The Lanterne Rouge Thread 2017 **Spoilers**

Lanterne_Rogue

By the way, because it's probably too late for a ninja edit, did anyone else watching the stage live spot Musical Youth's Passavant-la-Rochère on the left hand side?

pinno

underlayunderlay wrote:

By the way, because it's probably too late for a ninja edit, did anyone else watching the stage live spot Musical Youth's Passavant-la-Rochère on the left hand side?

No.

My man Guillaume Martin has sunk from 54th to 22nd. Why did I pick such a... loser?!

pinno

underlayunderlay wrote:

...one of them makes your elbow twitch uncontrollably in the presence of sprinters, and most of the rest have already got Jan Bakelants into enough trouble as it is.

Keep it up.

Only 14 stages to go

bm5

FDJ making a concerted effort for team prize today it seems

No_Ta_Doctor

Keep an eye on Ned Leezer and Ned Timmer. They've both got experience at this end of the race.

Lanterne_Rogue

No tA Doctor wrote:

Keep an eye on Ned Leezer and Ned Timmer. They've both got experience at this end of the race.

Yeah, but Let Gac is currently being utterly professional about taking time whenever he can. Also has a lovely smooth non-pedaling action whenever he's next to the medical car. Really efficient.

Lanterne_Rogue

Good news! After a successful appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport, I managed to have today's stage excluded from the Tour de France. Apologies for anyone who mistakenly has a vague recollection that something happened. My other appeal to reinstate Peter Sagan was less successful, I'm afraid - they immediately recognised the lyrics to Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me", and it all went downhill from there*.

If today's stage had happened it would have been a roller-coaster of edge-of-your-coma tedium. Disappointingly for a sprint stage, nobody really seized the opportunity for a stunning breakaway. Dishy Le Gac continued his slow march to glory, taking nearly another four minutes or so off Ned Leezer's Just Like Buddy Holly, and if we were keeping count it's almost certain that he'd have Pinno's Reverse Green Jersey sewn up already. Britain's Ben Swift finally justified his team bringing him along for the sprint stages with his first top ten finish, but that's about it. Boo.

Tomorrow, more clickbait, as we bring you the sort of coverage that you just don't see elsewhere. Oh yes: TWENTY-FOUR FASCINATING KERBSTONE DESIGNS YOU WON'T BELIEVE WE SPOTTED ON TODAY'S STAGE. We'll also check in to see if Bahrain-Merida have finally managed to locate the password to unencrypt GRMAY TSGABU GEBREMARYAM. Night all.

Chasing Cars:

184 SICARD ROMAIN 178 DIRECT ENERGIE 05H 08' 00'' - - + 02' 26''
185 SWIFT BEN 68 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 05H 08' 00'' - - + 02' 26''
186 DE MARCHI ALESSANDRO 43 BMC RACING TEAM 05H 08' 00'' - - + 02' 26''
187 HOWSON DAMIEN 85 ORICA - SCOTT 05H 08' 34'' - - + 03' 00''
188 DE GENDT THOMAS 134 LOTTO SOUDAL 05H 08' 41'' - - + 03' 07''
189 VERMOTE JULIEN 109 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 05H 08' 41'' - - + 03' 07''
190 BOUDAT THOMAS 172 DIRECT ENERGIE 05H 08' 49'' - - + 03' 15''
191 TRENTIN MATTEO 108 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 05H 09' 25'' - - + 03' 51''
192 GOGL MICHAEL 35 TREK - SEGAFREDO 05H 09' 37'' - - + 04' 03''
193 LE GAC OLIVIER 76 FDJ 05H 10' 31'' - - + 04' 57''

Chasing Pavements:

