Gazlar's Dating Disasters

Gazlar

Probably best thing since Gazlars 12 days of Xmas just look for the gazlar quality seal on a thread

right now to squeeze my head out this door

sheepsteeth

Gazlar wrote:

Gazlars 12 days of Xmas

that was exceptional stuff, i look forward to this years version.

Muttly1981

sheepsteeth wrote:

Gazlar wrote:

Gazlars 12 days of Xmas

that was exceptional stuff, i look forward to this years version.

Have heard it's the thread of legends, i feel like i missed ot on something

sheepsteeth

twas tip top, shouldnt be too had to find with a search, no doubt gaz has it saved in his bookmarks........

Muttly1981

I'm not sure if this is really a dating fail more of the prank from hell

It all started in Benidorm around 8 years ago with me and a group of lads on a week away. One night we'd gone out partying and there was a full blown mincer in one pubs that came over chatting to one of my mates, after explaining he was straight the mincer left but we spent the night telling my mate that he was gonna get his hole filled that night by the said up hill gardener. Many drinks later he passes out (i mean smashed) we carried him back to the hotel and put him on the bed then the prankster lightbulb switched on, we thought it'd be hilarious to pull his pants down, spit in a condom and partially insert said condom in his anus (aided with a pen so not to get too close) we all went back to our rooms and his room mate crashed on our floor. The morning after he came down for breakfast and was very quite so we asked where he'd gotten too the night before as we were in a club and he just left, to this day he's never spoken to us about his ordeal and we've never told him what a complete set of b@stards we are on holiday

cat_with_no_tail

Muttly1981 - DUDE! Pen or not, you shoved something up another dudes ass.

Now I'm sorry but in my book, that makes you a proper raving homo.

Muttly1981

Cat With No Tail wrote:

Muttly1981 - DUDE! Pen or not, you shoved something up another dudes ass.

Now I'm sorry but in my book, that makes you a proper raving homo.

Forgot to add i wasn't the person doing the inserting

cat_with_no_tail

Too late to be retracting statements now.

What has been said cannot be unsaid.

Muttly1981

Cat With No Tail wrote:

Too late to be retracting statements now.

What has been said cannot be unsaid.

I want it stricken from the record before Josh gets all homo strong and targets me

Gazlar

Sorry not trying to one up on this, but I have a couple of gay friends who were at uni in aber a few years back, one our straight mates got waynkered one night and fell asleep in their armchair, so they decided that a great prank to play would be to take turns to nosh him off while he was unconcious. Technically sexual assault but to this day he still thinks we were just winding him up.

montevideoguy

My mate used to insert his finger or his wang (depending on his mood...e.g. boredom) into his girlfriend when she was sleeping (presuming this would be after a few drinks). He refused to believe that this was technically rape (when I pointed it out to him he was truly shocked at that idea).

Had one or two disasters in my time but not the place to relive those moments :roll:

Stoo61

...this has very recently turned into a thread for the police.



(It has been hilarious though )

sheepsteeth

that story about the spit filled condom up the obvious is a story i have heard from a gajillion sources, i call bullshit.

cat_with_no_tail

sheepsteeth wrote:

that story about the spit filled condom up the obvious is a story i have heard from a gajillion sources, i call bullshit.

Quite true, it's something EVERY bloke has at some point talked about doing to a mate whilst passed out drunk.

None of the people I know would ever do it though because it involves inserting an object into another mans obvious, which I think everyone knows makes you gay. Just ask Josh.

sheepsteeth

i am suspicious that some of these stories are neither dating fails or the truth.

amusing enough though.

mak3m

sheepsteeth wrote:

that story about the spit filled condom up the obvious is a story i have heard from a gajillion sources, i call bullshit.

have a similar story but one only truly appreciated by parents (mmmm that sounds wrong)

poker night turned into a full blown session with a few of my mates, shooting vodka then when that ran out malt whisky ( i know fecking criminal)

anyhoo one of the four passes out on kitchen floor and we carry on drinking for a while, before we start messing with him :twisted:

this culminated in covering him in CALPOL all down his front and over his face, we also covered a digestive biscuit and placed it on his chin and took a photo of him with his phone and setting it as his wall paper.

next morning he woke up, cleaned up and went on his merry way.

now for none parents CALPOL Sixplus, post artifical colouring, looks a lil like baby gravy when it first comes out of the bottle.

