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Cycling or divorce

patbriggsmbrpatbriggsmbr Posts: 43
edited December 2011 in The bottom bracket
I've been cycling now for 30+ years and I've been married for 21 of those years (I'm 46 now) and my partner has hated me cycling since she has known me. To be honest im bike mad, I go out whenever I can, I just love everything about it. My wife however hates it with a passion! Over the last 5 + years her attitude towards me cycling has now got to a state where she has now given me an ultimatum which is cycling or her.
I do go out walking with her and go shopping etc but she's hates me cycling and says I'm sad and boring!
I personally think its her who's sad and boring as all she likes to do is either sleep or shop online.
Has anyone out there had the same problem and what did you choose?
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  • MattC59MattC59 Posts: 5,408
    Depends on your relationship.

    Imagine your life with out cycling, how would it be ?
    It sounds to me like she's using the cycling as an excuse for an ultimatum.

    That said, I am in no way qualified in psychology, or marriage councelling, so it's probably best to ignore everythign I say.
    Science adjusts it’s beliefs based on what’s observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved
  • rozzer32rozzer32 Posts: 3,683
    Surely she should see it as your hobby and let you enjoy it. Obviously if you're spending thousands on bikes and you can't afford it or she gets nothing then it could be a little unfair.

    Also as long as you're spending time with her and not just all your time cycling I can't understand her problem. Getting a balance is critical. And you will have to sacrifice some riding time for family time.

    But if you do get divorced then make sure only your bikes are in your name, then when she has to have half your stuff she can have half your bikes. That will please her no end and also give you an excuse to buy new bikes. Win win :D
    ***** Pro Tour Pundit Champion 2020, 2018, 2017 & 2011 *****
  • nevmannevman Posts: 1,611
    A tandem-that will really needle her.You know which way this is going.
    I`m not Graham Norton.
    Whats the solution? Just pedal faster you baby.

    Summer B,man Team Carbon LE#222
    Winter Alan Top Cross
    All rounder Spec. Allez.
  • MarcBCMarcBC Posts: 333
    For God's sake. You are asking people on a forum to help answer this important question.

    I suggest you talk to your wife for a start and find out why she feels this way. It sounds like that someone is feeling neglected. You go for walks and shopping, what about for meals or drinks and/or out with friends socially?

    There are one or two here who have been through this, but every relationship is different dependent on the needs of the individuals. Only the two of you can work out where this goes. Also do not forget this is a two party thing, not usually the behaviour of just one person.

    I do hope that this was meant as humour as it is posted in Cake Stop.

    If this is real, good luck.
  • squiredsquired Posts: 1,153
    Maybe she feels that you show more passion for cycling than you do for her and that is the problem? Or maybe she is just unhappy herself and is using that as being the cause. You know her better than anyone and you also know whether there is a future together. I guess an option would be to give a counter argument about the things you would want to give up, but I doubt that would do much other than lead to arguments.
  • Wirral_paulWirral_paul Posts: 2,476
    The problem with giving in to an ultimatum is that it could lead to another ultimatum. Very quickly you end up with ultimatums every time you disagree with her (been there done that!!).

    As said though - a forum isnt the best place to sort your marriage out. Thats what the lads down the pub are for (or are you banned from the pub by her already)?? ;)
  • I chose life (ie cycling). No regrets. I now have 4 bikes in the garage and my best two in the house. Gave up big house "lifestyle" etc etc but not the kids who cycle with me as well. Must join fitness singles...
  • well give or take we all know what a bike looks like, so no need to post that - but we've yet to see the wifey, so how about uploading a few pics to the knitwear thread so we can have an 'informed' opinion - and by informed I mean have a gozz at her knockers and by opinion I mean drool over her nips. :D
    The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns
    momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.
  • YossieYossie Posts: 2,600
    Bin her - she sounds mental. Then empty all the bank accoubts before she can and spend the money on bikes 'n' whores 'n' drugs 'n' grappa.

    Then post pics of her norks up here.

    That'll learn her.

    HTH

    Y
  • HerbsmanHerbsman Posts: 2,029
    DIVORCE.

    Any partner who tries to stop you doing something you love* should be told to censored right off, no matter how much you love them or how long you've been together.



    *apart from things that are obviously harmful, like being a crack addict, a binge drinker or being physically violent towards other people.
    CAPTAIN BUCKFAST'S CYCLING TIPS - GUARANTEED TO WORK! 1 OUT OF 10 RACING CYCLISTS AGREE!
  • random manrandom man Posts: 1,518
    Stick to cycling - you'll get far more from it than you will from your mardy, controllling wife.
    She knew when she married you that you loved cycling, so she should shut up and accept it, what's her problem?
    Some women think they can mould a man the way they want him and get upset when they can see that they can't. If she is so insecure that she needs to be the centre of attention and can't accept you can love both her and cycling, that's her problem, not yours.
    You'd be miserable if you didn't cycle but she'd be happy because she'd feel that she'd 'won', then it'd be you who'd want a divorce.