184 VENTER JACOBUS 99 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 24H 15' 48'' + 31' 15''
185 TIMMER ALBERT 149 TEAM SUNWEB 24H 16' 34'' + 32' 01''
186 SELIG RÜDIGER 119 BORA - HANSGROHE 24H 18' 02'' + 33' 29''
187 SAGAN JURAJ 118 BORA - HANSGROHE 24H 18' 07'' + 33' 34''
188 HOLLENSTEIN RETO 123 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 24H 20' 29'' + 35' 56''
189 HALLER MARCO 122 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 24H 20' 37'' + 36' 04''
190 DELAGE MICKAËL 73 FDJ 24H 23' 46'' + 39' 13''
191 ROWE LUKE 8 TEAM SKY 24H 26' 20'' + 41' 47''
192 LEEZER TOM 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 24H 26' 58'' + 42' 25''
193 LE GAC OLIVIER 76 FDJ 24H 42' 07'' + 57' 34''

*It turns out that Shaggy's dog had once stopped their plan to dress themselves in unconvincing rubber masks and use the local lighthouse for smuggling, and there was a still a surprising amount of ill feeling. Zoinks!

No_Ta_Doctor

I have high hopes for Jacobus Venter, as his surname is Danish for "waits".

Lanterne_Rogue

No tA Doctor wrote:

I have high hopes for Jacobus Venter, as his surname is Danish for "waits".

I know the mountains should shake things up a bit, but it doesn't feel like it's shaping up to be a classic competition this year, does it? Without Le Gac it might be more interesting, but he's just remorseless.

above_the_cows

underlayunderlay wrote:

We'll also check in to see if Bahrain-Merida have finally managed to locate the password to unencrypt GRMAY TSGABU GEBREMARYAM.

Apparently according to the interwebs, Tsgabu Gebremaryam Grmay's nicknam is Gmail.

pinno

I was so glad today's stage was cancelled as I had lent the reverse green jersey to a large chap called Eros Poli prior to a bike ride in deepest San Salvador (where he is co-habiting with his short friend - more of that soon) to infuse some level of antiquity, status and real sweat. The sort of sweat that Le Gac has successfully managed not to produce thus far. For this, I can only congratulate the man.
In the process of attempting to fit the jersey to Eros something terrible happened to the jersey. He did remark that Chepe Gonzalez would have been a better option, such is his magnanimous attitude but Chepe has been asleep since the tour route was originally announced. This may not be actually true; due to his diminutive size, it's quite possible he has slipped down the plug hole again but we cannot locate the bit of string attached to his wrist and the San Salvador water board has been difficult to contact since it was taken over by Halliburton.
I digress, back to the RGJ (no proper cycling spiel is complete without an acronym):
Underlay has therefore let slip that the RGJ has yet to be stitched back up. There is a part of me that feels that I may have to find Taylor Phinney's surgeon if I have any hope of sewing it up and presenting it to the successful 'lambiner'.
However, do not despair: at this rate and on current levels of excitement, I only have to tune in to the last 30 seconds of any given stage to have caught up with any highlights so therefore, I have plenty of time. Concurrently, I am somewhat miffed that there is a real shortage of footage of À l'arrière du peloton.

On a brighter note, despite the lack of a stage today, my man Martin has moved up to 29th from 22nd and is showing real signs of promise. I can only presume that there is a Societe Du Tour De France lanterne rouge conspiracy and he was docked some time for a fake sticky bottle incident.

Bo Duke

underlayunderlay wrote:

Good news!
193 LE GAC OLIVIER 76 FDJ 24H 42' 07'' + 57' 34''

Le GAC's gone off too hard, if he's not careful the peloton's going to slow down and wait for him to catch up.

Prudhomme rumoured to be discussing with the GC contenders allowing LE GAC a 15 minute start every other day as a kind of one man breakaway to see if he can regain some interest in the race. Some suggesting this shows remorse after the Sagan thing. Apparently Le Gac was so slow that day he even missed the multiple replays of the Sagan elbow crash and had to watch it in his hotel room on Youtube.

When you think back to some of the LR greats, Cheng, Tuft etc... I suspect they'd be cautioning Le Gac to pull his pants up and stay closer to the pack in fear of causing a stink amongst the other contenders.

