts of "FeckfeckfeckI'mgonnacrashohfeck" every time they hit the brakes reminded you that he was still injured.
The grizzled road captain's thoughts turned back to review the tour so far. The endless days slogging through the heat, with nothing happening and no prospect of it changing. The cobbles of the north that caused so much needless panic. The mountain goat tracks where they'd ended up racing that Dutch kid, and the Spanish had amused everyone else by seeming to spend more time bickering and fighting amongst themselves than concentrating on the job they'd been sent to do. It had all got out of hand when Comandante Valverde had been caught painting a fake tunnel on a cliffside in the hope Sargento Nairo rode into it, but at least it gave people something to do. His other memory was the noise. It reminded him of the war poetry he'd had to study at school. Not Owen or Sassoon, but Baldrick. His moving "The German Fans", with its central refrain of "Boo Boo Boo", had often been in his mind despite the decades and countries that separated their experiences.
Otherwise things seemed entirely normal, inasmuch as anything could be normal out here. They'd even sent him another one of them goddam identikit kids. He'd long since given up on bothering to learn their names; he just called them all 'Grunt' and hoped they knew who he meant. This one seemed different though. His uniform seemed somehow brighter, he seemed to have leadership qualities, and he seemed faster than they'd expected. Even Major Froome had been forced to concede that this one was quicker than him, and that rarely happened - the last time a fellow officer had dared go faster than Froome there'd nearly been a court marshal for mutiny. Most shockingly, this new kid had managed to stay upright for three goddam weeks.
The grizzled road captain shook his head. He'd seen some funny things in his life, but he'd never expected a miracle. Now it was time to make it official.
"All right lads, saddle up. I've always wanted to see Paris again."0 -
ddraver wrote:I don't know what you do for a living carpet man but if it's not writing in some form it's a tragedy...
Agreed!Correlation is not causation.0 -
ddraver wrote:I don't know what you do for a living carpet man but if it's not writing in some form it's a tragedy...
Steps or Shakespeare?0 -
So I did actually research this. Yes, I am that sad. As far as I can tell, there are several Lanternes Rouges who have won stages in the Tour, two* who have even worn the yellow jersey at some point during their careers, but none who have ever actually worn yellow into Paris.DeadCalm wrote:A trivia question to which I don't know the answer.
Poor old Geraint is currently sitting in last place in this competition. Obviously a bitter disappointment to a rider who showed so much promise in his first Tour in 2007 when he came a close second to the indomitable Wim Vansevenant. Has any rider ever known the joy of carrying the Lanterne Rouge into Paris, and subsequently faced the ignominy of riding into Paris in yellow?
*proper kudos to anyone who can name either one of them without resorting to google or PCS.0 -
So while the Welsh had to pretend that winning a yellow jersey was adequate consolation for handing over the Lanterne Rouge, and Luke Rowe was duly put on punishment duty to act as champagne glass collector, the final standings on LR still needed resolving - because unlike lesser competitions this one carries on right to the end.
The bottom rankings on the stage were naturally dominated by the breakaway, who all wisely took advantage of the various ceremonies to sneak off and excuse themselves from sprint train duty for another year. Taylor Phinney's nascent sprint career appears to have ended earlier than even I expected; suspicions that this was just a gateway drug and he's now experimenting with harder substances like mountain biking were then given a boost by his hitherto unnoticed dropper post malfunctioning. The resultant mucking about doomed the break and saw Phinney snaffle a top ten position.
The bottom ten on stage also saw at least two silly bergers turn up, but sadly Pöstlberger and Mühlberger weren't joined by Richezeberger, who promptly lost a few places on the overall. Craddock wisely left the reverse sprint to others, whilst ensuring that he paid due honour to the LR, and the ride of the day came from Damien Gaudin, who carefully found enough punctures to gain 4'44" and 6th on LR.
Congratulations to Craddock, whose victory speech had to be cut from the ceremonies after Geraint Thomas broke the microphone by dropping it. I dunno - the clumsy oaf finally finishes a whole Tour without falling off once, then jiggers it right at the end...
Thanks for your company and contributions on this thread - I've enjoyed them hugely. Same time and place next year?
Last shots at glory:
136 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 02H 49' 59'' + 00H 03' 23'' - -
137 GUILLAUME VAN KEIRSBULCK 218 WANTY - GROUPE GOBERT 02H 50' 40'' + 00H 04' 04'' - -
138 AMAEL MOINARD 46 TEAM FORTUNEO - SAMSIC 02H 50' 42'' + 00H 04' 06'' - -
139 MICHAEL SCHÄR 86 BMC RACING TEAM 02H 50' 44'' + 00H 04' 08'' - -
140 TAYLOR PHINNEY 15 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 02H 50' 46'' + 00H 04' 10'' - -
141 ANTHONY PEREZ 206 COFIDIS, SOLUTIONS CREDITS 02H 50' 47'' + 00H 04' 11'' - -
142 GREGOR MÜHLBERGER 115 BORA - HANSGROHE 02H 50' 54'' + 00H 04' 18'' - -
143 LUKAS PÖSTLBERGER 118 BORA - HANSGROHE 02H 50' 54'' + 00H 04' 18'' - -
144 SILVAN DILLIER 22 AG2R LA MONDIALE 02H 51' 20'' + 00H 04' 44'' - -
145 DAMIEN GAUDIN 185 DIRECT ENERGIE 02H 51' 20'' + 00H 04' 44'' - -
Final underall standings:
136 TAYLOR PHINNEY 15 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 87H 16' 20'' + 03H 59' 07'' - -
137 TIMO ROOSEN 167 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 87H 18' 18'' + 04H 01' 05'' - P : 00' 20''
138 ROBERTO FERRARI 94 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 87H 18' 47'' + 04H 01' 34'' - -
139 AMUND GRØNDAHL JANSEN 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 87H 19' 17'' + 04H 02' 04'' - -
140 DAMIEN GAUDIN 185 DIRECT ENERGIE 87H 19' 20'' + 04H 02' 07'' - P : 00' 10''
141 ARNAUD DEMARE 151 GROUPAMA - FDJ 87H 25' 31'' + 04H 08' 18'' B : 22'' -
142 JASPER DE BUYST 173 LOTTO SOUDAL 87H 26' 07'' + 04H 08' 54'' - P : 00' 20''
143 JAY ROBERT THOMSON 137 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 87H 27' 02'' + 04H 09' 49'' - P : 00' 20''
144 JACOPO GUARNIERI 153 GROUPAMA - FDJ 87H 29' 42'' + 04H 12' 29'' - -
145 LAWSON CRADDOCK 13 TEAM EF EDUCATION FIRST - DRAPAC P/B CANNONDALE 87H 51' 32'' + 04H 34' 19'' - -0