    Marje Proops
  • well give or take we all know what a bike looks like, so no need to post that - but we've yet to see the wifey, so how about uploading a few pics to the knitwear thread so we can have an 'informed' opinion - and by informed I mean have a gozz at her knockers and by opinion I mean drool over her nips. :D


    :lol::lol::lol:

    Cleat Eastwood: agony uncle to the mamil masses.....
  • Ditch the censored . [/problem] :)
    This is a block of text that can be added to posts you make. There is a 255 character limit.
  • Well I've tried every way possible to give equal time to her and more but she ain't wearing it.
    Just thought I would post a question if anyone else had had this problem. She's very controlling by the way.
    I think the bike brings more to life than she ever does.
  • rajMANrajMAN Posts: 429
    You sound proper fed up :( could life be any more miserable without her? that would be my question! Chin up.
  • YossieYossie Posts: 2,600
    Sleep with her sister. That'll learn her.

    Then post pictures of her and her sister's norks on here.

    HTH

    Y
  • cornerblockcornerblock Posts: 3,228
    rajMAN wrote:
    You sound proper fed up :( could life be any more miserable without her? that would be my question! Chin up.

    What are you saying rajMAN? A new shed with a solid concrete base. :wink: She's out of order giving you an ultimatum like that when she knows how much cycling means to you.
  • Smokin JoeSmokin Joe Posts: 2,706
    well give or take we all know what a bike looks like, so no need to post that - but we've yet to see the wifey, so how about uploading a few pics to the knitwear thread so we can have an 'informed' opinion - and by informed I mean have a gozz at her knockers and by opinion I mean drool over her nips. :D
    The voice of reason.
  • mikebxmikebx Posts: 21
    wolf bagging her would be a start, then tell her it's divorce.
    hope this helps!
  • I've been cycling now for 30+ years and I've been married for 21 of those years (I'm 46 now) and my partner has hated me cycling since she has known me. To be honest im bike mad, I go out whenever I can, I just love everything about it. My wife however hates it with a passion! Over the last 5 + years her attitude towards me cycling has now got to a state where she has now given me an ultimatum which is cycling or her.
    I do go out walking with her and go shopping etc but she's hates me cycling and says I'm sad and boring!
    I personally think its her who's sad and boring as all she likes to do is either sleep or shop online.
    Has anyone out there had the same problem and what did you choose?

    Appreciating the fact it is easy for me to say it but as far as I'm concerned as soon as anyone is prepared to openly call me sad for the things I am passionate about it is time to set the wheels in motion to get them out of my life completely, be it a girlfriend or otherwise. I don't expect everyone to share my interests but the very least I expect is for them not to belittle me about it and respect me for what I am.

    [Cleat hat on]unless the norks really are first class of course.[/Cleat hat off]
  • rajMANrajMAN Posts: 429
    rajMAN wrote:
    You sound proper fed up :( could life be any more miserable without her? that would be my question! Chin up.

    What are you saying rajMAN? A new shed with a solid concrete base. :wink: She's out of order giving you an ultimatum like that when she knows how much cycling means to you.

    Well I was initially gonna say Ditch the B*tch!! :shock:
  • Smokin JoeSmokin Joe Posts: 2,706
    I think Cleat should be the forum Agony Uncle. He's a font of sound, reasonable advice in these matters.
  • tlw1tlw1 Posts: 21,102
    Tell her together a life & not try to stop yours
  • rozzer32rozzer32 Posts: 3,683
    Smokin Joe wrote:
    I think Cleat should be the forum Agony Uncle. He's a font of sound, reasonable advice in these matters.

    Maybe have a section like "Dear Miriam" has in The Sun.

    "Dear Cleat" in Cycling Plus every month.
    ***** Pro Tour Pundit Champion 2020, 2018, 2017 & 2011 *****
  • cornerblockcornerblock Posts: 3,228
    matthew h wrote:
    Tell her together a life & not try to stop yours

    Surely he'd be better off telling her something she understands. :wink:
  • davieseedaviesee Posts: 6,386
    Sounds like her life is empty and she is jealous that you have something that you genuinely enjoy.
    The fact that it doesn't involve her riles her.

    Could you live without cycling?
    Could you live without your wife?
    Could you call her bluff?

    What you do with this information is up to you.
    None of the above should be taken seriously, and certainly not personally.
  • de_sistide_sisti Posts: 1,239
    If she's also put a stop to your conjugal rights, then it's game over.
  • Relate.

    This may be a resource to deploy but it seems, from your OP, that this is an unhappy woman setting out to equalize the unhappiness. At least with Relate the bones of the disharmony can be identified. Good luck.
    The older I get the faster I was
  • YossieYossie Posts: 2,600
    If, through some sort of deluded sense of "love" you can't/won't/don't want to post pics of her norks, does she have a sister?

    You could both sleep with the sister and post pics of her norks: total familial humiliation that only sinks in fully as they realise the bank accounts are empty and you fit your new Obermayer IIIs.

    HTH

    Y
  • nevmannevman Posts: 1,611
    I love Yossie.
    Whats the solution? Just pedal faster you baby.

    Summer B,man Team Carbon LE#222
    Winter Alan Top Cross
    All rounder Spec. Allez.
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