No_Ta_Doctor

The high mountains should weed out the fat, slow and injured from the genuinely committed competitors, but don't have much leeway for gaining time on the opposition. Any half decent autobus just scrapes the time cut anyway.

kingstongraham

Peloton leader Olivier Le Gac (FDJ) has been sick and close to abandoning the Tour de France in the first five days but his stomach troubles seem to belonging to the past as he's riding for Arnaud Démare at the head of the peloton. “I haven't fully recovered yet but I'm getting better and better”

Bo Duke

He's been nobbled.

Lanterne_Rogue

PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!

Sorry, sorry - not sure what came over me. Probably something to do with the Tour today managing to squeeze twenty seconds of all-out action into just five hours of racing. Quickstep Flaws sewed up Stage 6, with Vermote winning it on a photo finish (and seven points from the judges, who were annoyed about the faffing abaht at the start) from 80's dance craze the Brambilla. Elsewhere housewives the breadth of France got slightly moist at the resurgence of Tommy Voeckler, and Pierre Roland also kept the tricolour flying - the latter fulfilling the ultimate destiny of all great French hopes for the GC by losing shedloads of time on a boring flat stage where he only had to stay awake long enough to roll in with everyone else.

On LR Le Gac got a bit cocky and rolled in about halfway through the field, but somehow still managed to gain time on his immediate rivals. Some have worried that he might have ridden himself back into health, but having taken his losses where he can Le Gac is now able to simply mark his rivals. Join us tomorrow for EINSTEIN PROVES E=MC^2 - THE SHOCKING REASON WEIGHT WEENIES ARE WRONG.

House wine:

184 HERRADA JESÚS 27 MOVISTAR TEAM 05H 05' 19'' - - + 02' 01''
185 ROLLAND PIERRE 181 CANNONDALE DRAPAC PROFESSIONAL CYCLING TEAM 05H 05' 19'' - - + 02' 01''
186 SAGAN JURAJ 118 BORA - HANSGROHE 05H 05' 19'' - - + 02' 01''
187 BACKAERT FREDERIK 202 WANTY - GROUPE GOBERT 05H 05' 37'' - - + 02' 19''
188 GENE YOHANN 175 DIRECT ENERGIE 05H 05' 37'' - - + 02' 19''
189 VOECKLER THOMAS 171 DIRECT ENERGIE 05H 05' 37'' - - + 02' 19''
190 DE MARCHI ALESSANDRO 43 BMC RACING TEAM 05H 06' 46'' - - + 03' 28''
191 VAN EMDEN JOS 168 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 05H 06' 51'' - - + 03' 33''
192 BRAMBILLA GIANLUCA 103 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 05H 07' 33'' - - + 04' 15''
193 VERMOTE JULIEN 109 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 05H 07' 33'' - - + 04' 15''

Bungalow Um Bongo:

184 VENTER JACOBUS 99 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 29H 20' 47'' + 32' 56''
185 SELIG RÜDIGER 119 BORA - HANSGROHE 29H 21' 20'' + 33' 29''
186 TIMMER ALBERT 149 TEAM SUNWEB 29H 21' 22'' + 33' 31''
187 SAGAN JURAJ 118 BORA - HANSGROHE 29H 23' 26'' + 35' 35''
188 HALLER MARCO 122 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 29H 24' 20'' + 36' 29''
189 HOLLENSTEIN RETO 123 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 29H 25' 07'' + 37' 16''
190 DELAGE MICKAËL 73 FDJ 29H 27' 56'' + 40' 05''
191 ROWE LUKE 8 TEAM SKY 29H 29' 38'' + 41' 47''
192 LEEZER TOM 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 29H 31' 16'' + 43' 25''
193 LE GAC OLIVIER 76 FDJ 29H 46' 48'' + 58' 57''

pinno

Can I protest about the total domination by Le Gac? It is absolutely ridiculous in the age of permitted haematocrit levels of 50% that a single rider can monopolise a race so completely by ignoring the obvious benefits of EPO.
Now before anyone jumps on the bandwagon and telling me that I am cynical, those are not my words, they are the words of Philippa York.