Cant be sure when he noticed his wallpaper, but it took him 3 days THREE DAYS to ask wtf went on that night

Gazlar

we do seem to have deviated of late into just pratical jokes, its the old crudcatcher/hub boundary, wheres the line. But hey it wouldn't be the crudcatcher if it didn't decent into mayhem.

cat_with_no_tail

I'll decend you into mayhem in a minute.

Gazlar

Cat With No Tail wrote:

I'll decend you into mayhem in a minute.

You havent dot a good mayhem decending in you!

Right, there's a new thread for practical jokes and drunken shenanigans, lets stick with dating fails on this one. Feel free to go as far as quoting useless chat up lines you've tried in here as well.

BUT THATS IT!!!

montevideoguy

I'd call my mate's shenanigans proper fail.

Agree a fair few of these sound a bit made up

IcarusGreen

sheepsteeth wrote:

that story about the spit filled condom up the obvious is a story i have heard from a gajillion sources, i call bullshit.

Many years ago when I was posted with the Engineers we went adventure drinking in Weymouth, at some point during the night (after several naked beach assaults) one of the lads bought a mini vibrator from a condom type machine.

At the end of the night some unfortunate sapper who had fallen asleep pissed before everyone else, had this inserted and left switched on for the night.

He wasn't best pleased the following day.

sheepsteeth

now you see, that sounds like a believable story!!

IcarusGreen

Again many years ago I ended up on the piss in Nottingham with a bunch of RLC tank transporter drivers (they consider themselves the elite of army drivers, which is like saying aldi is the elite german supermarket in the UK), after a night of much drunkenness, which included one of the lads being sick into a pint glass and drinking it as it would have been a waste, we ended up in a club,

I met a lass, went back to hers, I was v.poor and she even asked me at one point "what the f*£k are you doing". When the worst performance of my life was over she asked me if I wanted a lift in the morning from her dad (who was a taxi driver on the night shift) to the train station so I could get back to Grantham.

I declined this offer and later made a silent exit later on after she'd fallen asleep. On my way out the door I spotted a taxi coming down the road and quickly flagged it down. I jumped in and the guy says I was lucky to catch him as he'd finished for the night but lived on the street.

I swear he charged me double for the fare!

IcarusGreen

Gazlar wrote:

Ok, I'm ready, and its kind of put a lot of pressure on this story, I fear it may be an anticlimax, although its revered in person so here goes.

It all begins about ten years ago, I was just a poor publican at the time and I decided to take my then Girlfriend for a weekend shopping in Manchester. Because of a special deal we stayed in some kind of travel tavern in the magical land of Bolton.

The full story of this is the funniest thing i've read all year!

supersonic

A few years ago at uni I went to mates garden party, must have been 50 or 60 people there, loads of pissed people. Anyway, one of my mates housemates slinked off early with his girlfriend to give her a bit of early night loving. He had a downstairs bedroom that backed onto the garden... With his light left on you could see everything, so the whole party got a perfect view of him taking his girl up the arse!

Gazlar

supersonic wrote:

A few years ago at uni I went to mates garden party, must have been 50 or 60 people there, loads of pissed people. Anyway, one of my mates housemates slinked off early with his girlfriend to give her a bit of early night loving. He had a downstairs bedroom that backed onto the garden... With his light left on you could see everything, so the whole party got a perfect view of him taking his girl up the ars*!

yeah a "mate" and yeah accidentally, I think this is more likely

supersonic wrote:

A few years ago at uni I went to mates garden party, must have been 50 or 60 people there, loads of pissed people. Anyway, I pulled a dirty girl who wanted it up the wrong un, so I took her inside and did it in a place where I knew the whole party could see me ploughing her muddy furrow

kona_matt

supersonic wrote:

A few years ago at uni I went to mates garden party, must have been 50 or 60 people there, loads of pissed people. Anyway, one of my mates housemates slinked off early with his girlfriend to give her a bit of early night loving. He had a downstairs bedroom that backed onto the garden... With his light left on you could see everything, so the whole party got a perfect view of him taking his girl up the ars*!

i see no dating disaster here, your mate got what he wanted, his missus got what she wanted, everyone got to watch. happy days. 8)

Gazlar

If we're going to dig up old threads, I just revisited this and forgot that it had some cracking takes from our. Absent friend Kaise.

Stevo_666

'Kin ell, I forgot about this little gem

Gazlar

I had, I remembered it because I thought about a girl I went our with the other week. I remember telling her that one of my dreams was to go and see the northern lights, she said"I've seen them and they're not that impressive" I asked "you've seen the northern lights?" she said "of course I have, I am from Blackpool"