Carlton Kirby drinking game

kingstongraham

There was definitely a Turbo Durbo and plenty of Eddie Boss today.

argyllflyer

bobbydazzla wrote:

Count how many times he says "as you can see".

Do it.

Actually note it down using tally marks.

Add up how many times he says it during a 1 hr highlights show.

If you've got a very large piece of paper try and note it down in tally marks for a 3 hr live broadcast.

Think about the fact it's a pointless statement - of course we can see, we're watching telly.

His overuse of that phrase alone should be enough to end his commentary career.

But this is the tip of the iceberg, he also spouts utter drivel for most of his time on air.

Think about the fact he actually gets paid to spout this drivel.

He is the worst sports commentator I've ever heard.

That's a fact.

I reckon he was on a bet to do it today. Within the first 5km of the broadcast of DDV today, he said it 4 times.

yourpaceormine

Sadly he does seem to have a following of people who like his commentary.

Which is a ruddy shame because Eurosport coverage of races is so much better when he isn't commentating.

narbs

Who on earth is Chase Benoot?

bendertherobot

narbs wrote:

Who on earth is Chase Benoot?

Is he still doing it? Does he ignore his own twitter feed?

narbs

bendertherobot wrote:

narbs wrote:

Who on earth is Chase Benoot?

Is he still doing it? Does he ignore his own twitter feed?

All day yesterday. With a ten minute period of 'duking it out' as well.

Add Brian Smith to the mix and it was a tough watch.

kingstongraham

bendertherobot wrote:

narbs wrote:

Who on earth is Chase Benoot?

Is he still doing it? Does he ignore his own twitter feed?

He said on Sunday that he wouldn't be doing all the chasing "despite his name".

takethehighroad

Joking aside, he seems very well informed about upcoming roundabouts, even one that was about 20k from the finish of yesterday's Basque stage.

How does he research for this? Genuine question. Is it Google Maps or something else? Does every race have a Garibaldi like the Giro does?

argyllflyer

TakeTheHighRoad wrote:

Joking aside, he seems very well informed about upcoming roundabouts, even one that was about 20k from the finish of yesterday's Basque stage.

How does he research for this? Genuine question. Is it Google Maps or something else? Does every race have a Garibaldi like the Giro does?

They do, though not always widely available. This one on their website.

https://www.itzulia.eus/ldr/Libro%20de% ... %20low.pdf

mm1

"Testy"? Does he not know that testy is how listening to his commentary makes the audience feel? Just spouted some bollox about Lucas Postlberger delivering burgers. Astonishing that Kelly, or Stephens, or whoever is forced to work with him hasn't lamped him yet.

daninexile

I only tuned in for the last 20k of the tour of the basque country today and he must have said 'he can go long' about 10 times in the last 5k it was really starting to grate.

mr_poll

Have a drink everytime he:

Adds "re" to a word - "All rider X in the break needs to do is to re-gather himself...." "The gap for the break is increasing it looks they have re-found themselves..." etc etc

Uses a visual prompt to link into one of his rehearsed superlatives - In a crit or at the track "And there is the bell..but for whom will the bell toll tonight" or "And here comes the sharp rise with 10km to go...will the break be able to rise to this occasion"

And drink for everytime he misidentifies a rider - not because the shot is distant or that to be honest in the heat of moment we can all call it wrong - but because he calls it to be a rider he thinks should be there and has harped on about all day when it plainly isn't - he calls the race his research says should be not what it actually is.

crescent

What about,
“I think *********** is going to be allowed to have his head today”.
Sometimes modified to “........have his fun today”.

:roll:




********* insert rider’s name

Pross

mr_poll wrote:

.....his research....

Are we talking about the same Carlton Kirby here? :?

prawny

I was thinking about all of the other sports I watch that Carlton used to commentate on and other than cycling they've all gone pay TV, I assume to get shot of him.

True story.

(MotoGP, DTM, F3 Euro Series are the 3 that stick in my head - he was similarly enthusiastic/over-reactionary at those too.)

argyllflyer

prawny wrote:

I was thinking about all of the other sports I watch that Carlton used to commentate on and other than cycling they've all gone pay TV, I assume to get shot of him.

True story.

(MotoGP, DTM, F3 Euro Series are the 3 that stick in my head - he was similarly enthusiastic/over-reactionary at those too.)

He's been Eurosport's main cycling man since May 2013 so I guess there's less time to do other things now. He does about 100 days a year on ES, spread across Feb-Oct.

prawny

Yeah but he’s got more time to cover the cycling because the sports have moved channels to get away from him.

I miss Harmon, was he convicted of anything? Or was t all potentially spurious rumour? That said, his last RvV was a bit weird.

ShutupJens

prawny wrote:

Yeah but he’s got more time to cover the cycling because the sports have moved channels to get away from him.

I miss Harmon, was he convicted of anything? Or was t all potentially spurious rumour? That said, his last RvV was a bit weird.