It was sheer coincidence that Philippa was in the bakers at the same time ordering yet another tartiflette in my home town. 'Impossible' you say and you would be right. They can barely make a sausage roll without first dipping it in axle grease and coating it in old engine oil here.
He must have been en route to Ireland for some inexplicable reason. That is where this little tale ends, allowing me to try to comprehend such a moment of serendipity.

I shall however, trace the RGJ and provide a follow up to that saga over the next few days but without Le Gac, the race for the LR would be a tight and exciting affair and we would all be on tenterhooks anticipating what happens around the next hairpin bend, bollard, inflatable km marker and scantily clad over enthusiastic fan.

Pross

Good to see my man Rowe is still in contention, it must be hard to achieve your own goals when you have to help your glory seeking team mate but maybe their different goals can be mutually beneficial.

Lanterne_Rogue

Redemption for the Sagan family on stage 7!

After Peter's disgrace on Stage 3, when he ended up at entirely the wrong end of the race (before being kicked off whilst trying to earn a bonus relegation from the jury on Stage 4), it was left to Juraj to defend the family honour and he's delivered in spades by finishing a massive forty minutes down on the stage winner and two and half minutes behind anyone else. This moves him into fourth place on LR and bodes well for future stages.

In the chaotic, frantic start to the stage there were plenty of opportunities for people to drop off the rear and Sky reacted quickly to place Luke Rowe in the breakaway on the first climb. FDJ also showed the importance they're placing on the LR by giving the deluge of mackerel the protection of Konovalovas and Demare.

Rumours abound that Leezer has been busy studying the way other riders use tactics to improve their chances. This backfired badly today as Leezer had spent the Dolphin studying Richie Porte. Turning theory into practice he promptly spent the day marking Dishy Le Gac and failed to realise that others were stealing time on him until it was too late - as a result he's dropped places even though he's no further back on time. Marco Haller similarly found his brains scrambled by the pressure, and he drops out of the top ten. Join us tomorrow for 5,789 ATTACKS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED ON YESTERDAY'S STAGE.

Kings of the Mountain:

184 GESCHKE SIMON 145 TEAM SUNWEB 05H 02' 03'' - - + 31' 34''
185 KRISTOFF ALEXANDER 125 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 05H 02' 03'' - - + 31' 34''
186 DELAGE MICKAËL 73 FDJ 05H 08' 02'' - - + 37' 33''
187 KONOVALOVAS IGNATAS 75 FDJ 05H 08' 02'' - - + 37' 33''
188 DEMARE ARNAUD 71 FDJ 05H 08' 02'' - - + 37' 33''
189 CURVERS ROY 144 TEAM SUNWEB 05H 08' 02'' - - + 37' 33''
190 ROWE LUKE 8 TEAM SKY 05H 08' 02'' - - + 37' 33''
191 RENSHAW MARK 97 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 05H 08' 02'' - - + 37' 33''
192 WELLENS TIM 139 LOTTO SOUDAL 05H 08' 02'' - - + 37' 33''
193 SAGAN JURAJ 118 BORA - HANSGROHE 05H 10' 59'' - - + 40' 30''

Fools on the Hill:

184 CIMOLAI DAVIDE 72 FDJ 34H 22' 31'' + 01H 03' 21''
185 VENTER JACOBUS 99 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 34H 22' 50'' + 01H 03' 40''
186 SELIG RÜDIGER 119 BORA - HANSGROHE 34H 23' 23'' + 01H 04' 13''
187 TIMMER ALBERT 149 TEAM SUNWEB 34H 23' 25'' + 01H 04' 15''
188 HOLLENSTEIN RETO 123 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 34H 27' 10'' + 01H 08' 00''
189 LEEZER TOM 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 34H 33' 19'' + 01H 14' 09''
190 SAGAN JURAJ 118 BORA - HANSGROHE 34H 34' 25'' + 01H 15' 15''
191 DELAGE MICKAËL 73 FDJ 34H 35' 58'' + 01H 16' 48''
192 ROWE LUKE 8 TEAM SKY 34H 37' 40'' + 01H 18' 30''
193 LE GAC OLIVIER 76 FDJ 34H 48' 51'' + 01H 29' 41''

above_the_cows

What Démare didn't come last?

JURAj Sagan doing it in the Jura.

Lanterne_Rogue

Above The Cows wrote:

What Démare didn't come last?

JURAj Sagan doing it in the Jura.

Advantage of LR is that they've usually run out of motos by that stage of the race, so DS's can't spot people escaping on TV and let riders know by radio that they need to hold up. Allows all sorts of nonsense to sneak by.

No_Ta_Doctor

I think I know what Luke Rowe's Lanterne tactic is.
Translate this in text-speak:

ROWE LUKE 8 TEAM SKY

Now I know that Froome is just skin and bone, but eating Knees would put some serious weight on you.

Pross

Juraj is showing the precocious talent he has, if it wasn't for his brother selfishly holding him back he could probably make it big battling it out for lanternes rouge all over the continent on some Continental level team. I hope Peter appreciates the sacrifice!

pinno

What a disastrous day for my man Martin. Finishing 3rd on the stage. I mean that's only 2 places behind last. I really need to have a word with him.

Meanwhile, at the wrong end of the peloton:

It is without doubt that the French broadcasting caption crew had a meltdown as they thought that no way a French rider could lead a race and possibly finish first. So they quickly put a nationality in the hat and plucked out Denmark.
It's understandable I suppose but after today, Monsieur Hinault will take a deep breath having failed to plan the route in such a manner that prevents a French man coming to the fore in any shape or form.
Why the French haven't taken to violent protest, one can only speculate.

At the right end of the peloton:

Let's talk about Le Gac, Underlay underlined the underfed belly of this superb underling - he's beginning to dominate the race with the panache that only a true LR champion can. On a day where he could have lost control completely and eaten some muesli for breakfast instead of the usual half litre of Nesquik Chocolat made with skimmed milk, Le Gac didn't panic when he was surrounded by wannabe's and conspirators. It was a fine strategic example of damage limitation.
Unfortunately, it looks like 6 or 7 Lanterne Rouge's for him without a cat's chance in Pyongyang of ever failing a dope test.
For us, we'll have to look forward, way into the future to a time when this competition is more competitive and whilst we appreciate his class, it makes for painfully dull viewing.

ben@31

Has a rider ever achieved the double of both National Champion and Lanterne Rouge, in the same year?

Lanterne_Rogue

Ladies and gentlemen, WE HAVE A RACE!

After virtually a whole week of looking like the marketing department's very modern model of a modern major lanterne rouge, Dishy Le Gac suddenly and inexplicably stopped paying attention and found himself on the wrong side of a major split in the field. On such an epic stage as today's this was always going to cause problems, and Luke Rowe showed exactly why Sky employ him as road captain by driving the opportunity home and virtually wiping out his deficit.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

Despite giving him three riders for protection, the deluge of mackerel suffered a horse delay* and was promptly kicked off the Tour. FDJ were possibly betting that the presence of the French national champion would save him from the jury, but a week of being out in the sun probably meant things were starting to smell as fishy as a whereabouts form submitted by Michael Rasmussen. Their historic bid for a Lanterne 1-2-3 is surely scuppered, although they still have veteran layabout Davide Cimolai as a handy alternative should anything happen to Le Gac.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!

In Sagan news, JURAJ IS PARKED! He's reported to have suffered a whore's delay, which is probably fixable via an embarrassing chat with the doctor and some sort of cream but nonetheless puts you out of the tour. Two great opportunities for major honours missed in the same family - it's like the Schlecks going downhill quickly all over again. I mean, obviously Andy never went downhill quickly**, but...

THAT'S NOT ALL!