Yeah he went a bit nuts on the Paterberg didn't he

andyrac

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuRvmWdSQ-s

ShutupJens

Could be posted in the Great Cycling Commentary thread

prawny

Literally kill him.

takethehighroad

One thing that annoys me, and it's less of a Kirby-ism and more of a Quigley thing.

When they have ProCyclingStats open and reel off a list of the rider's achievements as if they know them by heart.

It happened about 20k from the end of Fleche Brabanconne yesterday, when Quigley reeled off Jack Haig's stats, including that ever so memorable 8th place on GC in the Tour of Slovenia

sherer

can we add in every time he uses the phrase "knarly".. I thought that was to do with skate boarding or surfing but somehome CK has made it a cycling term too

kingstongraham

Surely we should be taking a "toot", not a drink.

bobmcstuff

sherer wrote:

can we add in every time he uses the phrase "knarly".. I thought that was to do with skate boarding or surfing but somehome CK has made it a cycling term too

Gnarly bro.

Shredding the gnar.

Should be in the MTB section really

carbonclem

Riders being 'rangey'

blazing_saddles

Why all this recent Meerkatting, when a simple heads up will do?

I am starting to worry about the lack of Hatch lately.
Flanders aside, I don't think I have heard him.
Far, far too much Kirby.
I now fear for the so far, "Kirby free" Giro

yorkshireraw

Blazing Saddles wrote:

Why all this recent Meerkatting, when a simple heads up will do?

I am starting to worry about the lack of Hatch lately.
Flanders aside, I don't think I have heard him.
Far, far too much Kirby.
I now fear for the so far, "Kirby free" Giro

Hatch confirmed on Twitter he was doing Giro and Tour - the latter as part of a tag-team of commentators / pundits as they're showing every stage in full again.

Think he's on duty for Fleche and LBL this week as well - certainly FW as Kirby is dribbling over Tour of the Alps.

As an aside I was sat at an event last week with 2 Eurosport commentators (who cover a different sport). They had a long and detailed discussion about elements of said sport and certain competitors. I doubt Kirby follows or thinks about cycling outside of his paid gigs.

sherer

YorkshireRaw wrote:

Blazing Saddles wrote:

Why all this recent Meerkatting, when a simple heads up will do?

I am starting to worry about the lack of Hatch lately.
Flanders aside, I don't think I have heard him.
Far, far too much Kirby.
I now fear for the so far, "Kirby free" Giro

Hatch confirmed on Twitter he was doing Giro and Tour - the latter as part of a tag-team of commentators / pundits as they're showing every stage in full again.

Think he's on duty for Fleche and LBL this week as well - certainly FW as Kirby is dribbling over Tour of the Alps.

As an aside I was sat at an event last week with 2 Eurosport commentators (who cover a different sport). They had a long and detailed discussion about elements of said sport and certain competitors. I doubt Kirby follows or thinks about cycling outside of his paid gigs.

Thanks what annoys me about CK. He's onsite and has a media pass so should have access to the riders, but never bothers to talk to them and doesn't get any inside info

argyllflyer

sherer wrote:

YorkshireRaw wrote:

Blazing Saddles wrote:

Why all this recent Meerkatting, when a simple heads up will do?

I am starting to worry about the lack of Hatch lately.
Flanders aside, I don't think I have heard him.
Far, far too much Kirby.
I now fear for the so far, "Kirby free" Giro

Hatch confirmed on Twitter he was doing Giro and Tour - the latter as part of a tag-team of commentators / pundits as they're showing every stage in full again.

Think he's on duty for Fleche and LBL this week as well - certainly FW as Kirby is dribbling over Tour of the Alps.

As an aside I was sat at an event last week with 2 Eurosport commentators (who cover a different sport). They had a long and detailed discussion about elements of said sport and certain competitors. I doubt Kirby follows or thinks about cycling outside of his paid gigs.

Thanks what annoys me about CK. He's onsite and has a media pass so should have access to the riders, but never bothers to talk to them and doesn't get any inside info

They're seldom on site for various reasons - only at Tour de France and Paris-Nice for definite. A few other random ones, Tour of Turkey and Tour de Suisse they've been on site for. It seems to depend on the race as to whether or not they're there or not. They don't usually pretend to be on site if they're not (Kirby quips about local cuisine aside) and something Tony Gibb said during Tirreno made me wonder if they were out there - made a comment about the weather 'here at the finish line' compared to what was being shown on tv).

Otherwise they're sitting here... https://goo.gl/maps/NFEx2v8chVC2 in Feltham. On Sunday, Brian Smith did co-commentary on both Amstel Gold and Tro Bro Leon. Rob Hatch does a lot more stuff on site for host broadcasters but Eurosport tend to keep their guys in the shed.

Rouleur had a piece on sitting in with Quigley & Stephens a few years back:
https://rouleur.cc/editorial/eurosport- ... ommentary/ (this article suggests 25% of their output comes from there, I'd suggest that was way out and more likely only 25% comes 'on site' with 75% from there - for a start they're in Feltham for Giro and Vuelta which is 42 race days and practically wipes out P-N, Tour and either Turkey or Suisse combined).