Tom Leezer may have had to abandon his plans for a coat of arms with the motto "Apres moi le Deluge", but he's now risen to third on LR thanks to finishing in the same group as Luke Rowe. Windy Jacobite has also taken time by finishing alongside him, and sits fifth; Tom Selig of Magnum Personal Injury Lawyers took out some time from advertising accidents that weren't your fault on ITV4 and moves to fourth. There were also some eye-catching performances today from railway union GBRMC Lay, who's now only 25 minutes behind on LR and sitting pretty in the top 20, and several other riders in that general 1hr 24-ish region of the leaderboard. Ride of the day though was Lutsenko, who showed that despite his terrible LR in general, he retains his racing instincts - he managed to let a tiny gap go and sneak in last of the official riders.

See you tomorrow for 10 RIDERS YOU WON'T BELIEVE GAINED TIME ON A REST DAY.

Down with the kids:

172 FELLINE FABIO 34 TREK - SEGAFREDO 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
173 JANSE VAN RENSBURG REINARDT 95 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
174 KRISTOFF ALEXANDER 125 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
175 PHINNEY TAYLOR 186 CANNONDALE DRAPAC PROFESSIONAL CYCLING TEAM 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
176 GROENEWEGEN DYLAN 163 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
177 LAPORTE CHRISTOPHE 154 COFIDIS, SOLUTIONS CREDITS 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
178 CIMOLAI DAVIDE 72 FDJ 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
179 MC LAY DANIEL 211 TEAM FORTUNEO - OSCARO 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
180 GENE YOHANN 175 DIRECT ENERGIE 05H 44' 48'' - - + 37' 26''
181 LUTSENKO ALEXEY 57 ASTANA PRO TEAM 05H 45' 11'' - - + 37' 49''

Down with this sort of thing:

172 BOZIC BORUT 194 BAHRAIN - MERIDA 40H 02' 09'' + 01H 35' 41''
173 TIMMER ALBERT 149 TEAM SUNWEB 40H 03' 59'' + 01H 37' 31''
174 CLAEYS DIMITRI 152 COFIDIS, SOLUTIONS CREDITS 40H 04' 53'' + 01H 38' 25''
175 HOLLENSTEIN RETO 123 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 40H 05' 55'' + 01H 39' 27''
176 CIMOLAI DAVIDE 72 FDJ 40H 07' 19'' + 01H 40' 51''
177 VENTER JACOBUS 99 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 40H 07' 38'' + 01H 41' 10''
178 SELIG RÜDIGER 119 BORA - HANSGROHE 40H 08' 11'' + 01H 41' 43''
179 LEEZER TOM 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 40H 18' 07'' + 01H 51' 39''
180 ROWE LUKE 8 TEAM SKY 40H 22' 28'' + 01H 56' 00''
181 LE GAC OLIVIER 76 FDJ 40H 23' 23'' + 01H 56' 55''

*You can't overtake them too quickly in case it spooks them
**It's almost certain I used this gag last year, and the year before that. You didn't complain about the Tour going back to Paris again, did you?

No_Ta_Doctor

Absolute carnage at the blunt end of the race. Seven riders outside the time limit, no less than four of them from FDJ. And FDJ still have two riders in the top ten.

BTW - saw an interview with Le Gac on Danish TV. Seems like a nice young man, though there are apparently 3kg less of him than there were at the start of the race. He seems to have taken his good fortune with good humour, but looked like he accepted that a few days with the lanterne were the best he could hope for. Typical of French teams - a few days with a jersey or award is the height of their ambition. I don't think he'll be singing Roxanne in Paris.

kingstongraham

Now there are only a couple of FDJ riders left, will Le Gac have to sacrifice his own chances for the team? I've got a sneaking suspicion Emperor Jacobus V will put himself in with a shout. He's shown an ability to come in the last few on a variety of terrains.

Selig is impressively high up, considering he has had two top ten finishes at the other end already.

pinno

After yesterday's horrific destruction of a perfectly good BMC bike (in my size), I felt too sombre to post anything of zero consequence and decided that today was the better day to add nothing to the thread.
One can only hope that Le Gac doesn't do too much recovering today. I think the only thing he has to worry about is slipping off the back of the Autobus and not reaching Paris.
There is always the massive challenge that the last ITT presents; unless he can draught another Frenchman with a myopic French commissaire looking on, in amongst French fans always willing to add une petite poussée here and there.
A lot can happen in 12 days though.

Martin, G has failed me and I must swap allegiances. Vive La Gac.

Lanterne_Rogue

So here we are after the first race day! Bright eyed, bushy tailed, and bloody bored. Nothing of consequence happened today other than a few minor losses and gains on LR. Luke Rowe (I hadn't actually noticed the initials before, but surely a sign?) rolled in a rather cocky 47th (at least until Bouhanni gets Saganificated) and Dishy Le Gac was 103rd - results that suggest that some sort of truce had been called for the day.

On the stage Eleanor Gesbert had a good day, showing strongly at both ends of the field in a classic work all day / slide out the back one-two, somehow giving Cadbury's Offredo Bar the slip in the run-in. Astana were surprisingly active at the back of the field today, fielding five of the top ten - following Aru's slight embarrassment at the weekend it's possible he's trying to get some retribution over Sky by getting his men to mount a full-on attack on Luke Rowe's position.

Join us tomorrow for more clickbait, with Justin Bieber's Surprising Cycling Secret*.

Daily bread:

171 GRIVKO ANDRIY 54 ASTANA PRO TEAM 04H 02' 36'' - - + 01' 36''
172 CATALDO DARIO 52 ASTANA PRO TEAM 04H 02' 36'' - - + 01' 36''
173 OFFREDO YOANN 205 WANTY - GROUPE GOBERT 04H 03' 01'' - - + 02' 01''
174 VERMOTE JULIEN 109 QUICK - STEP FLOORS 04H 03' 17'' - - + 02' 17''
175 KOZHATAYEV BAKHTIYAR 56 ASTANA PRO TEAM 04H 03' 34'' - - + 02' 34''
176 GRUZDEV DMITRIY 55 ASTANA PRO TEAM 04H 03' 34'' - - + 02' 34''
177 LUTSENKO ALEXEY 57 ASTANA PRO TEAM 04H 03' 34'' - - + 02' 34''
178 LAENGEN VEGARD STAKE 65 UAE TEAM EMIRATES 04H 03' 34'' - - + 02' 34''
179 SEPULVEDA EDUARDO 218 TEAM FORTUNEO - OSCARO 04H 03' 34'' - - + 02' 34''
180 GESBERT ELIE 214 TEAM FORTUNEO - OSCARO 04H 04' 11'' - - + 03' 11''

Highly inbred:

171 BOZIC BORUT 194 BAHRAIN - MERIDA 44H 04' 00'' + 01H 36' 32''
172 TIMMER ALBERT 149 TEAM SUNWEB 44H 05' 50'' + 01H 38' 22''
173 CLAEYS DIMITRI 152 COFIDIS, SOLUTIONS CREDITS 44H 06' 44'' + 01H 39' 16''
174 HOLLENSTEIN RETO 123 TEAM KATUSHA ALPECIN 44H 07' 57'' + 01H 40' 29''
175 CIMOLAI DAVIDE 72 FDJ 44H 08' 19'' + 01H 40' 51''
176 VENTER JACOBUS 99 TEAM DIMENSION DATA 44H 08' 38'' + 01H 41' 10''
177 SELIG RÜDIGER 119 BORA - HANSGROHE 44H 09' 11'' + 01H 41' 43''
178 LEEZER TOM 164 TEAM LOTTO NL - JUMBO 44H 19' 48'' + 01H 52' 20''
179 ROWE LUKE 8 TEAM SKY 44H 23' 28'' + 01H 56' 00''
180 LE GAC OLIVIER 76 FDJ 44H 24' 23'' + 01H 56' 55''

*He doesn't have one.